Pasta casseroles are probably a safe bet. Most children like pasta. I make lasagna or pasta with meat or tomato sauce in 8 x 8 square pans. You can freeze them so she can just pull one out and pop it in the oven. A loaf of homemade french bread (or even store bought) can also be frozen wrapped in foil and toss in the oven to thaw and heat. Soup would probably be welcome too, especially one that will freeze well. Most people find a bowl of hot soup comforting and easy to eat when they don't have much of an appetite.

Joanne

That is so sad. :(

I assume you are asking for the present... When my sister lost her daughter in an accident, the food poured in. None of us wanted to eat. One friend brought a big box filled with papertowels, toilet paper, saran wrap, baggies, paper plates, etc. (you get the idea) -- so that my sister wouldn't have to go to the store for any of those piddly things she might need. Maybe you'd like to consider that.

I feel so bad for them.

Ziti or maccaroni and cheese. Soup. Bananna bread or some type of tea bread or muffins. When my grandma died (way less traumatic) a good friend brought over a basket of muffins. That was nice. I agree though, no one will feel too much like eating a lot. Maybe a basket of fun play stuff and books for the kids--stuff that could keep them busy while the grownups were dealing with the serious stuff. Check out a crafty/kiddie store, they usually have so many choices!

Yes, I was thinking that. I found a blog or something through Taste of Home? I think and someone mentioned how paper plates and disposable items were nice because it was easy and no cleanup. Someone else suggested cold cuts and rolls that can be thrown together quickly.

RIght now I guess we've been instructed to bring casseroles in foil so she can heat things up when she likes. I'll have to poke around for some recipes in addition to things I find here. I might also do a breakfast casserole so she has more than just dinner.

I haven't heard how the family is doing but I can imagine things are really rough. I saw the little boy outside on his bike today and wondered if he really had any idea of what was going on, poor kid. Thankfully I understand he has a lot of uncles (dad had three brothers) around for support but it's still not the same as daddy.

Solve your problem by asking the lady about the foods her family will eat.

Think also along the lines of helping out with the occasional load of washing and ironing, or perhaps doing some supermarket shopping - very practical assistance that would be greatly appreciated. Maybe a little housework - when in grief, people often neglect basic things like changing bed-sheets, or vacuuming over or dusting, washing up - even giving the kids a bath. I don't know how you will cope with such things while pregnant, but you know what you can and can't do, so choose accordingly.

My sympathy to the grieving family and friends, and HUGS to you for thinking of ways to help them.

How about a paid housecleaning from a maid service at some point? It might be more easily accepted if it were a professional service than if neighbors just volunteered to come and do it.... privacy you know! But I'd think it would be very welcome. You could even do it as an anonymous thing if you thought she might feel "indebted" to you because of the cost.

Grace

I agree that sometimes a gift of "help" is better than food in this situation - I love the idea of a box of staples-- I know even though I wouldn't be up for it in that situation, the idea of anyone but a family member or very close friend helping with housekeeping or laundry would make me uncomfortable. Our group of friends often chip in to get gift cards for food - that way someone can run and get takeout or she can use it down the line after all the casseroles are done pouring in. Unless there is a big family, a lot of that food goes to waste. If the kids know you, maybe you could get together with another friend and take the kids for even a couple hours to a park or some type of outing, just to give her time to let her emotions run wild without the kids around. We'll keep the family in our thoughts, that is so so sad.

PP, you are a good person. You might want to consider waiting a week or two, or more and send dinner over then, when the freezer is getting empty and the reality of this tragety hits her and the kids. Give her a voucher for dinner "whenever". Make a dish now, put it in your freezer if you have room and pull it out later. Or how about a certificate for a pizza later? Or a 'day of no kids" voucher?

She is in my thoughts......

Sooo sad....
As we have heard from CF friends who have endured tragedy, at first you are numb....and then it hits.
Just sit tight.....and in a couple of weeks or a month just go ands ay "we're going out....and scoop her up and take her and the kids to lunch or the park or a movie or whatever.....and then fish for other things she needs.
And know the acute need will go on for about a year....and it doesn't go away but just becomes less acute.
As has been said....youze good people!
Linda C

Perhaps there is a fund being set up for the children that you can contribute to? Do they have a computer? If so, buy a few webkins for the older child. He will be happily distracted in a safe way. When one of my friend's mom died, I brought over 3 batches of annt's scones. I heard they were well received. If you have a bake and take, you could always arrange for meals that way--she might feel like she is putting you out less.
My first reaction about the supplies box was that the purpose of all the foil and baggies was to store the extra food that was being sent (deluged) by friends.
My thoughts are with the family.
Jo

Oh, Phyllis, I don't have any additional advice to give, since everyone's already given such good advice, but I just want to extend my sympathy to your friend. I wish you all the best in being the good friend you are to this family.

Sally

Not much advice to offer that hasn't been said. The only thing I can think of is that it might be nice to take over a container of cut up fruit and another of snacky veggies for easy healthy nibbling for both mom (who probably has no appetite) and kids. Once a week for a few weeks. One can only look at so many casseroles.

What a tragic story. When is the funeral? Will family and friends be coming into town? How about a tray of cold cuts with all the fixings for sandwiches, so guests can help themselves.

Anything that might be helpful in caring for visitors while she is numb. All disposable items would be good, too. Presliced, ready to serve so all she has to do is plunk it on the table and then throw things away.

What a heartbreak.

I agree, a basket of staples is always a good thing. When my neighbor lost her daughter I took coffee, creamer tea bags, cups and plates, napkins and cookies that could be eaten or frozen. She had a lot of family and friends who stopped by and said it was wonderful to be able to give them cookies and coffee but not have to go to the store for anything.

I agree, pasta is usually well received by children and lasagna, ziti, mac and cheese, etc is good, and many can be frozen for later. This family will need help for a while, having only one adult left to care for two children while dealing with their own grief is hard. A certificate for pizza is always a good thing, or even gift cards for fast food or local restaurants. Homemade bread and cookies freeze well and can be saved for later. Whenever I baked bread, I sent a loaf next door to my neighbor, for a couple of months. I also sent a dozen fresh eggs from my "girls", or a loaf of quick bread or a plate of cookies or chips and salsa. I seldom made something "special", I just made a double batch of whatever I was making and sent it next door.

That might be more "doable" with your own small children and another on the way!

Annie

The funeral was yesterday. I wasn't able to go because I had to pick up David from preschool right in the middle of it, but I had Sarah with me and we drove through town on our way home from the store. I saw cars parked in the grass and there must have been close to 150-200 people backed up on the sidewalk, easily...DH went and said he was in the back overflow room because there were so many people.

I think while we're at the grocery store we're going to pick up a fruit and deli tray...forget the casseroles. The lady who was supposed to organize a list decided not to and we just drop something off or whatever ... so I can easily see her getting 15 lasagnas or something, so who knows.