Interesting speaker. I cook the same for kids and adults, with a few exceptions. My middle son has a fish allergy, so when we have fish I make him something else. We also have a few friends whose kids only eat pizza, chicken nuggets, plain pasta, etc (seriously, and one of them is 10 years old!). When they are around, I'll throw some chicken nuggets or pizza at the kids and make a proper meal for the adults and my kids. Reforming their kids' palates is not my problem to tackle.

My older kids were picky, but now are good eaters. My 4 year old, however, is picky and downright stubborn. When we sit down for dinner her choice is what's on the table or a peanut butter sandwich. If she doesn't want either of those she can sit nicely and not whine or go to her room and whine. I'm too tired to play games at dinnertime and want to enjoy a nice meal with my family. We all decided a while ago that she wasn't going to ruin that time for the rest of us if she was feeling ornery.

I'd love to hear other people's experiences.

AM

Nope, always the same meal. We had to eat at a kid's table until our 12th birthday. My family made a big deal out of that ritual. Then, when we turned 12 we could sit at the adult table; but were not allowed to speak unless spoken to until we were 16. Always expected to be home for dinner at 6:00 p.m. also. If an activity prevented being home for dinner...I wasn't allowed to participate in that activity. There were no exceptions. That was generally the case with my friends also so I don't remember having to be home for dinner as ever being a problem. Just something that was expected.

/tricia

We always ate as a family at the table, and whatever mom chose to make for dinner was what we ate! If we didn't like it we were still expected to eat it. (That's one thing I did not subject my kids to! )

My kids were expected to at least try a bit of everything. If they truly hated something there were always at least one or two other items on the table they could fill up on. I never cooked two different meals.

These days, I will cook two things occasionally. For instance, I love salmon and Tim hates it. So if I want salmon, I'll throw on a steak or some other kind of fish for him. And when my vegetarian daughter-in-law comes for a meal I make sure there is something for her as well, even if it is just a version of what we are having without meat in it.

I won't jump through hoops for anyone, however. If I am having guests and I know they do not like a particular food, of course I would not serve that food. But I also would not make several separate meals to accommodate picky people. In that case I would just not invite them for dinner!

AM, I applaud your efforts for your friends' kids, but it's not something I'd be inclined to do. And I would/have done the same as you with your very picky eater! LOL

Linda

Not on your LIFE! Growing up, the idea of not eating what my mother had made for dinner would never even occur to us, well, certainly not to me! Maybe because my mother was a great cook? Maybe because her food was pretty much the only food we were ever exposed to when we were young. We seldom ate out and she never bought fast food or frozen foods, well not till we were older - old enough to ask for them.

As for my kids, the rule was eat what I made or make your own. I have no objection if they don't want to eat what I made, as long as they taste it first before saying No. One taste, and if you don't like it you're off the hook. About 75% of the time that one taste was all it took for them to find out they DID like it. The other times, well, they could go into the kitchen and scrounge up whatever they wanted as long as it didn't create any extra work for me.

My younger son (19 yo) is a vegetarian and has been since he was 14. I never made anything special for him. I did make an effort to cook more vegetarian meals but I never cooked him something different if we were having meat. I just let him know, meat tonight, and named off whatever sides (if any) would be veg. He then was on his own to make whatever he needed.

The idea of making multiple menus for the "picky" eaters is abhorent to me. My theory is that they will generally eat what you make if it comes down to that or making something themselves. Assuming that is, that what you're making is palatable! LOL

Yikes Tricia.

Children sat at the same table for meals as adults when I was growing up and Matthew sat at the table with us.

I grew up with the mentality of eating what was on the plate whether I liked it or not. I can't tell you how many times I had to choke down carrots. There is no good reason to make a child or an adult eat foods that they dislike. Personally I see it as cruel and controlling. Definitely not the way to help a child develop a love of good food.

As I have mentioned before, Matthew was expected to taste something at least once and if he didn't like it he didn't have to eat it. He was pretty good about eating chicken, beef and pork, but didn't like lamb or fish. So on the days that I prepared fish or lamb I would also make something extra that he liked. Not a big deal. And I normally would make enough sides including rice, potatoes or pasta so there was always lots to choose from.

Matthew grew up to have a discrimination palate and is a very good cook.

Ann

My family ate together at the same table and the same menu. There were 5 kids and the expectation was that we all ate the wonderful food my mother prepared. If we didn't, it was saved for us for our next meal--my father was brutal about this. My father also cooked exotic foods now and then (grilled gator, turquoise tripe, oregano muffins) and we were expected to try those delicacies (belch).

Consequently, when I got married I was taken aback when my new DH didn't like what had served. We straightened that out real quickly.

Now with my DGBabies it's a different ball game. Whatever BeauLily want, that's what we have even if it means like last night - carrots served 3 ways - roasted, steamed with butter, raw. I know I'm not doing them any favors but it's SO HARD to resist "please Grammy, may I have ??????".

