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4 plus granddaughter

20 years ago

My wife and I are 71, we have had our granddaughter since she was 11 months old. We became her legal guardians 7 months ago. Her dad is in and out of her life and is a drug user, her mother lives in another state. She has visitation privilages but only come 2 times a year (Thank God). She(the mother) isn't a bad person only air headed. This Christmas she came with a ton of things, most of which are for children 7-8 years. Problem,since "Mommi" came, when our child,(because she is ours) is disiciplined she has started to say "I want my Mommi" . I know children do this, my own have used the same when they were small, now however it seems so spiteful, when we are the only stability she has ever had. DO WE IGNORE the remark or is there a better way. The child is smart, but strong willed

goes to preschool (the only real relief my wife has) does well in school, gets along well with other children, a real pleasure except we are older and have great grandchildren her age. Guess we don't have a problem. We support her totally with no help from parents.

Thanks for listening

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Comments (6)

awbrey
20 years ago
You guys are awesome!!!! You seem to be doing everything right. Wish there were more people like you out there.
User
20 years ago
I agree, what a wonderful thing you are doing for this lucky little girl.

Maybe these visits with her mother have upset her in a way that makes her scared that she's going to lose you. Maybe her mother said something to her that has her worried, or maybe this last visit overwhelmed her. This is may be her way of acting out this fear. She wants to feel safe (don't we all). If she is reassured that you love her, which she clearly knows, and that you will never leave her, or let her go, she'll probably settle down soon. A hug and a kiss when she says that may be what she needs, and it certainly can't hurt you to get one from her.

Good luck.
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dirt_yfingernails
20 years ago
Our 11 year old DGS said that a few times the first year or so he was with us. He's been with us 2 1/2 years. He had NEVER been disciplined, had been diagnosed with autism and treated like a baby because of it. Never educated, and didn't take well to school. Hitting teachers and students, throwing books, shoving desks, etc. He would lose privileges at home for each behavior and then would tell us he wanted to go back to live with his other grandmother. We told him he lives with us now. Period. He's finally pretty much okay when he receives necessary discipline.
granjan
20 years ago
You have taken on a tough job. More power to you. It's
normal for kids to be upset when disciplined. Ignoring the remark at that time is the best way to go. But at another time you might want to talk to her about why she doesn't live with her Mommi. That discussion should be about why it isnt possible, NOT that her mother doesn't want her, or that she has been rejected. More like your Mommi can't take care of you now and we can and want to.
grammykitty
20 years ago
i agree to a point
it would be much better to reassure that mommi loves her but she cant be here because she has to be(wherever she is ) to (work,school..or what ever) Bus she knows how much we love you and wanted us to be together to love and watch over each other when she cant be here.
You never want to give specifics to a child..they latch onto them..especially something they think is a bad thing.
always reassure them that everyone loves them ..have them make a list of people who love them always is fun and helps.
the reason the little ones want mommi when they are being punished is that "mommi wouldnt punish them"
you might want to give momi a call and have them talk a little if it's possible so that they maintain the connection ,and she knows that momi is supporting your rules and disipline.
brass_tacks
20 years ago
Bill,
Just read your post (new to this forum). Just want to say that you and your wife deserve hearty pats on the back. About your young grandchild saying she wants her mommi when she gets disciplined--that's very normal. Does your grandchild get to talk to her mommi on the phone--or are there other kinds of communications? Even though the mother visits her child very seldom--I think that frequent phone calls would be a good idea. Talking to the mother ahead of your grandchild, to clue her into what is happening, might help everyone feel more connected--especially if the mother is supportive toward you and your wife. The little grandchild could talk to her mommi at other times when everything is ok, too. (not just when she is feeling blue)

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