Don't let you family and friends get you down. People don't realize how much work crafters put into their work. Believe me I'm in the same boat. I love to cross-stitch and usually do a couple sweatshirts for my in-laws for Christmas. I made my mom-in-law a beautiful shirt and would you believe that 2 days later, she spilled bleach on it. She still wears it, but to clean the house. I just make sure that now, I rotate Christmas. Meaning this Christmas I might make my mom something homemade, then next year, I get something. I helps me, but there's nothing like recieving a home-made gift from someone. I guess I'm one of very few... Hope your spirits get lifted.

IMHO, it doesn't make any difference whether a gift is store-bought, handmade, expensive or inexpensive, or even whether or not it's really liked, but common courtesy dictates that a thank you be given for any gift received. Over the years, I've adopted a policy of never sending a second gift to someone who has failed to thank me for a previous one, and it has certainly cut back on my gift list! This year, I sent poinsettia plants to three friends in other cities and only one of them has even acknowledged that the plants were received. Guess who won't get anything from me next year? I was fortunate to have had a mother who taught me at a very early age that I was to write a thank you note for any gift before I was allowed to use it.

I agree with LuluTX, and have also stopped giving gifts to people who don't acknowledge my thoughtfullness. I don't expect everyone to like everything, but I do expect a thank you for my trouble. This year I even had a complaint about a gift I bought - it wasn't enough!!! Consider the source and ignore it. It's just bad manners.

Hey my heart goes out to you ,where was their Christmas spirit ,Being an avid crafter I know how much time goes into making them ,
Hopefully they say what goes around comes around so maybe some one is watching them that did not appreiciate the thoughtful gifts.and don't let it ruin your spirit of Christmas
DELTA

Hay, I know what you are going through. I always made something home made for my family on christmas, birthdays, ect. One year I painted a clay pot for my mil. It had the mountains, a mouse, bear, chreek and all of the what fors, then I potted a pansy in the pot. She took the pot and put it inside another pot to hide the painting. Then I made her a Pendleton Wool Rug she just had to have. She ended up a day later putting it under some plants she had to catch the water overflow. I told my husband-NO MORE. If my family wants something that I make, they will pay for it. I can't afford to make them nice gifts, just to have them give it away, hide it, or just not care.

Cyd

It's hard sometimes giving; not expecting anything in return. I try to practice doing good deeds & not getting "found out". It inhances my spirituality. IT's not always like that though. I know I let it get to me when someone looks at my handmade cards I made. And they say something like "that's cute". Cute? CUTE??? Don't they know I slaved for hours just designing the damn thing? LOL. Sorry you felt so bad. God bless you, Taunia.

I'm always leary of giving handmade gifts to people also. Maybe we should just exchange amount ourselves...lol.
This year I made a lot of ceramics as present and they were all well recieved. In fact I had a request from my SIL for one of the ceramic penguins that I made her daughters. Sometimes people are not into handmade/crafty things and don't appreciate the work/time involved.

Thank you all for the replies, and ouch, seems like a few of you have been through the same type of thing! Grrrr, where are peoples manners???? I learned that everyone doesn't appreciate handmade gifts, but I'd think they would know the good graces of a thank you, no matter what the gift is!!! I think as a mother I learned a long time ago that if one of my children makes me something to thank them,hug them, display it and let them know I appreciate their hard work and creativity!!! I have lots of clay heads with lopsided ears and noses and I love every one of them. LOL I've received a few gifts in the past that have been handmade and just the fact that they took the time to do it for ME was gift enough.
I've learned a lesson this year, and I will not put myself in the position of having a gift ignored or laughed at next year. My bosses will probably not get anything other than a card, one want get anything and my SIL will get a purchased gift. If I don't put care and pride into the gift then getting a thank you isn't even going to matter. Scrooge thinking, but sometimes it just fits the sitution.
Thanks again for your replies!!!! At least you understood how I felt and that helped! :)
Happy New Year,
Gail

You can adopt me as a friend I love to get homemade gifts. I'd rather get homemade then something boughten. I always make it a point to say thanks because I have givin gifts and not received a thank you. The next year I don't do anything or give something small that didn't cost a lot. I hate it when people don't say thanks. I only takes a few minutes. Next week I have todo thank you, even though I told them already I still send thank yous.

