It is a difficult spot - but if they say they can't get a sitter and you don't want their children at your party the only thing you can do is graciously respond "Oh that's a shame, we'll miss you and so will DS. Maybe we can get together some other time."

Since your younger children are going to be there and you have some others who may show up, could you enlist a friend or relative or even hire a babysitter to keep the younger group in the house? Maybe do a movie and popcorn for them, or some fun activity.

tina

I think you have to stick to your guns. If you specified no kids, then no kids. Mcmann had a good reply.

If, on the other hand, you're now thinking kids would be ok, then the thing to do is let everyone know that kids are ok.

Now, the only exception to this that I can think of would be to let each of your younger kids pick one friend that they invite in order to have someone they can be with during the party. If you did it that way, it would probably not cause hurt feelings by the parents of the other kids who were excluded. But then the limit is really going to have to be one friend each.

As far as people just showing up with their kids, at the time it happens, I'm not sure what you can do about it other than be a gracious host and make do. If you're really worried about that, then when people RSVP, just make sure to emphasize no kids. You can do it in a nice way, something like, "so glad you were able to get a babysitter so that you could join us" and if anyone balks, then you can explain the problem of space. At least then it's clear that it's adults only.

Kind of like lowsparks response when they RSVP, but a little warmer: 'Oh that's wonderful! We just hated not being able to include whole families, but you know our yard! We are so tickled you're coming to share DS's special night.'
If they ask, then stick to your guns. You cannot play favorites, ( and say exactly that: only an idiot would not get it) regardless of dd's relationships with siblings.

I agree with those who say stick to your guns. It's your party, and your rules. That said, be prepared for the clueless who will arrive with children in tow. If they do, there's not much you can do but welcome the entire family (well, you could deny them entrance as long as the kids are with them, but that would be just as rude as their behavior - so I'm pretty sure you wouldn't do such a thing ;-)) --- but do try not to second-guess what your other guests will be thinking. They may be thinking (as you fear), "Why do their kids get to come, but mine had to stay home?" -- or they could just as well think, "What rude and thoughtless neighbors to bring their kids, after she expressly asked us not to." I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can't manage the actions and thoughts of others - all you can do is issue your invitation and hope that everyone responds as you want them to.

Most of all, have fun!

Assuming you will have some "kid-crashers".......you will have to be gracious and invite them in. No other way to handle it. But when one of your friends who got a sitter call you on it, be prepared with a very carefully worded response. I've done something along the lines of:
"I know!! It put me in kind of an awkward position, but I'm so happy that YOU did what I asked!! What a good friend you are!!" It kind of puts them on your side without really making a derogatory comment on the clueless people...

Red

Is this your first party when the little kids aren't included? Meaning, do other get-togethers at your house include the whole family?

It does make a difference when friends, family and the little ones have always come to your events together. They may not 'get' that their children are not welcome on this occasion.

If kids show up, smile and hope their parents watch after them....have some peanut butter sandwiches ready.

ML

Maddie, good question. No, the extent of our entertaining these days is mostly our annual holiday party, which is adults only, or dinner parties w/ groups of, say, 8-12 adults. We used to have an annual New Years Eve party for whole families but after a few years, I had enough of that! Sometimes we'll have a small BBQ with the kiddies included, but we really haven't had a shindig of this magnitude (around 50 people) other than our holiday party which is usually around 30-40 adults.

I find it interesting that some people have recommended having kid-friendly food available or a babysitter just in case kids show up. My feeling is, if I didn't invite them, I should not have to be prepared for them! Not trying to be snarky here, just saying that doesn't really make sense to me. The food we have will be casual anyway, so any kids who happen to be here should be OK with whatever is available.

redbazel, good phrasing. That's kind of what I was looking for. I need to have a statement like that ready in case I need it! The fact is, too, that we have a pretty close-knit group of friends and everyone knows one another. So if someone shows up with kids, I'm sure they will end up explaining to everyone themselves that either they mis-read the invitation or their sitter didn't show up, or whatever.

leahcate, I like your RSVP comment, too.

Great suggestions! I knew I came to the right place, as usual... thanks!

I agree with Red. I will say, though, that oftentimes invitees don't stay the duration of the party because they have invitations to other graduation parties, since most parties happen over two consecutive weekends. It may be that your friends who have younger children than you may not know anyone else with graduates but graduation parties, even for friends, are usually show-up, extend congratulations, hang around a little while, then leave. Even the graduates are sometimes anxious to get to their friends' parties!
Dee

Would your DD possibly have a friend with a younger sister who would be at the ready to babysit for a friend who may call in need? It would be great if you had a number to give a friend in the event they rsvp can't attend - no sitter. Okay, here's so & so's number. Great kid, give her a call to sit. I don't think you should supply a sitter at your party. If guests show with kids in tow, it is up to them to keep an eye on them. I think most of the other guests will think it rude of them to attend with children when the invitation was an adult-only. It is a sticky situation.

