Losing a baby is really hard on everyone involved and unfortunately we grieve in different ways. Men aren't supposed to be weak and showing their feelings of sadness will often be revealed as anger. Anger is also one of the stages in grieving. An unexplained death such as your baby with SIDS must be absolutely devastating to both of you. Both of you are going through perfectly normal feelings. You will find that you are at different stages in your grief at different times. Many relationships part companies at this stage unless you can share your feelings and openly communicate. Communication between both of you is very important at this stage. Let your fiance know exactly how you feel. I hope you both realize that your baby's death is neither of your faults. It happens....why, may be a total mystery and you may never find out the reason. I am an RN and a couple of my RN workmates have lost their infants unexpectedly too. Neither were able to save their own babies. The larger hospitals have support groups for parents that have had babies with neonatal deaths and in larger communities you will find support groups available. Funeral homes can also link you to support groups where you will meet people that are either going through the same thing now or have gone through this experience and are mentally strong enough to help others deal with the loss of a baby. Don't be afraid to seek support. Your relationship will be stronger as you grow through this devastating experience. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Jannie, I'm so glad that your daughter came around. How tough for you. I also have a chronic illness, though not as severe as yours, and cleaning is just not always possible. When I was a teen my mother was very depressed and the house always looked awful. I blamed her entirely and unfairly. I did try to help, but she wasn't really able to work with me. I think she felt that she had to do everything herself, and felt insulted when anyone else did some cleaning. It would have been really helpful if there had been a third party (like a therapist) to help us work on these issues. I had 5 other siblings though, and I think my mom barely noticed my rage. As for having temper tantrums, I'm not sure I'll ever outgrow them. Last year I reached the end of my rope and stormed through the dining room kicking Polly Pockets left and right, hollering "I'm sick of picking up all these toys and I'm not going to do it any more!!" (dd,6, quietly walked downstairs to her father and said "Mama is flipping out.") I'm still finding those stupid little shoes. Anyhow, after that I got on the SHE system (same as Flylady, but using paper instead of computers.) What a difference!! I hope you and your daughter can continue to work together. (((hugs)))

lamom, I'm glad your little warrior is feeling good today. I know you are making use of every minute that he feels good and has energy. Have fun today. Face/neck radiation is probably the most difficult to deal with, because not eating/drinking well affects EVERY other aspect of life. All I can say is hang in there. The radiation effect will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. One of my current patients (almost 6) also struggled alot during his neck/face XRT, and lost lots of weight. He did much better with a G-tube for feedings, and felt so much better. If you haven't already considered that, I'd ask your PedOnc about it. Where is he being treated? I'm sorry your SS is such a pud. Some people never really learn...or are never taught. But I'm really glad that you were able to put your feelings about him aside long enough to acknowlege your grandkids birthdays. Grammas and grampas are so, so important for kids. This year, my FIL and his not-so-charming 4th wife, ignored my oldest (not their's, biologically) and our youngest (yes, she's theirs!) for Christmas. For whatever reason, they are snuggled up tight with DH's exwife and her husband. They didn't like the fact that SD wanted to come live here, and that DH helped her make it happen. They assumed we were pushing her or forcing her, or whatever. So they "punished" DH by not sending Christmas gifts to 2 of our kids---sent them for both of DH's kids w/EW....at EW's home. Both kids live here. And get this, the wife was never even MIL to exwife...go figure. I guess the point I am trying to make is that the kids don't understand why you wouldn't celebrate/acknowlege their special day. Our little one certainly didn't understand why Gramma & Grampa didn't send her anything for Christmas. I felt sad for her. I just cannot understand why they would do such a thing, even if they don't agree with the custody change.

I can't help but feel that since your older boys have left for college, then your place ISN'T really their home any more since they can surely only be "home" for short visits. And after a few years of short visits, they'll be out in the world on their own and won't be coming "home" any more anyway. They can't claim it as their territory forever, though of course you will be glad to have them come to you for visits, as I am with my adult daughter. Similarly, since they aren't "home" to see you "favouring" the younger nephew, unless your "favouring" directly affects them (Mom, can you send me $100? Sorry, I gave all our money to your cousin), it's hard to know how they justify their objections. Make it clear to the younger one (I wouldn't call him the "little one", to me it kind of sets him up to behave like a "little one") to leave his older cousins/brother alone when they are at your place unless they specifically invite him. He has to respect their space. Encourage him to make friends of his own- maybe join the scouts in your area or take up some kind of sport or similar activity? I admire your kindness in taking in your nephews.