I know what you mean.. It makes me think of "aunt Mildred" she used to be an Avon lady. Uck. I am not fond of Avon. Anyway we all would get her left overs for Christmas. I think she just wrapped them not knowing or caring who got what. But...... we STILL smiled , said thank you and gave her a big hug. She didn't have to give us anything. This might be an old saying but it carries a lot of truth......
It's the thought that counts.

Sorry you were hurt.

Have a good day.

Patti

It took me almost a month to crochet a Blue's Clues afghan for my son's girlfriend. I sent it with my son on Xmas Day and here we are 4 days later and a few phone calls later and she hasnt even thanked me. I know she liked it, she told my son, but how about saying thank you to me??
Oh well

well i like homemde gifts. send them to me. i also made quite a few last year and wasnt sure they liked them i was thanked. but my mom said she was at my brothers this year and they had it out, so made me feel good so next year will make again. my sister says i always make things for everyone but her. so i am making something for her. send to those who appricate it.

I have learned the hard way to keep doing what I do... the thanks seem to catch up sooner or later, I have made gifts for 4 or 5 years and not recieved much more than a polite "that's nice" but THIS YEAR I realized that EVERYONE had what I had made them out!!!! Even friends of my parents had all 4 ornament on thier tree!! and they didn't know we were stopping by... (so they didn't put them out just for our visit! ;)

I find that some people just don't know what to say, and sometimes the whole holiday chaos gets to them amd they thought for sure they had thanked you!! (I did this once that i was spotted for!! OOPS!)

And sometimes you just have to realise that some people just dont "get it" that when you make something for them, you are giving them a little piece of yourself!

I know what you are going through too and it is a shame with all the hard work and thought you put into your gifts.

A few years back I cross stitched a large banner for my 11 year old niece. It was a funky looking lady with her hair up and she was flying a kite. I had someone finish it for me. The indside edge material was a black and white check and the outside edge and back was cranberry. In the corners I had stitched about 20 different sizes and colours of buttons. I had people offer to buy it from me and I was invited to enter it in a local contest but I said " no it was a gift for my niece"

I rolled it up and brought it to their house on my nieces birthday. She loved it! I said I would have to take it home so that I could put a dowel in it so it could be hung up. My sister in law had the nerve to tell me that there was no room to hang it up in my nieces room. I was flabbergasted. All that had to be done was to remove a straw hat to another wall.

Well, I took my piece home and have never looked at it since. I have people inquiring about it and a sister who would love to have it but I promised it to my niece and I guess when she grows up and gets her own place I will give it to her.

My heart was broken that day and from now on my brothers family will never again get a craft made by me.

By the way - my two friends were thrilled with jar gifts I had given them - brownies in a jar that looked like sand art. They had never seen such things and say they won't use them but will display them in their kitchens.

Anne

I feel so bad for you! it seems many people do not teach their kids manners cause they were not taught. Others feel they aren't worthy & have a tough time saying thank you for gifts or compliments. It's not an excuse regardless. in this email age it is pretty easy to at least send a cyber thank you! give them a bit more time- the holidays can be hectic and confusing. then ask her about it. complaints however are not ok under any circumstances- how rude!
Karen

Hello,Just adding you are not alone!!I spent many long hours and even rushing to finish for Christmas crafts.I made Baskets for my closest friends,and bosses.In these baskets I put the rice bags with the peachncream bath salts material matching with peachs on it and lace.Included were the grinch cane ,perfectman,tylenol candle,innkeeper key,and shaker angel.I made 6 of these,than I did bags for 25 fellow employees with grinch cane ,tylenol candles, innkeeper keys,the perfectman salt dough ornaments,and the whisk with candy kisses.I recieved 3 yes 3 thank yous out of 31 gifts a lot of hard work and love went into each one .So I to am feeling very bad so we can cry together.Although I made the same basket for one of my sisters and I am still getting praise for hers.(She is also a crafter)Forever Crafting Friends Nanny

Gail,
I'm so sorry to hear your gifts were not well-received. I agree with you--strike those people off the hand-made gift list! I garden more than I craft now and I would LOVE the paned glass in my garden!! I can just imagine how beautiful it must be, and the hours of work to paint it!

