sdkath, My husband and I are in the process right now. He even took on the task himself of the plumbing and electrical. that is the only thing we regret. Not because it was difficult, just a lot of work on his part working 10 hours a day and then coming home and working more. We started late July and are almost finished. What makes us think 20% is that our lowest quote was 38K and we are doing it for 20k. Ours is simple, free form, a couple rock ledges, play deck, seat, no water falls, etc. but we love it and it's going to be great for us. I agree, do your homework......Most subs are eager to help and they know all the steps them selves and know all the other subs. Take them a glass of tea, pull up a chair and talk to them about their work when they are there and pick their brain for other subs for the other steps. Schedule work for the days you can be there, Since ours was simple, each step was a one day process for each sub. A lot of PB's will help with owner builds now in our area because it's so popular. I think folks are catching on.....Make sure they have a license and get a signed agreement and quote before you start work. Never pay until all work is completed. If someone needs money up front they probably don't pay their bills and don't have the credit to get your materials. The most important part is a soils test if required in your area and good engineering for your plans. The rest of the steps are pretty simple.

I know the common wisdom is that the "Color Czars" meet and decide what the trendy colors will be, but from reading Maria Killam's blog, it sounds like it is more nuanced than that. In a nutshell, the Czars meet and come up with a color forecast which designers & manufacturers then use for their products, but the forecast is based on what the color experts are sensing of where consumers are going. So, they are trying to figure out what people are starting to get bored of and where the trendsetters are going next. I've linked to a post from "Colour Me Happy" where she describes the process. If you want more of the story, read the posts before and after, but the one linked is sufficient for a cursory read. BTW - I'm less than impressed with the newest combinations that they are calling "Pretty Ugly", but that's just my taste. Jo Ann Here is a link that might be useful: Colour Me Happy

The difficult part is that there IS a very valid reason why both of them would (and should) want to be friends with each other: their daughter. In order to be able to deal with things having to do with her and both of them, they should ideally get along. It's not IMPOSSIBLE if they can't get along, but it sure does make it a whole lot easier on everyone. They may just be trying to negotiate the iffy bounds between being friendly enough to cooperate and avoid cold tension & fighting but distant enough so that it isn't too flirty and inappropriate. The fact is, as long as they're both actively engaged in SD's life, they will have SOME sort of connection to each other, because circumstances will require coordination. And, interestingly, the better they get along, then with time they will actually have LESS to do with each other than if they didn't get along. It's when one or the other parent has to go nit-picking and raising a stink about every little thing that the involvement between former spouses gets excessive. Makes sense if you think about it that way, and should be a relief to hear. So there ARE good reasons ---that benefit everyone in the long-run--- for them to be at least "friend-ly", if not "friends". Sounds like they both may just need to refine the boundaries a bit better, but I think it's good that they get along. If you're not comfortable with the idea of he and ex getting along amicably (that's AMICABLY, not AMOROUSLY, which of course would not be good!) or if you feel like you can't trust him at his word (either because of his actions or because of your feelings), I would seriously consider whether or not you will marry him. Because, one way or the other --whether they get along or not-- she will somehow, sometimes, be a factor. That said, he SHOULDN'T be lying to you about anything. That's not cool. If you can't believe what he says, her presence will haunt you no matter what.

Keepit, In your title you asked "Am I just going crazy..." and it is kind of interesting that you use the word "crazy" to describe what is happening and how you feel. You also said things were "jumbled up". I don't want to insert more drama into your situation, but have you considered that perhaps your fiance, for whatever reason there might be, could be "gaslighting" you. Here's a definition of gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It involves an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to the subject, having the gradual effect of making the victim anxious, confused, and less able to trust his or her own memory and perception. A variation of gaslighting, used as a form of harassment, is to subtly alter aspects of a victim's environment, thereby upsetting his or her peace of mind, sense of security, etc. I hope I am wrong. People who gaslight do so because they either are narcissistic, have an agenda they do not want you to figure out, or they want to gain total control over the other person, or all of the above. It has happened to me before.