I completely share your pain with having to be treated as if you and SD are the same person to your husband/her dad. In my own situation, the cynic in me started to feel like I was my BF's daughter as well...because when he would show affection to me he would turn around and show affection to her. It's as if he didn't want her to feel left out. But what he didn't realize was that he was leaving me out (or at least that is how I interpreted it). I have an 8 year old son and we are very close. But he knows that my relationship with my BF is drastically different from my relationship with him. I don't kiss my boyfriend and then turn around and kiss my son so that he doesn't feel left out. Most men cannot distinguish between the fine lines of these types of relationships. Just yesterday, she made a comment to her dad "Well, your girlfriend is going to get all glammed up for you. I want to get my nails done too." So he gave her $40 and we both went to the same salon and got our nails done. Before leaving, her dad pulled me aside and asked if I would get the french manicure because he really thinks it looks chic and classy. I told him absolutely. His daughter (like most teens do) always got designs, bright colors, etc. but when we got to the salon, she asked if she could get the french mani done. And nothing is wrong with that. It's just that it's annoying to us. We are letting her behaviour and his get the best of us. Is this because we feel like an outsider...like she will be around for the duration but he can drop us like a hot potato. Does this mean that you and I are insecure? Maybe. But what it shouldn't mean is anything at all having to do with their behaviour as questionable or incestuous. He has lived this part of his life with her as the only other FEMALE. So naturally, the lines are incredibly blurred for the both of them (my BF and his daughter) (your husband and his daughter) for whatever reasons there are (and most times dad only explains it as being over protective of his little girl). But what starts to happen innocently enough is that the two have a relationship that mimics the ones that grown ups have without the physical part but certainly flutters on the psychologically romantic overtures but moreso just a pretty normal relationship between one person and another. Like fixing breakfast for the other, going out to dinner, going out to the movies, talking about cars, talking about sports, sharing the bathroom, washing the laundry, going on vacations, etc. The reason that I believe the trend is not to call us "Step" anylonger, is that it means that we are stepping in, replacing, barging, changing things, pushing away. It will take time (the same goes for me) to see that their relationship isn't salacious and questionable but that it's the only way these kinds of dads know how to treat their daughters. It only becomes wrong when we start making it wrong, when we step in and try to change things and not let their relationship exist and grow and mature. Yes, it is a juggling act to turn our feelings on and off and to not let things like, getting the same presents or surface affection (like hugs and kisses on the cheek or forehead)annoy us. But that is all that it is...an annoyance to us. It doesn't mean that dad prefers his daughter over you and we certainly shouldn't be thinking of it that way or in any way at all. What it means is that the daughter hasn't grown out of this attention seeking and re-assurance stage with dad and also that no one (namely dad) has taught her or steered her in a direction that shows that she is still a priority for him but that he has other priorities as well which are just as important to him. He doesn't want to feel guilty and inasmuch as she wants to be the apple of his eye, he too wants to be her hero and someone that she looks up to. It's up to you to find your middle ground, pick your battles and make yourself understand that your relationship is as beautiful as you believe it to be...but don't live in a fantasy land. If you let them flourish they (especially the daughter) will come to appreciate you. At least this is what I'm trying to do in my own situation.

