My nephew, who is an adult, is forever fooling with his phone or IPad during family get togethers; but haven't noticed him bringing it to the table thank goodness. Agree that would be extremely rude.

It's all I see everywhere I go. The mall is full of people walking with their heads down looking at those damn things. I'd have a fit if anyone did that at the table. I do see people sneaking peeks, holding them under the table while at a restaurant. It's just so rude to be more interested in what your friends are posting than the people who are sitting at the same table with you.

My grandnephew got a new ipod for Christmas and was pretty well glued to it the whole time, but not at the table. His parents are really on top of both their kids when it comes to manners.

My neighbor is a sweet young woman, divorced with three kids. Her ex comes from another state to see the kids and plays in the backyard with them. What she doesn't see is when her ex ducks behind my side of the fence to text what I am guessing is his new girlfriend. Honestly, he doesn't see that much of his children, you would think he could put the GD phone down for a few hours.

You have every right to ask people to put the electronics away during a meal, and if they want you to have wifi, then they should set it up for you and pay for it.

Technology is moving faster than the manner police can write curriculum for "smart phone etiquette" or any other electronic gadget. How horrid that a hostess would feel embarrassed to ask for some respect. We have failed as parents. We allowed the pop psychologists to tell us to NEVER embarrass our young. When the "children" act in a way that begs for public accountability then they could be embarrassed! Would you allow them to come to dinner with their baseball caps on? Many no doubt would--we have slid so far down the manners pole. We teach people how to treat us and if you allow them to be rude--they will continue. It is as simple as that. Depending on their age they truly do not understand they are being rude. We are learning quickly how much easier it is to not deal with PEOPLE and their emotions. Texting is safer than talking--except that it is teaching us to be callous to others and instead of learning to get along with more people we are becoming more and more personally isolated. Forget the dinner table. Next time hang a sign on the front door NO ELECTRONIC BEYOND THIS THRESHOLD!! Have the Valium ready--there are some that would go into panic attack at the thought!

Maybe by the next get together, they will have published a Technology Manners for Dummies book that you could hand to them.

It's almost everywhere you go. One of my sisters sits down at the table when we have our sister's day lunch, and immediately places her IPhone on the table in front of her. When the book comes out, I'll buy her a copy.

Shirley

Technology didn't ruin your Christmas. Immature, rude adults did.

I agree with laying down the law and telling them that, in order to spend actual interpersonal time together, electronics will be put away at mealtime and, hopefully for a good part of the day. If that is violated, I'd suggest that you ask the if it is an imposition for them to spend the day with you. When they ask why, tell them that it's apparent that they'd rather spend time with their friends and their electronics.

They should be ashamed.

I'm curious. What did they say when you asked them if there's an app to tell people how to behave? I think that is great. Did they put them away and apologize?

I have a friend that has one child, a daughter, who is always texting her. You can be talking to her one on one or in a group, look at her and she will be reading and then texting back. I think this is so rude but wouldn't tell her because then I would be rude. What do you think?

Christmas Eve at my house. We were sitting around just chatting and waiting for the last couple to arrive when I noticed my DGGS (11 years old) was wearing a knit hat. I expect it was a Christmas present. I told him, very quietly, to take it off, that it is rude to wear a hat in the house. He took it right off; no problem.

Now, with adults being the problem, I would let them know that the "gadgets" are to be turned off, (and using the word RUDE is acceptable) during their time at MY house.

Sue

Apparently the parents don't teach any manners these days! Blame the parents for poor parenting skills!

OH wait I forgot they are in their 40s...good god almighty! That's pathetic!!!

This post was edited by arkansas_girl on Fri, Dec 28, 12 at 17:18

cmama, I'm sorry your guests were so rude!

Just before church starts these days, they have to remind people to turn off any electric devices. Really!! I am often in quiet places, like a meeting, where a loud ringtone breaks the silence. Back in the day, you might hear a pager go off, and you knew that person was a doctor, police officer or someone with an equally important job. Now every Tom Dick and Harry has one!

Wasn't there a story, maybe a year ago, about a woman walking in the mall, texting on her phone, that walked right into a fountain? I think she was trying to sue the mall, for HER not paying attention? Ridiculous!