Went through it myself last year at DD's graduation party. Invited all adults as DD's party was held at a local bistro and I didn't want to have to decide where to cut the line with the kids. One couple rsvp'd they were coming and they did, with an infant and toddler in tow. I just asked the wait staff to set up two high chairs. I couldn't turn them away, they are dear friends, very laid back, lovely couple. I understood why they needed to bring the babies as they were staying in town for a few days to attend our party and in order to visit with my BIL&SIL who came in from the west coast for graduation. DH & DBIL grew up with the husband and are very close friends so I just let it ride. There was really no harm, and had they called and said they couldn't come because of sitter issues, I'd have told them to bring the little ones along.

I guess it depends on how much you want Mr. & Mrs. So & So to join you if they have to bring their kids. Your situation seems a bit different as I am getting the feeling guests aren't traveling to come to your party?

At DD's wedding, I had a couple of people mention their young children, but the invites specifically were addressed to Mr & Mrs. I explained to those who mentioned the kids that this was really an adult affair, there would not be accomodations for children and I would really hate for their children to be bored silly. We did not have any small children (or babies) at the wedding with the exception of my nephews who are 11 and 12. And only because they live 250 miles away.

I think you're right not to expect to entertain uninvited guests. As this is what the children would be. I'd likely call the invitees up a week or 10 days in advance and explain that it's an adults only party. That would give them time to find other arrangements.

I'm going to answer assuming that you and I are now very close friends and You've invited me and DH on the invite.

I'm not offended at all. In fact, you've made my life easier because you've clearly stated the etiquette for your party (adult focus and a place my 4 year old won't enjoy). Fabulous....now DS is sick, and a baby sitter isn't always easy for us because they need some training, so that fly in the works is an issue...but darling, it's MY ISSUE!!! Not yours and I'd never burden you by complaining about it. If I can't get a sitter I'll call and say I'm terribly sorry I can't make it and I would tell you that it was because I couldn't get a sitter. This is NOT an open request that you allow my son to be there nor that you provide me with a sitter. It's my way of telling you that I wish DH and I could be there but we can't, and we want you to know why because you're important to us. It's not a slam or request...just not wanting to hurt your feelings by saying "No can't make it" so you can imagine we're at a better party or something :)

Now if I get there (because we did find a sitter) and I see bunches of children (not just your kids and a couple of distraction friends for them) honestly I'd be a bit miffed (you would never know this, but it would affect my thoughts at the next invite). And I tell you this because I want you to know that caving to others isn't going to sende a good future message to those who did the right thing (read the invite LOL) and got a sitter.

If one or two idiots does not read your invite and shows up with kids, I wouldn't hold that against you, but if I do the polite thing and say no, then learn or see that you decided to provide a sitter and food and make it a welcome party which my son wasn't invited to..well that might hurt me. The first thing (what you've done) does not, but the second (caving) would unless you are ready to call me and all other guests and say "you know I decided we were going to make it a family thing, please come one and all". If you're not prepared to do that, stick to your guns and you won't offend anyone. Really...there is nothing like the hell of a parent who brings a child to a party and finds out it's not a child friendly party because the invite didn't make that clear (been there done that).

Don't turn anyone away :) I'm not stupid enough to not figure out your dorky friends who brought kids anyhoo (there is one in every group LOL) but don't pack the place with kids either....the other adults might be terribly disapointed to have to deal with kids when they wanted the fun of an adult party!!!

Regarding igloo's last statement -- a couple of friends have actually thanked me for not inviting their kids, because they said they'll have more fun without them! Yes, everyone loves their kids, but on a Sat. night, some of us are happy to leave home without 'em. On the other hand, I have one friend (3 kids under age 10) who declined the invite and I suspect it is because they couldn't bring their kids. Oh well!

work in progress -- you're right, the only people traveling are family members who don't have young kids. I'm an only child, and DH's siblings are all much older than he is, so all their kids are adults.

I'm sure it will work out fine. I'm just overthinking things as usual!

Another reason not to have young kids is that my DS (the graduate) is inviting 20 of his own friends (not sure how many will actually show, since some may have their own parties that night) and we're setting up the basement for them -- so they can escape the adults -- and they would be horried, I'm sure, if a bunch of 5 years olds joined them!

so they can escape the adults -- and they would be horried, I'm sure, if a bunch of 5 years olds joined them!

Or ... it could be a valuable tool for teaching the older kids to always practice safe sex! LOL!

Sounds like you've got a great handle on things, and I hope the party is a tremendous success (and that invitees act appropriately by leaving their kiddos at home)!