First my disclaimer: I don't have kids so naturally I know the best way to rear them. :-)

If the kid wants low-key than sticking with low-key is key. I would respect his wished not to be the center of attention BUT I would make him make one brief thank you for coming, thank you for your kind gifts, thank you to my parents for arranging this, please eat, drink & be merry kind of speech.

I totally understand not wanting attention but if he's heading off to college than he needs to be self confident enough to be able to speak in front of a medium sized group of friends & family. It will be good practice for later in life. And it will please the grandparents to no end.

I think the school pics thru the years would be very cute & enjoyed by everyone over the age of 18. I hope he gives in on that & doesn't mind you doing it. Does he have a girlfriend who can tell him how sweet that would be? He might find it more acceptable if he thinks she thinks "ohhhh, you're sooooo cute!! (read that in a high pitched squeal)

"DS does not like to be the center of attention, so he wouldn't want anything totally focused on him, and I have already been told I can't put up posterboards with photos of him or anything like that (but I really want to put up a collage of photos of him from each year's "first day of school" pictures!)."

Who's the party for? I mean that question sincerely, not in a catty or criticizing way.

So having a party for the whole extended family and near-family (more than for DS himself) is actually a perfectly acceptable answer in my book. Since 'it takes a village' to raise a kid, a party to thank that village is a lovely gesture, and one your son can no doubt be persuaded to support, once he 'gets' it. If that's the case, then I'd agree with Hhireno that a small speech and a poster collage (suck it up, kid) are absolutely appropriate and not too much to ask of him. It would also be nice if you and his father could prepare a toast thanking 'the village' for their help in shaping such a great young person.

For a 'village' party, I think something neighborhood and family-oriented that would encourage adults and kids to mingle with each other and celebrate 'the journey' might be fun. Maybe instead of one large photo collage, have several smaller ones set around different food tables, each geared toward a separate age range -- DS as a little kid with popcorn, peanuts, Chex mix and a table decorated with Little League stuff. DS as a toddler with bright plastic toys, punch and cookies. DS as a teen with video games, electronics and Buffalo wings...

But if the party is genuinely intended to reward DS for his own hard work and great outcome -- then listening to his preferences and scaling back on the 'limelight' stuff might truly be appreciated. (My son was also reluctant to be in the spotlight and really *did not want* a graduation party.)

If this is the case, I'd have mainly an adult-focused casual party for your guests and a semi-separate area for the teens, with junk food, munchies and their own music. Go light on the 'themes and gimmicks' and just have a great time with friends, family and neighbors while the teens have a great time with each other.

Thank you for the thoughtful answers... and Sweeby, for the equally important question! I think I have been going back and forth (at least subconsciously) about who this party is for. DS was a very difficult child in his early years (basically until high school), so we are happy, and relieved!, that he has turned out well! So in part, this party is a celebration of that -- but we would never say to him what we're thinking, which is "We never thought we'd see this day!" But many of the adults in attendance know his story and will appreciate the significance of the day. So I think I am trying to combine the "toast the parents and the kid who have (all) worked so hard to get here" and the "have your friends come too, and celebrate just being done with high school" themes.

I didn't even think about having a separate area for the teens, but that is a great idea. I'm trying to keep the party mostly outside, but the teenagers can congregate in the basement. I can put coolers of soda and bowls of chips and stuff down there.

I also agree with hhireno that he should be capable of a brief speech to thank people for coming. I'm sure he'd do that.

I'm thinking too, instead of the collage, I can put his 'school years' photos in small frames and scatter them around the tables. I think in the end, he'll roll his eyes but let me do what I want w/ the photos.

If my parents put up a poster or having my pictures at my graduation party, I'll call in sick or just disappear. ;-)

I would just have a fun party -- have something that adults & kids can do together. Maybe setting up a video game stations and have adult vs. kids tournaments. With prizes. Lots of cool music. Maybe rent a photobooth and the kids/adult can come in and take their pictures -- Have a posterboard where they can post their goofy pictures up.

DS1 (9yo) wanted to add that a cotton candy machine or candy station would be super cool :-D

I had graduation parties for each of my two sons when they graduated high school. I didn't do any posters or pix or anything like that. It was just food and conversation. The boys and their friends sort of naturally congregated in one room while the adults were in another. I told each boy to make sure he chatted for just a few minutes at least with all the adult guests, which was no problem because they were all people that they knew well. No speeches or other special moments.

This is totally just my own opinion but I'm just not into the whole speeches scene. Unless it lasts two minutes or less, it's boring. And it makes everyone stop talking and eating (the best part of any party IMO).

Unless it lasts two minutes or less, it's boring.

Exactly, a quick thanks is what I mean. Not an academy award acceptance thanking everyone & their grade school teachers - altho that might be appropriate in the case of a graduation. Just a quick, possibly heartfelt but probably faked, acknowledgment that people are there to celebrate a family milestone.

No kids, but I remember the graduation party for one of my great-nieces. Dh & I contributed a keg of Abita root beer (the kids loved that!) and I put together a photo album (with captions) of scanned pics from times we shared when the girl was younger. It was more for her, but everyone who took a peek enjoyed it.

Yeah, I'm with lowspark on the speech thing. I'm cringing myself, thinking about how I was at that age and the thought of drawing everyone's attention to myself at a party, no matter how briefly. Actually, I've never been to a party--even for an older adult--where a little thank-you speech was given. A "hello and thanks for coming" on an individual basis should suffice, I would think. I know how mortified my kids would have been at that age if asked to say even a few words. And I don't think making them do it would have been an important life lesson for later on.

I totally agree with Hhireno; your son should give a brief speech to thank everyone for coming (and thank his folks for having a party in his honor :). This will take approximately 30 seconds of his life. You are spending a lot of energy and money to make this a memorable party for a once-in-a-lifetime celebration at the end of his high school years. He didn't graduate without taking a speech class or two and the experience didn't ruin his life :), so it would be a very gracious move for him to thank everyone who took the time to come to the party. It doesn't matter if it's a life lesson, it's simply a gracious thing to do.

Also, in his spare time before the night of the party, he could address some thank-you envelopes. It would be a good idea to have a talk about gifts and thank-yous and expectations ahead of time. (In my 20's, I had a friend who got married and then asked her mom if it would be ok to contact folks who HADN'T given them a gift to remind them....at the time I thought it was a little odd, but years later I look back at that in horror! An invitation is NOT a gift requisition form, thank-you's need to be sent out in a timely manner, etc. etc.)

My daughter's party last year featured mariachis (you can hire them on the street in parts of LA), lots of food, and a very short, embarrassed speech where she thanked everyone for coming. No posters, banners, photos of her as an adorable toddler (her Sr. class already did a yearbook page with baby photos.)

She's pretty shy, but she lived through it. We didn't give speeches but her older brother made a toast, and that was that. (He did his senior year in Hungary, so he got to joke about her being the only high school graduate in the family.)

Esp. for a guy, I'd not do anything cute.

ooh, love the keg of root beer idea. Natal, where do you get such a thing? I've never seen one.

At this moment I'm thinking: 60-second "thanks a lot" speech, one collage of photos because I just can't stop myself, and an area set up in the basement w/ soda and snacks for when the teenagers want to get away from the adults (which I figure will be right after they're done eating all the food).

Thank you notes are a requirement for all my kids for any gift. No problem there.

Sue, do a search for root beer kegs in your area. Abita root beer is a Louisiana-made product and the kegs are available at Albertson's grocery stores here. It was a big hit at the party. Even some of the adults loved it!