Man! The bad luck gurus of building new have followed you into the buying mode.Sooner or later your luck is bound to change.If it were me, i would pack it in and homestead some land in australia and live off the land.What could go wrong there outside of getting eaten by a croc.

Hopefully you can work something out with the sellers.All the best to you and the sellers with the ill son!

loves2read, this is a horrible situation, and I'm sorry. The other folks are probably unable to think about anything right now, and may just not be able to deal with the idea of a 60-day extension, regardless of how good an idea it is. You know how this is from your own experience, as you say, and so do I.

DH and I, when we were looking for a house several years ago, physically looked at a total of 82 houses before we picked the one that was just right for us, not counting all we looked at on realtor.com. If I were in your situation I'd make sure the realtor had been able to reach the other folks in a quiet moment and had explained to them that there is really no risk for them in this 60-day option. If they just can't do it, I think you'll feel better if you let it go, but only you can make that decision of course. I bet your perfect house is only 78 houses away! I wish you good luck. Please let us know what happens.

This happened in Seattle a few months back and the new buyers were publicly shamed on the news on several different occasions for not cancelling the purchase and sale agreement due to the new circumstances the seller was going through with their school age son who had cancer. I completely agree it's unfair, but I would hate to see you or your family portrayed as unkind and selfish as this family was.

I think it is beyond selfish to expect ANYTHING from this family. Leave them alone, they shouldn't have to deal with you right now. You are dead wrong to push them out now.

SUSANKA--thanks for seeing that we aren't ghouls--
we have been in this situation and believe me--emotions rule the roost and change from minute to minute--

right now they may not know what they are doing 4 hours from now and the idea of projecting into the future is beyond them...but if we were good enough to react w/sympathy now in this situation, I would like to think that we would do the same in 60 days...

The best we can do I think is the right-of-first-refusal option...
but I don't know that we can even enforce it---unless it includes that they pay a penalty for NOT offering the house to us--my realtor said that I would see it when it showed up on MLS because I am always looking--but I told her if we were out of town on vacation, it would have listed, had an offer, and been gone in a week or less...and she said that was true--

just that we are jinxed---maybe our house is refusing to let us go...

maybe you should read before you write---we are not "pushing them out" of anywhere...

That is horrible for the people that own the house. No matter what you do except letting go of the house will seem pushy and more than they want to deal with at this point.

What is often done with a first refusal (at least from what I've seen, we saw a couple of properties that had it in TX) is that it gets recorded as a lien on the property so they can't sell without you signing off on it. When we looked at properties one had it signed already and another was in dispute over it.

Hi, loves2read -- As I said, I've been there too, so I know. I'd take away the penalty idea from your right-of-first-refusal option. That way they have no risk (I think) and might be able to consider it. I forgot about the penalty part in my earlier post. I can't imagine they would be able to think about anything now that could possibly cost them money or fraught emotions. If it's a totally safe situation for them they might be able to say yes, but maybe not even then, and in your shoes I would also want them to be reassured that you're not going to push anything or sue them. I'm afraid for you that they just won't be able to deal with it. MDAnderson is a great cancer center, by the way. I hope they know that. My daughter-in-law used to be a nurse there.

Are you in Texas, or somewhere else?

Their son has cancer; you want them out of their house... and YOU think YOU are jinxed????

I've followed to some extent your efforts to buy land & build, and also to buy an existing house. I know you've been through some very frustrating experiences.

I'd simply walk away from this situation - anything you do is not likely to result in a happy ending.

The perfect house is out there waiting for you to find it.

If I were the sellers I wouldn't agree to anything because it would be just another thing I would have to deal with later. Who knows what kind of time, money and heartache they will be dealing with in 60 days.

If I were you, I would drop it completely and send a sympathy card and let them know that it would be great if they contacted you when they are ready to sell again.

If you don't handle this the right way, you really won't get the house.

Throughout all of the stress of building this past year, I always try to remind myself that it is JUST a HOUSE...not LIFE & DEATH! You have had some bad luck trying to find the perfect spot for you and your family...do you really want this type of bad karma following you around too? My heart really goes out to this family. All they want is to be able to concentrate on what is really important...their family and their son's health. Take the high road here- something better will come along! I am typically a strict enforcer of contracts but not in a case like this. I know that you must be so disappointed with the news, but you surely must have realized that the bulk of the sympathy was not going to lie with you.

