Can you simply make a huge and loud and embarassing display out of digging their recyclables out of your trash; can you make your home and house rules so "in your face" that guests stay away by choice? :-)

I see where you're coming from - and no heat or air in SC, bully, bully. Try no heat in No. Minn. with the air temp at -20 and windchills to -50; on the other hand the need for air conditioning here on the shores of Lake Superior is rare even though I do have central air... just in case we get a few rare hot and humid days. You can still be green without being uncomfortable or alienating everyone who comes into contact with you.

You must understand that lots of folks are slow to jump on the reduce, reuse, and recycle bandwagon; they've never done it and don't quite get the reason for it. They probably have a better grasp of the perceived anal retentive personality. And though I do many green things, a guest in my home will never be unwelcome or made uncomfortable (physically or otherwise) for not seeing eye to eye with my green practices.

Rules, Respect?! Lets just say you don't sound like much of a host and I'm surprised you have any guests. We had a house with a 12' deep hand dug well. In late summer you had to let it recharge before flushing, washing clothes, etc. or because of a faulty foot valve we'd loose prime and had to climb down into the casing and fix it. One of our couple friends caused us to lose the prime at least once a day for a week's visit. Now I felt just as you are ranting above but I just went down and fixed it and then had a beer. If it was the second time it happened in one day I took a beer down with me. I wasn't trying to educate these city folk about our marginal water system, I just wanted to enjoy their company. I always think that people visiting our home is a treat for us and we try and make them feel comfortable. Tom

Mmmmm ... I've kept out of this one so far because obviously nobody knows the reality of the situation described by the OP. But I really feel that guests should respect their hosts' ways of doing things. If you go to someone else's home you find out how they would like things done and then try to remember to do it. It's their house. To behave otherwise seems to me to incredibly insensitive and lacking in basic manners. But the final straw for me would be if I had cooked a meal and the guests chose to eat fast food. In fact I can hardly believe that anyone would do that. To me that is unforgiveably rude and they would never come again.

Every house has rules. You have to decide which ones can be broken and which ones can't before you'll ask your guests to leave. Sometimes we have guests because we enjoy their company, and sometimes we have guests out of charity. Just weigh those goals against how much anguish you can tolerate. I don't think I've ever had a single guest follow the "if it's yellow, let it mellow" rule, unless they do it themselves at home. I don't toss them out for it, but I probably would if they kept peeing in the crisper drawer of the refrigerator.

Unfortunately, it's an inconsiderate and throw-away culture out there, and the majority of the guests you welcome into your home will be deeply embedded in it. The time they spend with you will probably not break them of it, no matter how much we'd all like it to. I might suggest giving them their own trash receptacle - and telling them they have to take it with them when they leave. :)

I do agree that it takes a number of households concentrated on sustainability to overcome a single wasteful one. It's a sad fact, but there isn't much we can do but slowly educate whoever we can, and support the best organizations we can as consumers and voters.

One of the problems "we" have is that the more you get used to being conservation-minded, the more alien and bizarre the behavior of most of the western world starts to seem. For education to work, we need to try to understand their perspective, so the two camps can meet on common ground.

Your guests were taught (as were you, probably, and then you unlearned it) that anything that is used is "dirty" and should be taken away by the people who take that stuff away. Otherwise, you'll get sick - or much worse, uncool. This is genuinely what they believe, because it is what has been taught to them, and they think your actions are just annoying and occasionally unhygienic and wasteful effort. In their minds, they may very well be trying to put up with your seemingly nonsensical behavior as best they can, and may be going to get fast food because your natural food is just weird and seems inedible to them. In other words, they may be exasperated by your behavior as much as you are by theirs.

An interesting series I try to catch when I watch TV is the River Cottage Treatment, which highlights these differences in philosophy and shows an approach at education - at least with regards to the food cycle. This has probably been off the air forever, though, and I just haven't noticed yet.