We had a bit of texting going on at our family gathering, it was DGD, her BF could not come, so she took pics of and texted them to him (he's an EMT)of us opening the gifts they picked together for us and of some of the food items~~~we even engaged in goofing off for some of them, it was kind of like he was there;)

But no one does it in a rude fashion~~but I have been with people that do. I esp dislike when they answer their phones and have a overly loud stupid conversation;(I had a pal like that~~~~notice I said 'had'.

I do not text, don't know how, probably won't learn. DD does a bit, but not too much. G-kids know better and even the great gg are learning, but I just would tell them, talk to me or go home. I see alot of that in the food court and I just ignore it. I read my book. It is a standing joke in our family about cell phones. I have to remember to turn it on, especially when DH is finished with his chemo treatment, and I need to pick him up.
The nurses are so funny, they make sure I have the phone on. Guess they don't want to get stuck with him over night.

I'm sorry they ruined the day.You'll have to put the rule into place that we have at our house.If you are coming for dinner,you will have to put your devices in the basket i put on the counter.They all know we don't like them talking ,texting etc to their friends or each other,when they supposedly came to see us.I told them point blank that i think it's rude.

Y'all may think i was rude to tell them that,but they all follow the rules and we all have a good time when we're all together.

Your house,your rules.
Kathi

It is easy to become paranoid when two people are testing back and forth to each other in the same room as you are in. Sometimes I think that little table in the hall should have a sign.... Please leave your phones here. Most conversations are trivial anyway.

My biggest pet peeve!! So this year while out Christmas shopping I found at the As seen on tv store a device which looks like a little jail cell for cell phones. I placed it in the middle of my dining room table and told everyone who had a cell phone to please place it in the cell phone lock up. They all thought I was kidding, but quickly figured out I wasn't. The jail cell locked up their phones for 60 minutes lol. They were squirming in the seats at not being able to communicate without a phone. Funny thing is they ended up leaving the phone locked up for the rest of the evening because they had a bet as to who would cave. Best $10.00 I've spent in a long time!!!

I should buy one of these cells. Not only the two granddkids but the two kids are always texting. GS got the newest iPhone and was tweeting and texting all day. In fact in our family pictures he was looking down in two of them. I know he was looking at a text. I see them at restaurants where no one interacts with a live person...all are engrossed in their phones. Pathetic.

Technology didn't ruin your Christmas dinner....rude adults who were wishing they were somewhere else did.
Tell DH not to invite them next year.

I guess it's the lasted form of addiction. Next they'll have cell phone addicts anonymous group meetings...HA!

jkayd, you would not be rude if you pointed out to your "friend" that by texting back and forth during your conversation with her, she is essentially interrupting your time together to give her attention to someone else, someone who isn't even there. I would tell her that if she would prefer to spend her time with that other person, I'd be happy to leave her to it. It is not rude to call someone else on their poor manners as long as you do it kindly and not in front of others.

Very rude of them! Next year pass a basket to collect all electronic devices before dinner. Pretty sure everyone will survive for an hour or so without them.

They'll all be suffering from carpal tunnel or texting thumb
disorder in 10 or 15 years. How in the world did we ever survive with out texting and WiFi?

arkansas_girl - there is a time and place to play the "blame the parents" game and this isn't one of them.

Her guests were grown, 40 yr. old adults who make their own choices in life - SOMETIMES NOT the choices that they were taught!

Our children are not little robotic clones of us and I'm sure yours aren't either.

cmama, I believe the next time your hubby invites these people it would be with the condition that there will be NO cell phone, iPad, etc. activity during the visit and if they can't respect that then don't bother to show up. Seriously!

Take all electronics when they come in the door and tell them they will be returned when they leave as we don't do that in this house and we will talk and laugh and enjoy each others company.

I feel why bother going if that is all people do in restaurants or out and about and they are with others and they don't chat to them but they chat or text to others

If they don't like it, then they don't come and leave it up to them what they choose.

Its just plain rude.

I was out and about shopping with a friend and this gal had to chat on her cell phone and yak, yak, yak and drove me crazy to the point I wanted to go over there and rip it out of her hands.

Its rude, I keep hearing hello and such and you look around and go duh, why would they talk to us, they are talking to their ears as they are plugged them in them.

And they go on and on and on and on and on too and why can't they go out of the area or in their vehicles, somewhere no one else is and talk.

I don't want to hear their personal conversations.

kath

GrammyMyrna, apparently you didn't read my whole post where I said that I had forgotten they were in their 40s...thanks for correcting me though...what would I do without you? HA!

