How to live after the death of a spouse
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11 years ago
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luvstocraft
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Convincing a spouse to live in the country
Comments (37)Oh dear.... This is my life all over again. I married my hubby 37 years ago. I had always lived in a small town and he in the country. At the time we married he and his brother lived in a mobile home park. I moved in and we purchased it from my brother-in-law.. We had our first child and was due to have our second one. To make a long story short we purchased 10 acrea and moved to the country.. For many years I "HATED" it.... Honestly, I didn't think I was ever going to like it.. Finally after one more disagreement about living in the counry my hubby came in with his tools and said we were finishing what we had started and was selling the place.. We were moving to town... After some heavy thinking on my part I decided I would stay put in the country. My husband would have been lost in town.. Grant you I had lived in the country for 10 years... I finally decided I would work hard at getting in the same place my hubby was.. At that point we had 3 kids and they loved the country.. It was time for me to shape up.. I had to think of others , too. I still hated jumping in the car to go get milk, bread or whatever.. He did agree he would not move me any futher out.. He kept his word.. We are still in the same house.. Now, I can say I would hate moving into town.. I would go if something were to happen to my hubby. I sure could't keep the place up by myself.. We are at a place now in our lives that things are great.. My hubby is having a new huge barn built and I am getting a new kitchen. We have 3 grandbabies that come to visit the country. You see they all live in town or the city.. They all love to visit the country... I can say that the country is not for everyone.. I didn't think I would ever get here.. And many country folks would never live in the city.. My wonderful father-in-law used to tease me for wanting to live in the city.. Just try to be happy wherever you are... Enjoy, Susie...See MoreDeath of my spouse age 46
Comments (9)I am so very sorry for your loss. (((Hugs))) I was widowed 6 years ago; my husband, 48, died after a very long and brutal battle with Leukemia (and suffered severe complications after a bone marrow transplant). He'd had late stage Testicular cancer four years before, and after chemo, everything went well -- we thought -- until he got Leukemia from that chemo, which is rare. Our daughter was 15 when he passed. We held his hands until he took his last breath, five hours after life support was turned off. It was still a horrific shock, I believed until the very end that we'd get a miracle. There was no preparing for or discussing death. It wasn't an option. I don't believe in the concept of pre-grieving, nothing can prepare for them actually being gone forever. There were no soft-focus Lifetime movie moments with heartfelt goodbyes. No, there was a man wasting away, in unbelievable pain, and us fighting every day for his life. I focused all my energy on him surviving, not dying. So hearing the nurse say it was over ... I felt like I'd been pushed out of a plane with no parachute. I just remember screaming, and not wanting to let go of him. I couldn't face that once I left his side, I'd never see him again. We were married 21 years, together 23, and met when I was just 17 years old. He was my life, and losing him sent me into a hellish nightmare I didn't know how to survive. But I did, somehow, it just takes time and learning to accept the unacceptable. Early on, I found a wonderful support board specifically for widowed people, and talking to others helped immensely. Grief is hard work. I miss him every second of every day, but I can smile at memories now, rather than go to my knees sobbing with searing anguish, as I did in the first year. Certain days still knock me down (anniversaries, etc), but not as hard as they did. It will always hurt in some capacity, grief will be a constant companion, but I've learned to co-exist more peacefully with it, and it's quieter now .... not ready at any moment to wipe me out. It does become easier to cope with over time, as life evolves. It is so painful watching our kids grieve and suffer this loss. My daughter and I clung together like two people in a lifeboat on the stormy sea. I tried to find a healthy balance of staying steady for her (even on days I could barely muster the energy to shower or eat), but letting her see me grieve, too. And encouraging her to open up, and share her pain. We tried counseling in the early months. I did realize later that in those early months, she held her grief in, until she saw that I was better able to cope with the worst of mine. It seems to be common, after hearing from other widowed parents. Our precious kids trying to be strong for us. She is now in college, Dean's List, volunteers, and I'm so proud. I know her dad is, too. They were extremely close, she was always his little shadow. She is so much like him! It's bittersweet, to see his looks and mannerisms in her. It hurts, but makes me smile, too. I won't write a book here of my past six years, this is long enough .... I just want to send my support and understanding to you and your children. Please be gentle with yourself. <3...See MoreSad deaths after dozens die from drinking bath lotion
Comments (7)Very sad situation they are in there. One of my good friends mother was an alcoholic who had been through several treatments and would buy other products instead of alcohol . She drank mouthwash , perfume , multiple products but the worst were gallon jugs of hair spray . She had to have the ambulance come get her mom who was near death . The laquer in the cheap hairspray had coated her insides and her lungs. My next door neighbor admitted her to the facility that he ran at the time. He said she was one of the sickest he had seen . She was in lock down there for a while , it was also a mental illness facility , and she was definitely mentally ill too. Her daughter had been the parent for the adult , it was a terrible situation . Her mother was so mean , the things that poor girl had to live through I felt so bad for her . No child should be in that kind of life. She would come and stay with us often to get away . None of the rest of the mothers family members would do a thing to help ....See MoreHow did you compromise with your spouse?
Comments (29)well every couple is different I can tell you I was very surprized when a husband made an offer on our place, and his wife had seen only listing pictures. Maybe he wanted to surprise her, he knew she loved the pictures. I was like "wow! one partner makes a decision wow!" then the offer, we counter offered it, only then he brought his wife to make sure they want to go up in price. or with my ex, I was the one looking at properties, then I chose in my mind the one, then though I brought my ex to hear what he thinks..he spent 5-10 min in the place tops, said "yes"..then we put an offer. when we were installing a kitchen in our starter apartment(that kinda came with no real kitchen)-the only thing my then-husband was interested in, was giving me a budget line. He was completely uninvolved in the rest, since he wasn't interested that much and trusted my choices. Furniture, whatever we picked during years, we did pick together..art, we picked together..kitchen, was all on me. my now-husband is extremely involved in everything, so it works very differently if I'm already on that subject-we share many similar tastes and concerns, so it's not that hard to compromise. But then I learned to read him too. He won't be right away "yes" person. He can be right away a "no" person. Then I just don't continue and drop it. When he's very interested he needs more time though. I don't push him. That's how he is. Sometimes one doesn't have time..that's how we missed a perfect place for MIL, and he was very upset as we all were, and told me "you didn't push me hard enough". Well..I didn't want to push hard somebody who hates to be pushed..:)...See Moremav63_2007
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