'Fundraiser.' WWYD?

13 years ago

It's for a niece to go to Chili for a year to teach english and we think it's wonderful that she is going. The cost is only $4,000+ and she will receive a stipend while she is there. She send out a request for $$ contributions to help with her costs - to 345 facebook friends. So far, only her mother has commented on Facebook, saying what a great idea it was to donate. (Sigh)

The thing is, Max is leaving for University in Lebanon in a couple weeks. His tuition is pricy and the cost of living, while reasonable, is on top of that. Then there is the airline ticket... The cost for Max will be way more than $4K.

Anyway, Max has been working his butt off to help save for his expenses. Our niece, who isn't working, just returned from a 10 day vacation in Hawaii, paid for from her summer job. She has been talking about this trip to Chili for over a year so I know she knew about it before taking her vacation.

I am not feeling inclined to donate money toward this very worthwhile endeavor because I think it's tacky to solicit money two weeks after vacationing in Hawaii. I can't imagine asking people for money to support Max's endeavor. We've done all kinds of extra things to generate extra money for his tuition, etc.

I feel like I need to respond but don't know what to say. I could simply say that Max is leaving in February and we are financially strapped because of his expenses.

I love my niece but wonder who is guiding her priorities. If Max had decided to spend his money on a vacation, he wouldn't be going to Lebanon.

What would you do?

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Comments (36)

tinam61
13 years ago
I would not be giving either - the vacation would have done it for me also.

I'm sure she knew when she applied what the costs would involve and should have been saving. It's one thing for her parents to help finance and even anyone else who wants to - but not to ask for $$$.

I agree, it will be a great experience for her, but she really should have planned for this. Looks like Max did!

tina
mitchdesj
13 years ago
I would definitely ignore the request, there's no rsvp required for that.

It's ridiculous to ask other people to subsidize your non-necessary activities.
If you can't afford to get there to work, just don't go. Stay home.
Or her parents can borrow the money needed, and she can reimburse them.
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graywings123
13 years ago
Roundtrip airfare from California to Santiago is less than half $4K. Why does she need to raise so much money?

I wouldn't write anything on Facebook, nor would I say anything unless the niece or her family asks you. The only way you will get in any hot water is if you make negative comments about her decision to fund raise and the trip to Hawaii.

By the way, I agree with you.
tuesday_2008
13 years ago
I would not respond at all unless she or her mother brings it up to you directly. You stated the best response possible above: "Max is leaving in February and we are financially strapped because of HIS expenses." 'Nuff said!

Tuesday
golddust
Original Author
13 years ago
The fundraiser was set up as an 'event', with a request to 'respond'. Should I just ignore it?
tinam61
13 years ago
yep
Oakley
13 years ago
Tacky relatives. What are we gonna do with them? lol.

Ignore it unless they ask you, then say what you said above, you're finally strapped with your own college student.

Let us know if she gets any replies, because I think it would be funny if one of her "friends" said she'd like to have some money to go on a trip too. lol
B H
13 years ago
I agree with what Tuesday wrote:

I would not respond at all unless she or her mother brings it up to you directly. You stated the best response possible above: "Max is leaving in February and we are financially strapped because of HIS expenses." 'Nuff said!

That reason is more than enough (if you're asked). And yes - you can definitely ignore it on FB. I'm sure tons of people WILL ignore it. I would.

I just don't get this trend about asking people to donate to personal activities (paying for people's honeymoons is at the top of my "dislike" list).
IdaClaire
13 years ago
Completely agree with Tuesday, and completely agree with ignoring the "event." You are under no obligation; in fact, it's tacky of them to even put such a request out there.

And now I'm going to tease you and say that your niece is going to Chile. When I first read this, I thought there was some kind of fundraiser being hold for your niece at Chili's. (And they do have decent food, but I wouldn't go to that either. ;-D)
stinky-gardener
13 years ago
You certainly don't owe an explanation that details your personal finances and obligations. Whether you're strapped or swimming in cash is beside the point. That's none of their business. You also don't owe a "donation." Financing this trip is not your responsibility!