When I read that I had just forgotten she said they were in their 40s and was thinking she was dealing with their children...because I mean that is what they sounded like were teenagers. These people should be ashamed of themselves for acting so thoughtless. There really does need to be some tech etiquette, someone needs to write a book!!!!!

This post was edited by arkansas_girl on Sat, Dec 29, 12 at 6:21

Your app question was priceless! I have to remember that one. It's too bad your meal, especially at your own home was ruined. That really is disgusting. It *is* your home after all and you should not be upset with, nor should you feel guilty about laying down some rules and if people don't want to follow them, they don't have to stay.

It's of little point and it's a technicality I know, but I'd have to go with technology didn't ruin Christmas, it was the abuse of technology that ruined your day. Just like kids banging on a drum, or someone getting drunk or whatever else, it's not the item, it's the abuse of it. That's of little consequence though because your day was upset by something that shouldn't have had such an impact. Those people were certainly old enough to know better but so many people these days have become so numbed to courtesy in regard to their toys, they make smokers of the past look hyper-courteous. Some people need a smack upside their heads with a 2x4 on occasion as the saying goes and it sounds like those folks need to experience the figurative pine on the chops.

I'll even go so far as to say that there could be a fine line between kidding someone about not having wifi and ridiculing them for not having it. I'm trying to give a bit of the benefit of the doubt that it could have been intended as good-natured kidding but went overboard or hit a sore spot, either of which could trigger more sensitivity to issues. You know them better than I, obviously, so I can't say if there were motives intending to insult you. I'd sure hope they weren't that way. But if they were, I don't think I'd invite them back to my house!

That said, I fully understand this garbage with the smartphones and the addiction to them. Any proposed limitations to it and they scream like a spoiled brat in the store wanting more candy even when they have more in the car, at home and in their pockets.

Now, should this trigger an overreaction the other way? Taking the items hostage to get even? That's basically as childish as the abuse of the item itself. I don't have the addiction that so many do, however if someone had the idea they're going to take my property from me and give it back, they'd better be prepared for the responsibilities and liabilities of such a bailment. Tell someone to turn off the phone. That's fine. Tell someone to give a good reason to have one one, for firefighters, EMTs, someone waiting for an organ availability notice or other people with good reason(s) to have a phone on, under the condition that they're for receiving important calls or contacts only, that would be fine. Telling people if they won't shut it off, then leave the items in their car. That's fine. And if they refuse the accommodations, then tell (don't ask) them to leave. However, to me it seems to be rudeness on-par with the abusers to think that taking the items away is appropriate. Reasonable vs unreasonable IMO.

With so many things when something happens there's a kneejerk reaction to fling the pendulum the opposite direction. Words don't hurt people. Abuse of them can. (By either the people who say something (or by the people who hear the words and try to make them what they're not.) Guns don't hurt people. Abuse of them can. Communication devices don't hurt people but here again, the abuse of them can. And any number of other examples.

App for how to behave... I'm still chuckling on that one! I hope your frustration over the incident will be short-lived. And I also think it'd be appropriate to make a call to them and level with them just how much it upset you. Maybe they're reasonable people and would understand. Could be a pipe dream I know, but if it worked, a lot of frustration could be alleviated in the future and perhaps some hard feelings could be patched up now.

Lastly, I hope you're not afraid to investigate technology that could make your lives more enjoyable, easier or otherwise. At the same time, don't feel compelled to go with the flow either. I'm a strong believer in having a cell phone in the vehicle in case of emergency. I also am a strong believer in a time and place for their use.

While I think technology is great, there is a time and place for everything. At the dinner table is not one of those places.

We've been told we're old fashioned cuz we still have a land line. Well, guess what? We intend to keep it. We only use our cell phones when we're out in the car.

I've had to tell my nieces numerous times to NOT text me as I only have the phone on when I'm out and about, other than that it's off and I don't do texting. One niece complained that she had left me a message and I hadn't called her back. When she gave me the number she called, I reminded her that was the cell number, not the home phone.

I too, like others here, get tired of hearing other people's conversations while I'm out shopping or trying to enjoy a nice evening out. Far as I'm concerned tain't no one or nothing that important to interrupt an evening.

Get one of those like a no smoking sign only a cell phone with a circle cross out over it! Like they have at the library and the DMV! Hang it on the front door.