Someone said that her "friend" was troubling her by checking her machine ... ... to learn that that person's friend elsewhere - was having a haircut! Seems to me that the person being thus ignored ... was getting clipped, as well. How about suggesting that one tie her hands, hobble her and put a blindfold on her, for the length of time that she absented herself to do the texting and, as far as she was concerned, done something like that to her friend-being-ignored while so doing. As for the guy who'd spent a minute and a half texting at table after being told to not ... I think that I'd tell him that, since he'd shut his brain off as far as we were concerned for a minute and a half ... that he was forbidden from eating for a minute and a half, after the texting finished. But that'd be no help - he'd just do more texting, the turkey (while his turkey was getting cold). Or - banish him to another room, immediately, to do his texting there: no more supper! That should set the fox among the chickens! ole joyful

So we went ahead and managed the project ourselves. Here's an update. Remodel schedule - we generally followed the scheduled I outlined in my original post. Work started on the last week of February and we are now installing the kitchen cabinets. All that is left is for the countertop fabrication and installation of kitchen appliances. We will hopefully be moving into the house in 2 weeks. Overall, the project start to completion is roughly 1 and a half months. Project management - we went ahead and managed our own renovation. My wife and I work full time jobs and with a toddler to look after so it was definitely challenging. We worked on making sure that one would be at the job site at the start of the day and one would go at the end of the day. There were days were we could not be on site but we made sure to call or text the tradespeople who were doing work at the house on that day. Cost - by managing our own renovation we probably ended up in the same price range that the GCs were quoting us but we got more work done for the same price. We initially set out to do the complete kitchen, while house floor refinish and painting but we were able to include a bathroom remodel for 2 bathrooms as well. We also got more work done like a complete rewiring of the house including a panel upgrade, copper repiping as well as a tankless water heater. These things were never brought up by the GCs and we are thankful that we dealt directly with tradespeople since they explained to us the benefits of doing those items before we move in. Hiring tradespeople - this was challenging because there was an endless parade of tradespeople that I had to talk to before the start of the project. We got quotes from 2 to 3 each of people we wanted to hire - electrician, plumber, painter, flooring, tiler, and finish carpenter. Most of the tradespeople where so busy that they don't do advance bookings. For example, the tiler that we decided to go with said to call him as soon I know when the inspection for the plumbing rough in was to be completed so he can come in the next day to work on the bathroom. Same situation with the hardwood flooring guy, I called him up when I knew what day the painters and drywaller where going to finish their work so he can come in the next day to start on the floors. They worked on our project from start to end and they made sure we did a walk through at completion before they moved on to their other clients. Overall, I feel we all got along pretty well with our tradespeople. They did not hesitate to raise any issues with us and they were always willing to answer all our questions. They were all licensed and provided us with a list of previous customers that we can call for references. Inspection and permits - our initial plan was to get the electrician and plumber to pull permits for the work that they were responsible for. But in the end, we decided to get an permit that covered the whole kitchen and bathroom remodel. Lessons learned - there were no major issues during our project but we did encounter minor hiccups. For instance, the demolition guys who worked on the kitchen and bathrooms did not take out the concrete that was under the bathroom tiles. I only realized that we needed them taken out when I was talking to tilers for estimates. It was not a big deal, the demo guys came back and did not charge extra to get it done. Another one was our hardwood floor had deep stains that can't be taken out by sanding. Replacing them would have been too costly because there were too many boards so we decided to go with a darker stain than what we wanted. I know this has post has become a wall of text but I'd like to address some of the responses here that asked to reconsider doing it on our own and that if we knew of tradespeople or if we had construction experience. I feel like this is asking if someone who wants to do an oil change for their car to see if they know of a mechanic personally or if they have experience in automotive repair. What if I need to see a dentist? Do I need to personally know of a dentist and do I have to have knowledge of dentistry before I see one? What if I don't personally know an airline pilot? Do I not ride an airplane just because I don't trust that they will do a good job of flying the plane? Anyway, we're glad we managed our own renovation. We were in control of the schedule and cost and we were also glad that we worked directly with tradespeople since we got to ask questions and we received detailed answers about the job that they were doing.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. We fired the plumber and asked him to submit a final invoice for time and materials (including copies of paid receipts). We also had our carpenter and another plumbing firm give us a price to correct the problems, and told him we would deduct these costs from his bill. He is now demanding payment in full or he will file a lien against our house. I looked at our lien statutes and it appears there is nothing we can do except file a lawsuit to revoke the lien, or defend ourselves if he attempts to enforce the lien. We want to be fair and pay him what is owed, but we don't want to pay for defective work. It just seems wrong that he could file a lien against our house for work that failed city inspections and did not conform to manufacturers' specifications. Is there nothing we can do?