Joytwo, it doesn't have to be all "purchased" gifts. I give my DD little wrapped up "promise" notes, especially when she lived at home and was going to college. I would "gift" her a coupon for lets say, me doing one of her household chores for example, a coupon for me doing her chore of dishwashing for a week, or cleaning the bathroom. If kids are young, maybe give a coupon for going to the park or zoo etc (yes I know that this is something we try to do anyways), but a promised "trip" can still give gleeful anticipation. You still have to make your own magic, this is something fairly personal and sometimes singular for each person/family, what makes me and my family happy may not thrill yours. But I wish you joy in your journey for the "magic".

We live near a University, and always go to the choir/orchestra Christmas concert. It is a lovely evening to dress up, enjoy a nice dinner and then hear the glorious music.
The real warmth of Christmas comes from our many church activities...the ones where we do things for others, and ending with our Christmas eve candlelight service.

I can understand how you feel, Joytwo. We were that way ourselves, when I (finally!) put my foot down. I wanted to bring back more of the simple joy of the season and eliminate as much stress as possible. We stopped exchanging gifts with many of our friends, in lieu of little cozy, casual dinners together sometime during the holidays.
We used to spend a lot of Christmas Eve opening those gifts, but we now spend it taking a walk together after dark to see the holiday lights and farolitos on our lane, singing Christmas carols as we go; not for anyone, as we're the only ones out, but just for us. We come back to a festive little feast for just the four of us, where we sit and eat and talk for hours. Afterwards, we all cozy up together and read the Nativity story from the Bible and then "The Night Before Christmas". It's family time that night and no one is invited over. Christmas Day we host a daylong get-together for up to 21 people, so we value this quiet family night a lot!

During the Christmas Season, we're now putting more emphasis on the little holiday pleasures, like making cookies together, watching one of our collection of holiday movies, taking in the Nutcracker Ballet, building a snowman together, make the farolitos we put out on Christmas Eve, heading to the nature preserve to see the wildlife, etc.
We have another beloved family tradition, as well. The day after Christmas, we spend the entire day in our pjs or sweats, lounging around our living room family tree with a fire in the fireplace. We eat only leftovers. No cooking or clean up for me; we have lots of great leftovers! We play with the Christmas gifts/toys, read, chat and nap. Love, love, love it!

We also celebrate Twelfth Night on January 6th. There really are 12 days to Christmas and we celebrate them all, doing small, special things together.

You know, I can only remember a few gifts that I got as a kid, but I can remember in vivid detail many, many happy times spent with my family doing little things together. I want that for my kids, too.
Lynn

When I lost my husband of 38 years 5 years ago I went through the motions of Christmas that year not really having my heart into it but I knew I was missing a BIG part of my own personal enjoyment of the season as I was mourning his death. I vowed that next year that I would continue Christmas but get back to the basics and make it all about family and not the gifting. You just never know how long your loved ones will be with you. I have since remarried and we don't do gifting at all anymore unless it is something handmade. Since we both love to garden the family is supplied with homemade salsas, pickles of all kinds and relishes. I have gotten back into crafting and making ornaments for family is a big thing for me. We focus most of our attention on just enjoying having family around - watching A Christmas Story is a must. I am blessed to have my 93 year old mother living with me and I try very hard to make our Christmas as she would have spent it - big on family, good food, lots of music and counting our blessings and celebrating the birth of Christ.....

Lynne

no spirit here this year the only thing saving me is making my Christmas cards for the KT Exchange

(((((Minnie))))))) Come spend the week with us! We are in Central Texas.

I hope you find some magic, Joy!
And yes, you have to work at it.
My dad was buried on Christmas Eve when I was a teen, so it is always bittersweet.
But there are so many groups that need help this time year...I wrap gifts for the needy at church..that puts you in the spirit...to know you are making someone else happy.

Bake some cookies, put up some decos, play the music, find someone to make happy...and then you will feel it in your heart again, I hope! Volunteer to read to the children at your local library...so many ways...

And yes, find out when the local school concert is, or the community church performance of The Messiah, and go...it will lift you!