My poor mom had to fix meals for two of the pickiest eaters on the planet I think. It's not just that my dad and brother were picky (and in their defense much of it is related to food sensitivities, some foods make them sick) but they are also stubborn to a fault and not afraid of being confrontational about it. And yes, my parents tried to "control" my brother by not letting him have his own way and he is now alienated from the family for just that reason. It is just something that is inborn in his personality. He would gladly have starved rather than eat something he didn't want to, and would have stayed at the table for three days, sitting in his own excrement, rather than eat creamed chipped beef on toast. My brother was very skinny growing up so my mom's main concern was just getting him to eat enough to nourish himself. Rather than turn mealtime into a battleground, mom just adjusted the way she cooked. Meat and potatoes for the boys, and then some kind of canned or steamed plain frozen veggie for the boys and something healthy for mom and I, like beet greens for example, which we both loved. Then a salad, which was made in separate bowls, with fresh veggies added depending on who would eat what. I made the salads growing up so that part was taken care of. Then always bread for dad, and then often cottage cheese and canned applesauce at the table just so dad and brother would have something to eat. Not a very exciting way to eat or cook, but the boys just wore mom down. I know she would have liked to cook and eat differently, and did before she married dad. A lot of lunches were canned soups, almost always chicken with stars for my brother, and then sandwiches with whatever someone liked. Anything more adventurous mom had to cook for herself. So she wasn't cooking two separate meals for others, it was for herself that she had to cook separate. I would always eat anything. My poor mom could not understand what she was doing wrong as a mother since her first child she had gently exposed to new foods, etc., and I always took to everything, and yet nothing worked with my brother. Now as an adult, he has learned to cook his own basic meals so if he doesn't want what the group is eating he knows it is his problem. And I think that is the best way to deal with some extremely stubborn kid like my brother, make them responsible for the cooking and cleanup of their special meals. That said, my brother was an extreme case. It's not the pickiness that bothers me so much as the attitudes kids cop nowdays about food, they aren't being trained to pitch in the way I was. I was setting the table and doing the dishes early on, and then assisting with meal prep. It wasn't an option. And yes, it was a PITA for my mom to train us to do that. And i know some kids have been trained to do that and yet when they are on their own away from their parents authority they sluff off. The most important lesson at mealtime, IMHO, is respect and caring for others.

I am in the minority. I often make different things for my kids. Some will eat things like risotto, but one of my sons in general will not. I don't mind throwing something together quickly. I usually have taco meat on hand, or mac and cheese in the freezer. We try to eat together, but hockey often impedes that. One thing I am very cautious about is making food an issue. There are too many kids with eating disorders, so I never am one to say you have to eat this or that. Three out of four are adventurous eaters--that's pretty good in my book. And the one who isn't, is picky all around. Hates all sodas, most candy, and chips that have "stuff" on them. He is learning to cook for himself.

Jo

We always sat at the same table, children and adults. We ate what Grandma cooked or went without because there usually wasn't anything else. Eat or go hungry, and I did both at different times. We were also expected to clean our plates. Period.

I was baking bread with Grandma when I was 7 and had been cooking with her before that. I was peeling tomatoes for canning when I was still small enough to stand on a chair at the sink, and I washed dishes at that age too.

I am the picky eater of the family, I grew up eating things that I just detested and there would be times I'd sit at the table and gag on whatever it was that I was forced to eat. Bananas come immediately to mind, thankfully they were expensive and we didn't have them except at "special" times. I still cannot force myself to eat a banana.

As a result, I refused to make my girls eat things they didn't like. They were required to have one bite, even if they had eaten it before, because sometimes after a couple of times they decided that it wasn't so bad after all. If they didn't like what we had they were welcome to have a sandwich or a bowl of cereal or leftovers, I didn't cook special meals for them. Amanda was a vegetarian for years and so I did expand my cooking from the basic meat and potatoes that I grew up on and my ex wanted, and included things that she liked and would eat, like those Asian peanut butter sauced noodles. We always ate a lot of different vegetables because if I could grow it, we ate it.

I used to dislike trying to figure out what to cook after I worked all day, so each of my girls had to help with the menu planning. They each chose six suppers, they could go through the cookbooks and find a new recipe or go with an old favorite. They were required to add two vegetable side dishes and a starch like potatoes or rice if it was appropriate to the dish. They could have dessert one of those three times, because there was usually enough of it left to have for more than one meal. They learned about cooking, how to plan a balanced meal (I'm sorry, Ashley, Mac and Cheese, Lasagna and mashed potatoes are NOT a balanced meal, LOL)

Now, with The Princess and Bruvver, I usually ask them what they'd like. Sometimes we go out for Happy Meals, or they'll want pizza. I agree, always, but then remind them that we have to add fruit or a salad or a vegetable to keep it "healthy". We always have dessert, though. And we still all sit at the same table.

Annie

One more related (sort of) thing that I thought of while reading the above posts. My parents set down this rule and I set it down for my kids. I don't mind if you don't like something or don't want to eat it. It's ok to say, politely, I don't like xyz. But never ever ever will you say "ewwww" or make any other disparaging comments, especially using words like "gross" or "yuk", etc. regarding what someone ELSE is eating.

I didn't force my kids to eat beyond the first taste if they didn't want to but I sure didn't want them in the habit of making someone else feel bad or weird for eating something.

Ann, I agree 100% that it's cruel and unproductive to make anyone, child or otherwise, eat something they don't want to eat. I firmly believe that the "one taste" rule encouraged my kids to have an open mind regarding food. Knowing that I'd never force them to eat something they didn't like, and having experienced the unexpected result of liking something they were sure they wouldn't, they were (and continue to be) open about trying new things.

