I'm sad to hear this offer is over. I responded on the 9th because I didn't see Indiana listed as receiving one, and I even wrote a thank you note to Larry in a thank you card, but I think my message was over-looked, but that's okay. I have plenty of iris. I hope Larry has an iris somewhere in Indiana. Thanks anyways for sharing his iris the way you did/have. J_and_C

Hi I am a 58 yr old husband married for more than 30 yrs. My wife is a RN now for @ 5 yrs. We do not get along at all. We don't speak to each other unless we are in a verbal fight. We have been living in this house like this for more than 10 yrs. I have a beautiful daughter 22 yrs old. Finished college and has a great career in behavioral health. I also have a 30 yr old son with 2 children supposedly sharing half-half custody with their (moms). They are here more with us than they are with their (moms). I don't work and permanently disabled since since my back surgery in 1997. I still love my wife even though she does not anymore, but I'm ok with that because I am just built like that. This is a volatile relationship 24/7. We no longer communicate on anything unless we're in each other's face. I do not put any hands on her or my children ever. We may have our disagreements but no hands and I like it that way. That is only half of the issue. The other half is my 30 yr old son son who does not plan anytime soon to grow up and support his children. Mamma takes care of everything, and I do mean everything. She earns a very good living with her career, not to mention she is a very intelligent woman about to get her masters degree real soon. But I believe that she is the one who does not want to let go of the 30 yr old and his kids. I don't have a problem with him staying here, but I do have a problem with his attitude, disrespect and his sense of entitlement to how and when he needs things. Oh, did I mention he does not work, nor is looking for work. He don't need to because mamma takes care of all his needs no matter what it is. My 30 yr old does not contribute and can't contribute to this household except for being a referee with me and my wife. Which I must admit is a good thing believe it or not. But like his mother he to is a very hot head waiting under the surface of calm. On January 7th 2018 @ 6:pm my wife goes to work as usual, and I normally prepare her lunch so she doesn't have to while she gets ready. I totally forgot to put these drinks that she takes to work in the refrigerator so to be cold when she drinks them. She took it as an ultimate personal disrespect and all out verbal assault ensued. I was totally caught off guard with this. And as she relentlessly continued with this tongue lashing, I did the worse thing buy saying to her. "why are you being such an ass about it it was an accident, I didn't do it on purpose. When I said that, it was no longer about the starbucks refreshers. She said some very nasty things on her way out the house, and it angered me, and said to her well bye or good-nite and that's what send her over the edge. Now it wasn't about going to work, now the gloves came off. The last thing I said after a brutal tongue lashing from her, I said " I promised myself the very next time she goes of like this was going to put a stop payments from my disability direct deposit benefits to her bank acct. There was no turning back for her a that point. As my son tried desperately to keep her from getting to me, she managed to break his half hearted attempt to hold her back. She ran right up to me and gave me serious beat down to my face. While both of my hands were in my pockets holding on to my cell phone. Now my son said that I stuck my neck out at her while she was in my face and that gave her cause to physically assault me. Me personally I don't recall doing that but my daughter said the same thing so it must be true. After the beating that I took, she began screaming for the whole world to hear. " I want him out of here screaming at me telling me to get the f%#@k out! I never once removed my hands from my pockets at all. Eventually she went to work and we haven't spoke about since. I normally stay as far as I can from her because I fear that things like can happen so quickly, that there's is no time to think. I realize my actions in this already hot relationship. I do hold myself accountable for my actions and my responses that night. I just wished it never happened period, I wish I never forgot to put those refreshers in the fridge for her. I wish I never said what I said to insult her that way. Because I was being mean when I said those things. And I didn't have to do that. I should've just kept my mouth shut, and let her go on her way and none of this would not happen. God forgive me. But I know the damage is done. I don't know my tomorrows anymore and I don't know my family anymore. The energy in this house is very toxic, and I pray each and every day for some miracle but I can't see anything, or any hope insight. I give up.

If you're really asking why it's so hard, I think it's because we have too much to consider and too many sides to ourselves, too. There's: - What makes us happy color-wise, the same way certain foods taste good or certain music sounds good. Not a choice - just makes you happy in and of itself. - What makes us happy color-wise (and/or style wise), due to recognizing current trends and feeling pretty darn hip because of it. But then we ask ourselves: Is it more of a trend that won't stand the test of time or that's lasted for years but is on its way out...if that kind of thing matters to us? - What's practical in terms of being durable. - What's practical in terms of money (for some of us, anyway). - What gives us cozy memories or reminds us of some major inspiration (e.g. for me, butcher block countertops call to me like no other. Childhood memories even. In the end I decided against it due to how rough my family is on things and the fact that they'll never dab up the water they leave standing on it by the sink...but I feel heartbroken for having given up on it)! I ended up choosing the last thing I would have EVER thought I'd pick, in a million years! That's stainless, in an old, period kitchen. But that's also because I saw a picture of one in an old house and instantly fell in love, all the while being shocked that I liked it. Also, I'd had it on an island top for many years (granted, a SMALL island) and loved how it patinas, and loved how durable it is and how it almost changes colors depending on the day and lighting. At times it's almost colorless - like a rock - and fluid and soft looking, like water. And I loved how I could still have butcher block, but on my island now instead of the main countertop - because it provided great contrast and won't get damaged as easily as if it were by the sink. The owner of the inspiration kitchen had paired the stainless with a white farm sink and wood floors and white marble backsplash (only mine will be honed white marble subway tile backsplash and not very veiny). The big question - for all of us at this point - is: WILL IT REALLY LOOK GOOD, ONCE IN??! ;) I'll be finding out soon. Scared!! Stainless is quite the gamble, in a older house!

One big frustration is when people post and ask for advice but withhold info on what actually happened. Through the first half of this thread I grew very skeptical hearing only "relentless bullying" but nothing as to what the bullying was and how often was relentless. I was glad to see the addition of what prompted the fight. That shifted my thoughts. Still don't know what the "relentless bullying" is but informing the action that started it was appreciated. First, of course there usually is and should be, zero-tolerance for violence on school property and a bus is school property. The older felt justified to take action based on what the other kid did. Where *I* give credit to the older brother is his maturity at saying essentially, yes I did it and I'll take the responsibility for it. THAT is what deserves the pat on the back IMO! He seems to know there are repercussions for his actions and that tells me there's been good parenting. Kudos to the parents. I can't help but wonder if you're looking for redemption not so much for the grandson, but for yourself for pushing him so hard to look out for his little brother? Sounds like you down deep believe that you prompted this and that perhaps is accurate. Here's an example where a person made a bad choice and a good choice. I'd compliment the good choice and avoid the bad. The other thing is I think this is getting overblown a bit. The matter is done. He made his choice. He accepted his punishment. The parents will make their decision. Why stretch it out? Let it go away at least for grandparents involvement. Hopefully he learned his lesson.