Here's a story to cheer you. It might not sound funny at first, but I've got the biggest laugh from this:

Our son's Cub Scout pack has a cake auction every year. The boys compete for "best cake" and as a fundraiser the cakes are auctioned off with prizes donated from the community. Common auction items are free movie passes, car washes, oil changes, baseball caps, etc. I told the committee chairwoman that this year I wanted to make an afghan and donate it to the auction. (You know--a handmade afghan like the kind that sell for $60+ at craft shows!) She said, "I don't think a HOMEMADE item would be appropriate, but let me check with the committee," and she said HOMEMADE in that tone of voice that sounds like MILDEW or something nasty..... you can probably imagine that tone. I was shocked, as she had never seen ANY of my work (which is flawless--I put a lot of effort into it)and she is normally a nice person.

Anyway, she checked with the committee and apparently it is OK for me to donate the afghan "as long as I use a neutral color." Somehow I can't see a group of 6 people, 4 of which were men, discussing the appropriateness of a HOMEMADE auction item (TO COMPETE AGAINST CAR WASHES, no less) and deciding my color selection should be monitored. I mean, REALLY!! I'm pretty sure she thought of the "neutral" idea on her own, and must have been damaged by a hot pink/avacado green/orange/gold ripple afghan as a child or something!

And, by the way, I had already started the afghan by the time the committe made their decision, and it was already a neutral "buff" color WITHOUT their input on neutrality!!!

Now I'm anxious to see if it is well-received by the parents of the pack at the auction next month.....

Julie
jbeadle@twmi.rr.com

I know exactly what you are saying. Have had it happen to me,not once but twice - didn't even get the gift made!! My SIl's dil was expecting I had asked what theme, colors she was using in nursery - I wanted to make her something for her babyshower. I waited and waited and about a week before shower was told ---- what she was using, it was a theme that I had no pattern for and it was too late to start something for baby shower so I just bought some stuff and sent to babyshower as we had already made plans to be somewhere else. Same Sil, same dil, 4 years later, had another baby. Wanted to make something for Christmas for baby, I had fabric,etc. wanted to make a quilt for new baby for Christmas! Was told, oh no, she doesn't need anything like that!! A good friend of hers gave her a beautiful pink blanket and she doesn't need a baby quilt!! Now this sil and mil cann't figure out why I am making my great niece a baby quilt and also making my 3 great nephews quilts for their bunk beds and never made her granddaughters anything(they haven't said anything but everytime we go to bowling alley, I take one of them with me to work on while DH bowls & they always seem so interested in what I am doing- I wonder why??) But I do have another question, is it possible your bosses didn't know for sure the gift you put on their desk was from you and are hesitant to say anything?? I would come right out and ask them if they got the gifts you put on their desk. Otherwise just mark their names off your list next year!!

Ouch, ouch and double ouch! I'm starting to feel worse for some of you than I do myself after reading some of your stories!!!! Sad that I'm not alone in this situation, but how some of you have "kept your cool" is beyond me! At least I was just ignored and didn't have to have a face off with anyone!
Jane, yes my bosss knew the gift was from me! We are a small department and not only did their sleigh baskets have a To and From tag, I'd also personalized the Tylenol Poem with their names and at the bottom had put Happy Holidays, Gail. They knew!!! Being highly educated doesn't always insure good manners, huh? lol I'll just look at the bright side.....my list next year will be shorter and the ones who do appreciate my gifts will reap it all! :)
Happy New Year to everyone and thank you so much for sharing your stories, hopefully it's helped us all to "vent" just a bit!!!
Gail

Gail:

my 7 yo DD has a form of muscular dystrophy. She spends most of her day in her power wheelchair (cool, fast wheels!) and when she's out of it, it requires someone to lift her out and lift her back in. A LOT of people do a lot of nice things for Molly to make her a success.

