The first time I mentioned living in the country to my then SO he said...Don't think you are going to do that to me...I'm strictly concrete and asphalt...I was too busy surviving at the time and didn't concern myself but then...low and behold he became an amateur radio operator and in order to have a big ass tower he had to live in the country...problem solved...I'm not telling you to make her a ham operator but you might encourage her to try it...Once you don't have to step over neighbors there is just about no going back to living in those confines.

Hi Duane,

I can relate to your situation, especially your wife. My husband would love to move to a small farm in the country, he is constantly looking on realtor.com for adorable farms in the country where we could basically live mortgage free after selling our current home. We live in a suburb about 23 miles north of Boston, MA and honestly I love the idea of simple living away from traffic etc. but I too like your wife am a slave to convenience. I enjoy being able to run to the store, school, church, Dr.'s office etc. in just 10 minutes. The other thing is we are close to both of our moms (less than 1/2 hour each) which is also a big deal.

Depending on the neighborhood a house in the burbs might be the best compromise if you can get a bit of property. Maybe you could just find another house in the same or comparable town that has a couple+ acres to satisfy your ambitions?

I know my DH doesn't do all the running around that I do day to day so he doesn't really get the convenience thing so much :) I do think when the kids are grown we'll move to the farm house dream....maybe even in a warmer climate!

Sheila

I have some good friends that moved to the country a few years ago. The DW walked out last fall, said she missed her family, was too far from a town, things like that. She resented him for moving there, he'd resent her if they moved back. I don't know what they'll do. But they moved 3 hours from there old city. I think there are plenty of ways you could compromise, maybe not move so far out of town. Like a suburb outside a suburb with about 5 acres. Would you be happy with that? It sounds like you have a good idea, trying to transition slowly. Maybe you could cut down on the conveniences at your current residence first. Make less store trips, less fast food. I don't know where you live, but by me you can be 5 minutes out of town, and feel like you're in the country. Personally, I think the city is a nice place to visit... :)

Make a descision to not have any more fast food, if you eat less of it she will eat less of it. Also get a deep freeze and keeplots of food so that you dont need to run to the store as often, I think if you stop using the convinences you wont have as much trouble getting her to leave them forever.

I was forced to return to my DH's family farm which I swore on my life I would never , ever , ever do !! I also swore that I would NEVER allow farming again on this property or become a farmer myself .
Fast forward two years . I am now the sole farmer and love and adore every minute of it . I am a beef cattle rancher and the master gardener . I never in a million years would have pictured myself doing this and even my relatives ask me - " Didn't you say you would never do this ??? "
Bloom where you are planted---- even if it is against your will !!!

How deeply do you live in the city? I live on the edge (9 miles out) of Austin, TX. I don't have the working farm that I dream of, but live on 4 acres and have chickens right now--used to have a horse. Just a few acres over, someone is raising longhorn cattle, horses, chickens, and running a horse boarding operation. I think it's possible to move "out to the country" without really moving all that far from convience. Most of my "country" neighbors drive 10 minutes to the "small town school" and 10 minutes the other direction to the "big city". Try looking 15 miles out in a radius from your home----I'll bet there is acreage available. Baby animals will help seal the deal, especially chicks. I recently met my neighbor's SIL. She had no interest in seeing my chickens "I don't like chickens". She was here all of a half hour and now she wants them. She got to witness the hatching of one of my chickens, too.
Good luck. My DH tolerates my critters and always wishes we had fewer of them. That said, Now that we live in the 'country' and don't have neighbors RIGHT NEXT DOOR, we wouldn't move back to surburbia for all the tea in China.
Carla

Lots of farms and ranches offer vacation experiences. You might try that at first to see if your wife enjoys herself. I think it would be important to find one that really makes her feel welcome and comfortable.

I'm curious, too, as to where you live. I grew up on a central Indiana farm. After college I lived in small cities and towns, but never in the country again. After marriage to my dh who lived in suburban Detroit, we moved about 25 minutes out of downtown Detroit, but still five minutes from the expressway which, as you know, gets you to any convenience you want in a matter of minutes. I was close to my job, shopping, etc. etc. After three years of apartment living and watching housing prices skyrocket we knew we'd have trouble even buying a trailer on a rented lot. DH decided we were moving back to Indiana. I was not happy during and after the move. It took even a farm girl like me a year or so to adjust. We rented a country home until we found our mini-farm. Now I wouldn't trade it for any city in the world!