Hide the garbage can. :-) No, seriously! Move the garbage can and your recycling can every time they visit, so they have to ask you where it is before they throw anything away (under a counter or in a closet works well for this). That way you can just smile when they hold up the can or some sort of paper to throw away and say, "Here, let me take care of that for you." That way *you* get to put it in the proper place, and they don't get to annoy you that one time, at least. You come off looking like a perfect host, taking care of your guests every little need, and you don't have to sort through the garbage later (at least not as much).

The food thing is incredibly rude (of them - to eat out when you've cooked breakfast for them). I can't imagine a guest doing that to thier host. But in the future, ask them the night before whether you can expect them for breakfast or not, and hopefully that will start a conversation on what you'll be making, what they'd like, etc. The point being to try to entice them to eat with you. "I was thinking of making eggs and toast tomorrow morning, does that sound okay to everyone?" Something like that. It may not work, but it's worth a try...

Can't really just lock the in-laws out, unfortunately, but just keep at it. Make all your reminders with a smile, and sometimes, you'll probably just have to "give" a little bit with guests in the house. Sometimes being more laid-back about the house rules results in better following of them than trying to enforce them strictly all the time, or that's been my experience, anyways.

Thank you for some of your advice. If it sounds as though I run around complaining to them the whole time they're here, I assure you I don't. I tend to keep to myself and let them go about their business until they've done enough or complained enough that I have to speak my mind. We've let them know how we live and have explained the concept of composting/gardening/sustainability since it has come up when they've observed some of the things we do around the house. They still refuse to eat anything out of the garden because it's "dirty", but have no problem eating the same thing from a boxed meal.

I feel the major disconnect is that when I'm a guest in someone's home, I act as a guest and don't expect my host to cater to my every whim and when they do go out of their way to make me feel welcome, I make sure they know how much I appreciate what they've done for me. These guests, on the other hand, act as though they rule the roost from the moment they walk through the door and it ruffles my feathers a bit. Especially when I attempt to do nice things for them and they show no appreciation. Personally, if it's a struggle for me to be a guest in someone's home I'd rather stay at a nearby hotel and save the trouble for both of us.

I'm very passionate about where our "throw away" society is taking this country and our world and it's a dagger through the heart to see it happening in my very own household. All I ask of them is to give a little respect when they're in my home, but no amount of hints or education has caused them to give us that respect.

As for the trash, my wife and I can usually go a month or more before our 30 gal. trash can is full and needs to be taken to the dump (we cancelled our pickup service a while ago). However, when I know these guests are coming (just two of them) I make sure to empty the 30 gal. container before they arrive because they'll fill it to the rim in a single weekend. It seems crazy to me that much waste can be produced by so few people in such a small amount of time, but it opens my eyes to how far we've come.

simplepleasures, I just posted on another thread how I was horrified to hear my SIL say that she empties her kitchen garbage almost every day. This family generates so much waste it is incredible - well, to me at least. Unfortunately, I think that is how most of our country is. We just don't think before we throw stuff away.

If you were referring to one-time guests, or those that come every so often, I would suggest to just put up with it. But the folks you are talking about seem to be fairly regular houseguests, if I read your post correctly. In that case, they really should have a bit more respect for your ways. After all, they've been there often enough to know your preferences. With all due respect, it sounds like these guests might be bothersome to many hosts, "green" or not!

Dee

In this situation, if these guests, your in-laws, are going to make any changes to their disposal behaviors, your wife is going to have to be the one to ask them. You are just going to come off as the controlling, psycho, dictator husband if you ask them to observe the rules.
But if your wife could just matter-of-factly go over the trash receptacles again, they may actually comply. One behavior change per 6-12 month period might be as much as you can expect.

