Wow, these kinds of stories are so sad Pesky because as it seems like it's always the kids who suffer in the end. Kids at that age really need to know that they have someone they can trust and turn to when they need help. Obviously under the circumstances, it's hard to imagine they feel that way with their mother or dad. If you have a good relationship with the children, I would try to make sure that they know the door is open for them to call and talk to you anytime they need to and that whatever is said will be held in confidence. Putting some distance between them and the situation may be helpful too. Summer is right around the corner, is there anyway they can come visit you or your mom during the summer months? Having something positive to look forward to may be helpful for them too.

I absolutely agree that they should leave the kids out of it and not talk negatively about the other in front of them. Divorce is already hard enough on kids, they don't need the addiitional stress.

As I've made public here in the past, my brother and SIL recently divorced. It was a long time in coming and very bitter and difficult at times, but they've come through it and now being on the other side, things are starting to look better and brighter for everyone involved. There were some material losses along the way, and of course we all worried about how that would affect the children. I was rather skeptical of the comments about kids being so resilient, but the truth is that they often are. They're well-adjusted and I think that's largely because everyone made a point of making sure they felt loved and understood and as secure as possible through all of this. (They have a lot of adults in their lives who saw to this.)

I guess any advice that I could offer would be this: Stand firm on your resolve not to takes sides. Sounds like you already understand that both parties contributed to the demise of their marriage, and of course being on the outside looking in, you're still only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Just try to bear that in mind, and try not to form judgments because the full story of a relationship is rarely ever made public. Also, although you're used to things as they've always been - a certain family dynamic has been in place for a couple of decades - try to keep an open mind for changes that will certainly come, and maintain a willingness to accept any new people, places or things that become a part of your sister and BIL's lives.

As for your nieces, just let them know that you are there for them. Be a friend as well as an auntie. Let them know that you will always lend a supportive ear or a shoulder should they ever need one.

((((Hugs))))). Changes like this are not easy, but there is hope for a wonderful, albeit different, future for everyone involved.

Ooo, Pesky....about your nieces, if you definitely could invite them out to visit for a week or two this summer, that would be great. If not, how about keeping tabs with them thru letters/cards ("thinking of you" types)? Do they have cell phones with texting? Facebook pages? Just being the anchor in these uncertain times will benefit them. Hugs to all of you

I had mentioned to my mom about the girls coming up but she said my sister made excuses why they just couldn't. I'm going to see if I can't do it tho, the older girl said she wanted to go to U of O, so I might see if I can entice her to visit campus. Younger girl came for DDs wedding and loved the architecture and history of our town so that could be a lure too. Together or seperate, doesn't matter to me, just have to get past my sister. Her soon2b ex has tried to reach out to my mom but mom doesn't want to talk to him as her allianceis to my sister. He doesn't know my # or I'm sure he'd try to contact me too. See he thing is my sis controls the contact with her family and now she's got no home or personal cell phone so it's even harder to reach the girls. Eldest had a myspace but it's down And the younger never had one. I did send them an Easter card but never heard from them. Will keep trying. It's soo frustrating!

Kids like the internet and most like Facebook. I'm not the social media sort, but in your shoes I'd set up a Facebook account of my own. It's a long shot, but the kids might find you if you're careful to use the less secure, less restricted settings so that your Facebook page can be found via web searches.