Duane, it took years for my husband to want to live in the country...he just liked being close to FedEx, movie rentals, good restaurants, and liked curbs and streetlights in his neighborhood. My "encouraging" (LOL) pushed him to look at land, several friends of ours moved out and he could see how peaceful it was in the evenings, and now all these years later we regret all the time we "wasted" being hemmed in by neighbors. He hates being "in town" now, and even finds himself liking my sheep, donkeys, and I caught him picking up a chicken the other day (I'm not supposed to tell anybody though, ha!) He especially found he loved the drive getting out here, he said he starts to unwind when he gets to the part that feels a bit like "country."

That said.....I think the trick is that we live only about 20 minutes from anything you could imagine as far as gourmet grocery stores, restaurants, and any other conveniences; because we're near a major city with all kinds of cultural and shopping possibilities. We are also on several acres and surrounded by a mix of small rural places that have been here a long time and new, upscale neighborhoods with several-acre lots (seems like EVERYBODY around here wants to move to the "country.") The funniest part of all is that we hardly ever leave, and then can't wait to get back home!

Can you find out exactly what her issues are? Is she afraid of being isolated, does she like to talk to neighbors over the fence and out on the street, etc.? Does she prefer to drive only a short distance to shop? Or is it the landscaping thing....which turns out to be a big issue for a couple of my friends, they would love to live on several acres but can't deal with the idea that their "yard" wouldn't be manicured from fence line to fence line! If you have visions of having huge acres of hay fields and running hundreds of head of cattle or something...now that's a little harder to find close to town, LOL. But if having a few acres to play with, having a few animals, and some privacy and room to "breathe" without having neighbors so close would make you happy; there might be a compromise she could live with. Drive around, drive around, and drive around some more to explore the areas within about 20-25 minutes from her "comfort zone" and see what there is. And let us know how it goes!

Debra

Thank-you..thank-you..thank-you. Nice people all of you.

My wife and I live in suburban Detroit (Westland) on 1/4 acre lot (which is large for the area, amazingly!) with a rambling ranch, 4 bedrooms, 3 baths...a 3 car garage and greenhouse with 2 gardens. So I don't have it that bad, not at all. I just want more LOL! Typical American...always longing for more.

The fast-food really isn't an issue. We hardly ever do that. But the close-by shopping is what Laurie likes, not like fancy shopping either, just Meijer/Target/Wallyworld, etc. I just don't think she likes the isolation thing.

So you folks have really hit it on the head, I think. Look for property on the outskirts, still not too far from civilization (as she knows it) and enough space for my gardens and animals. Actually, Laurie does like birds and squirrels and we have 2 cats and a dog (so she is an animal person...got that going for me!). For gosh sakes she has a heated drinking bowl for the birds in the winter!

The problem with that is this is a very expensive area. This suburban home (not fancy) appraised at 213k last year, and of course as Debra mentioned EVERYBODY wants to move to the country! And most acreage is being sold to developers for millions of $$$.

But you nice folks have given me some more ammunition.

And I love 3 seasons of Michigan, but hate,hate,hate those 5-6 months of gray drab cold weather.

Thanks Kimberly, Debra, Carla, Sheila, Ruthie, Gator, ebar and everyone for taking time out to tell your stories and experiences.

Duane

Don't know where you work, but my stepson moved out in the Howell/Pinkney area a couple of years ago. Nice area. He's about five minutes away from the outlet center. We can hop on the expressway and get to wherever we need to go fairly quickly (mil lives in Livonia, sil lives in Highland). Have you looked out in that area?

Duane, you guys need to come for a long weekend visit to Houston. I'll take her shopping, probably some of the best shopping in the country, at the Galleria, and all over Houston. Then we can spend the evenings at our farm...give me three full days with her.

Growing up, did she have any farm animals? Is she as into gardening as you are?

I REALLY, REALLY agree with all the other suggestions: start slowly, lease a place maybe...not far from your home. (Ours is a 10-15 min. drive away...and it just so happens that Neiman's at the Galleria is exactly 21 miles from my driveway to their parking lot.)