So, to be super nice (as a teacher of 10 years, I know how underrated you can feel...) I try to make something almost every holiday for them. little pumpkin jars, turkey magnets from silk leaves, ghost pins from puzzle pieces, little egg candles, etc. Last year at Xmas, I made spa packs for all the teachers.

Point being: of the 17 presents I gave, I think I might have gotten 4-5 TY notes. what's up with that? Now, DD told me that, for example, the comptuer teacher RAN into DD's classroom to thank her for the pencil holder we made from AOL cds. but did that get home to me? nope. And so on. Oh, I was SO furious, I swore I was never going to give them anything again! LOL!

Last year, I gave my dad and his icky wife a wonderful calendar with full color pix of his family (no one knows if she has any family) and the calendar was personalized to include family b'days, anniv, etc. I got the, oh that's so nice, from her, and I truly feel that it never even got put up....b/c my dad was all GAGA over the calendar I made for my SISTER this year! LOL!

OK: last story: my niece is 17, very hard to buy for, and has a b'day 2 weeks before Xmas, too. Saw something on a site that she likes...a magnet memo board, and said, *I* can make this. like you, worked on it for over a week, even made magnets for it. believe it or not, it looked JUST like the picture. Mailed the sucker to NJ...cost almost $8 to mail. Dontcha know, the daggone pkg got lost. Well, they were all happy to talk about how it hadn't gotten there, blah blah, but when it FINALLY DID get there, do you think she or her mom (my sister) called? said anything about it? I found out through the GRAPEVINE! rofl! guess i'm trying to take it in stride.

I'm sorry you went through what you went through. Maybe next year, cut back on the 'non-family' gifts (like coworkers), and like everyone else said, buy your SIL a gift.

Dear Gail,

My heart breaks for you, because I have been in the
same situation several times.
I no longer make expensive, time consuming or
"top of the line" craft projects for family members.

Several years ago while in (what we hoped was) recovery
from ovarian cancer, I felt the need to do something
as a very special to thank my MIL for the caring, loving
and wonderful son that she had raised - my husband.

I worked for over 6 months making the most beautiful
"Grandmother's Flower Garden" quilt in a queen size.
I was so proud of my efforts and couldn't wait to
give it to her.

It was received graciously but quite coldly and I was
crushed but I wrote it off as my hightened sensitivity
and let it pass.

The following summer, we made a surprise visit on a
Saturday morning - to find my MIL and SILs setting up
for a yard sale. There on one of the tables was my
precious quilt - still in the box it was received in
and marked $10.00...

I was absolutely crushed, but my loving hubby stepped
in... he walked over to the table, picked up the quilt,
layed $10.00 on the table and we left.

It has taken a long time to get past the hurt but now
as I see it every morning on our bed - I only remember
a husband's Love...

~Jude~

Oh Jude, what a precious husband you have. Some people just don't get it, but your huband certainly does. Keep up the good work! And don't let others spoil it for you.

Rita

Seems to be standard for people to be rude these days, we cut back a lot this year on what we spend on family but because of that I put a LOT more thought into the gifts and apart from a "oh that's nice dear" as it was shoved in a cupboard the majority didn't even say Thank You! It can be crushing but luckily my husband, our 2 kids and my mum appreciate and love me so I just try not to worry about it, but I hope they feel slack when they get my "thank you cards" for what I recieved. Next year I plan on putting gift vouchers in envelopes and letting them try to work out what they would enjoy! Sue.

