losing everything I love


My fiance an I loss our son on Feb. 5 of this year. It was my fiance's only child. We are both still griving but I think he is having a harder time moving on than I am. I don't know if it's because I have two other childern from a prior relastionship and I have to move on for them or what. I don't know how to help him with this. He acts as if he his the only one hurting. He was my son too. He gets so mad at the world his mood swings are getting to be a bit much for me to handle.

I called off our wedding and he moved out of our home and back into his parents house. My grief, his grief, our grief is desroying our relationship. I love him with everything I have in me. I can't see myself with anyone esle. I loss my son now I'm losing myself and I feel as if I'm losing my bestfriend and my man. Can anyone help me with this?

Comments (5)
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My family has experienced a similar loss. It's just a shocking tragedy, and I'm so sorry it happened to you and your fiance. I wish I had the words to comfort you, words of wisdom to help you.

Sometimes life's tragedies draw people together, and sometimes it pushes them apart, sadly. Anger is a natural part of grieving, and your fiance is angry, some of it spilling over onto you.

You wrote so well of your feelings: I love him with everything I have in me. I can't see myself with anyone esle. I loss my son now I'm losing myself and I feel as if I'm losing my bestfriend and my man. Have you said these words to him? If he is not listening, I write him a note.

Take care.

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I am sorry for your loss, but you must look at the overall situation. He is grieving for his son and you are grieving for your son and his father. You are moving forward from the loss of your son, but you need to also move forward with the loss of your boy friend. I think the main thing for you to do is step back from your boyfriend and give him a chance to get over this in his own way. Then he may realize that he misses you also.

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Losing a baby is really hard on everyone involved and unfortunately we grieve in different ways. Men aren't supposed to be weak and showing their feelings of sadness will often be revealed as anger. Anger is also one of the stages in grieving. An unexplained death such as your baby with SIDS must be absolutely devastating to both of you. Both of you are going through perfectly normal feelings. You will find that you are at different stages in your grief at different times. Many relationships part companies at this stage unless you can share your feelings and openly communicate. Communication between both of you is very important at this stage. Let your fiance know exactly how you feel.

I hope you both realize that your baby's death is neither of your faults. It happens....why, may be a total mystery and you may never find out the reason. I am an RN and a couple of my RN workmates have lost their infants unexpectedly too. Neither were able to save their own babies.

The larger hospitals have support groups for parents that have had babies with neonatal deaths and in larger communities you will find support groups available. Funeral homes can also link you to support groups where you will meet people that are either going through the same thing now or have gone through this experience and are mentally strong enough to help others deal with the loss of a baby. Don't be afraid to seek support. Your relationship will be stronger as you grow through this devastating experience.

You both are in my thoughts and prayers.

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You might find the people on the SHARE forums helpful...I did (and still do sometimes). We lost a baby in 1984 and that is one of the worst things any parent will have to go through. I can tell you that even though my husband and I both lost OUR child..was different for each of us. Men grieve different..we ALL grieve different. Society puts so much pressure on the man to "be strong and supportive" and it's not fair to him.

I think there is a Forum for just the Fathers on the SHARE site.

Here is a link that might be useful: National Share Organization

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May I suggest you log on to www.groww.org. They have a site for people who have lost someone

Here is a link that might be useful: GROWW

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