I really think that these cell phone obsessed people think their technology knowledge makes them somehow superior to someone that isn't into it. To me, I just don't see the point. I have a computer and that does what I need. A phone is for calling.

I'm so sorry to say this--technology didn't ruin your holiday, YOU did. In your home, it's your place to lay down the rules. You could have stated right from the start that no devices were allowed at the table. If they slipped by you (you didn't realize that the devices were going to be univited guests), you had the option of saying something, or passing around a basket to collect them while you were passing out the apps--the appetizers, that is. Sorry--we all have to shoulder part of the blame when we allow others to abuse us in our own homes.

How can you blame someone else, when they're used to doing these things elsewhere and it's okay? You HAVE to let them know what's acceptable and what's not.

Azzalea, seriously, do adults really need to be treated as children...come on! It's time for people to stop pointing the finger at others, the "kids" are to blame, period! They are in their 40s for crying out loud...don't people have any sense these days? Common sense has left the building! I could see a huge family fight if someone demanded cell phones being taken away! If someone told me to throw my phone in a basket at the door I'd tell them to stick it!

Absolutely the kids should know better, but if we allow others to walk all over us in our own homes, the ultimate blame lies within ourselves. I don't permit anyone to make me uncomfortable in MY OWN SPACE!

And while I hate to stick up for the kids--read the rest of the responses here. They ARE accustomed to using their devices here, there and everywhere. A 'device-free zone' is the exception rather than the norm today, I'm sorry to say.

All I'm saying is that if someone makes you uncomfortable outside--you sort of have to grin and bear it. If they do it inside your home? Speak up for yourself.

My daughter works for Apple so you can imagine all the technology our family is addicted to, grrrr. So this year I told them that, unless they're going to keep them OFF, we're not coming. It's like visiting someone who's holding a newspaper up to their face and lost in another world. Well they all agreed and we had the most fun Xmas and Xmas eve that we've had in three years. Played charades, board games, three generations were playing cribbage, it was soo good and they all agreed that we keep it like this forever.

The OP should have told everyone to remove the devices from the table.

I know many households that have a basket in the foyer. All devices go there during the visit.

My daughter is mad because my computer didn't do something she wanted. I've been using it since 2000! That's like the Mesozoic age for computers!But it's fine for me, I only need Email, a good search function, banking. By the way, since they are your husband's children, he should be the one to lay down the law.Using smartphones is like smoking at the table, it should be prohibited since it annoys others.

Obviously this is becoming a real problem in our society. I wonder what will become of the next generation who will not have social skills, or human interaction abilites.
I feel bad for our grandchildren growing up like this.
In a restaurant the other day, a set of parents were both texting while their two young children sat there looking around very forlorn.
Posters are right, the abuse of these devices that aid in our communications, is taking over our common sense. Doesn't look like it's going to go away any time soon.

Us older generation folks are left out in the cold, but it's up to us while we have time, to remind the youngun's what manners are, and adhere to them.

Having just had Christmas dinner with grandparents and parents of a charming baby boy... I learnd that pediatricans are reommending 'limited screen time' during the first 2 years.... meaning both tv and other electronics...
I'd be very clear about what was appropriate behavior for the next time these people are invited to dinner...
These people were not taught good manners...

I hate being out in public anymore, going to stores and having the checker talking to someone on their cell phone, totally ignoring you. I also hate eating with friends who are glued to their cell phones. People on cell phones in the movie theater just piss me off after I just spent so much money to enjoy a movie I've been waiting to see. I hate going to the bathroom in a public place having to listen to some private conversation...then there are people at work who can't do without their cell phone. They're texting while they're supposed to be working.

The kicker to me was when my daughter treated me for Mother's day to the Broadway show Wicked, and the women in front of us was texting and Facebooking the entire time with the light glaring up in my eyes. These seats cost good money so what was so important she couldn't watch the show with her family?

cate52: "These people were not taught good manners..."

When are grown adults going to start taking responsibility for their own actions, rather than blaming the parents?

You don't know what these grown adults were taught, please don't pretend that you do.

No matter whether they were taught or not is not the issue here. The issue is that they are NOW grown adults and common sense & decency should have dictated their behavior.

What I don't understand is just who are these people texting/talking to? I'm on Facebook, but I rarely do anything other than check on how the grandkids are doing. Some people post the most banal crap--like, "just had Cherrios for breakfast". Who the heck cares? I just don't see the lure of being constantly in touch with people. Do you?