Jude your story brough tears to my eyes! I can certainly share in all of your heartache as I have waited for acknowledgement from my inlaws on a project I cross stitched once, took me 5 months with a newborn and a toddler, just wanted to make them something nice. Never heard a word from them about it - has been 7 years! Oh well, I've learned not to expect too much. But you know what makes me feel good is having people pay for my crafts at craft shows. It lets me know that I am good at what I'm doing. I also think that maybe over the 70's, 80's and 90's people have gotten so materialistic they don't apprectiate the hard work of handmade items and are used to seeing "Made in China". You know what ladies, it just takes us teaching our kids manners and appreciation, it will spread, it's got to, Right?
Until then, keep crafting, and keep your chin up! :o)

Jude--listen darlin, congratulations on your remission, and hey...anytime you feel the NEED to make another of my FAVORITE quilt patterns... my bed is QUEEN SIZE...LOL!

and you guys, I meant to post this the other day...after all that I wrote, I forgot that I forgot to send TY cards! they are hand made (will people think, oh lord, there she goes again...can't she afford real cards?!) and stamped to be mailed today!

Jude, that even hurt me. Can't believe someone could be that uncaring. Well, maybe I can. This Christmas, I got a gift from DIL, who had my name in family drawing. It was a pretty expensive antique I had given her for her last birthday. For once in my life, I was speechless.

I always make plates with all kinds of goodies for all my neighbors, but after this year I have decided to not do it again. Only one person out of 8 people thanked me. Live and learn. Julie in Fl

OK, you guys...I did mail out the (homemade) TY cards for the gifts we received, even if I said TY in person. i'm not much of a stamper yet, so I'm sure people will look at these cards and go, oh man, here she goes again.

First, I haven't made my thank you cards, much less sent them and I do every year, usually between Christmas and New Years. This year I had been ill and I just opened packages and I really don't know who gave me what for the most part so I'm having trouble figuring out what to say. I usually say thanks for whatever I/We love it and plan to do whatever with it. But I'll try to get it done soon, I'm feeling guilty bigtime now.
My first Christmas with my husband 11 years ago, we did the frantic Christmas eve in a nearby larger city shopping. We both hated it, big fight, spent way too much money and I said, no more.
The next year we either bought early or put things on layaway and it was better.
I finally got brave enough to make things the next year. He was sceptical at first but when he saw the response and the extra cash in his pocket, I took care of the supplies bought early, he was behind me 100%. Luckily all of the women are crafters or quilters, ect. and their spouses and children know about these things.
We receive verbal thank yous and sometimes notes on my Jan. birthday cards. While I've never had the awful experiences of most of you, especially you, Jude, how heartless of anyone. I love having someone take the time to make me something. I can relate.
I've only had a problem with a bachelor uncle. I sent him two knit stocking caps, he likes to jog and hike, lives on east coast so don't know where he does this, never heard if he received them. I'm still mad him.
Every other year we've jumped through hoops over his gift.We cut down on what we spent on boughten gifts this year and still spent three times on him what we did on everyone else, he is always very generous to us (even though sometimes the gifts are nothing we really care for either, but still thank him) so makes my husband feel cheap if we don't spend a lot. That's it, though, next year he is in budget and if he doesn't like it, too bad.
He wasn't impressed this year when my husband told him we were using his Christmas monetary gift, (easier to carry on plane and since he really didn't know what to get us, he explained,) to buy a hay ring for my horse and goats. My husband had already suggested before Christmas doing this with any cash gifts we received. Thought uncle was going to rip the check out of our hands, oh, well. We love the hay rack and it saves us time doing chores and the expense of hay wasted. Revenge is sweet even when you don't plan it. Should this be a hehehe? Janie

Hi, I too (like LuluTX) was taught from a very early age to send thank yous for gifts received. I can remember printing my name on a lined indentation (that my mom made with her fingernail) on store bought thank you cards. My name was about all I could write at that time and it was such a thrill to do that and to stay on "the line".