I can understand how hard it is to get into the spirit of Christmas. I am a single mom and my kids are with my ex for the holiday. Since my family lives a distance away I spend the day alone. But the past few years I have tried to get back into the spirit by making most of the gifts I give to family and friends. I always listen to holiday music while I work on them. We make it a point to start early watching at least one Christmas movie on DVD as a family. We also go out several times to check out all the holiday decorations that we can find. We also put up a lot of our own decor in the house. The kids and I have our Christmas on Christmas Eve and I make a point of enjoying the quiet alone time while they are with their dad. I hope everyone who is struggling with this can find the things that meant something to them when they were a child. Those are the things that are most likely to give you the spirit that you are searching for.

Minnie, my heart breaks for you...I wish you could join Jaybird (what a sweet invitation).

This thread has me in tears. Something very unusual for me here.

hugs to all,
Karen

Minnie, my heart breaks for you also. What can we do to help you?

I decided a few years ago to slow down and enjoy the holidays instead of trying to make everything perfect. I was always tired and didn't enjoy making cookies with my girls because I thought of all the things that had to be done. Now if all the decorating gets done that is great but if I don't put all the lights outside or whatever I can still enjoy myself and we have a much better time.

I loved when the start of the holiday season was Thanksgiving instead of September.

We are a little sad this year as my dear niece who has a brain tumor is declining daily. We are hoping that she will make it through one more Christmas, but if she does or does not, we will have our main focus on every activity that our church has; all the concerts, the Christian School plays, the Christmas bazaar. If your church doesn't have bazaars or concerts, most newspapers list them, and they can usually get you in a festive mood. We also ride around to see all the lights and take pictures of them as well. We have "mandatory fun" for the teenagers in the family, which is cookie baking and pizza. They claim to "HATE IT" but we notice that even when the baking is done (they don't have to stay beyond that) they are still lingering around. We also go with our church to the nursing home visits and the community outreach to the neighborhood. If you have alone time, what about curling up with a good Christmas book (my preference is Christmas mysteries, an Amazon.com search will list hundreds), a hot beverage, and a fire if you have a fireplace, or lots of candles, and Christmas music in the background.

Minnie, I feel so bad for you and I am so thankful for all that I have - I hope I didn't bring up bad feelings for anyone.
I think my problems is that I have four children and the good times was when they were children. They are all grown and their cookie baking is with their kids. They all come for Christmas Eve and Day - I think I miss all the pre Christmas stuff.

Ah, Joytwo, your last post explains things better, now I understand why you are sad. I am in the same situation (only one child though, less "child opportunity") When my DD moved out, things changed so much for the holidays, the lead up into Christmas is just not the same, after all she has to establish her own tradtions with her SO, and her future family. You are lucky to see them Christmas day and Christmas Eve, I basically have to choose "which" day for her to come over with her SO, often it is Christms Eve instead of Christmas Day, and Christmas Day, rather than the Eve was the more "celebrated" day for me and my family. So I a still getting used to the change, I am still unhappy with it, but I do try to make the best of things for everyones sake. I am not saying it is easy, it is still very hard for me. I am trying to look at things in the way of starting new tradition. Perhaps you can start a new tradition of doing a cookies making or a craft making day just for you and your grandchildren a week or two ahead of Christmas, that way you start something special with your family that is yours and also making something that your gradkids look forward to every Christmas. Another fun idea is to go in the car with hot chocolate and treats and go touring the houses in the neighborhood, with all that joy and Christmas music in the car, it can't help but lift your spirits.

Minnie, I am sorry you are feeling bad right now too, and it does help to reach out, I hope if no one is near you to comfort you that the ladies and sometimes gents can give you some comfort here if you let us.