Just let it go and move on--

There's absolutely no possible way you can hang on to this contract and make it work without coming out smelling like a sewer. Anything you do--- anything at all-- is going to appear selfish because it is. You'll engender all sorts of bad feelings and bad will not only with the sellers but also with your agent and each and every person your agent ever tells this story to-- and believe me, they will. They probably already have.

Your best course of action would be to get on the phone right this instant and call the agent and eat some serious crow.

I stand by my remarks, you do want to be pushy. I think it is extremely selfish for you to do anything. You must understand that my reaction is exactly what you will have to deal with in person if you go forward with this in any way.

I find the following statement repulsive..."would like it to be at same price since we are giving up getting a house at good price when our market is likely to increase for foreseeable future... " Why should grieving parents have to pay the mortgage, insurance and maintenance cost for a home and yet not get to enjoy the benefits of appreciation? Can you really justify making these people suffer financially just because you want their house? I'm sure, during these trying times, that they will need every penny they can find to help their ailing son. Where is your empathy?

You said yourself that you are "selfish enough" and feel "pretty shallow". That says it all right there.

I guess I'm coming across harsh and I know you are disappointed, I'm just shocked at the lack of compassion here.

charliedawg: And if the seller puts the house back on the market next month... or if, immediately after getting out of their contract with loves2read, they turn around and accept a higher offer...

loves2read,

I don't have the right answer for you, but you've gotten a nice range of responses. I just wanted to say that if I were in your situation, I'd have similar questions as well. Yes, it's a heartbreaking situation, but legally, you ARE in escrow. There are MANY heartbreaking situations in this world...I don't blame you at all for trying to get advice and exploring your options. I'd do the same...that's why we're all here, to share information and opinions. Best of luck to you!

Just HOW badly do you want this house? Here's how I would handle it: They can't think of anything but their son right now. But soon they'll be able to and they'll be looking at big expenses, even after insurance. Money will start to figure into their thinking more. So, would you extend the time frame for them to move-out? If your option is to spend many more months with yet another MLS search, then you can surely give them some more time in the house after the closing. Offer them six months to move out.

If they still won't go for it, up the ante. If you really want the house, and you realize you're gonna pay more for any house as time goes on and may not get the one you want, then offer them a new deal and pay them MORE for the house. Carrots (and kind consideration) usually work better than sticks.

Oh--and as to the sticks, get a real estate attorney today to advise you as to how these legalities can be handled. Do not depend on your agent or broker. Tell him/her you will not sue; that you're paying him to help you get the house you want without a lawsuit, so you need ideas on how to sweeten the business deal so they'll sell. Attorneys see a lot of deals; good ones share that info. with their clients (once they realize they're not going to make the really big bucks off a potential lawsuit).

Why shouldn't everybody win?!

juniork--think we are in option period for 10 days then if WE decide to exercise the option and complete the purchase we are in escrow period--when really neither party can backout w/o more serious problems--like appraisal does not meet selling price and we can't agree on final figure...

guys--most of you who think our actions are basically low-class, you are taking this all at face value because they called up the big C card--which is usually guaranteed to get total sympathy when it is played...but you know we have no proof that what they said is really true...

Bet you think asking for proof of the illness would really make us ghouls--

DH does not want to do that--but during the years I taught school I saw a lot of cruelty in families that was a real eye-opener. I worked five years as caseworker in Health and Human Services for the state...I learned not to take ANYONE at face value.

The times that I did--bent the rules because of sympathy I felt for a client w/a sad story and who had a need AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT--felt that the person was NOT abusing the system--like elderly people who received a very minimal amount of food stamps or a working mom trying to get some insurance for her children because there was an absent father and her two part-time jobs provided no coverage for them--I got burned.

A random on-site, more detailed audit done by the department would find that the client was NOT entitled to those benefits, that there was deliberate fraud involved---client gets in trouble--very few went to jail, mostly just had to pay back of amount received by having any entitled benefits reduced or having their IRS refund appropriated...

In some of those cases, I knew that I had not persued the proper format and made them provide the documentation they were supposed to--I let them slide-- because I was sorry for them--and they played me...

It happens...people claim their kids have cancer and get donations for a "cure" when there is no child involved at all, much less one with cancer...girl claims that she needs breast implants because she had breast cancer when she just wants to get a free boob job--people lie...people lie a lot...I am not saying these people ARE lying--I am saying we are taking their statement at face value...which means WE are trusting them --unseen, unknown--to be honest.
(They could be lieing to their real estate agent as well--we don't know any of these people and unless we ask for proof, have no way to really verify anything.)