And I ABSOLUTELY agree with Carla's suggestion...baby chicks are hard to resist! Suprise her with 2, just to raise at home. When she catches the fever, she'll be asking for more, then before you know it she'll be hiding them from you...knowing she has too many!!! What are your neighborhood restrictions on animals? And baby geese are probably the cutest things ever...and grow fast... two embdens would make great pets, get along with (or rule over) Duke, and do all your weeding for you. Just protect your 'mater plants. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my geese! All 8 of them! Two geese, and 2 chickens, would keep her in stitches for a long time! By then she'd be sooo in love she be ready to chuck it all for more land just for them!

Also, if she's into homes/house-shopping/ decorating...etc...start showing her some pics of really cool chicken coops that she could have.

Remember, I kept Punkin (my week old orphan calf) in my KITCHEN!!! In a very, very strict neighborhood. But only for about three days, 'cause she needed more room to run and jump, kick and "moooo". Talk about kicking in the maternal instinct...I keep telling Steve that IF we move, she will go when Buck and Tootsie go (my Labs). If she has to live in a backyard, so be it, but I'm NOT leaving her, or selling her.

And two years ago my only thought was getting to the stores early enough to beat the crowds...I'm ALL for the conviences too...I don't "rough it" very well at all...but I adore my animals, and that's the kind of place THEY need to live on. Here, I'm still pretty close to most things, tho.

Good luck...and bring her on down!

Suzie

Suzie, you are so funny...I just think you're great! Thanks so much for the invite.

She had farm animals growing up. Never interested at all, hear tell it. Pigs and turkeys I remember for sure. Maybe not the cuddle type of livestock, eh? I don't know.

I told her about this post yesterday and she said, yes, look around here and see what you can see. She said she would compromise with a farther drive to work if we stayed around here. And she has the better of our 2 jobs, so that isn't a bad idea. I just hate these long winters..arggghhhh! She said just quit talking about some place in the Missiour/Arkansas boonies LOl. But that is where I find the reasonable land!

Oh well, its sunday and the paper has real estate. I might spend part of today driving out to some rural areas.

Kimberlee, thanks for the info. Howell/Pinkney is a pretty area, but the one expressway is bumper to bumper every morning. And now way else around since it's all lakes. But pretty and popular (read expensive)...but hey, hard to find good prices because the auto companies pay well which drives the prices. Supply and demand as it were.

Suzie, Punkin' in the kitchen! I hadn't heard that part. You are hysterical! Have a great sunday.

duane

Over the last four years I have purchased a total of thirty-six acres outside of Shreveport, LA. This was done without the approval of my spouse which is not something that I suggest anyone try. My wife grew up in the Phillipines and moving to a large city like Los Angeles was a dream of hers, so this overpowering male move of mine d..n near ended our marriage and I would have had my farm but alone.

OK, so I had the raw land (plenty of oak, pine, sweetgum trees and thorny vines with ground rattlers, copperheads, wild pig, cayotes, skunks, possums, coons, ect.
Convincing her to move was another story. We wanted to adopt a child and the opportunity came recently to do so. One condition I was not going to lose another child to gang violence (I did mention that we lived in Los Angeles didn't I?). So we made the compromise, we would adopt and in five years when I retired we would move to the country estate I am working my tail off to make appear from (those woods) as she calls it.

Not all is bleak, a good friend of hers moved to ten acres in Costa Rica and I've heard them talking about visiting each others farm. Also as a kid she has had experiances back home on a farm so it's not all foriegn. All in all I lucked out after making a stupid move, good thing I have a loving wife.

Honeyman, I was quite moved by your story. What I got from it was, you have to be in it together, or else you are going to be alone, and that is not what the dream is about. I know. I have theorized that in my head,...not gonna happen. If I can't live with my soul mate in my dream,,,it isn't a dream at all. So I will wait and when it is right we will know it. I have a lovely home, great neighbors, a greenhouse a great life. Can't complain. BUT...I want more. I have a dream of growing heirloom tomatoes..for local markets and restaurants. I think I can do it. No competition in a huge market area. Now...just gotta DO IT!