My heart hurts for you, Minnie, and for everyone who's feeling sad, lonely and/or lost thinking about the upcoming holiday season. My own response was geared towards focusing on the happiness of the season instead of the gifts and buying. Clearly though, there are many other factors that can cause sadness.
I do a lot of volunteer work in the community and have for many years. I can tell you from my own experience, that there are many, many organizations out there who would be very grateful for another helping hand.
You don't have to have a lot of extra time or money to make a difference in the lives of others, you just have to make that initial effort to reach out and volunteer . . . in the grade school in your community, if you're known there. In a soup kitchen, a community food bank, clothing bank, your local animal shelter, library or museum. The list is endless but the results are the same: you make the world a little better, you make new friends and you get back even more than you give.
Lynn

What a wonderful caring group we have here on Holidays! You are all amazing! It is so true that we just never know what is happening in other's lives and something as small as a smile or holiday greeting may help in some small way.

Minnie, I had thought you had a son nearby. Is he okay? Is he busy with work or other family members and cannot join you for the holiday? I certainly hope he is okay. I'm hoping you have a Christmas song or show playing while you create your cards--maybe you could make a few extras and hand deliver them to some neighbors and friends--that would give you a chance to chat a bit and even enjoy seeing their decorations. I know it is so sad to have to spend the holiday alone--but then we must remember that we are never truly alone if we remember the "reason for the season", He is with each of us.

Luvs

I sure can understand where they are coming from. It seems the only joy for me is the days leading up to christmas. Bur then it's always a dissapointment. This yr I'm going to try something different. I'm going to have christmas in my shop. When our kids all get together there is a bunch. The only electric I have there is an ext. cord. I want to only light the tree. I want to use candles as the main lights. See if I can get back to the simpler times.

I think the idea about church services (particularly a Christmas-Eve candlelight service) and volunteering your time to help others are definitely the 2 best ideas here. I've always heard that getting the focus off of your own situation by helping the less fortunate is a true spirit-lifter and I believe it to be true. God bless you, Minnie. I hope you will be able to find something that works for you.

We often think that everyone has the big happy family around the table for Christmas dinner, then the perfect family opening gifts by the fireplace, but that is TV, it's not reality!

I guess in my own mind, I also let TV and the movies lull me into thinking that is what I should have!! It never has been that way & probably never will.

Because of someone in our family (married into) our Christmas was totally ruined last year. I worked so hard to make it the grandest day for my grandson & other grandchildren & someone came in & ruined it all.

I actually threw my tree & all the ornaments in the trash last year! I said "never again"!

This year we are taking my son & the grandchildren out of town for Christmas! We will be trying something completely different and staying at a lodge in a condo in another state!

My grandson asked me yesterday if I could bring some of the special foods that I prepare for Christmas & if I could take my crockpot for some of the special things I make!

I said " I sure can" so now I'm excited to be making the special foods they enjoy & taking them with.

Not to bring anyone down, but my own childhood memories of Christmas were of being lonely, mostly. I am an only child & only company we had were older aunts & uncles & no kids to play with or share my new toys with, so every year I have to put on a happy face for my grandchildren so as not to spoil their memories of the holidays!

I wish there was someway for all who have little or no family, to unite on that day & spend it together, I really do.

Minnie, my heart goes out to you, I really mean that, cause I have no holiday spirit either, but will not let my grandchildren know that!!

A friend of my sons is having an "orphans Thanksgiving" he is divorced with 3 kids & no family in town, so he is inviting anyone & everyone who has no other place to be that day!

Guess I've rambled on enough, just hope those of you who are having a difficult time this holiday season know that you are NOT alone!

Judith, you know my heart breaks for you also, being alone on Christmas day. Wish we could be together!!! We all long for the days when our children were small & we looked forward to their bright eyes on Christmas morning!

God bless, now I have tears running down my face!!!

Ever since I can remember my Mom always invited people over that would be alone for the holidays and I've always done the same thing. Sometimes we have some real nice people and sometimes people that are a little strange but it is always different.

My family (brother with family and single brother) lives on the other coast of FL so I don't see them on the holidays but always invite them. My parents passed in 07 and 08 but they had lived over there to.

