For layout, a clear, easy-to-read floorplan is best to post oer on the Kitchens forum where they work it more than you might even like. Conceptually, though, you want each cooking zone to be in relation to a sink and refrigeration with careful attention to work paths. And if traffic choke points can be avoided that's best. Wide aisles and a careful look at what pulls out where, what's opposite what and how things are placed to optimize the way you work in the kitchen are key. Everyone is a bit different in their approach so it's hard to tell anyone what's right or wrong. Saw the other thread on the warming drawer. I had a warming drawer years ago but I didn't like it enough to include it in either of the two subsequent kitchens. I don't find those drawers efficient to use. But I have a wall oven where I can do double or triple racks (depending on height). It has proofing settings so for warming it can set at 110F or 125 F and up to 225 as needed.

Your preconceptions about kitchen design are in conflict with the actual footprint and type of kitchen shown in the plans. Either your preconceptions or the kitchen design need to change. You would have a much more functional kitchen if you eliminated the trendy island and extended the base cabinet line on the right downward to intersect with the free-standing column and then leftward for about half the distance between the column and the desk wall. That would give you sufficient counter top space for all your appliances, including separate cook top and ovens, and some seating area, if that's truly important. Wherever you decide to locate your cooktop, you will need a vent hood to deal with odors and grease. There are plenty of situations where trendy islands simply don't work very well. This is one of them. Good luck with your project.

>>but I don't see how becoming a single parent and putting my kids through that constant struggle is better than what's going on now. >> My Asian parents stayed together for eight years after things went sour, because they had the whole "we're together for the sake of our children." My spouse's mother agonized for almost two decades about divorcing her husband and marrying a family friend. He and I have been together for, oh, about 40 years now. We BOTH agree, the idea of "staying married for the kids" is one of the cruelest and most self-deceptive things parents can do. Both of us were infinitely relieved when our parents respectively divorced and married people who suited them better. Your kids know there is trouble already. They may not be able to verbalize it and are certainly not old enough to analyze it. But they KNOW there is trouble in Paradise and that there is tension 24/7 in their lives. Children are very sensitive to those kinds of emotional messages; you can't hide from people you are living with day-to-day. If she can't or won't be a good mother, let her go. Maybe she will be able to better express affection for them when it's on her own terms and she isn't feeling pressured by outside expectations. If that means she's a part-time mom, that's not the worst thing in the world for them. Children need to be loved and encouraged. They don't need a fantasy that they're the center of everybody's world, because they aren't. Give them a good life. Give them joy, reassurance that you will be there for them, and a sense of hope. Don't try to give them the "perfect" life, because you can't. No parent can.

