I am so sorry, happyintexas!

I have not had BC, but my mom did. I think she survived by not thinking about it much, believe it or not. She did everything she needed to, but did not spend her days worrying.

One of my friends has it . . .she is young and has 2 young children. She has one of the more severe kinds, and her age is a factor, too. She said her only effect from the chemo was being tired, but no sickness. My mom barely was sick, too-- just tired. My friend said meeting someone with her dx who has survived now for 5+ years was a HUGE relief. She also has a great support system.

From an outsider perspective, I would say just take it one step at a time.

Many hugs to you.

Hey happyintexas,
It is a lot to take in and make sense of, so I'll echo anele with the outsider's advice of take it one step at a time.

I do take my mammogram very seriously and do one yearly.

I wish you the very best and the smoothest path through your treatment. Be strong. Keep your outlook positive (as you sound now).

A cancer diagnosis is life-changing but you can make that life-changing for the better.

It's hard on everyone in the family but with a great support network (them to you AND you to them) by this time next year it will be a memory and not a worry.

Good luck.

My prayers will be with you, (((Happy))), as you overcome this crummy thing. I have no tips to add as no one in my family or close group of friends has had breast cancer. But, the people here on this forum are wonderful and I know will have good, positive feedback for you.
We're here for you, though, to support and cheer you on!
Lynn

First of all you ARE a survivor. That started with the surgery- the cancer was removed and the chemo will bat clean up. I was diagnosed 14 years ago. I didnt need chemo but had a modified mastectomy with reconstruction and took tamoxifen for 5 years.
You get through one day at a time. Take whatever meds prescribed, go to your treatments and live life in between- Denial can be a beautiful thing- dwelling on it takes you away from life. I always thought about a bottle of coke- if you look there are always stray bubbles making their way to the top and when shaken it well we know it overflows. I tried to stay with the stray bubbles most days.
You will find that as time goes by it is less on your mind. I got to the point where I was scared only the week before my checkups,then only on the day before .my checkups and then to being scared only on the day of my checkups. After 10 years I was released by my oncologist.After 14 years- I don't think about it too much- life is too short.
Life rarely leaves you as it finds you.

It was very helpful for me to seek out and connect with other BC patients. I am fortunate enough to have a Gilda's Club nearby, it is such a fabulous source of support and KNOWLEDGE for cancer patients and their families. (My DH and kids never participated with Gilda's, but I know of so many families that have been helped immeasurably.)

At my Gilda's Club they offered support groups for all different types of cancer, I was in the young BC group. I hate the term support group because it sounds like it is all about emotional support. There was a lot of that, for sure, but just so many people gathered to share info about doctors, procedures and treatments. Reconstruction was always a popular topic and women were always headed to the ladies room together to show their work. I certainly felt that having the collective wisdom and experience of the 30 or so women in my group helped me through a lot of decisions, fears and frustrations tremendously.

If you don't have a Gilda's in your area check at your hospital for other BC support groups. I was diagnosed woth BC 7 years ago, and have found BC patients to be very warm and... well... supportive when they meet a new patient.

Best of luck to you! You seem to have a very practical, take-charge attitude towards your diagnosis and treatment. It will serve you well...

Nicole

Happy, I haven't had breast cancer but my youngest sister has. She was diagnosed with metastatic BC with multiple primary tumors (very aggressive) when she was 28 YO, 3 months after the birth of her daughter. That was almost 12 years ago and I'm so happy to share with you that she is living a healthy and happy life today. We will celebrate her daughter's 12th birthday in March with joy in our hearts that our beloved sister is here.

Here are a few things she and we as her family did:

-She scheduled her chemo sessions on Fridays, so her support team could really be there for her when she was feeling the worst. She would go in early, and I took care of the baby that day. Her husband was available all weekend and so were our other sisters (we are 5)and our stepmother, to be 'on duty' Saturday and Sunday.

As a realtor weekends might be your busy time, but you can try to schedule your chemo so you will have a couple of recuperation days if you need them.

-We focused on specific tasks. People will always ask 'what can I do to help' or say 'just call me if I can help'. And too often when you are sick and your energy is at a low ebb, it is impossible to be on top of everything, much less to be the case manager for yourself!

So, instead of thanking folks, you can practice accepting with grace :). Don't be afraid of setting up a schedule for your friends, especially at church, to bring over meals a few nights a week while you're doing chemo. It can be hugely comforting to know that dinner will be on the table without you having to plan, shop, prep, cook and clean it up. Plus I don't know too many women who won't feel more than happy to prepare something tasty and bring it over to help a friend; as nurturers, it's what we do and it makes the giver feel terrific to help in such a concrete way.

Or tell them you could use help on any number of ordinary things that might be a drain on your energy: running errands, picking up medicine, etc. As long as you are specific, my experience is that people are more than happy to do things. Picking something up at the pharmacy or the grocery store is easy when someone is out running errands. And, the more folks you have who can do X, Y or Z ror you, the fewer X-Y-Z energy and time drainers you have to worry about.

Emotionally, I won't ever presume to say I know what you are experiencing. I do know that my sister told me, years later, that it meant the world to her to have people she could talk to about the darkest fears she was feeling. As the oldest sister, I wasn't that person...I was busy case managing all the stuff I wrote about above :). But she talked about the emotional aspects to another sister--for her, that was her safe person. I hope you find yours, and that you can have a listening ear able to be there for you.

