Yes. Some days I can not log onto any of the gardehweb websites because of pop-ups that will lock up my internet explorer. I was starting to frequent several of the sites, but it's too frustrating having to restart internet explorer more often than not. It took me five times to get to where I could post this reply!

I asked at Wegmans and the Giant. The Giant gave me a quick no. Wegmans appeared amenable at first when they mentioned that they used to save the spoiling produce for local pig farmers. But after I showed up several times to fill out a form that noone could seem to find they lost interest in helping me. The last time I asked they gave me the story that in order to give me the spoiling produce they would need my tax id number, presumably causing me to be liable for taxes on their waste. That turned me off to Wegmans for collecting compost materials. I did place a bin outside of my local Starbucks that the manager agreed to allow to be filled with excess bags of used coffee grounds. She was very reasonable and only asked that I provide the container (a 32 gallon trash can). Unfortunately for me she also told everyone else who showed up for coffee grounds to take them from my bucket, but I still do have a chance of getting up to 6 bags of grounds at a time. That is, if others don't beat me to it. I figure, at the very least, I am stopping more coffee grounds from heading to the landfill with my bucket (since they used to only keep a max of two bags until they went straight into the dumpster), even if its not me who gets them. Cheers, Kyle

I apologize in advance, because this is going to be similary "unsupportive," but here goes ... What makes you so sure that what is going on here is that you are "excluded from many parties because [you are] a single, older woman"? Are you really being treated as a "leper"? Or just as a drag? You say you don't want a "pity invitation," but it sure sounds like you do. In fact, it sounds like you don't even mind not being included as much as not being asked. But how often do YOU invite THEM? Of course it's harder for one to entertain many than vice-versa, but it's not impossible, and you don't need to do anything fancy or as big or as frequently as they could do (if, for example, financial situations differ) -- just an effort to show you're a giver, not just a taker. Story 1: Many years ago, I had a single friend who used to complain frequently that married couples never include singles. I made a point of always inviting her to any party we gave, because I didn't want to be "treating her like a leper." It was a few years before I realized: SHE NEVER INVITED US out or over to her home -- not even once -- or even me separately. That's when I stopped inviting her to everything. Story 2: When my father-in-law died, my mother-in-law complained that the married couples ignored her. The other widows in her condo were wonderful about calling her, though, and she did lots of things with them -- until the instant she got a new boyfriend; then she dropped them all with blinding speed, and they soon stopped calling her, too. I thought to myself, "What goes around comes around -- she'd better hope he never dies." And now he has, and she would rather complain that "everyone excludes widows" than pick up the phone and call friends -- couples or singles -- and see if someone wants to go out or even just come over and watch TV. But why should they call her if she never calls them? Story 3: When my dad was in the later stages of Alzeheimer's, and then after he died, my mom made it a point to call her friends -- couples and singles -- and arrange evenings out a couple of times a week. Once a month, she gave a dinner party, mixing people who don't know each other well. She is CONSTANTLY busy, and she doesn't keep track of who invited whom -- but I know there are plenty of invitations and calls both ways. She is the most popular person I know, with both couples and singles of all ages. Story 4: My husband and I took a page from her book and give parties now, too. Our guests include singles and couples, old and young -- the more of a mix, the better, in fact. The sole criterion is who would help make the conversation good. Ergo: fascinating, friendly single people are prized guests; selfish, boring couples are out. It's not just parties, either -- I call both couples and singles when it's time for a movie or dinner or whatever. Do you see the point I'm getting at? People invite guests who are fun and interesting, and who reciprocate hospitality. Single or couples -- doesn't matter. Being single is no excuse for expecting always to be the invitee, for whining that you're being ignored, or for imposing guilt. Married people who commit these social sins soon find themselves "treated like lepers," too -- so don't assume that if you are lonely it is because others are cruelly excluding you because of your single status. Ask yourself honestly who YOU would rather include: someone who calls you once in a while him/herself, and who is a cheerful, low-mainenance guest when you do the inviting ("Sounds like fun! What can I bring? And do you want to go for coffee before then?"), or someone who answers the phone, "Oh, I haven't heard from you in ages. I thought you forgot about me. No, of course I'm free this weekend -- as usual, I'd just sitting here alone. Well, if you can get a ride for me, I guess I can try to come ... will you be serving anything I can eat?" You say, "I don't know anybody else who doesn't already have plans, so I can't start my own party." That's not a function of being single, it's a function of waiting until everyone else would have plans -- the same would happen if a couple waited too long to invite. Ditto transportation. I don't know if you are in a position to learn to drive, or if the distances are short enough to make an occasional cab practical, or not. But perhaps there would be a way to solve the transportation hurdle if that really is an obstacle, not an excuse. The phone works both ways, folks. The way to have a friend is to be one. Sorry for being so harsh, and for butting in where I may not be welcome, as I am not currently single. But we were all single once, and most of us will be again, willingly or not. I just wanted to offer "your married friend's point of view."

Hi there! Just checking out this site. I usually post on the garden junk site, but your email really hit home! I know exactly what you mean about feeling so inadequate sometimes. I've had two hand surgeries and have arthritis in both hands, so I can SO relate! Fortunately, my DH is a whiz, so he is able to help me when I get stuck, but you might want to try hitting a small hardware store if there is one in your area. Sometimes the sales guys there are a wealth of knowledge and are also willing to help out with welding, etc. I know that when my husband worked at a hardware store, he was forever bringing home stuff that ladies would bring into the store. He painted, welded, cleaned, and even designed stuff for them. Just a thought. He always loved to help them out--mainly because he knew how much I loved my garden stuff, so he was a sucker for ladies who needed the extra help!