LOL!! Wonderful!!....Great that Coach gave you the note to save.....how old is Derek?
Linda C

He's 10. And has learned his lesson!

AM

Awe, thats precious!!

I have alway taught my children that if they mess up its the right thing to do to apologize in a heartfelt, respectable manner...and they better mean it!

We all mess up from time to time...we are after all only human. Just step up, accept responsbilty for your actions, apologize and then serve your sentance.

Tell Derek I am proud of his letter.

Peace!
Susie

Attitude is everything!

LOL, You gotta love it, keeper for sure!

Why am I thinking your son is channeling Bart Simpson? LOL. Very cute.

Duane

LOL!!

/tricia

Perfect!

When my son was young and had misbehaved in a similar way, I would send him to his room for a few minutes (I'm sure it seemed much longer to him). He could come out as soon as he could tell me WHAT he had done wrong and WHY it was wrong. I didn't want to hear an insincere apology unless he learned the lesson. And I didn't want to inflict such a severe punishment that he would only feel resentment without learning the lesson. But he had to learn that actions have consequences. Afterward, he usually got a hug.

p.s. He's now 26 and one of the most decent and responsible people I know.

Sue

Save that one for when he starts dating the wrong girls....

AM, it must have been hard for your DS to write that letter, but I wholeheartedly agree that it was the right thing to make him do. Apologies seem harder for some kids than others. My 12 year old has no problems apologizing when he messes up, but the 8 year old is a hard nut to crack. Kudos to you and him - I've been there:-)

He's a good boy!!!
DONNA

LOL! Good for you for being on top of behavior.

I have a small box *full* of notes similar to that one. My son played a lot of sports! LOL!

I remember once we were eating outdoors at a restaurant in Houston. DS was about 6 years old and was infatuated with the rocks in the landscaping. He managed to find a few that fit into his pocket rather nicely. When we got home he showed me his prized possesion (he knew he shouldn't take the rocks because they did not belong to him). He was beaming with pride that he got all the way home with the rocks...A 2-1/2 hour drive away from home. The next day we boxed up the rocks and wrote a note to the resaurant with an apology for taking the rocks out of the garden. He had to go to the Post Office with me and use his own money to mail the box of rocks back to the restaurant.

But not until I had copied the note!

I love the way he apologized for his actions yet not so subtly stuck to his guns about it being a bad call. Good for him.

Awwwww. An angel in devil's clothes. That is the sweetest thing. I've saved a bunch of letters and cards from my lids. The letters from camp are priceless.."today I fell in the horse troff.."

One of the things I have talked about repeatedly (more with my daughter than my son) is the need to remain respectful of your teacher/coach/trainer/judge/et al no matter how much you disagree with them. It's a tough one. I back my kids up in their opinion, they are entitled to have one, but I back up the adult in terms of needing to be respected. I also expect respect to be a two way street. My child should also be treated with dignity.

'The next time a ref makes a bad call'...I love it.

I so love this letter and the lesson that it shows your son learned. Truly priceless. My mom saved all of our letters, too. One from my brother when he was 5 and planning to run away because he broke something says, "Jamie is done (gone) and is not coming dack (back)." So adorable.

Nancy

AM,
I am so glad you shared this with everyone. Yes, I do have a true appreciation of it, from a hockey mom/coach perspective. I have a few questions: what was the call, and more importantly, how do you give the ref the finger while wearing gloves? Was it so premeditated that he actually took off his gloves to do it? If you could see me now, you would know I am giggling as I write this. Haven't had this specific issue to deal with yet, but mine is only a mite, so we have time. Does your town use kid refs? We have a program where kids can get certified and then they can ref certain levels. They love it because they get paid and it is awesome because coaches CAN'T yell at refs without feeling like a slimeball.
I loved D's letter.
Jo

This wasn't a kid ref (I've seen some that are fine and some that are just awful), but it was a ref who lives in the town in which we were playing.

