I would print on the invitation..
"This is an adult party, please find a sitter if you have little children"....
They won't know your kids are there until they are at the party!
Linda C

There was a thread on this awhile back....some good (and not so good) ideas!

Here is a link that might be useful: How to say

Thank you for the suggestions. I guess I was hoping for more of an approval maybe....like "is" it OK to say NO KIDS when you will have your kids there, and if so, how to say it? These are his grandkids and he wants them there. Wow...why does this have to be so hard! Maybe I'm just being a little anal about it?

There is a world of difference between kids 9 to 12 and toddlers! Kids 9 to 12 are potty trained, don't run around, seldom cry in public, use a real fork and know how to use a napking.....AND often baby sit....rather than need a baby sitter.
Don't worry about it....just tell them....no little kids!
Linda C

Mlite 66, If you are looking for approval you have mine. It is definitely OKAY to make it clear that children are not invited. If the person invited has a problem with this then they do not have to accept the invitation.

Ann.

Mlite66: It is definetly OK to say no kids for all kinds of reasons! The fact family children will be there is not relevant. Don't give it a second thought!!

PS: Linda I have had some adult guests behave as you described !!! LOL

If the guests are also family, they may feel a little left out. Did the birthday boy request no other children? You say he wants to have his grandkids there... which made me wonder if the other guests are close friends, he might also be close to their children. Your post didn't make it clear if it was you who requested no toddlers, or him.

The events I have attended that were 'no kids', meant no kids period. So yes, your guests who spring for a sitter will at the very least think it odd that your kids attend.

My own opinion (just mine) is that when close family and friends gather to celebrate special days, the entire family should be included. If a few ankle-biters are running amok, it just makes life more interesting.

Thanks to all of you for your input. It was actually my mom who requested no kids, maybe for my dad's sake, I'm not sure. What we've decided to do is start the party at 5pm and we will also be sending our kids to a sitter but not until 7pm. That way, if someone does come and is upset that they couldn't bring their kids, they will soon find out that even our kids are leaving. Everyone should be happy!

In my eyes, it's just not a good place for kids to be...with cocktails, dirty jokes, gag gifts, etc... they don't need to see these things.

Thanks again for all your input!

Pennie:

I think you are handling this beautifully and that you are are a very thoughtful person.

Hope your party goes really well!

Sharon

Pennie, I agree with Sharon you are certainly going out of your way to make sure everyone is happy. But I also want to make the point that I would never expect a host to send his or her children out to a sitters if I were invited to their home and my children weren't invited. I would just expect that all of their family members would be present. I can't even imagine any of my friends thinking that because my son was in his own home that all children should be invited.

Ann.

If it's toddlers you prefer not to be included, would it be more appropriate to say something such as "children over 8 welcome to attend"?

...Just an aside... I've seen lots of kids 9 thru 12 who DID run around and DIDN'T apparently know how to use a napkin. My local city facilities offer classes on children's etiquette, and I often wonder why ALL children aren't required to learn social etiquette. My neighbors are more likely to take their doggies to learn obedience and good social skills while their children run around like wild animals! :-)

I once had a similiar situation. My DH and I had a party for Uncle Joe - he didn't want any kiddies there, except his 3 nieces & nephews. Invitation worded:

Party for Uncle Joe ... blah blah blah ... Adults only, please.

All invited guests came, and their kids were left at home. The three nieces & nephews attended party for about an hour, then went up to watch TV for the rest of the evening. Nobody said a word about them being there. I think they were all happy to be at a party without having to watch their children. Turned out great! Happy-happy Uncle Joe.

I think there are a few different ways to look at this. It would seem strange for me to invite my sister to my father's birthday party but to tell her to leave my two nephews at home no matter what age especially if my children were going to be there. I think my nephews would not understand why they must stay home while the entire family is there. Other people's children should really not be an issue because like everyone says they can just not accept the invite....

I recently attended a surprise 60th. bithday party for a dear friend who is also the grandfather of a 2 and 5 year old. The children traveled a long way and brought their kids with them. In addition the brother and and his wife also brought along their young son.
The parents fixed their children plates of food and then the older kids took the smaller ones to a play room where they watched tv and played video games.
The gifts and jokes were risque as you can imagine and the little 2 and a half year old grandaughter, who thought the party was for her, was right in the middle of everything. I don't think she quite understood what was going on and while no one thought anything about it. I wish they had planned for a sitter for the children. The other kids stayed in the game room and didn't come out so that was good.
I personally think the idea of letting the children be there for awhile early on then leaving for the rest of the party is an excellent idea.
I hope you have a blast.

Jan

We are having a party July 4th to celebrate our 25th anniversary and my 50th birthday, and we invited only adults. The invitation is for "cookout and cocktails," which was both to clue no kids, in case they didn't look carefully at the envelope, and also to indicate that it was a little more "substantial" party than people usually expect on July 4th -- i.e., not a super-casual paper-plate drop-in deal. We knew that the date of the party would still lead to drop-ins (so many people have other invitations that day) and it would have to be a cookout, but we did our best. Still, I can tell people don't always get it, because some ask what they can bring (it's a catered party). Well, one of the nice things about having reached this age is that I really don't care that it won't be exactly what I pictured!

But you know what I'm going to say next from the thread: one couple's e-mail reply (that's what we asked for) read:

***
Hi [gell] and [chom],

Thanks for the invitation, well be happy to be there!

[Jane] [John] & kids
***

Now, they are really nice, and are here for a short time from another country where children are usually included, and are among the few people invited who even still have little kidz. I was sure that they just didn't realize that this invitation, for July 4th no less, was just for the parents. I didn't want to embarrass them, so here is my reply:
***
We're so glad you can come. We really want to see you before you leave.