Dawg

Yea, mine is raising sheep for a large immigrant community in the area along with a five year rotational garden, muscadine vineyard and fruit orchard. Big plans for a divorced man, huh. Glad she didn't leave.

Okay Duane,how about getting her somewhere she can see and bottle feed a goat kid or lamb.If she's really an animal person she'll be jello in your hands.I brought home a drop calf about a month ago to raise for beef for my husband.He had one look at him and feel in love now he says he can't eat him when he's ready.
All kidding aside your wife really needs to want the farm life too to make it work.I love life here and hope to never leave.My husband is not as crazy about it but he still lives and works in the city most of the week.
If your wife drives she won't be as isolated.I don't mind too much being far from everywhere and even enjoy the drive to town.No traffic ,it's a more relaxing drive then in the city.
Good luck with the convicing.

Duane, look for the newest Mother Earth News. There is a man's story in there about how he convinced his wife and five children to go live in the country-started out with rented farm land and lived in a pop up camper! Even when it was cold out- they moved up to a rented log cabin in Mennonite country with no electricity and he had to get his new neighbor to come to the cabin and keep the woodstove going so the house would be warm when she got there while he went to get her and the younger children. It was 15 below at this point! He knew if the house was cold when she got there she would probably divorce him! LOL There is lots more to the story- ended up with 9 kids, their own farm and turned the family into a musical group that traveled the country in a converted school bus. Good story, he talked about how he comprimised to ease his wife into this new life. I thought that perhaps it would be on the Mother Earth web site, but they still have the june/july stuff up. It is the Aug/sept. issue. Great reading-check it out.

Boy, Leslie..if that is compromising that woman was truly a gem! I'll have to pick that up. I already have Progressive Farmer and Hobby Farms magazines coming to the house. And straw bales around the backyard to give me the ambiance LOL!...Do you think she'll pick up on the hints!

Ann, glad to hear from you. I knew you must be busy busy busy this time of year, but you just drop off the map at times and I always worry. I have been lucky and we've been getting pretty steady rain, but I still have to water every day in the Greenhouse and my new potted tomatoes. Couldn't stand to compost more plants so have about 25 growing in pots in the driveway. Tomatoes are starting to come in pretty steady now. The deluge will be soon. Gotta get busy putting up some sauce and salsa. Take care, Duane

Actually, Duane, the "boonies" of the Missouri/Arkansas area don't have to be the "boonies." Springfield, Missouri, is now Missouri's third largest city, right behind St. Louis and Kansas City, and is the home of what is now known as "Missouri State University," formerly known as Southwest Missouri State University. Someone told me that Springfield has the highest concentration of wealthy persons of all cities in Missouri (I don't know if that's right, but it sounds good.) There are FIVE higher education institutions (four four-year and one two-year technical school) in Springfield. And there is all sorts of upscale shopping and services. And if you like country music, Branson is less than 40 minutes away.

So don't discount south Missouri/north Arkansas cause you don't think there's any culture or shopping or conveniences there. Take a long weekend trip to Springfield or Branson and you'll see.

Thanks Littlebug...I didn't really mean it in a bad way. Compared to our suburban existence it would probably qualify as the boonies in my wifes eyes, anyway. But not to say the area is full of uneducated hillbillies. Heck we got hillbillies in my suburban town, and I myself prefer to wander my tomato patch in old cutoffs drinking a brewski! I love the countryside of Missouri and would very welcome an opportunity to look around in your area!

Duane

littlebug--sshhhuuu--(dont tell everyone about how great we are--lol)

...and the piney woods of N.E. Texas with it's soft rolling hills is wonderful too. We'd lived in big cities for 30+ years when bought our lil' 5 acres w/ranch house prior to my retirement 5 yrs ago. Folks who know what we paid for it say "Y'all stole the place!"

It makes us deliriously happy to hear the leaves rustle in the breeze. I can have coffee on the patio or go to the garden in my nightie- there's no one to see me, and yet it's only 5 miles to major supermarket, 13 to Wal-Mart, etc. Actually get to preferred shopping faster than when we lived in the city & the trip is so much more pleasant without incessant traffic. I'm still thrilled that when I walk in for license tags or tax office- no line, and that our Post Mistress calls me if I get Rx in the mail on Sat AND waits for me to run down to get it. (P.O. is closed Sat.) Visitors can't believe we have a $1.00 movie nearby.