Thanks for all the good thoughts. I'm ok DS lives nearby and we usually spend some time together at Christmas but the glow has gone I start my tv viewing early I have dozens of Christmas tapes. We had a couple of big yard sales this summer and after they were over I decided to get ready for the next one by cleaning out over 40 years of Christmas and other holidy decor and getting them all priced. Most of them are over at storage at DS and when oter DS comes in in the spring we will have a couple of sales.
I just kept the things tht really meant a lot to me . But I do miss the decorating of every shelf in the house etc. but just don't want to do it anymore. I will still do my front porch Christmas decor and put up the small tree. I think since we all decided not to exchange gifts this year the sparkle kind of went out. Just getting down to basics.

Life is not only made of happiness, it's also sometimes made of sadness. It's quite normal and understandable.

The last big Christmas family feast organized was in 1988. I gathered my family (my parents, grandparents, sister and her boyfriend, aunt, uncle, cousin...) and my in-laws at home and it was a true celebration of Christmas as in my childhood.

Since then, Christmas is celebrated in small committee: my parents, my son and I; because my sister would rather spend Christmas with her in-laws.

Since her two children died, my aunt and her husband don't celebrate Xmas any more.

My grandmother is too old for these feasts.

This year, my parents go to Spain from December 1 to January 31, we will therefore be alone my son and I to celebrate Christmas.

But I decided that I would not be alone on this day! I will host a Christmas Eve for my friends who are single and whose children will be with their father on December 24th. In Belgium, Christmas Eve is important, 25th being reserved for visits to those that weren't with us on Xmas Eve.

There will be no gifts either - except for my son - as my gift will be the meal.

Although I intend to add to the spirit of Christmas by asking my friends to come early in the day to prepare the dinner while listening to Christmas music. It is some kind of secular event instead of a Christian one as in Belgium, churches are almost empty all the year and we won't be attending the Midnight Mass (which is celebrated at 10 PM)

I had two options: staying alone with my son and not celebrate Christmas or invite other lonely people, giving some pleasure or happiness. I chose the second solution, I won't be thinking about those I miss, especially my cousin who should have been my age now and with whom I grew up, my sister, who prefers her in-laws...

Minnie, I'm glad you have a son near by and will see him Christmas. But I'm still very sad the 'glow' has gone for you. And that 40 yrs of decorations are being sold. Just getting down to the 'basics' seems to have taken away some of your spirit, since you said you missed all the decorating. If its gotten too much work, or difficult for any reason, then its time to pare down of course. But I hope you still will try to do some special decorating just for yourself.
I have to admit that for a couple years, I didn't bother to decorate at all. I didn't care at all about Xmas! I went to my kids', whoever was holding our family buffet-gift exchange Xmas Eve get together, but just went thru motions. I really none of the true spirit myself. After Jason's horrible injuries, and losing my Mom a few months later, I just lost all heart for awhile. My whole focus on was on Jas and his recovery, and our lives were very different for a long time. All the normal things that use to bring me joy just suddenly ceased to be! And I lived in total fear of something happening to someone else I loved. It was a horrible time. But slowly I started decorating for Xmas again, and found it was good for ME. Then finding this forum and seeing what REAL holiday decorating is, LOL, I've really got into the spirit again. I hope you someday find yours back.
Its so hard for me to decorate (physically), that I ask myself if I really want to struggle thru two weeks of setting up my Xmas things. But yes, I do. I love Xmas decorations, I wish they were up a lot longer in fact.
I also wish I had help. LOL DH does nothing in that respect. He wouldn't care if there were no decorations or a houseful. All the same to him. He just says "whatever makes you happy, Dear", and heads to the golf course.
I get so much encouragement and spirit from everyone here tho, that its as if you all are right here beside me helping constantly.

hugs, Karen

Minnie, I am so glad your DS is still close by and will share at least a part of the holiday with you. You are right to keep a few special decorations and put them out for yourself if for no one else!