I love giving home made gifts but with life being as busy as it is now I don't do that much anymore, but I still would like an acknowledgment of packages that I send people.
I still refuse to pay that extra bit of postage for comfirmation of packages received.

With Email, this makes it a lot easier (if you have access to a computer) for folks, but I find that people are still thoughtless in this department. A message on the answering machine, or a post card (vs a letter ) would be great too.

Right now I am waiting to see if we get word on packages and money sent for Xmas to my step daughters for their children. My husband told me not to hold my breath and I'm not.

He is also tired of hearing me complain about if "whoever got whatever and why don't they let me know without my having to call or write them about it". I don't expect a lot of gushing or hurrahs about the present,just let me know you got it!

As a crafter though, it does make you feel good when the person receiving a homemade gift does like it and tells you so. We ALREADY know that we are a clever, talented and thoughtful bunch :) AND a little bragging and showing off of your gift goes a long way too...

This is a new year and I will not put myself through unnecessary aggravation because of thoughtless people anymore. Just think of the savings too... I also have some family members on my side of the family that are guilty of not responding to gifts and they will also be off my gift list.

There...I am feeling much better now. This is my NUMBER 1
pet peeve and I thank you for letting me share too. I hope you all don't mind that I was laughing (just a little) and almost near tears at some of the stories here because sometimes I just can't believe how rude people can be.

Have a wonderful day everyone and happy crafting! Carmen

Ladies,
Reading all of your incredibly painful stories is the biggest reason that I am afraid to give homemade items to family for Christmas. I am not sure I would ever be able to get past the hurt and have any type of relationship with the person again! I am not a bad crafter...as a matter of fact, I am pretty good because of a trait called "perfectionism" :) I would never consider giving something that was not 100% fabulous...but not everyone appreciates the time that creating something by hand takes.
I just have to say that I love homemade items, store bought just isn't as personal. Oh, and my perfectionism only pertains to things made by ME not by others :)
~Heidi

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to say thank you for your responses to
my post, hope that is appropriate....
I have always loved home-made (heart-made) gifts and
never consider the fact that others didn't have that
same ideal.

After we posted to this message, I was so shocked
at a cartoon that appeared in our local paper...
Maxine, of Crabby Road - I love her and have
almost considered her my "soul" sister at times. ha!ha!
Well - NOT so much anymore!
The cartoon said "You can't return homemade
gifts. You can throw them away, though."

That struck me as so hateful and hurtful....
I just think that too many people do not appreciate
the investments that we as crafters have in a project.
Not money wise but heart, soul and LOVE wise!
Thank God, there are still people like us who know
the true meaning of gift giving, and we will
continue on.....*Smile*

~Jude~

Heidi,

Stop being afraid and make those beautiful handmade heirlooms for your family!

I think the key to success is making two lists of people: those who would appreciate the gift AND the extra thought and effort and those who don't.

Not all reactions are horror stories so give it a try!

(If you want you can practice on me and I will write you the most lovely thank you note....)

Julie in Michigan

As a person who loves any little thing or trinket someone gives me, knowing they selected it just for me, I can't believe the nerve some people have!! Some of the things I've received aren't necessarily something I would buy myself, but I treasure them because they were chosen with me and my interests in mind, and I will keep them around forever. I just don't get some people... they have to get something big, something specific, or they aren't happy and they don't even think of the thought that went into it. I know how you all feel because I've been there myself, though not with handmade items.

Here's a happy story - kind of
My DIL is stationed in Germany with my son of course. She had said she was going over to Holland to visit a friend who was going to have a baby.
I just happened to have an extra Baby Quilt I had made out of Cheater Quilt cloth. (the preprinted kind) I sent it to her to take along.

A couple of weeks later I received a little a package from the girl in Holland with a small vial of Lalique Perfume (the real stuff, and a picture of the new baby.) She was so grateful and praised the little quilt to the skies.
I though that if everyone could just demonstrate half of the gratitude she did it would be so nice.

Minnie_Tx

How right you are! What a lovely story.

Anne