When I was growing up, my family of four ate together at the table. I was excected to mainly be seen and not heard. On special ocassions when we had company and the table was not large enough the men ate at the table first, then the women at the table, and the children stood up to eat at the same time as the women. Needless to say I think that is one of the most abhorent customs I've ever heard of and I became very vocal about it when I grew up. I think it surely must have brought from medival Ireland or Wales or someplace like that and it really made me fired up angry. When I became an adult and the custom continued, I politely filled my plate the same time as the men and ate somewhere else, sitting down. Who wants cold food that has been picked over by a bunch of men or anyone else for that matter. I vowed that would never happen in my home and it never has.

As for eating what was on the table you can imagine that yes, if I didn't eat it I would grow very hungry before the next meal. If there was something I really hated I didn't have to eat it, such as gravy. When I had a child I made sure a balanced meal was put on the table at every meal and that is why I insisted my DD eat what was there unless there was something she really hated, which she didn't have to eat. She, unlike myself, was an extremely picky eater like so many children today. She would have lived on mac and cheese and hamburgers, because she didn't like anything else, so not to be controlling, but to try to get a halfway balanced diet in her for her health's sake, she had to eat most of what was there. Today she is 40 years old, and still hates all vegetables unless they are fried and still intensely dislikes milk. She doesn't eat anything whatsoever that's good for her, so I'm glad I did it my way when she was young for her health's sake.

As for as the grandchildren, it's up to her to make sure they eat healthy. I don't get to have them very often and I mostly give them whatever they want with the exception of not too many sweets. After all what's a grandmother for!

This is a subject close to my heart because I'm very concerned about my kids' extremely picky eating. It's near impossible to get any normal dinner down their throats, and definitely impossible to get any veggie other than corn in them. I try to remember that I, too, was a very picky eater. Yet today I'll eat pretty much anything but canned salmon. I think I could put a typical dinner in one of three categories:

1) I make one of about three meals that they'll actually eat. Everyone is happy.

2) I'll make something that they should like if only they would taste it before psyching themselves out that it's yucky. For these meals I will insist on at least one bite before I'll get up and make a peanut butter sandwich. These nights are never pleasant because it can take over an hour to coax that one bite. Once in a while they'll actually like it, so I figure it's worth the effort.

3) A meal that I can't expect them to like. These often tend to be "special" meals for me, so I figure they should enjoy their meal, too. They might get hot dogs or chicken nuggets, etc.

One thing I can say for my kids though is that they're good about eating fruit. Dinner tends to be late here and they get hungry before, so I take that opportunity to fill them up with apples, bananas or grapes.

When I was still living in a "normal" family, we had one meal cooked by Mom. Now I cook one meal, if DD didn't like it she knew where the cereal was. Even if it's easy I don't think it's healthy for kids to grow up thinking Mom is a short order cook. They have to learn to fit in with others' plans.

For me, cooking for my family is an act of love. I guess it helps that cooking is something that I really enjoy, not a chore. I never felt like a short order cook while preparing something different for Matt when we were having something that he didn't like.

Ann

When I was a child I never had to eat anything I didn't want, but mostly I loved the food we had. Sometimes there were special foods made for me, as a treat, like a lamb chop instead of pork chops or filet of flounder when everyone else had porgy. Maybe because of some idea of their being more digestible for little children? When I was very small I didn't eat much, apparently, and I guess then it was common to coax children to eat; I remember when my uncle was there he'd smile and say "I want to be able to tie my tie by looking at your plate." Even though there was no unpleasant pressure, I still felt that was a bad idea and never did it with my kids.

My daughter was the pickiest child ever. She disliked almost everything, and would not eat any meat with fibers for a very long time. She didn't like potatoes or most vegetables. (The meat and potatoes were a texture thing.) Eventually she'd eat boneless chicken breast, but only after removing what seemed to be invisible unacceptable bits. She did eat spaghetti, tacos, gyros, eggs, and pancakes. Of course I sometimes cooked the meals she liked, but I didn't run our lives around it. I asked that she taste things but never insisted; I don't like the idea of making anyone eat anything, even a bite. After school I cut up apples and raw carrots and she ate them as a snack. Often her dinner was a bowl of cereal; she pretty much lived on cereal. Now she eats like a normal person.
My son was the exact opposite. He really looked forward to dinner. He always loved food and cared about it a lot. He's really much more of a foodie than I am.

Remember that "separate dinner for children" thing is actually the old way, at least for the classes that could afford help. Think of those English novels: the children are fed "nursery food" right in the nursery hours before the adults eat.
I don't know what the Dutch missionary meant, really. At first I thought he meant the fast-food happy meal kind of "separate menu." I've never known any people who regularly feed their children a different menu. Maybe it was because his experience in America is at dinner parties, where the hostess might feed the kids beforehand and get them out of the way?

Growing up, my mom never made a special menu for her three daughters. We ate what she prepared for the whole family, be it liver, spinach, turnip greens, venison or whatever. If we really didn't like a food, as long as we ate some of everything else being served it was o.k. not to eat the dreaded lima beans.

I explained to my boys when they were little that I was not a short order cook, the kitchen/dining room was not a restaurant, and they needed to at least try a new food before they pronounced they did not like it. Also, if there was dessert, they had to eat most of their meal in order to have dessert. Worked for us!

Teresa

If I could give one piece of advice to young parents, I'd say, think of how you want dinner to be remembered. As an hour-long power struggle? Or as a happy time, with the whole family laughing and talking together? This thread had brought back to me all the great memories from our kitchen, and my little pig-tailed daughter laughing and talking, with her cereal bowl in front of her.