I appreciate those of you who did respond w/o so much emotion--if there is one thing I have learned from being on this forum for past couple of years it is that bringing emotion into this process of building/buying/selling homes is often self-defeating and creates more problems than solutions...

I'm sure there are more cases of abusing the systems of this world than any of us care to believe. But, I think a person has to make a choice. I choose to believe that every person can be taken at face value until they prove otherwise. Will I get burned? sure. But it's this choice that effects my perception of the world around me and I choose to perceive it in a more positive light. Alright.......enough, back to buying houses...hehehehe

I don't think it's out of line to ask for a 60 or even 120 day extension. I'm sure they don't want to deal with any more than they have to right now, but the contract on their house is something they have to deal with. Do you think the mortgage company is going to say, "ohh, cancer, well please disregard your payments until you can think about them again" ???

You've gotten a broad range of responses, and I fall in the middle. I think in a perfect world, they could have 120 days to gather themselves and then would need to address the fact that they have a contract to honor.

All that being said, Would it be nice and sympathetic if you just disappeared? yes.

You posted here...on the building a house forum about a completely unrelated issue to building a house...and yet, you call us out for having an opinion? Come on...be fair. You posted specifically to elicit some sort of response from the readers of this forum...well, you got one. Deal with it. I'm sorry that you've seen so much in your life that you've lost your naivete. Yes, people lie. Yes, people cheat. But, yes, when people bring in the C-word, it does give them a free pass. You mentioned that you had a child with cancer...think back to how you would have felt if someone still wanted to talk business with you when you just wanted to focus on family.

Why don't you reserve these posts to the buying and selling a home forum? Maybe you'll get the validation you obviously seem to need there.

loves2read: I think you've gotten pushed into a corner here. In your last post you implied you'd give them a pass on the sale if their kid in fact has cancer. I didn't get that impression from your first post; I thought you wanted to pursue your contract either way.

You don't owe anybody here a justification. You have to feel good about what you do. I can tell you're really frustrated, but I hope you'll handle this in a way that won't taint the way you and DH feel about living in the house, assuming you get it.

Why don't you make your agent take them your offer to extend the option period for 60 days, rather than letting her second guess them? Make sure they have a tight deadline to respond, so you can still come back to them with something else.

This is a business deal; try to keep it that way. No personal notes of sympathy, etc. Tell your agent if you don't get this house you'll probably build, which cuts her out of a commission. Tell her you will probably hire a lawyer to force them to perform their contract. Let her do her job by asking their agent what is needed to bring this to a successful close; then decide if their terms are acceptable to you.

I know you want this house at the price you offered and when you want it. You're not likely to get that. Try to set the emotion aside, including your own frustration, and work out a new deal from here. Again, how badly do you want this house?

Myself, I'd feel squeamish about the whole deal. Especially if I later found out the son really did have cancer. But that's me. If that wouldn't color your feelings about your home, then proceed ahead. And get a lawyer right now for some help. Or don't you want the house that badly?

"Going back into MLS search may not be productive for another two years... "

Or it could be productive next week.

"I appreciate those of you who did respond w/o so much emotion--if there is one thing I have learned from being on this forum for past couple of years it is that bringing emotion into this process of building/buying/selling homes is often self-defeating and creates more problems than solutions..."
I just re-read this post. I can't even believe that I am responding again, but OMG! Aren't you the one who had a total freak out before about trees being cut down on property that you were only considering buying? If that's not you, I apologize, but if it is...then the above statement is the most hilarious, ironic thing that I have ever read on this forum. It's nice that people are able to learn from their pasts.

Dixie, Do ya think she was referring to me being one of those that responded with a little too much emotion..hmmmmmm? LOL I've been told a time or two that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. :)

I just reread your OP and I was mistaken in thinking you wanted ideas for a solution to your contractual problem. I see now you were looking more for emotional support to help you in continuing to deal with your disaster-ridden project.

I also reread some of your earlier posts, and now I have to agree with you that your pursuit of a house is jinxed. Everything you've tried has been fraught with disaster and is actually causing harm to other people as well as frustrating you. It can only be BAD KHARMA. Which means, it's not going to end.