Behavior #1 - sits in the living room with headphones on and plays video games for 4 to 14 hours. To me that is normal. Not the 14 hours but certainly the 4 hours or longer. Under the same conditions as your stepson, about to be on duty on a submarine, at his mother's house where he did not grow up, no friends in the area, that is exactly what I would expect my son to do. There are 21 year old men who play video games to unhealthy extremes but a 21 year old in the Navy on leave in my opinion is not in that place. Behavior #2 - I must be missing something here. That doesn't sound like eavesdropping to me. He has his earphones on, he can hear you with the earphones on, he laughs at a joke he overhears. That would not bother me and I wouldn't consider it eavesdropping if my son did that. Scratching his privates, monologues, not making eye contact, not saying goodnight or be right back, BSing, awkwardness petting the dog, chewing with mouth full, not waiting till everyone has their food, leaving a messy room, some young men are like this. I have known some awkward young men who turned out to be perfectly nice when I got to know them better. My son does not do these things but plenty of normal young men do. I realize these things are disconcerting to you. In our family we say goodnight or be right back...except my daughter for some reason didn't do this and I just let that one go, not worth it to me to bring it up. I think you are being unreasonable to expect your 21 year old son to observe and fall into that custom. The BSing will probably take care of itself over time as your son spends more time in the Navy. Other Navy men or women will probably call his hand on that one I would think, and that would be way more effective than anything your wife would say or do. The only thing that would really get to me on that one is the pacing up and down during dinner if that's a frequent occurrence. The note thing when he left sounds reasonable to me, at least at his own mother's house. I would expect my kids to write a nice, appreciative thank you note if they were guests in someone else's home but not at my home. If my son was in the Navy on leave, realized he had some things he needed to do and needed to get back to base quickly I would kick his butt for pausing to wake me up or write a long note. I wouldn't expect my son to wake the family up if he needed to leave unexpectedly. Behavior #3 - Your family is gregarious, he is not, he stifles the vibe at your house. You would be doing your daughter a favor if you teach her not to let those things bother her (and you). She has a lifetime of being around difficult people - college roommates, co-workers, possibly in-laws. It would be better for him if he learned how to join in, but it would be a gift to your daughter if you taught her that she cannot control others but she can control herself. It is also a gift to your daughter to learn to be inclusive and draw out difficult people in a way that is not overbearing. Not only is it the kind and decent way to be but also some people earn more money through their excellent soft skills. Behavior #4 - The person causing this problem with your daughter is your wife. As mentioned above, you, your wife and your daughter need to get family counseling for the 3 of you. He is your daughter's half brother, she shouldn't have to *entertain* him very often. Also, your daughter needs to be communicating these issues with her mother if she isn't already doing that. Your daughter sounds melodramatic to me for the situation you are describing. 16 year old girls (boys too) can be real drama queens, even if they were not that way as kids or young teens. Keep in mind your daughter will feed off your feelings and actions and our kids are very, very, very good at sensing what our feelings are even if we think we have kept them hidden. Families are messy, people are messy. This is a golden opportunity to teach your daughter how to deal lovingly, kindly, compassionately with awkward people while still doing what she needs to do to keep her own life reasonable. It is so much better if she has had experience with this before she goes off to college while you are there to act as a sounding board and sometimes a buffer. Sometimes our kids are in stressful, awkward situations that we want them removed from when really those very situations are going to prepare them for something down the road. What if your daughter has a stepson with Aspberger's one day, or a child with Aspberger's. Or a roommate or coworker. If I were your wife I would not sit down and talk to my son about Aspberger's or even much of this behavior you describe and I would embrace family counseling with you and your daughter. If I were you I would couch this to your wife in terms of going to a counselor to learn how to best help your stepson and also to help your daughter deal with this. For one thing it's true, your wife does need to go in order to learn how to best support your stepson and your/her daughter. I know you said previous visits over the years went fine but now they're not. That could be due to a lot of things. Maybe the visits are longer now, in which case you would see more issues bubbling up no matter how delightful he is. Maybe he is stressed from his college difficulties and now joining the Navy, perhaps doubting his path in life. Perhaps before both he and his brother visited together and he was more comfortable then or perhaps having his brother there masked some of his issues. I think your wife is correct that it is not her place and not yours to talk to him about possible Aspberger's Syndrome at this point in his life. It's not your place or hers to ask him to go get evaluated or tested; the time for that was years ago. It doesn't sound like any of you have a close relationship with him. The thing to do now is to build a good relationship with him. He probably really needs your support right now at this point in his life so this is a golden opportunity to build that solid relationship. Welcome him, love him, respect him as a person and a member of your family. If you do that then later on the time will come when you or your wife can broach some of your concerns. I am not hearing that he says mean things or sexually inappropriate things, not hearing that he steals things or destroys things. Not hearing anything about drugs or alcohol, nothing about him offering your daughter drugs or alcohol. Not hearing about him taking your car and wrecking it or constantly hitting you up for money. This does not sound like an awful situation to me, just a situation that is awkward and uncomfortable. You know, your daughter is going to have awkward and uncomfortable situations with family in her future whether your stepson visits or not. What kind of person do you want her to be? If you want her to believe that family is important even if it's awkward or uncomfortable then model that for her. What if her husband doesn't like you, do you want her to expect that her husband will still be thoughtful and considerate to you? If so, then model that for her with your stepson. Last, if I were you I would go to counseling with your daughter and give her some time to talk to the counselor by herself. Your daughter could be melodramatic because she's feeding off your emotions, because she's just going through a drama queen phase right now, because she's upset about something else in her life and projecting it onto this situation. But there could be things she isn't telling you or your wife that are valid concerns. Whatever you decide, I hope and wish the best for all of you. It's not easy knowing the right thing to do sometimes.