I had to eat every morsel on my plate even if it meant gagging it up after I left the table. In all fairness to my Dad, he had a box of letters in his dresser from aunts, uncles, & cousins from what came to be known as "The Starving Years". Not just a couple of those people...ALL of those people died from starvation.

Letters from other close relatives that were butchered later under Stalin were kept in another box in Dad's dresser. He never forgot those who didn't get out before the wall slammed shut.

Following the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution in Russia the Volga colonists were forced to give up their seed wheat. Then, in the fall of 1920 and 1921, total crop-failures occurred along the Volga, and one of the greatest famines in years set in. Approximately 170,000 men, women, and children died of starvation in the German colonies alone. Family and friends in Portland received letters from Russia describing the terrible conditions. As a result of these letters, relief societies were organized in many different states in which the German-Russians had settled. The Volga Relief Society in Portland where my family settled was very active in gathering money, clothes, anything of value but it was virtually impossible to get it through to Russia.

Anyway, it's a little hard to be too critical of Dad for forcing us kids to be thankful & to eat those lima beans.

/t

We grew up eating together at the table. My Mom only made one meal, catering to my Step Fathers likes and dislikes. We were pretty much forced to eat it even if we didn't like it. I still can't abide stew to this day.

Saturday night was kids night. Mom always made spaghetti and we were allowed to eat it on the living room floor while watching Tarzan!

I never made different meals for my kids but I catered to their likes and dislikes. Fortunately they were fairly good eaters, although Chris has some weird dislikes that made some meals a bit of a challenge. If I was making something I knew he would not like then I would modify it for him. For example he hated cheese of all types so if I was making lasagna I just made him spaghetti and used the same sauce.

My kids at least had to try something before saying they didn't like it. The other rule I had was that they had to eat anything they put on their plate but if someone else put it on their plate, without asking, they were allowed to leave it on the plate. I also had the same rule as May, just say no thanks no "nose turning" or "ugh" type comments.

I think small children sometimes have different dietary needs and some foods just don't taste good. Perhaps it's nature's way of rejecting certain foods during different growth periods.
Is that possible? Of course that doesn't explain why nearly all small kids will eat chicken nuggets or pancakes, turning down vegetables.

Like Ann, I hated carrots when I was small. Just couldn't stand the smell of them on my plate. Same with beets, but I loved spinach. When growing up I grew to like both carrots and beets. I also loved drinking milk until well into adulthood. Now it's not something that I care for, other than the occasional cold glass of skimmed milk.

When growing up I had to eat what was on my plate though and there was no thought of mom making me a separate meal, unless I was recuperating from an illness.
Luckily she made good dinners, except for the carrots and beets.

SharonCb

Growing up, I would walk in the door after school and immediately know whether it would be a good or bad dinner.
The ingredients were usually sitting out on the counter or already cooking in the oven.

Bad was hamburger soup, a favorite of Mom and Dad's or hamburgers - served on a plate with no bun. (this was the bread was bad (fattening) period that went on for years and years) Or hamburger helper.

Good was pot roast, chicken anything( stewed, baked, fried)
or something fun like one of those Chef Boyardee box kit pizzas.

We all sat together as a family and had to eat some of everything. If it was a vegetable, we had to have at least a little bit. But dinner was generally pleasant and we had a good time, everything served family style.

We also could only have one piece of meat or only one serving of anything fattening, like the rare garlic bread.

There were many nights when I continued to sit at the table in the dark, the kitchen already cleaned up and the whole family in the den watching tv. I still had to eat my incredibly gross tiny serving of peas. It really became a battle of wills between Mom and I. And for years I hated her for it.

If I didn't get enough to eat, I would always have my secret stash of candy bars in my room. From the time I could ride a bike, I would make trips to the hardware store a mile away that also had a big candy counter and keep some in my room for those hamburger soup days.

When I was in college - out of state- I discovered "real vegetables" for the first time: Tender, crunchy well seasoned Chinese vegetables. I had never been to a Chinese restaurant before.
It truly was a revelation to eat vegetables that tasted good. Later, my brother and I talked about vegetables and how we both thought they were great if cooked right; almost raw, not mushy like Moms- who, btw, was a good cook, just typical of the times.

My revelations took place at the time of the culinary revelations in the US- early 80's- and I have never looked back at those plain, overcooked vegetables.

So, now, I don't have kids to cook for but I do cook for dh, Dad and myself. I put extreme effort into making things we all like. Nobody eats anything they don't like and sometimes I make 3 menus. I try to make vegetable dishes that taste great.

This thread reminds me of a story my Dad use to tell us when we were little. Who knows if it's true but my Nana was a bit of a sergeant major so maybe.......

My Dad grew up in a very Catholic family. Four boys one girl, and not a whole lot of money. Having the parish priest to dinner was quite the honour. One Sunday, after Mass, the priest asked Nana if there was a place for him at the table. Of course there was!

When they got home Nana told the older boys that she only had one chicken and it wasn't very large so they were say "no thanks" when asked if they wanted chicken. They did exactly as instructed; you wouldn't want to mess with my Nana.

When it came time for dessert Nana brought out an apple pie and said " For all of you who didn't want chicken, no pie!"

I think he was pulling our leg but he stood by the story!

This is indeed a very fascinating thread and a critical topic. It is so absorbing to hear what each family and parent have to deal with in their individual households regarding childrens diets.

