I totally understand. Try telling people you are making your walls out of strawbales :). Hang in there if you really like your design you will be happy you did when you are all done and using it. Just remember all those other people don't have to live in the house, you do.

It's surprisingly tough to get a "Custom" Home Builder to do something not in tract homes.

There's one GC in the multi-state area that does ICF construction, and most developers preclude any prefab housing (keeps trailers out, but also SIPS and Modular designs too).

When it comes to construction techniques, if your contractor resists, don't fight them, find a new contractor. Even if they relent and do what you ask, they obviously don't believe in your method and don't take well to change. A bad mix for your house.

On design, location, space... I'll let a kitchen designer suggest things in the kitchen and an Architect or Decorator/Designer suggest things for the rest of the house. Maybe a tile guy about the tile layout. Everybody else can talk to the hand, it's my house, er, um, my wife's house and I get what she wants.

lol, Chelsea, I've been doing that for forty years! Try explaining SB *before* there were formal tests demonstrating its properties. :-)

Dear jenk2008:

I am assuming that you had your plans okay'd by a building engineer? And that you have your methodology written down in black'n'white so that no one is having to depend upon what they *think* you said? And that your methods, while possibly not standardized, do satisfy all the safety and building codes (and the building engineer will attest to that)?

If you answered yes to all 3 questions, then you need to have a confab [with or without BBQ on the side] with all the contractors and subs to explain that you realize the plans are different from what is usually seen/done, but they have been inspected and found to be safe as long as the exact instructions are followed. You may or may not get them to understand, but at least it's a non-confrontational way to re-emphasize the importance of following instructions step-by-step as written.

However, if you answered "no" to any of the 3 questions, then make sure the explanations of process are clear, and then hie thyself to a qualified building engineer. There may be a valid (if not obvious) reason for all the questioning.

I've had a constant dialog with our GC about "How things are usually done." versus "How we want them done". I call it a dialog, because he really has been great with working with us and building things as we want them. However, it is amazing to me that all the things we want are do "non-standard". I'm not talking about building with strawbales ( ;-) to cle1sea). But I feel like we've had to put our foot down so many time. On the siding. On the stone. On the open eaves. The knee braces. The fireplaces. The range. The tub. The trim. Through the process though, I've tried to keep an open mind and listen to him. He is an experienced builder and I just have a file of pictures and funny ideas in my head. On a few things I've "caved". Some of those I believe he was right on (he has done remarkably well at achieving our vision). Somethings I may regret. Some things I've already forgotten about.

In the end, I guess I've learned to choose my battles and tried to be very clear at all times, but yes, it is and continues to be exhausting. Even with a custom builder, it is easiest for them to do it "like they always do", with the same subs, etc. Less to coordinate and oversee.

If this is important to you, and, like meldy_nva points out, your ideas are reasonable, you should stick to your guns. GL!

Absolutely! We have very specific ideas about what we want with certain aspects of our house, and our builder is not crazy about many of them. He usually speaks his peace and then does what we want, but occasionally some disdainful comments will come out anyway. There are things he thinks we should be spending money on (usually higher end finishes), and things we are spending on that he thinks are silly (like the geothermal pond loop)...and I think he's embarrassed even having to say the word bidet LOL. And don't get him started on how we are designing our open loft master bedroom area.

But, we are planning this for the way WE live OUR lives.
I keep having to remind myself that it's our house, our money, but I know what you mean. It feels very personal because you've got so much of your heart and soul in the project. But remember, it's YOUR heart and soul and $$$, not his.

if experienced trades question your ideas dont dismiss them totally. most likely they know their area of expertise better than you do.
you can get into expensive trouble going non standard and end up with a white elephant.

I would like to know what he thinks you should be doing instead of the geothermal pond loop. If you are going geothermal, which makes very good sense given today's energy price trends, either you do wells, ground loops, or a pond loop. If you have a pond handy, why not?

He questions the geothermal because it's about twice what the standard heat pump system would cost. We are very budget conscious with this project. He has suggested some things that we consider "cosmetic upgrades" that we have said, "no, the budget doesn't have room for that" but yet are spending the extra $$ for the geothermal. To us it makes sense, thinking long-term and green, but I don't think he gets it. (Actually, I'm struggling a bit with it too, as the "keeper of the budget," but DH is slowly convincing me.)

I think the poster who suggested that we pick our battles and try to be very clear in our communications hit the nail on the head ~ especially the part about picking our battles.