And last but not least I know that breast cancer treatments have made such tremendous strides that it is a much, much less fearsome disease in terms of life outcomes. Again, I don't presume to be able to tell you how to feel or not to worry. But breast cancer is a treatable disease and doctors have a huge number arrows in their quiver now that they didn't have even when my sister was diagnosed.

Ann

Runningplace, so glad to hear of your sister's glowing treatment results. 12 years! You offer a wonderful & inspiring story, suggestions, advice.

Happy, my sis was diagnosed with breast cancer & had radiation & chemo. She is doing great! Our family is thankful not only for the amazing advancements in breast cancer treatment available today, but also for the advanced, fine-tuned dianostic tools that allow people to find things very early now!

While the treatments can be challenging, overall, sis did fine, but had some tired days. That was about the worst side-effect for her.

My other sister's very close friend has been working at her job & getting chemo for breast cancer for the last year. My sis says this lady has not missed a single day of work!

Another working lady I know about is the radiation oncologist (yes, the radiation oncologist!) my DH works with (he's in cancer care in the Rad Therapy side.) She got her treatment for breast cancer AND saw patients all day last year! She did take one week off when she was feeling extra tired, & took naps during lunch time. Otherwise, she carried on as usual. She is very well now & is considered fully recovered.

Happily, there's a lot of good news to report about breast cancer recovery these days!

Wishing you the VERY best outcome! Please keep us posted.

I had a friend who went through treatment for a different cancer and she asked me to help organize a support group through the link below. She lived alone and it worked really well in getting her food while she was out.

After my sister had a double mastectomy and reconstruction(hers was a very agressive form found early, but she opted for surgery to be safe), her DH gave her a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret. He is an an incredible man.

Hang in there. Won't be fun, but try to laugh a little and find a spot of joy every day.

Here is a link that might be useful: Lotsa Helping Hands

I have nothing to add to these very insightful comments but just wanted to say that I just made my mamo appt. for next week. Thanks for the reminder, I guess I was putting it off without even realizing it.

Wishing you all the best!

Fabulous work, Cyn! Wow!

Kelly, good for you!

I have a friend who was diagnosed last April with BC. She had surgery, has finished her chemo and is now doing the radiation. Her chemo was of 2 types and the first 4 sessions wiped her out and that was when she needed the most help. As someone said, accept help and don't be afraid to be specific, esp about food. Often patients have problems with smells - foods, cleaners, just about everything. So if something is bothering you - let the people helping know that so they can prepare foods that agree with you or clean with poducts that are gentle to the nose.

One friend who went through this a while back had a great suggestion. Since she was a stickler for housecleaning, she decided to simplify things for a few months and she actually put away alot of the "stuff" that created more work for her. Less dusting, less time, less worry.

As for my friend, her hubby would drop her off for her chemo and I would pick her up. They wouldn't let her drive because of the Benadryl they had to give her for a reaction she would have. Just made it easy for her since her hubby didn't have to have extra time off from work.

She did go back to work part time after she finished the first 4 sessions of chemo. She is not having a problem working during her radiation. She will hopefully be through with it next month. She has been a strong lady and a real trooper through it all.

Good luck with your treatment!

Cyn, Lotsa Helping Hands is a great suggestion. I have been part of a Lotsa Helping Hands support group for a friend with a brain tumor and you are so right, it's a terrific resource It makes it so, so easy to organize specific helping activities among a group. For my friend, who was hospitalized for a long period of time, it meant that her husband and three children literally had meals delivered for *months* without having to worry about anything. And it made such a difference for my friend to know that she didn't have to worry about that for her family.

As for supportive husbands, my BIL is a jewel. He was always devoted to my sister but I'll never forget one thing he did. The day she finally went to the hairdresser to finish removing the hair she was losing daily, my sis came home to find that her husband had gone out and shaved his head too! Makes me a little teary to remember that; it was one of the many seemingly simple but loving ways he cherished his wife through such a rough time.

Ann

I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I have not personally had breast cancer, but have traveled the road with many friends over the last 10 years.

I think the number one piece of advice they would offer is to try to maintain a positive outlook and attitude. Believe that you WILL recover. I can only imagine how difficult this will be at times because chemo can be very rough.

Many friends have used the Caring Bridge and Care Calendar websites. If you have a Breast Cancer Resource Center or an affiliate of the Susan G. Komen Foundation in your area, they offer numerous support groups and information.

The shirt linked in the following url has been very helpful to my friend who is battling the disease now. It was created by a local (Austin) breast cancer survivor. She even hand-delivered it to my friend's home.

I am lifting you up in thought and prayer.

Here is a link that might be useful: Heal In Comfort

Happy, I second the suggestions of using Lotsa Helping Hands or Caring Bridge to coordinate any meal delivery or help with errands, etc. I've been on the "helping" end w/ a few colleagues that used these sites. It really helped me to overcome the barrier of knowing if and when food is welcome (and in some cases, it wasn't!) Also, it can be a lifesaver if you really need something from a store or pharmacy but have no one to make the trip-just post a message and it'll get done.

I've seen a couple of friends and family members go through it--they are survivors, and you will be too.