Take a look at this website, it has tons of practical, sensible information covering every stage of marriage. I have recommended this site to many. Hope it would help both you and your wife.

http://marriagebuilders.com/

Thank you

I disagree with dbarron. Do what's best for your children. Don't necessarily do what makes you most happy.

Thank you. Thats what I believe is best. I want to believe things will change. And I'm not done waiting just yet.

Look at a person's actions, not their words. Talk is cheap.

Not many of us have learned about "relationship" and "marriage" from correct sources, since these subjects are rarely being taught in schools, families or communities. We learn from trial and error, yet usually the "lessons" that learned are tinted from bad experiences and failures.

When things go wrong, there are plenty pseudo psychoanalysts paddling their half baked expertise and distort advices. There are industries out there promote free choices based on temporary personal happiness instead of long term commitments, work, and responsibilities that come with serious relationships, marriages and family. Never mind moral and ethics that should tie to each person's behaviors and thought processes. There are individuals get married or divorced for wrong reasons, they change partners more frequently than their home addresses.

Kids, no matter how many or few we have, each and everyone of them is precious, they are God sent.

I do think Marriagebuilders.com and their radio shows offer sound advices. Both you and your wife should go through articles, Q&A...etc. Sounds to me your wife is clueless regarding her career, family life and marriage, especially her own responsibilities, she could be benefited from the site.

Think back about the past 6 months to a year of your life... Now think of your future. If nothing changes then you can expect the next 6 months to a year to be very similar to what the past was. Are you OK with that?

I don't know you or your wife personally so I don't want to jump to any assumptions. It's my opinion that people rarely change. Sure, we go through changes in life but true change in ones self is hard IMO.

In ten years if nothing has changed, will you regret anything? Life has no guarantees and you can't buy time so use it wisely...

Have you expressed your concerns with your wife? If not, you need to do it now. Communication is very important. If you have expressed your concerns, what was the outcome?

And I ask, why are you waiting for her to determine your happiness? The waiting game sucks. I'm not saying leave her, divorce her, etc. I'm just saying, take a stand, express your feelings, let her know exactly what's going on...

You have to decide that if she doesn't change, will you be happy and stay in the same situation... Lots of people do it and remain unsatisfied or unhappy. Then the other half divorce.

Good Luck...

I agree, actions speak louder then words. Your wife is telling you, you and your kids are not her priority right now. She seems to be floundering. She is the one that needs help from what you have posted. Have you asked her what is wrong and how you can help out or if she needs to talk to someone that can help her? If you have already and things are still status qua, you have your answer. Time to move on. You and your children deserve happiness. You won't be getting it from this relationship. She doesn't want to change. You also aren't setting a good example for your children. Just because they are 4 years old, doesn't meant they don't know something is amiss within the family. Do your kids a great favor, if your wife won't get help or help herself, move on. NancyLouise

nancyloulse_gw Thank you for your advice. Maybe its the fear talking but I don't see how becoming a single parent and putting my kids through that constant struggle is better than what's going on now. That's the hardest part about what we're going through. I what so much for the. That I know this lifestyle isn't what I want for them but a separated family isn't what I want either. I've tried to talk to her. She's the type of person that has to experience something to fully understand.

FeatherBee wow thank you. Your absolutely right. I need to think what happens if nothing changes.

And do you think your children will be better off with a happy single parent or two unhappy married parents? Is this the kind of behaviour you want to model for them?

I applaud for your recognition of importance of an intact family, and the value of your marriage.

What country are you living now and which cultural background is your wife from? Which professional field is your wife in and what level of responsibilities does she have? What challenges have you experienced from the multi-cultures?

Since yourself have difficulty with the cultural difference, I wonder if your conclusions and resolutions are too American to hit the nail.

What have you and your wife learned from the Marriagebuilders.com that may apply to your situation??

Agree with colleenoz, your children will be the ones that get the short end of the stick growing up in an unhappy family. Since your wife doesn't care about the family being a priority, you should. NancyLouise

>>but I don't see how becoming a single parent and putting my kids through that constant struggle is better than what's going on now. >>

My Asian parents stayed together for eight years after things went sour, because they had the whole "we're together for the sake of our children." My spouse's mother agonized for almost two decades about divorcing her husband and marrying a family friend.

He and I have been together for, oh, about 40 years now. We BOTH agree, the idea of "staying married for the kids" is one of the cruelest and most self-deceptive things parents can do. Both of us were infinitely relieved when our parents respectively divorced and married people who suited them better.

Your kids know there is trouble already. They may not be able to verbalize it and are certainly not old enough to analyze it. But they KNOW there is trouble in Paradise and that there is tension 24/7 in their lives. Children are very sensitive to those kinds of emotional messages; you can't hide from people you are living with day-to-day.

If she can't or won't be a good mother, let her go. Maybe she will be able to better express affection for them when it's on her own terms and she isn't feeling pressured by outside expectations. If that means she's a part-time mom, that's not the worst thing in the world for them.

Children need to be loved and encouraged. They don't need a fantasy that they're the center of everybody's world, because they aren't.

Give them a good life. Give them joy, reassurance that you will be there for them, and a sense of hope. Don't try to give them the "perfect" life, because you can't. No parent can.

"Azmom"" - stop your spamming. Advertising on here is against the rules. And don't deny it because you have done it 3 times.

Azmom is referring to a well-respected website that she does not own. It is NOT spam.

sushipup1, Thank you for recognizing the value of the website I referred to. I do hope visitors here could suggest more informative source/websites on this forum that would benefit the community.

mizscarlett2001, I have been posting on the Gardenweb for decades. I have been recommending many businesses and products based on my personal experience.

Most long term posters here know that my background is in Engineering and Hi-Tech, It makes me admire people in other fields like that website owners for their domain expertise and clinical experiences. I especially like how they promote personal, social responsibilities, as well as value of marriage and family.

You may want to check out that site yourself....well, guess it makes me "Spamming" that website for 4 times. LOL!

They ask for money, it's spamming. We didn't just fall off the turnip truck here. And why are you pushing that site so hard? You suggested it once, isn't that enough? Why the hard sell?

It isn't spam. Yes, it operates as a business, but AZmom is not a spammer. Here's a website from a restaurant I want to recommend. I don't own the business or have any connection with it. Is it spam?
Fog City Diner

Why are you acting so upset and accusing someone who's been here for many many years? How long have you been a GardenWeb member?

As my name says, since 2001.

You both just may view love in different ways. I would suggest you take a look at the 5 love Languages. You can sign up for a free test. It just shows you what you see as love. Do you see it as physical, gifts, affirming words, quality time or acts of service? You can be a combo of two things. There is a disconnect for sure if you are not being intimate. Even with having children, if you are having needs met, you'll want intimacy. It may not always be sex, but the intimacy should still be there. That's not to say she doesn't love you, just something needs to be worked on because problems don't usually fix themselves.