This is kind of awkward, but I noticed that you signed your e-mail "[Jane] [John] & kids." Unfortunately, we just can't accommodate children at this party -- just too many people, cocktails, etc. (not exactly a whole lot of fun for kids anyway). You know how much we love your kids, and they are always so well-behaved, but there is no way we could include them and not invite the children of all the other guests, too. So this time it's just a grown-ups party. We are so sorry, and we hope you will be able to find a sitter, because we do so much hope you can come and celebrate our 2 big occasions with us.

Thanks for understanding, and we'll see you on the 4th -- maybe before, too (WITH kids)?

Love,
[gell]
***

I guess it worked fine, because I ran into "Jane" the other day and she gave me a big hug and told me to forget it when I apologized for the confusion, and that they will be coming. Then I got this from "John":

***
OK  no prob, donÂt feel bad about it, sorry for not noticing this detail  [John]
***

I just thought I'd pass on what I wrote in case it would be useful for others. I wish I'd left out the part about that the party probably wouldn't be much fun for the kidz anyway -- that's just self-defensive, isn't it?

What I wrote about their 3 kidz always being well-behaved and no trouble happens to be true -- I really like those kidz -- but if it hadn't been, I would have written it anyway!

And if anyone else ends up bringing a kid, we'll manage. Videos, toys, and pets in the basement "rumpus room" usually keep them happy and out of the way. Even well-behaved children just change the nature of a grown-up party.

As you all know I throw many parties...if I choose to have only adults I always state at the bottom of invitation "Adults Only Please" I have 4 children and I make no excuses for there attendance at my party...and hope no one would have the nerve to question it..be sure the envelope is addressed to MR & MRS...only!!

I agree with some of the posts above...On the RSVP card or invitation just plainly state "This is an adult event". When I got married I put that on my invitations and no one seemed to have a problem. Or should I say that no one made clear that they had a problem with it. I also had 5 kids there. Two were toddlers (ring bearers) and two were about 12 (junior bridesmaids) and a 10 year old junior groomsmen. The easiest way to pass that off to your guests is to plan something using these kids in the festivities. Have them write and recite a poem for the guest of honor. Anyhing to include them and your guests will probably not have a problem with it.

What do you do when you don't have children of your own, yet your friends insist on bringing their kids over to a party where alcohol is going to be served and it's all adults? I always cringe at the idea that one set of our friends might bring their children over to our house when we have a party, not only when alcohol is going to be served but also because our house is not child-proofed.

We are having a party at a restaurant and I have addressed the invites to our friends in name only (as opposed to Mr. and Mrs. and family), but I am going to have to specify "adults only" to get the message across to these friends. I don't want to do it out of fear of offending them, but they don't seem to get it otherwise. Argh.

Don't put it on the invitation. It's just one couple, right? Just remind them, perhaps when they reply to the invitation, that this time it's just for the adults. If you don't happen to be talking to them, send an email saying something like "Just a heads-up to give you time to find a sitter: this time it's just for the grown-ups. Hope you can make it!"

Thanks. I included a note along with the envelope to extend the RSVP date, explain that it's a cocktail party and also to say it's "adults only". In my view, it is the only way to get the message through to these friends. If I've offended them by doing so, I will take the fall for that. I just think it's ridiculous to have to do this. One would think, it's a party for an adult, that adult doesn't have children, therefore it's fair to say that it's a grown-up party. If it was me in their shoes, I would ask but I would not be offended at all. I feel there are a few people who are quick to take offense if their children are not invited since they seem to take their children everywhere. Sorry, but children aren't always appropriate everywhere you go.

I agree with you, Chrissycee! I love kids, but not to the extent that many now seem to expect that they'll be welcome (and adored and fauned over) at every gathering. There's a time and a place for kids to be involved, and it doesn't include every time adults are getting together.

Edited to fix spelling ...

Thanks for the support Suzieque! I usually don't mind a get-together with children but this is simply not the occasion for screaming toddlers to be in attendance. If there were other children of similar age and there would be something for them to do, then I would have no problem. However, this is a party for a grown-up, it's not a children's birthday party and we don't have children of our own. Are we still expected to accommodate children if we have a party at our home?

It isn't just a question of "screaming toddlers." Even the most beautifully behaved children simply change the tone of an event. I agree that sometimes it's nice to have a party just for adults. But I caution you against using phrases like "screaming toddlers" to bolster your decision. That kind of thing puts parents on the defensive (and sets you up for arguments like "But she is very well behaved/only 2 months old/will read quietly in another room"). You can politely and effectively communicate "it's a grown-up party this time" without gratuitously insulting people's children and parenting skills.

Thanks for your response, gellchom. Have no fear: I certainly know better than to say that to someone about their own children! I was just using that expression in my comment to illustrate my point above. In fact, when those friends/guests had a party of their own in recent months, there were in fact many "screaming toddlers" (including the hosts' very own children) in attendance. I didn't want that for our party especially where we don't have children and it's not a child's party. I added a note to our invite that said "adults only please" and it seems to have received with no issue.

My whole point is that it seems that for some of our friends, they can be quick to assume that their children can attend a party without clarifying with the hosts. I wish people wouldn't be so quickly offended when you say that it's an adults-only party, especially where the hosts don't have children of their own.

I understand. I still caution against using terms like "screaming toddlers" when discussing the issue, even if not specifically with reference to the listener's own children -- I mean, of course you'd never do that! It makes it sound like you don't like children in general and consider them usually to be nuisances. And there is no need to do that in order to reach your objective -- indeed, it becomes a distraction. Rather, describe the kind of party you want, without saying anything at all about children specifically or in general, the same as you don't get into WHY you don't also want pets there, KWIM?