We are facing with a national crisis with childhood obesity at an alarming 60%, and is getting worst by the day. Parents must realize that they are mostly responsible in this situation and seek remedies one way or another.

There is no easy solution, I do understand, based on what I have read so far.

dcarch

I am enjoying reading everyone's experiences too. Thankfully, I never had to go without good food.

I think I learned a lot too about graciousness and nice dining becuase of the way we had to eat together each night. I envied my friends who ate dinner "whenever" and just shoved things on the table to make room for a plate.
One of my chores was to set the table and help prepare dinner- all those yucky foods I hated.

Once, I visited my Aunt and she served us dinner -and Horror! we all served ourselves from the stove. I still remember that unsettling feeling- this isn't right!

Of course, once I grew up I realized it's a major pain to wash multiple serving bowls and never do it except for company and even then I cheat by having nice cookpots like enameled cast iron.

I also find this thread fascinating. I grew up in a family where we had dinner together every day. I was extremely picky most of my childhood. I did not like any potatoes; however, I would eat the potato skins of baked potatoes (my dad always gave me his). I still love them. I would not eat pizza. Although I loved a good salad and we had one daily, I hated the English style steamed vegetables prepared by my mom. I like my motherâs cooking, but no veggies or starch �" hated the rice; OK with noodles.

My mother insisted at every dinner for my first 15 years or so of life that I eat one pea or whatever the vegetable was; usually it was peas. I donât know why she assumed that I would learn to like them. I just put it way at the back of my throat and took a big drink of water. Never tasted that thing and no arguments. I hated cheese too. We were Catholic so every Friday night my mom prepared a cheesy cod dish. Just thinking about it makes me ill. For some reason, my mom understood and she made me cod with breadcrumbs and butter. I still like that dish. Otherwise, she didnât prepare anything special for me, but I am confident that I was a challenge. Deep down, I think my parents had a lot of empathy for my condition but hoped to change me.

The funny thing �" I married an equally picky eater and we lived happily for a couple of years until we had our first child. There was no way I wanted my children to eat like DH and me. FYI- I am a much more flexible eater at this time in my like: I love cheese, potatoes, rice, etc. However, I still remain very texture weird compared to others I know. I donât feel it is an option. I think I would go quite hungry before I would eat many foods. I started eating cheese at 18 when I was backpacking and that was the food we had left. I LOVE most cheeses now.

So our kids . . . we ate together every night and I cooked vegetables every night. They really didnât seem to notice that we didnât eat the vegetables. They were a staple in our house. When my oldest daughter wouldnât eat corn, I planted some in our garden and she ate it after that. My kids ate vegetables every night.

I now have an adult daughter and son that I truly think will eat anything and I have an adult daughter who is a healthy vegetarian. Hard to believe that they came from us. However, I never forced them to eat any food. When I cook, and my complicated eating family is all together �" two vegetarians (DIL too) and a gluten free vegetarian, I design menus that encompass all loves. And I love it.

Adele

I never prepared anything different for our family of four children. Growing up my Mother didn't fix anything different for my sister and me. If we were having a family dinner at my Grandma's children always ate last. I guess that is the way it always was. Now Mother's rush and fix their children's plate first. That would not have happened at Grandma's. :)

Sue

Two menu home currently, ugh. I love all food. My son loves nothing. He tolerates some things. He's underweight and undertall. The only way I got him to expand his palate even a little is to say, you'll get bigger. He ate, he grew (thank you God for that one!). So he's convinced. It's still pretty limited, but he's experimenting every now and again. Like Annie does with Princess and Bruver, I make sure he has the veggies, fruit, and a glass of milk with every meal... then he gets to be picky :( I am happy we sit at the same table and eat at the same time. I fix them concurrently. Oh well, can't be good at everything.

Now my childhood, that was different. I think that maybe because it was the way it was, is why I let him be picky. I can remember so many nights of mom saying, please Susie, just eat one bite? Oh it was so miserable. And the fights with Mark who could be bribed with "just put some ketchup on it." He even put on lasagne. Who doesn't like lasagne?! Ok, maybe some don't, but it's farily universal. I know my little guy would be even smaller if he didn't eat something. Me, on the other hand, stick on a plate and shove it at me. So it wasn't that mom was a bad cook or that she made separate meals??? Who knows why they are picky and I am not. I don't think expecting something that isn't going to happen (make them less picky) is going to make them change. But that's just me.

I wasn't a meat eater as a kid, so my mother gave me veggie plates. Other than that I ate everything. As for my kids, it was here's dinner. If you don't like it , there's always cereal & milk. The one thing I insisted on was that they couldn't say they didn't like something until they had tried a mouthful. We're all entitled to not like a food, but not without trying it.

I think he's over-stating it. I know plenty of Chinese and Korean moms here in LA who'll whip up something for their kids, something else for the old folks, and then cook for everyone else.

And so what? Americans delight in abundance and enjoy their kids. I know this isn't bashing, but I think missionaries enjoy sucking pleasure out of everyday life.

Like many of you, my early childhood was mom making one meal for everyone... usually fairly plain: meat, vegetable, starch, salad (summer only), fruit (canned in winter). My dad thought pizza was adventurous.

When my mom started to work full time, my sister, brother and I were in charge of making dinner. The more we made, the more adventurous we got. To this day my brother and I are quite adventurous eaters.