There are only 2 solutions to your dilemma: (1)Sit quietly in a small room and do not involve yourself in the world and other people's lives for a few weeks until the intensity of this wave subsides. Learn mindfulness meditation(Zen). Do NOT sit there fuming or ruminating or thinking. Just sit and Be. (2)After a time, begin to do good works for as many hours a day as you have available--in order to create as much good kharma as possible. This will pay off, in time, in your own life and the lives of others you interact with.

You said perhaps your current house does not want to let go of you. Bingo! As you probably know, that translates to: You are not ready to let go of your current house. (Was that, by chance, the house where you nursed your son through his cancer? Or is there some other memory there you're finding it hard to walk away from?) In time, you will be ready to let go of it. Don't push the river.

We all responded on the wrong level. This is a metaphysical problem and you won't solve it, or stop pulling the world into your cycle of bad kharma, until you deal with it on that level.

Namaste.

tragusa3--the 60 or 120 day extension of the option to purchase was my first reply too--give them a breathing period to reassess what what going on...but they did not want US in the driver's seat since an extended option would still have maintained our right to purchase as the negotiated price. They did not want any boundaries on their decision making according to our realtor. She called their realtor asking for a 6 mo first refusal contract and they reluctantly gave that...Talking to our realtor initially, I did not feel that she would have support us if we said sorry--we want to continue with the contract. She said "You can't make someone sell a home if they don't want to---" which I thought was wrong if there was an enforceable contract and you were willing to invest a lot of time and money with lawyers---She just wanted us to drop it...period...almost seemed more like she wsa acting as their agent instead of ours.
You are right that cancer is not a trump card in other business dealings...in fact, we did forget to make a mortgage payment when our son was going through chemo and got a pretty nasty letter about being delinquent...when I called to explain, they just wanted us to know what would happen if other payments were late so we better get the checks in on time...
life in general does not stop when people have cancer...

dixiedoodle--yes, I was the person who was so upset when the developer cut trees we had expected would be there on the lot we optioned--and I remember I got some sympathic comments and some that said don't get all emotional because the developer did not owe us anything at that point in time.

...legally, these sellers had NO right to back out...cancer does not cut any weight there...so reacting emotionally and sympathetically was the only reason to cut them slack...

People post lots of things on ths site--not just about the house they are building--there are posters on this site whose opinions I have come to value even if they do disagree with my opinion so I get insight from comments...no, I don't always agree with what people write either about my posts or others...don't think you do either from what you posted to me...isn't that the point of a board like this...I just was kind of amazed that everyone DID pretty much take this story at face value...yet most people tell you to check references and have inspectors review a builder's work and make sure both people have to sign the checks...

I picked up the right-of-first-refusal "contract" yesterday about 5 from my realtor's office. Frankly, looking at it just made me feel more suspicious about this situation.

Don't think any title attorney worded this or prepared it as my realtor said they had done. There are two pretty obvious grammatical errors that I, an English teacher, saw right away but that an average person might not. I think an attorney or legal secretary has too much exposure to legal documents and proper grammar to make those mistakes. They know that a grammatical error can affect the value of a "legal" document. So I think their realtor did it.

It looks like it was generated off someone's office computer/printer, generic paper. The two copies we got have no original signatures of the sellers and their agent. There are no addresses/contact information for our names or theirs--although you assume theirs would be the house they were selling. There is no mention of why we are foregoing the original contract (the serious illness of their son) -- it sounds like both parties just decided to amicably change their minds---which is not the case at all.

There is no notary wittness on theirs nor one required for ours so it can't be filed at courthouse to act as hold on property and actually prevent sale for 6 months...there is no indication that the sale price would be the one we negotiated for this contract...which is what we expected...they could set the price 100,000 higher--we refuse--and they lower the price by the same amount and sell 24 hrs later to whomever...

Basically there is no way to enforce this---they could turn around and put the house up in June and we could do nothing...DH says that if we tried to continue the contract and they still refused and we sued to claim breach of contract, technically we have suffered no monetary damages which is the only thing a judge would rule on---having to buy a house that is more expensive or that we like less then theirs is too nebulous for a judge to set a real value on---taking them to court and having them evicted if we did win the suit is not exactly the way you want to introduce yourself to the neighbors...

DH said that if they are the kind of people who would use an excuse like they did then he does not want anything to do with them and they are going straight to the big bonfire...I would just like to know the truth of the situation...