Karen, my DH doesn't participate in the decorating either, and thinks I'm a little nuts for doing all that work--and I sometimes think he is right, especially since we usually do Christmas at DS house now. But I enjoy seeing all the pretty colors and sparkly things, so I guess I do it for me. I'm afraid that when I stop, I will be missing out on celebrating and enjoying the holiday. I want to keep enjoying each holiday just as long as I physically can. Wish we weren't all so far apart, then we could offer assistance to each other for the physical part or the how to part, or just to celebrate with each other! Luvs

Yeah, Luvs, we could sure do a lot of enabling if we lived closer. LOL, but what fun! I think I've learned a lot here on this Forum, not just about decorating, but enjoying doing things like that for MYSELF. It has been very good for me as I become more and more housebound with the Fibromyalgia. My spirits immediately lift seeing pretty, and festive decorations. And I figure when the physical part gets too bad in the future, I'll still be able to sit at the kitchen table and play with my Stacked Plates. LOL. Nothing is keeping me from them!! I don't intend to give up decorating again now I figured out its good for the soul. Or at least is in my case.

Sorry your DH is a bit too much like mine in this respect.
But they make up for it in others, so we better hang on to them. LOL.

hugs, Karen

So many of the thoughts and feelings written here hit home. Depression sets in this time of year because we live far away from other family members. DD and grandchildren, mom and gram in Fla. DH mom and dad and my bros in Ohio. Youngest dd is here but she's 18..you know how 18yr olds can be!! So independent and all. But thanks to you all I'm getting back into the decorating again. It brings back the good memories of childhood. Growing up Santa brought everything,tree, deco's and presents!! My poor mom...cause dad didn't help. Then when I got to the age of nolonger believing I helped. And fineally Did it all myself. I just love the sparkle and shine of the decorations. The last couple of years I've been focusing on my faith in decorations. Angels on the tree. and nativities. That's what it's about.
Thanks everyone for being such a wonderful caring groupe of people.

((((((((Minnie)))))))))) I pray that you somehow find the joy again.

I too am in Central Texas!!! We should have a girls day before Christmas, go have coffee and cookies, giggle like we were kids again, attend a craft show or find something to do that we all enjoy.
I sometimes have a tendency to get a little "blue" during this time of year because my DH usually has to work on Christmas (for some reason people don't stop committing crimes on holidays...go figure) and due to the fact that I miss the many family members who have passed away and can no longer have those wonderful Christmas times with. I'm sure it'll be a bit worse since the recent loss of my dad.
I have no family here except my hubby, 2 kids and ailing grandmother, but I have learned more and more that family isn't always what you were born into...it's those people that God places in your lives.
Let me know if ya'll are game for a few hours of merry-making?

Ever read this poem? It speaks to all of us oldies who struggle to keep Christmas in our hearts.
This is a link to the new addition - same words, I think, just new cover.

Here is a link that might be useful: A Cup of Christmas Tea

addition = edition

I have that book, found at TS last year. I'll have to find it and reread it, thanks for the reminder. Luvs

Christmas will be sooooooooooooooooooo different here this year as well.I always go overboard with decorating and gifts.But a few years ago all my friends and i agreed to not give each other gifts anymore as we all had what we needed and wanted and our families were growing with grands and great grand,and like we said we didn't need gifts to prove our friendshps.It was hard getting used to it but we did.

My grands have all moved away and i still send pkgs to them,they will be smaller this year,but the kids are young still all under 4,and they like anything.

Since i'm battleing this BC this year,i can't get out to do a lot of shopping either,and i'll have my 4th chemo the day before christmas,so i know i won't feel up to doing all that decorating,and my DH has never helped with the decorating either.He's one of the Bah Humbug guys when it comes to xmas.

I'll still enjoy mu xmas movies and my tv shows though.It'll be different,i'll survive it though.

Kathi

Kathi, I know how much you've always enjoyed making things and decorating for Christmas. I remember the pics you've shared of ornaments and the stacked snowman cans. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of treatments and not feeling well, but will pray that you will be all healed and able to do all the decorating and crafting you want to by this time next year. ;o) Maybe you could have the little ones Moms shop for you this year then you wouldn't have to worry about shopping and mailing packages. Be sure to have them send you lots of pictures too. Luvs

Kathi, I'll be sending prayers and loads of good thoughts for you daily. I'm so sorry for what a rough Christmas you are facing.

hugs, Karen