With my own son, we never started with the chicken nuggets and mac & cheese diet that so many kids seem to live on. We travel alot. So DS learned really early on that meals have lots of variety. And that he will prefer some foods over others, but if you're hungry, you eat what's available --- no separate kid meals. In restaurants, we never ordered for him off the kids menu unless it was just smaller portion of an adult size. I believe it's no coincidence that he loves trying new foods... everything from haggis (loves it) to escargot (begs for it) to octopus (depends how it's prepared) to salad greens (didn't like before, now likes) to brussels sprouts (barely tolerates, but tries them from time to time). I respect his likes and dislikes when I make dinner, as I respect DH and my own preferences, but do not cater to them. And we talk about food, grow food, market together... it's not a kid vs adult mentality. I do ask him to periodically retry foods that he says "aren't to his taste" and he's discovered that his own tastes change over time, so he understands why I ask him to try something again.

I know there are some kids with serious food issues or sensitivities, but sometimes kids come to our house and the parents actually pack "food" (chicken nuggets, sugary cereal, etc.) for them saying they're picky eaters. I don't say anything, but I won't serve it. It's amazing how those "picky eaters" eat anything from roast chicken with roasted vegetables to lasagne with layers of vegetables to paellas. The parents always seem surprised.

Our running joke with DS is that if he does something bad, we'll punish him by making him eat at McDonalds.

Like dcarch, I believe that parents can do alot to set their kids on a healthy eating pattern. I think Adele's story demonstrates it beautifully. It pains me to see some of my son's friends who I've know since they were toddlers now dealing with asthma and obesity issues when I know it doesn't have to be that way.

These are fun to read.

I try to get my kids to try everything once, but don't insist. I've been amazed at the things they take a liking to - my daughter would eat glazed carrots at every meal if I let her, but won't touch a raw carrot. They could both eat their way through an entire Chinese restaurant menu, and they recently learned they love eel when it was served on my mixed sushi plate (and I wouldn't touch it!). Now if I could just get my daughter to like eggs!

My folks were in the clean your plate camp - to this day, the thought of lima beans makes me naseus (and washing them down with milk doesn't help!).

My kids also enjoy cooking with me (the messier the better), and they tend to be more appreciative of food when they've helped.

Mom fixed supper for us. One meal. There were 9 of us,(7 kids) and there was no money for food for in-between-meal snacking, so we all knew that you ate what was served or you didn't eat. There was not one of us that grew up picky eaters. We even ate liver. Mom and Dad never forced us to eat anything. If we chose not to eat something, there was always somebody there who would eat your portion.
I never ever did separate meals for my kids. I made supper. They ate or chose not to, and they always chose to eat. My kids are not picky eaters either. Well, my son might be a little picky, but supper was still, I made it, you eat it, or find something else to eat. Of course I tried to make things my kids liked, but they liked most things. The only concession I made was, two of the kids did not like mushrooms, so sometimes I would put some of the food aside without the mushrooms. I never, ever made them eat anything. It was eat it or not.
We never had an unpleasant mealtime, just like I never had one when I was a kid. I do remember plastering my overcooked liver with mustard when I was a child then taking tiny bites and swallowing and not chewing, LOL.
Although Mom was a great cook, she always overcooked liver.
I do not overcook it, and my kids love it.

alyssainca, if it helps, neither of the grandkids like eggs and neither does Ashley. And I have chickens! The Princess will happily go out to the nests, reach under a hen and gleefully pull out an egg that the hen "laid just for me", but she's definitely not going to eat it.

So much for "let them help grow and prepare it and they'll eat it", LOL. Or maybe that's WHY she won't eat eggs. Hmmm...

Annie

Alas. My almost 5-year old won't eat much. If I try to force her to eat what WE eat, she gets freaked out enough to vomit.

The baby eats everything, although I don't give him spicy stuff (yet).

I was raised that you eat what's there. I wish I could be one of those parents who can say "take one bite before I get you something else" but that one bite won't come and it's hard for me to starve my scrawny little girl. So I have to give my kid raw vegetables and plain brown rice or whole grain pasta. No sauce, no meat, no cooked vegetables (except artichokes).

It's very annoying when the little kid walks in without knowing what I'm making and asks "What am *I* having for dinner?". Those nights she starves. Grrrr.

I was raised by my Grandparents and was a VERY picky eater. I do not recall being forced to ever eat anything. Now I will eat just about anything and love to try new foods. My DH is a picky eater. Only eats two different vegetables.(I'm dying of broccoli overexposure)! My daughter, who was very picky and rarely ate with us because she danced six days, a week, loves vegetables, salads and will not touch sugary foods She does love her pizza and mac and cheese though - especially now that she's in her own place! I will often make a few different things but usually on the veggie side

I'm not sure what the Dutch missionary was observing, but my friend went to live and work on a farm in Costa Rica and he said they ate the same things every day. Cereal for breakfast, a sandwich and whatever fruits they could pick or scrounge for lunch, and rice and beans for dinner. So not much opportunity to be "picky" over there, and something that would happily please picky eaters, eating the same basic foods they like over and over. My brother, the picky one, eats a very Spartan meal, and a lot of people around the world eat the same way because they cannot afford a variety of foods or don't have access to it. And I'm sure even moms who fix rice and beans every day have some kids who only eat the rice and they have to serve them rice and milk cereal instead of rice and beans. But it's not cooking a separate meal for the kids. Maybe he didn't notice that mom slipped jr. a bowl of cereal after dinner. My brother would only eat hot dogs, cottage cheese, green pepper and carrot sticks, and applesauce, and tons of milk. Maybe some toast and bacon too. To this day, he eats salad with salt and pepper on it, and that's it. So allowing him not to eat the salad that everyone else was having and instead eat all the veggies that went into it raw, was not really spoiling him, IMHO. He just eats the same few foods every day and is quite happy with that, and that's the way it is. And that's the way it is around the world for a lot of people, they don't eat a fancy varied diet so if they only like 5-6 things, that's all they get anyway.