Your DH has an intersting point. Looking at it from both sides:

- Let's assume they are telling the 100% truth. Their son has brain cancer and they're devastated. So it's perfectly reasonable to expect that their not at their sharp-minded legal best and basically just said "Make this mess go away!" until they know which end is up. They would not be in any position right now to make good decisions; they know it - and are acting accordingly. If this is the case, the best thing you could do would be to let them know you're sorry about their situation and that you're still interested in the house if they do decide to sell. This 'contract' -- even if it's 'legal toilet paper' -- does accomplish that goal.

- Now lets assume that the 'cancer-story' is an elaborate ruse to get out of the sale. This makes them slimy people who will stoop to virtually any depths to wiggle out of a sale they've decided they don't want to go through with. And if this is the case, you probably *don't* want to do business with them, and a 'toilet paper' contract is probably as much in your best interests as theirs, since it obligates you to nothing.

In either case, the answer is the same -- Let it be.

I'm hoping the MLS-search will turn up the 'meant to be' house for you soon.

Maybe you should call MD Anderson and tell them you have flowers to deliver to their son (you know the last name right?) and if they say no one by that name is there, then you'll have your answer.

Or you could just forget about it and move on with your life and let these people do the same.

Are you a difficult person to deal with? You know in your heart the answer to this question. If the answer is yes then try to lighten up. Roll with the punches a little bit. You'll find that things fall into place if you give them some room.

I don't know what is worse...

Lying and saying your son has cancer to get out of a contract or blindly accusing parents of lying about a son having cancer in order to enforce a contract. Either way this is an ugly situation.

The advice you have rec'd in this thread has been rather consistant. Even if some people were nicer about it than others, it's still the same advice. LET......IT.......GO.

BJ atlantas last post was awesome. Honestly, I can't tell whether she is being sarcastic or sincere. But, the post has merit and maybe you should take her advice.

I believe in a form of Karma too and personally, I wouldn't live in that house for anything. But, I get the impression that this isn't about the house for you, I think it's about the battle. Ask yourself honestly, is this all about the win?

What is the big deal? You "decided last week to shop hard on MLS." What are you out? A few hundred dollars (if that) and ten hours of your time? Your builder/architect/subdivision problems are irrelevant As is the fact that you decided to pass on two homes that are now under contract.

It's not like since going under contract you sold your house, enrolled your kids in a new school and bought 50k worth of furniture. Let it go. If you paid for an inspection or you paid a lawyer ask to be reimbursed.

KATS--I asked myself the same thing and I do think it is partly the battle--I don't like to be taken advantage of--I do carry a grudge--but I am an awesome friend or parent or teacher cause I never give up -- so my commitment can work to someone's advantage...
their house itself had a nice aura--you just felt good in it---could tell that they had taken care of it very well even though it was a little dated...very welcoming...don't know that we would be intimidated by their son returning there...we lived in this house before/during/after our son's cancer---he lived here after finishing college even--don't feel bad karma here...the kids love to come home...

Sweeby--DH is a good balance for me---he deals with contracts and contrary people all day long and is as mild as milk (as they used to say) 97.5% of the time. He is like the consigliore or the peace maker at his job. He calms everyone down and tries to get the deal done so everyone is happy...

Kellyeng-- MD Anderson is like a small city within Houston--multiple clinics, research centers, hospitals, and doctors--probably has phone book a inch thick. Plus hospitals won't tell you if someone whose name you don't know is a patient--at least the last few times I tried to call someone who was in hospital--calling for a friend in a Chicago hospital, I had to know the floor or the room she was on and ask for the room specifically...she was using her first married name --not her current one-- because that is how her health insurance is carried and I did not know that..I asked for her by her current name and ws told she was not there a couple of times before her sister told me how to reach her...they did not want people fishing around for info because of the new HIPPA (I think that is it) rules...

charliedawg:
Re your comment: BJ atlantas last post was awesome. Honestly, I can't tell whether she is being sarcastic or sincere.

I say: not black or white, but black AND white. We Westerners do better when we get beyond dualistic thinking.

The other thing I often think about is the Chinese character that represents both crisis and opportunity. There are both here, but not on the level of a material dwelling. Once the spiritual is taken care of, the material problems will resolve themselves.

Everyone has struggled through their own emotional reactions in responding to loves2read and it's been a lovely thing to see.

My philosophy is "everthing happens for a reason." With that I say let it go, it's not meant to be. What you call a jinx I call a blessing. Ever stop and think maybe you've just not really found "the house?" When you do, you'll know it. If you have to fight and fret over getting this house, where is the joy in that? It's a house!!