Our ambulance/helicopter svc. with highly trained paramedics is $47. a year & will take us to any hospital-even Dallas (90 mi.)at no charge.

Now we hate to go to any city & will only for medical specialists; then, can't wait to get out. We don't at all miss the restaurants, museums, plays, gourmet food shops, etc.
Suzi

Um, do you have a brother? :) The simple fact that you listed "fast food" first just blew me away! I believe you have your work cut out for you! Does she have any hobbies/passions involving anything remotely "country" related? Quilting, preserves, photography, drawing, painting, etc.? There are plenty of vacations and long weekend getaways that offer classes in these hobbies and more. Perhaps you could find a lovely B&B in a quiet, but cultural town and show her "country" doesn't mean a shack where she has to collect the water for your bath everyday!

I realize I'm being somewhat sarcastic, but I think creativity and patience will be your best friends on this one.

Good luck,

R

Hi R...I just used the fast food thing as an example. We don't even eat fast food...just an example of 'city' conveniences versus the 30 mile drive to the store, etc.

She says we can look at an area that is still somewhat 'country' which is still reasonable on the driving to work scenario. Pretty close to what we now deal with, but just a different direction. She works with a lady who lives in this area and has chickens and a barn, etc.

So there is hope...without relocating and trying to get new/different jobs etc.

So things are looking up. Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and suggestions.

D- (who doesn't have a brother..2 deadbeat sisters though LOL!)

I just thought I would add my 2 cents worth.
Compromise is the name of the game. You need to make sure she can spend an occasional week-end in the city, all the better if you will go with her. A nice city dinner once in a while. Maybe she won't want to garden or take care of animals and you should agree she doesn't have too. If you want animals then you should take care of them. Not all of us desire farm life. My mother grew up on a farm and she would not trade all the tea in China to go back to one. Oddly enough, 2 of my moms 3 kids now farm LOL!
Each of us has our own dream situation, the key to staying in love with each other is to accomplish your dream to live in the country without making her feel like her dream to live in the city is any less important.
I wear dresses and heels to work and overalls at our farm and I like both.
Good luck...you can both can make your dreams come true together!
Melissa

How often you guys eat out to need to live 10 minutes to one is what I asked my brother wifes..

Melissa, very well said. You hit the nail on the head with your response. If my wife is miserable it sure won't make me happy LOL! If she's unhappy I am unhappy by osmosis! Thanks for your succinct and level headed reply.

D-

Oh dear.... This is my life all over again. I married my hubby 37 years ago. I had always lived in a small town and he in the country. At the time we married he and his brother lived in a mobile home park. I moved in and we purchased it from my brother-in-law.. We had our first child and was due to have our second one. To make a long story short we purchased 10 acrea and moved to the country.. For many years I "HATED" it.... Honestly, I didn't think I was ever going to like it.. Finally after one more disagreement about living in the counry my hubby came in with his tools and said we were finishing what we had started and was selling the place.. We were moving to town... After some heavy thinking on my part I decided I would stay put in the country. My husband would have been lost in town.. Grant you I had lived in the country for 10 years... I finally decided I would work hard at getting in the same place my hubby was.. At that point we had 3 kids and they loved the country.. It was time for me to shape up.. I had to think of others , too. I still hated jumping in the car to go get milk, bread or whatever.. He did agree he would not move me any futher out.. He kept his word.. We are still in the same house.. Now, I can say I would hate moving into town.. I would go if something were to happen to my hubby. I sure could't keep the place up by myself..

We are at a place now in our lives that things are great.. My hubby is having a new huge barn built and I am getting a new kitchen. We have 3 grandbabies that come to visit the country. You see they all live in town or the city.. They all love to visit the country...

I can say that the country is not for everyone.. I didn't think I would ever get here.. And many country folks would never live in the city.. My wonderful father-in-law used to tease me for wanting to live in the city.. Just try to be happy wherever you are...