I had Thanksgiving dinner at my cousin's home. She is a high school teacher and told everyone before dinner that if she saw any cell phones at the table, she would confiscate them until after dinner. She said another relative wasn't speaking to her because that person's BF had ignored the warning and was texting at table when she confiscated the phone.

that is the norm these days but your DH needs to set down the rules for the house. They are guests in your house and should obey what rules are put forth. DH & I are in our early 40's and have friends from 22-60 yrs old and everyone does it. some friends have parties and ask everyone not be on constantly, most others' don't care. it is completely normal for friends to be over and all of us sit out on the lanai or in the livingroom playing on tablets, smartphones or iphones while yacking and watching a movie. i do notice in our age range and up, people use these devices less constantly. I don't want to be on constantly but i certainly do use them for alot of things like email, txting, pics, calendar, white noise sleeping sounds, alarm clock back-up and of course facebook. ~ liz

You're here and so that speaks volumes for your abilities with technology!! It is however your perogative to decide what is needed in your house...not at the whims of your guests...very shallow on their part...the fact that they still have you alive and willing to celebrate Christmas with them should have been enough...

As far as I am concerned,the key words here are "we are elderly"-bloody right-Cmama and her hubby are "old school" and to receive some common courtesy and respect from those so-called adults,is not asking too much.

No Azzalea,Cmama and hubby did NOT ruin their own holiday dinner-those inconsiderate 40 something year old SOB's did.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
----Eleanor Roosevelt

Just don't let it ever happen again. Make household rules and enforce them.

I think these devices are getting out of hand. DH & I are in our early 40's & I have to admit that we use ours quite a bit. But we would never take them to the table while visiting someone. We also wouldn't be glued to them during the visit. It always bothers me at work when people always have theirs lying on their desk or bring them to a meeting (personal phones, not business-issued ones). People have to be reminded before a movie to turn their phones off, and sometimes they pay no attention.

I think I am the only one out of my group of friends that couldn't care less about my phone. It's very basic, has buttons, and no internet access. I don't need or want one that has every available option. Yes it's with me when I leave the house, but I keep it in my bag or leave it in the car when I'm shopping. At work it is always in my bag in the break room. I work in a hospital and it's amazing to me how many docs and nurses I work with that keep looking at their phones while treating patients! But then again it's the same way when I go into a patient's room and they tell me to hang on because they're on their phone. I usually skip over them and go onto another patient after about 30 seconds of waiting!

i'm with you ..no apps straight, sinple and sadly i don't know how to retrieve the pictures i've snapped, time to time, lol...

it didn't bother me christmas as we did a buffet style, and were roaming around...but! you know what my dgs grabbed and dissapeared with ? wimpy kid book, which HE READ, before returning to play with the rest of the grands!! he LOVES books (2n grade, but dd2 taught him early to read and enjoy)

OP-- I feel your pain. I have banned video games in my home and I am the worst mom in the neighborhood now. Gave the X-box away and put the iPods in the safe. By the time they see the light of day again, the technology will be outdated. Video games were ruining our lives (tongue in cheek).

Patti posted "Some people post the most banal crap--like, "just had Cherrios for breakfast". Who the heck cares?"

I am also on FB but have limited exposure as well.

Just read this post: "scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, and a glass of milk. Yum." Why would someone post this?

And I have to sift through this crap to find the meaningful stuff.

I would not be inviting them back again.

Someone said that her "friend" was troubling her by checking her machine ...

... to learn that that person's friend elsewhere - was having a haircut!

Seems to me that the person being thus ignored ... was getting clipped, as well.

How about suggesting that one tie her hands, hobble her and put a blindfold on her, for the length of time that she absented herself to do the texting and, as far as she was concerned, done something like that to her friend-being-ignored while so doing.

As for the guy who'd spent a minute and a half texting at table after being told to not ... I think that I'd tell him that, since he'd shut his brain off as far as we were concerned for a minute and a half ... that he was forbidden from eating for a minute and a half, after the texting finished.

But that'd be no help - he'd just do more texting, the turkey (while his turkey was getting cold).

Or - banish him to another room, immediately, to do his texting there: no more supper!

That should set the fox among the chickens!

ole joyful

We all have smartphones. But my family enjoys each other's company, so there is no need to police them. One of the best things we do is sit around at the dining room table after a meal and talk for hours.