Much of my brother's behavior around food is understandable if you get that a lot of foods make him sick. My friend found out she has a lot of food sensitivities too. She said she finally tried and elimination diet after she married a guy who had food sensitivities too, and she finally realized why she had been such a PITA at the table growing up. She said, "I just didn't feel well after eating a lot of the time," and my brother is no different. He is alergic to soy, vinegar, and acidic things like tomatoes. So I can now imagine why he didn't like salads--it was the dressing. And tomato sauce is practically ubiquitous in a lot of casseroles and such, which is why he wanted plain foods. And soy is in everything too. So my brother wants plain foods that he can see what he's getting. So did my mom really make a special meal for him when we were all having spaghetti and he had just the noodles with some butter, cottage cheese and cinnamon. How long did that take to fix, 2 min.? So we had spaghetti and garlic bread and he had noodles with cheese, applesauce and a hotdog, all of which probably took less than 5 min. to put on his plate. And at least she knew he was eating.

Growing up my father would get so angry with me for ordering a plain hamburger at McD. That was the only fast food around back then and we didn't go there often, but a plain burger took longer for the cooks to prepare as the burgers with onions were ready for the ordering and the extra wait time for a plain burger, angered my father. Also, I was very picky when it came to fat on meat, at the dinner table and I didn't like many vegetables. Many a time it was a battle of wills between my father and myself and I was left sitting alone at the table until I "finished my plate." Funny thing is, now I'm a much healthier eater than my mother and father in terms of knowing and following through on what I should and shouldn't eat. I avoid all trans fats and only eat complex carbohydrates, unlike my parents. I learned to like many vegetables on my own and have much better eating habits than my mother and father. So, based on my experience, I do leave out vegetables when I cook for my children if that's what they prefer. Only one does though. I figure he'll learn to eat what he should eat on his own without being forced to endure me trying to force him into eating what's good for him. I learned a while ago, you can want certain things for your children, but it may not be what actually takes place for them. Learn to deal with it and move on.

This is a very interesting thread! I really think it depends upon what our ages are and how our parents were also brought up with family meals. I am 60, and my parents were children that were brought up during the Great Depression. So they were thankful for all the food they got to eat. My grandma often told me stories of how she worked pulling potatoes all day and her pay was a sack of flour and some potatoes. They made meals out of home made noodles, dumplings, etc.

There was only my brother and I and all 4 of us ate at the same dinner table. My mom made simple foods - salad (because my dad loved to have salad at every meal), some sort of broiled or roasted meat or chicken, potatoes or rice, and usually canned vegetables. I grew up in the 50's and 60's when canned goods were the rage, but I don't remember ever being a picky eater. Some times my mom would make a huge kettle full of rice pudding with raisins and that would be our dinner. I loved it!

When I was in high school my mom worked 2nd shift so she was not home when I got home from school. So she put out a lot of ingredients and some instructions and I made most of the dinners for my dad, brother and I. And that's when I began to love to cook. My dad was really complimentary of the meals I made (to this day I am not sure if he really meant it!), but because of it I grew up loving the family meal.

We also had our kids at the family table every night and I actually rarely bought baby food in jars. I had one of those baby grinders and our toddlers enjoyed everything that we ate. It is funny now how they loved sweet potatoes as babies, but aren't really too keen on them now. And they spit out their green vegetables when they were little, but love those veggies now as adults!

Now it's the grandkids, and they eat a variety of foods too. We still eat pretty basic dinners with an occasional pizza for dinner, but I am happy that they also enjoy broccoli, carrots, beans, salads, different meats, potatoes, and pastas. Everyone has a few foods that they dislike for one reason or another. My parents never forced us to eat something we didn't like, and I never forced my kids to eat what they didn't care for either.

The only time I can remember a childrens' table is when we had a large group of people for a holiday dinner and their just wasn't enough room around the dinner table for everyone. My mom always set up a card table and chairs, complete with a table cloth, for us kids. We really enjoyed that! My husband grew up with 7 brothers and sisters, and after we were all married with kids of our own, the holiday dinners drew over 25 people. It's impossible to seat us all, so we normally filled the children's plates first and let them eat. The men sometimes sat in the livingroom eating on TV trays while watching football or playing cards, and we ladies would eat around the dinner table. But that was just for special occasions.

Annie, that's hysterical. I really never thought it was possible not to like eggs - but hey, if our kids/grandkids won't eat them, it's more for us. I'm jealous of your chickens and fresh eggs!

My Mom always cooked one meal for the family. I ate whatever she cooked, no matter what it was. I hated Hamburger Helper, scrambled ground beef with corn, anything with SPAM or canned hash, tuna casserole or anything with a canned soup in the recipe BUT I ate it. I even ate my pets: Happy, the duck; Midnight, Lulubelle and Pudgy, the lambs; Porky and Hammy, the pigs; Bully and Tiny, the steer and a slew of chickens plus the local wildlife, deer, rabbit, duck, geese, pheasant, etc. No complaining was allowed.