Enjoy, Susie

DukerDawg....If you get out a Michigan map and look up saginaw then go west on M46 To Alma then a little more West and South to see Elm Hall Teeny Tiny little dot on the map. But even in the tiny little dot I am 15 min away from Walmart K mart Grocery stores pharmacy and Hospital. And I consider myself to be very rural. Your probably thinking Yeah so what but I am rural with all the convienences of a city near buy. If I am desperate for milk or bread I just run into the party store in Elm Hall. Some other things I do is since I work in town. I get my groceries after work so I don't make an extra trip into town in the winter I buy most of my groceries before work since they will stay cold anyways. And I keep a well stocked freezer and pantry. A nice little perk to rural living is growing your own meat you know what it's fed and how it was treated and how the meat was handled after the slaughter. Since you like to grow tomatos you could have a garden and can them too. They are the easiest to do.

Hope this helps ad hope I haven't repeated what someone else has already told you.

Caren

Susie, that was nice of you to recant your life and experience. Isn't it funny that when your husband said ok you changed your mind back? Same thing here. My wife said ok, we can look out in the outlaying area...finally said alright...and now I think, well, I kind of like me house and don't feel like moving right now! Interesting.

Caren, sound like you have a good set up. Making use of your time in town is a smart thing to do. And if you have to make a run I know a lot of times you can improvise or make something else, right? I do that all the time. Oh, I gotta have avocados or whatever....if I had to drive an hour or more round trip you better know I would tell my stomach to crave something I already have in the house! Why is it I always want whatever I don't have on hand? It's my own sorry self..and I drive myself crazy!

Good thing I'm not twins!

Duane

Just know that living in the country might not be all that you think that it will be its NOT always quiet and you may think that cows stinka nd chickens stink and pigs stink. Also consider moving into a house that isnt built in a new development that is on a newly demolished farm. Also know that just because you moved here and set up shop doesnt mean you should try to change politics into how it was where your from. I know i sound terrible in saying this but it wont be all nice and simple like you think it will be. Liveing in th country is more than pretty scenes, quiet and a big yard.

Dapper...I know that. And I don't know why politics has to always come into every discussion. I keep my politics to myself, I don't try to force my opinions on others where I live now, nor would I do so anywhere else.

Duane

Duane, you sound like a smart fella if you keep your politics to yourself, LOL. So have you changed your mind about the country or just reflecting for a bit? I'm still in a mode where I'm determined to get my country home, probably back in DH's stomping grounds in NE/KS. I realize there will be new challenges and I try not to idealize it. As I sit here listening to rap music (the neighbor's, not mine) I get more determined all the time. Lori

Lori, that rap music would drive anybody out of so-called civilized society LOL! That's what drove me to move out of my last home...the houses were VERY close together and that music drove me crazy. I moved out to where we at least have 1/4 acres lots. Not much to the real farmer, but it makes a difference that I can't hear the neighbors choice of ?music?

Must be getting old.... but the sound of nature is now music to my ears...not banging instruments or bass.

Duane (who enjoys classis rock and country..but rap? no way!)

That's another good thing about rural areas, I can play opera or heavy metal recordings and not bother anyone without having to resort to headphones.

However, non-local kids have taken to cruising the gravel roads with those car stereo systems you can hear booming from over a half mile away - no exaggeration - and local kids hang around in peoples' yards with the same equipment (and attitude) with all the car doors open, pumping out more noise than a 747. There's no escaping these punks, not even in the most remote areas.

Duane...I can't find your email address...shoot me an email so I'll have it, okay?

It's been so crazy here I can't remember if I've even told you all that it's final...we ARE moving to Joplin...probably next week in fact! I'm totally losing my mind trying to get every thing settled. Haven't found the farm yet, but did find a nice house to lease until we get somewhat settled then figure out where we want to live. Anyway, expecting the moving company to call at 9:00 with more info on dates to pack us, etc.

Just blows me away...

Suzie

Wow Suzie!! That is awesome. I sent you my email yesterday. You can also get me through the link here at GW. I check both daily. Another adventure for ya!! That is super cool. My life is so boring I envy your move....although I know it can be a bit stressful.

What's happening with Punkin? Can you find a place to keep her til you get the farm? Keep us updated when you have time, which I know is probably at a premium right now!

Duane