Here's the full story: D's team is clearly dominating (I think it was 4-1 at that point) and D is having one of those unstoppable games. Not that he's such a great player, it was just a day where the stars were properly aligned,etc. and he was on fire. The opposing team clearly send out two players to rough him up (they're squirts, so no checking, but it does get a little physical). One kid cross checks D right under the neck, falls on top of him and their other player goes down too, both on top of D. As they pop up, the ref calls D for face mask and boots him from the game. You can see D's hands go up (they were still in his gloves, so I'm not sure what the face mask call was about) in the "what the heck?" gesture and the ref sends him off the ice (all the while his coach is screaming at the ref which probably didn't help). D skates over to the door, elbows out, all attitude, slams his stick in the door to open it, steps out and in a grand gesture, rips his glove off and up goes the finger.

The spectators and the coaches saw it, but we're not sure if the ref saw. On the scoresheet, it said facemask 1 game suspension. So, technically, he got away with the finger, but was suspended for the facemask. That's why I had him write the letter to his coach, not the ref.

So, yes, the call was frighteningly bad. But still, as I explained to D, even if a cop pulls you over for something you didn't do, or your boss or teacher yells at you for something you think is wrong, often the best thing to do is just "skate away". It's great to stand up for yourself, but you must always remain respectful, even if the other person isn't. A lesson I have trouble with too.

AM

Well, he is right about the refs next time...LOL! Lesson learned and you will be talking/remembering this years from now.

David

That is too cute!

Now if only someone would make bad sport-parents write apologies for their behavior!

That call sounds brutal. If anyone caught it on tape, I would definitely send it to your youth hockey board. That ref needs to be educated.

Too bad about missing a game, but you handled it perfectly.

Jo.

Frankly I am glad D had the satisfaction of flipping a bird to that ref!...I'll bet it's worth the letter! And I'll bet the coach thinks so too!
Linda C

I agree, Gina, I think all the bad-sport parents ought to have to write the same letter!

AM, good for your son, I had to chuckle. There will be a lifetime full of "bad calls" for all of our children while living life in general, it's a good start in learning to handle them with civility and self-respect, in spite of the circumstances.

Plus, you can use that note as blackmail material for YEARS when he gets older. (grin)

Annie

Oh, that is priceless!

Yes, it was indeed a bad call. But, Annie and others are right - a lifetime of bad calls await us all and handling unfair situations with dignity is a challenge and a learning opportunity. One best learned before a bad attitude can get him in even deeper trouble than a missed game. His coach was a superstar in communicating this lesson.

And yes, Linda - he definitely thinks the letter was worth it, but not the missed game. Plus, now he's achieved something of a folk hero status amongst his teammates! Although from now on he's promised to keep his hands in his gloves when flipping off a ref!

PS His coach made him sing "I'm a little teapot" in front of his teammates as punishment.

This is so priceless!

Good job, Mom and Coach, bad, bad job, Ref.

Sally

I think there are several lessons to be learned from this incident..
One you don't make an obscene gesture to anyone, even a ref who made a horrendously bad call, or you must be prepared to pay the consequences.
Another is even adults can be jerks and act in childish ways, but that doesn't mean that if you tell them so you still won't have "consequences".

Remembering a couple of months back when my 13 yearold grandson got on the school bus andw as waiting for it to fill and get moving. His best friend walks by...he yells out the window "hey Jim!" and flips the finger. Not as an angry gesture but as a "gotcha" kind of thing....they are best friends. Well my GS got caught and had a detention and was so embarrassed he didn't tell why for a while....they had to worm it out of him.
So the lesson learned there was even if you didn't mean it as an insult, that gesture is seen as obscene,
So don't do it in public...even in fun.
Linda C

Boy, do I know a few parents that could have (should have) written that exact letter.

We have told DS time and time again that if we ever see him display anger on the ice, I will personally walk on the rink and pull him off myself. I figure for an 8 year old, that humiliation will be a punishment difficult to bear.

Great letter. I'm hoping there will be none of those in our future.

I wanted to add that the other day after a game, D actually commented on how nice a ref was! He was a college age looking kid, who missed a few calls but was basically fair, which is all you really want. When I asked D what made him nice, he said that he smiled at them at the face off. That was it! Seems that most refs never bother to smile at the kids. They are kids, after all. And if you smile at a kid, most of the time, they will smile back. So tell any referees you know that officiate at youth sports, to remember to smile at the kids!

AM

Derek's letter rules. So does his mama. :)

~Amanda