I think what it is is that those building (or, in the architect's case, helping plan a house) fall in love with it a little bit and begin putting in things they might enjoy.

Or, they begin leaving out things that you want and they don't especially like.

It's difficult to know whether we are fighting for something we will love once we have it, or whether we will regret having gone against the suggestions of those with more experience.

And so, it's often hard to stand our ground.

Now that our build is nearing completion, I would say that our concepts and ideas are right on 90% of the time, whether the builder or the architect agree or not.

It's that other ten per cent that is so scary, though!

Barbara

We were veryinterested in hearing suggestions from experienced trades people during our build. That said, if we knew why they suggested one thing ad our idea was still best for us, we insisted on our way. If you've explored the aternatives and have the best plan for you then feel confident in your choices and stick to your guns.

I found saying something like "We've seen it done that way too. Do you want to know why we decided to do it this way?" usually got rid of the peopel just arguing with us. If it was someone I already knew to be a pain I would just say, "that's a good way too, we're doing it this way."

I remember years ago when my mother had a major remodel done, the contractor argued over everything. They kept saying, "People don't do things that way." My mother never backs down (especially when challenged) and once each step was done, the builders would step back and say, "Whoa! That's REALLY nice!" Once it was done, they had to admit that Mom was right. I could have told them that!

Mom is always right, and so is her daughter. Just ask her. :-)

We've lived this every step of our build, and while I know that trades people do this every day, just because they do doesn't mean they do it right, or know the best way. We've found that 99% of the suggestions made by the trades to change our plans were made strictly because OUR way is harder or more expensive, and their way is cheaper and easier. Not one time has someone suggested a change because it was better, only cheaper or easier.

We have a fixed price contract. They bid the house with all of our ideas/specs in mind. They've constantly tried throughout the entire project to get out of doing things they don't want to do, usually saying "that's not the way we normally do things". Yeah, we know, that's why we want them done OUR way because from what we've seen, YOUR way sucks.

It is always wise to hire a professional to represent you in such a complicated and expensive endeavor.

If you wish to save that cost, one of the trade-offs is the necessity of justifying your ideas to everyone involved.

Jenk  as owner builders doing lots of new building science in an area famous for not changing... yeah, we had a lot of resistance from various subs. We found it helped to do two things.

First - try not to see their questions as criticism or the sub not wanting to do it your way, but that they just may have not heard about the way you want it done. (even with the subs who really just donÂt want to do it a new way, it helps YOUR state of mind). Put it to them in those terms  "I know itÂs new to this area" (thus they are not expected to know about it) "but weÂre really set on doing it this way for these reasons." And while you may not feel like you should have to explain your reasons, you will get better work if they feel like part of the process. Trades people are not all stubborn mules against learning something new.

Second  know what you are talking about  if you are vague nobody is going to take you or your ideas seriously. Graphics and visual aids are helpful if itÂs really new. When we discussed our plans to insulate our crawlspace walls (virtually unheard of in this county/state), we showed the people involved the drawings and research on the method. It took some arm twisting to get the county inspectors behind the idea but between the printed sheets and calm discussions they approved the finished work. Our HVAC people loved the idea and now they recommend it to other people. They hadnÂt heard of it before our house, but we presented in a way that they felt they didnÂt need to defend their experience.

Even in the "just how you want it" stuff itÂs not always a matter of Âmy-way-itisÂ. We did two walk throughs with our electrician before he would string one wire. On both trips he would ask us, Âwhy do want this here? and Âhow about having that there?Â. This wasnÂt to discourage us from what we wanted, but to find out what our reasons were so he could make suggestions. He had wired enough houses to know what people tend to regret later, and he made some great suggestions that we went with. The stuff I was sure of I had reasons for and it didnÂt bother me to explain them to him.

I hope this helps, and good luck!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions, I was able to stick to my guns on this one, and the slabs are now poured, they look great! Hopefully if the weather holds out for us, we'll have the slab poured on our shop tomorrow, and the concrete guys will finally be out of our hair! For coming so highly recommended, they have been a real PITA to deal with, at least they do great work! Hopefully our framer will be easier to deal with, he already seems to ask great questions, and seems very open to ideas, I also really respect his opinions. I'll just have to keep everyone's advice in mind as I go through this, I know I'll have to defend my ideas time and again, but at least I know there are a lot of other people going through the exact same thing. Thanks!