Certainly the concept of living within one's means is an old-fashioned one, but there was a time when it was assumed that if an individual could not afford to take a trip, or buy a car, or whatever, they would postpone their plans and put their dreams on hold until they earned the amount of money necessary to obtain their heart's desire. What a quaint idea!
jakabedy
13 years ago
It used to be that kids went door-to-door selling for fund-raisers, and worked on their own to supplement the costs. Then that became too time-intensive, or too unsafe, so the parents took the stuff to work and sold it "for" the kids. Then the whole selling of an item went out of vogue, and it was simply donations that were requested -- at school, at games, at street corners. But a blast request to Facebook friends accompanied by relaxation on the sofa while waiting for the riches to roll in? Not a chance. Ignore.
igloochic
13 years ago
Jak just said what I was thinking. The request is more than tacky. Ignore it.
maire_cate
13 years ago
Not only do I agree with Tuesday and the other posters who said to ignore it but I think they have a lot of nerve to even ask for donations. This is an optional trip and it's great that she's going - but I also think she and her family should pay without begging for money.

If she becomes engaged I wonder if they'll use Facebook to request donations to cover the cost of the wedding. What's with these people?
laxsupermom
13 years ago
Ugh. Beyond tacky. Agree with everyone above who said to ignore the request. You don't owe her or her mother an explanation. If asked, I'd just go with, "I won't be attending the event."

DS1's wrestling team is holding a "fundraiser" in which each athlete is obligated to sell 2 - $50 raffle tickets. I was horrified when DH brought it up with friends and made sure to let them know that we did not expect them to buy one. We'll eat the cost of the tickets, because we know that it benefits our son.

She should have been better prepared. If her parents can't front the money, then she needs to defer the trip until she can pay for it.
goldgirl
13 years ago
Golddust - if you bothers you to keep seeing the "event" on FB, move your mouse around it and you should see an "x" that will allow you to remove it.

I imagine this family has the entitlement thing going on. It's not even as if she's doing something to earn the money, like having a bake sale, just wants a free ride!
folkvictorian
13 years ago
Golddust, I'm going to be the lone dissenter here and say that yes, it would be a wonderfully kind gesture to send your niece some money for her trip. I'm sure that even $100 or so would be greatly appreciated by the family as your niece prepares for this journey of a lifetime.

Now then. While you're writing that check, please write one to me as well. You see, ever since that thread that Auntjen started on expensive purses, I've gotten my hopes up over the SWEETEST little leather satchel at Nordstrom. Really, I just KNOW you'd want me to have the experience of owning a $1,095.00 handbag. Max is a wonderful and kind and generous and loving son and I know he'd understand about the money. No, I've done absolutely NOTHING to earn the cash, but the bag is SO PERFECT and it would simply make my life totally perfect in every way and I know you'd want me to have this Nordstrom handbag experience of a lifetime. Please don't be selfish and make me live another week without it!

Other Gardenweb friends, don't be shy....you too can share in my $1,095.00 handbag experience. Checks, money orders -- I'd even take cash (nothing smaller than a $20, please) in order to fulfill my lifelong dream. Dear ladies and gentlemen, you are SUCH good friends to me!
maire_cate
13 years ago
Shoes! folkvictorian - you'll need a pair of shoes to go with your new bag too.!
teacats
13 years ago
folkvictorian: LOL!!! :)

... and a wonderful outfit too! :)
golddust
Original Author
13 years ago
Folk, you spent more time on your fundraiser than you know who did. LOL! Funny. When I explained the request to DH, he said he wanted to do a FB fundraiser for new tires for his car.
theroselvr
13 years ago
If I was in your shoes; I'd probably feel like responding too. Here your son has been busting his butt to do what he's doing & this one figures she'll ask for donations. Do your relatives normally donate to stuff like this?

I don't understand why she spent her money on a trip to Hawaii if she knew she needed cash for this trip. I have a feeling that not many people will donate; so I guess her mom will have to figure out how to fund it...
B H
13 years ago
Well, if you guys are doing a fundraiser for purses & tires, how do you think an FB fundraiser would go over to fund our down payment for a house? ;)
jen9
13 years ago
You just can't make this stuff up. Unbelievable. If I was feeling nice, I would ignore the request. If not, I might comment Chili should be an incredible experience - please let us know if you'll have a blog so that we can follow your journey. Oh, and how was your vacation to Hawaii? We've been dreaming about a trip like that for ages. Hope to see you soon. Love, Aunt"
golddust
Original Author
13 years ago
Roselvr. Uh, no. Our family doesn't generally ask for donations for "stuff" like this. The real irritator is the new FB profile picture - showing her on the beach in Hawaii next to a sea turtle so there is no way to avoid the recent vacation situation. LOL!