My children grew up eating whatever I cooked no separate meals. For years my son has detested tomatoes. I thought it was because I ate so many fresh tomatoes while I was nursing him. He has always begrudgingly eaten chili, spaghetti sauce though I would indulge him when it came to making individual pizzas. Just recently we found out he is allergic to tomatoes. Go figure.

DD went through a phase where she didnt eat red meat. Since she had a valid argument as to why she wouldnt eat it, I indulged her. Funny, for the last few years her summer job has been working at a butcher shop so now she eats red meat.

Hubby is the toughest of the group, he is very picky. I have discovered he will eat a more varied diet IF I give him his favorites and slip in his less than favorites as an additional accompaniment. He wont however eat salmon, asparagus or Brussels sprouts. I still cook them and put some on his plate. I can usually guilt him into at least a tiny bite. :-)

I've noticed several people noting that forcing children to eat what's on their plate does nothing towards the kid developing a love for good food. I think that's interesting.

To my family, eating was not about loving good food. It was a life-sustaining thing...didn't matter if you liked it, or not. Definitely the 'eat to live' not 'live to eat' mentality. Food on the table, any food, was not a given & we were constantly reenforced to thinking of it as a Blessing.

That mentality also carried over away from the meal table. I had an undiagnosed thyroid problem (thyroid was removed when I was in my 20s) & was constantly hungry as a child...way beyond what would be considered normal. Mom called me "The Garbage Can" & she was close to accurate (except for those darn lima beans & stuffed green peppers...eewww!). Anyway, living in the San Joaquin Valley we always had fresh-sqeezed OJ in the fridge. I'd walk thru the kitchen & pour a huge glass downing it in practicaly one gulp. Oh brother, did that anger Dad. He considered it gluttony, I guess.

Somebody also mentioned that the men ate first. It was sorta like that in my family also in that they were served first. Since, as kids, we were served at a separate kids table our plates were already filled when we sat down to eat. We NEVER would have dared to ask for more of anything (especially that day's protein) before the men were finished & had left the table. The concept being that they were physically working hard & needed the calories. In fact, that was true. Sure, Mom worked hard around the house but there's no doubt that Dad burned more calories during his work day. Mom didn't cook enough food for all of us to eat until we were stuffed.

I should note that these attitudes around food were not because we were poor, certainly not by the time I was old enough to remember meal traditions. (My sisters are 14 & 9 years older; so I was really the 'baby' of the family.) But, I grew up with my 2 neices (4 & 5 years younger than I) so I wasn't usually the youngest at the table.

By the time I was nine, Dad had his own business & was very successful. He'd enjoyed success prior to that in order to afford to purchase that business. It was an attitude pounded into him during his years living in "Little Russia" in Portland between 1910-1950 when he ventured outside his immigrant community & moved my family to CA.

Dad never lost his feelings of indulgence whenever Mom would roast a whole chicken & make all the fix'ins. All 3 of us girls reached adulthood with the same attitudes. Truth be known, I still ration protein & shudder at pixs of large slabs of meat on a plate. I'm almost 60 & still haven't gotten comfortable with eating just because something looks good. Not that I don't do it, mind you...just that there's a nagging thing in my head going, "shame shame shame!". lol

I'm sorta surprised nobody else sat at a kids table. My family socialized primarily with other German-Russian families so, maybe, that's why it didn't seem unusual or odd. Us kids enjoyed it. We were allowed to chat quietly & we couldn't talk at the adult table until we were sixteen. Truthfully, kids didn't have a lot of value in the German-Russian family until they were considered old enough to contribute to the adult conversation. As kids, since their conversation bored us we were glad to have our own little table. ?? lol

Times have really changed in the past half-century. Some good. Some, not so much. IMO. I don't like sitting at a dinner table where the kids are all talking at once, interrupting adult conversation, playing with their food, and generally dominating meal time. It gives me indigestion. lol I'm sure it's because I would have been blistered for interrupting an adult when they were eating unless the house was on fire or one of us kids had choked to death on a lima bean! rofl

We all eat at the same table today including the grandkids. They eat whatever the rest of us are eating unless somebody's sick. I'm pretty sure DS is transferring some of my influence. :( Once, when DGS was in his 3s & generally being a difficult child...I was off hiding eating a muffin in what I thought was privacy. DGS came around the corner, yanked at my arm & told me sternly, "Grrrmon, YOU did NOT say thank you to G@d for THAT!", pointing his sticky little finger at my muffin!. (sigh)

/tricia

For most of my childhood, we had one dinner. I ate whatever was served, even some things that I didn't like (like chitterlings). I stopped eating red meat and went on a health kick when I was 16, so my mom would make a separate ground-turkey version of things with meat sauces, or take some broccoli or carrots out of the pot before adding butter. I was an only child, so there was no kids table; although for sunday dinners at my grandmother's with extended family we sometimes had a kids table (principally because we couldn't all fit at the regular table).

I don't have kids yet, but hope that when I reach that point I will have a child with my adventurous palate. When friends came over for brunch last month --- where i served non-exotic food like hash brown casserole, ham, biscuits, muffins, & sausage --- I was surprised to see that both of the moms served their 3 year old daughters plain bagels with a tiny amount of sausage. Either both are picky or their moms assumed they would be! I love love love food, and trying new recipes, so if my kids were that limited in what they like, I just might have to make some extra dishes so that DH and I can continue to enjoy a variety of flavorful foods.