Honoring my father (baby naming)

22 years ago

I am pregnant with my 2nd child, due in October. It will be the 1st grandchild that my father will not know (here on earth, at least). I don't know yet if it's a boy or girl, but I will find out in approximately 6 weeks. I probably shouldn't be worrying about this now, but I am.....

My Dad's name was Alan. If I have a girl, I would like to name her Alana. My mother is crazy in love with this name as well, and we both feel we couldn't choose any better a name in honoring my father. Problem is, my husband doesn't like the name. He's not for it at all.

If it's a boy, we'll pick a name that starts with "A", or just name Alan as the middle name. But that's not my concern. Don't ask me why, but I just have a HUGE feeling this baby is a girl. I know I shouldn't worry about it until I find out, but I'm a bit obsessed at this point (LOL).

Anyway,

Now I'm torn because I really want to give my child the best name to honor my Dad. I don't want to feel this kind of pressure, but I do.

My grandfather (Dad's Dad) passed away on the same day as my dad (same day, same year). Very ironic, I know... but that's another story for another time........ And I've decided I'm most likely NOT going to name for my Grandfather, which will no doubt cause controversy with my Grandmother. UGH!!

What should I do?

I know the baby is mine and my husbands, but I feel I need to please my mom, as well.

Any suggestions?

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Comments (12)

lulie___wayne
22 years ago
I'm thinking, Stef. My first thought was Alice or Allie. I love the name Lainie. I know, I need to think some more.
I will get back.
Lu
lulie___wayne
22 years ago
Aleisha?
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The problem is always trying to find the answer to who is right and who is wrong. The "right thing to do", if what you are looking to do is improve your relationships is to stop trying to make everything so black and white. Sometimes you are right, sometimes somebody else is right. That is the nature of relationships. Unfortunately, if you can't get past all of the percieved wrongs somebody else has done to you, you will not move on and your relationship will not change. Thurman is on here seeking advice, but everytime he gets advice that he doesn't want to hear, he ignores it. If he would try to get past whatever beef he has with his SD and if he starts to see her as she truly is, he would be much better off, and so would she. It doesn't matter what she does, in Thurman's eyes, it is never right. If she did something nice for Thurman, he would view it as being underhanded and for some alternative purpose. Colleen...I agree with kkny and finedreams that anybody who wants to send a card and to whomever, it's nobody's business exept for the sender and the reciever. So, if you sent a nice card to you SD's inlaws and she blew up at you over that and only that (and nothing else), then you are right and she is wrong. However, what difference does that really make? Why dwell on that? Why not try to move forward and try to make the relationship better instead of focusing on who is right or wrong?
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Chisue wrote, I was not so forgiving of my own father, who left my mother and me when I was two. Although he visited me sometimes, and sometimes gave me grandiose gifts, he failed to pay court-ordered alimony or child support. Chisue, I really understand. I've spent 35 years trying to forgive my father and frankly, it has been a hard path. I could write an entire book about the process, and honestly, I'm still working on this new habit of forgiving him. The pain and hurt he inflicted on my mother is the hardest part of this forgiveness equation, but a hospice nurse told me, "Your mother is past all that now, and she has forgiven him." That one comment helped me so very much. (My mother died 10 years ago.) And when I was cleaning out my father's home (before he went into assisted living), I found his baby book, and that helped, too. I've posted a link below that explains it more fully, but that baby book enabled me to let go of a lot of hurt and sadness. And now that I have forgiven him, and now that I realize (and trust) that my beloved mother is "beyond" all that pain now, I feel like I've dropped a very, very heavy burden. The Aramaic word for forgiveness is "shaw" and it literally means "untie," and disconnecting myself from all that sadness and pain has been very liberating. And it only took a lifetime. (sigh) Rose Here is a link that might be useful: Innocence Rediscovered
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lulie___wayne
22 years ago
More possibilities:
Alexis
Aleah
Ashlan
Aileen
Allain or you could spell it, Allane or Ailane
Angel
Still thinking........
Lu
StefCo_NJ
Original Author
22 years ago
Lu,
Thank you! I love that you're thinking like this! (((YOU)))
You suggested some great names. Keep 'em coming...... :)
lulie___wayne
22 years ago
As I have been lying in bed listening to my DH snore and thinking about what else I could come up with, I thought of an idea. I decided to go ahead and sneak out of the bed to come to tell you. LOL I know that you probably want to keep it looking and sounding like Alan as much as possible, but I thought about maybe you would consider just changing around the letters in Alan and naming her Lana. I love that too. Okay, I'll go back to bed now. LOL
Lu
lulie___wayne
22 years ago
Okay, I know it is late, BUT. I just realized that Lana is so much like Alana. LOL! Sorry. Thought I had a good idea. Guess the snoring got to me. Now, I've got to go sneak back in bed before he misses me and comes to look for me.
Goodnight.
Lu
StefCo_NJ
Original Author
22 years ago
Lu,
My eyes lit up when I read 'Lana'. I love it. Until you wrote that it's just like 'Alana', I didn't realize it either! I guess we're both off in la-la land!! :)
I'm going to pass it by Dh anyway!
lulie___wayne
22 years ago
I hope he likes it, Stef.
alisande
22 years ago
Of course I like Alisande. :-)

I wanted to name my first daughter Alison, after my grandmother, but my husband didn't like it. We ended up naming her Suzanne, a variation on my name, and somewhere along the way I came to realize that while bestowing a name in honor of someone else is a very nice thing to do, at some point the name becomes the child's and detaches from the namesake. This is a good thing, really, but it begs the question of how important it should be to name a baby after someone. If it feels good to everyone, that's wonderful. But if it doesn't, honoring can take other forms.

I love the name Alana, too. But I'm glad you're taking your husband's feelings into consideration on this.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Susan
PS: Did Lu mention Alia? Or Ali?
Bowdoin
22 years ago
Before I read down as to what your girl's name suggestion could be, I thought like the others, and said Alana. Then I was blown away when you said Alana! What is your husband's first name? When I was still carrying my son that was stillborn, I was going to name him Justin, then when I learned he had died in utero, I just couldn't name him that, and so we named him after his father. But when I had my daughter the following year, I named her Erica Justine. I never gave it a thought, but months later it occured to me that Justine was the femine "version" I guess you'd say, of Justin. I have no other children, but I feel a part of Erica's brother lives on with her. Good luck with your pregnancy, and let us know what you decide. Carrying on a name in some form is a living memorial to those no longer with us.
Emma
colleenoz
22 years ago
Might your husband go for "Alannah"? It means "dear child".
DesertBound
22 years ago
I know that you feel the need to honor those that have passed on, but it is your child and you should be able to name him/her whatever you want without any pressure from anyone else and without any guilt.

good luck and Bless you!

Honoring my father (baby naming)

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lulie___wayne

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