Her mom posted another comment on her DD's FB event. "I'll donate." (???!!!) No one else has made a comment but I haven't opened her 'event' to see how many people have promised. I was tempted to comment under her mom's comment. "Mission Accomplished. What a nice Mom!" (I strongly suspect this 'event' was her mom's idea.) I will certainly just ignore it.

This sends 'It takes a village...' to a whole new level. Yep. Can't wait for the marriage announcement and honeymoon fundraiser. It's the guidance she is getting that I object to more than anything.
deegw
13 years ago
In the same vein, a friend of mine was just invited to a baby shower for a new GRANDMOTHER. Gramma registered for baby items so when baby comes to visit he/she will have a crib, toys, etc.

People have no shame.
IdaClaire
13 years ago
Oh, deee. **shaking head in bewilderment**

That takes tacky to an entirely new level ...
goldgirl
13 years ago
OMG deee!
laxsupermom
13 years ago
Wow, deee! That's insane.
golddust
Original Author
13 years ago
OMG indeed, Dee!

OK, I took the low road and responded. Sort of took Jen9's advice and said "I hope you will write a blog while you are there so we can follow your adventures. Love your profile picture, BTW. I've been wanting to go to Hawaii for ages! Love you!"

I couldn't resist responding after opening her event and seeing another plea for donations from her mom inside. Sheesh! DN has been to Italy, NYC and Hawaii within the span of a year and a half. True, those trips weren't resume building.
theroselvr
13 years ago
Gold; I didn't think so lol
I asked because with my family we all used to chip in for larger gifts for birthdays & Christmas so that the kids had one decent gift that they wanted verses a bunch of little things.

I think your FB reply was good. Let us know if anyone else says the same thing lol I have a feeling her "event" will be taken down.
leahcate
13 years ago
Re. the baby shower for Grandmother : I was given one and have given two. No one registers( OMG!) and only close friends are invited...around ten or so. The gifts brought are small tokens (childrens books we've loved, a granny brag book, etc) to celebrate a glorious life changing event. I loved mine, and the ones I've hosted.
For the niece and her mother, I agree with Stinky and laxsupermom and would simply say "No, I'm sorry we won't be able to attend" ( silently: because we find the whole idea abhorrent!!!) Some funny stuff from you all,BTW!
Oakley
13 years ago
Okay, as a newish grandmother of two, 1 is 2.5 the other is 5 mos., I think it would be a great idea for grandmas to have baby showers for each other! I love it!

Only grandmas and grandmas to be would be invited. lol
deegw
13 years ago
I wnated to add that the invitee in my Grandma shower story is a work colleague of the pregnant Mom. My friend barely knows the Grandma.

I see nothing wrong with a group of FRIENDS getting together to celebrate. An invite to shameless gift grab party for someone you barely know? Tacky!
leahcate
13 years ago
Yep, Oakley, it's only the g'mas who are invited.:>)
I hate all the "gift grabs"...tacky is correct:>/ Yuk!
sweeby
13 years ago
What about responding that you'd LOVE her help her raise money, and that you're happy to offer a money-earning opportunity washing your windows to earn money for her trip!

My Mom's friends hosted a neighborhood Grandma shower for the first in the neighborhood to become a Grandma. the deal was that the 'goods' would be shared by all, since none of the grandbabies were local and the stuff would only be used for periodic visits. They all thought it was a fabulous idea, and all the Grandmas got fully stocked with great stuff for very little money. I thought is was very cleverly done --
work_in_progress_08
13 years ago
Just when you think you've heard it all.

Timely, as my own DD just left for her spring semester abroad. I would be mortified if she pulled a stunt like your neice has. Not just mortified, but sorely disappointed in her poor manners.

Something tells me that your DN's DM had a hand in this "invite".

Tacky doesn't begin to cover it.
Oakley
13 years ago
Work, wouldn't it be just awful, embarrassing and humiliating at the same time if our kids did that?

Sweeby, that's an excellent idea for the grannies! This way, the grannie's children wouldn't have to pack up the whole house before coming over! lol

'Fundraiser.' WWYD?

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