I agree, the McDonald's thing is outrageous. For me, I deal with the incessant beef at their house when my mom knows I am terrified of Mad Cow, but I just do my best. Mea Culpa.
Just be proud of your wife and all the progess she's made from her upbringing.

finn - I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of her for adopting our new way of life. When we first started changing things a few years ago I'm sure there were plenty of times where she thought I was flat out crazy. She tells me to this day how hesitant she was at first because it was so different from anything she's ever known (me too for that matter), but we both talk about how far we've come and whether we're truly making a difference or not, it comforts us both to know we're making an honest effort. At least now her family thinks we're both crazy and not just me! =)

We're constantly adjusting things so we still remain comfortable while being as conservative as possible. The no A/C and Heat was more of a way to prove to ourselves and our families/friends that it can be done with a little bit of extra effort (in some areas of the country). Yes, it may have been a little extreme at times, though we never let it become dangerous, we proved to ourselves that as human beings we don't always *need* the things we think we do.

now i have a serious ? for ya, is she on the same page with ya as far as her family is concerned?? i know when it comes to me and my family sometimes my hubs and i arent on the same page and at home we are, i think our pages seem to get mixed up somewhere. he has this new job and can come off as very controlling, his job is a prison guard so he brings it home, i also happen to be a controlling person, when it comes to things i want, (i'm getting to it, LOL) like here, i want to keep the ac off, he wants it on, so he can sleep in the days (he works nights), i like the lower bills AND the idea of how the less energy used. he wants the dryer fixed, i'm happy using the washer only, and hanging the clothes. i know where i can get a dryer that works for 50. don't want it cuz its still cheaper on bills and less energy wasted. we are not on the same page BUT he kinda lets me do my thing. and he knows i want to go green, and is letting me, SLOWLY even though he likes to be very comfortable, sorta. i homeschool and the kids decided that part of it is to go and recycle and learn all they can about it and keep doing that, they want to "go green" so my son tabor (12) made me a compost pile, ummmm getting back to the other thing,, LOL is she on the same page??
i'd totally be ticked if my family members did that, inlaws or not, if i made breakfast!! i can see where you'd be irritated. i think i would too. but look on the bright side, or i like to always try to look at the good part, its annoying that they dont follow your rules, BUT as tom said, you do get to visit them, so you could just go ahead and look at it as a weird quirk of theirs or something. instead of them being rude and disrespectful. kinda like the glass half full instead of half empty! LOL i try to do that. very hard at times. LOL :')) Medo Good luck

We've had a houseguest for the last 10 weeks.

Since moving to our home in the woods 3 years ago we've gone a long way in reducing "junk" and "garbage"... I think the last 10 weeks have undone all our efforts!

Living in the PacNW we get a lot of rain so drying clothes outside isn't always possible and therefore we run the dryer a couple times a week... but lately it is running for a couple HOURS every single day! I don't want to open my electric bill epsecially after I realized she is running the electric furnace during the day - hey our house maintains at about 65 degrees this time of year without any help. And the amount of garbage. Most can be recycled or composted but I feel silly digging through the garbage cans. I feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it.

On the other hand I adore our guest and want her to feel like she is at home. Comfortable and happy. So maybe the stresses were worth it and next month my husband and I can go back to our simpler way of life.

But wait, I must share something funny. A recent visitor bought a dozen eggs from the grocery store... organic... I reminded her that we have a whole flock of naturally raised hens in the backyard and that there was no need to buy eggs when you just walk up to the nesting box and pick them up "farm fresh". The look on her face was priceless. For a moment I don't think she realized eggs came from chickens! hahaha!

LOL on the eggs. My stepdaughter wouldn't eat our homegrown free range chicken eggs because she said they came from our chicken's butts. She ate only store bought eggs.

Another LOL on the eggs .... my son & his wife have chickens and have been totally astounded at how many friends & even family won't touch them for the same reason as Acorn's stepdaughter!

Our society needs a mandatory field trip to a farm and a major reality check! :O)

Most of my house guests request a visit sooner or later to the chicken coop. I'm always happy to oblige, and most make the comment that it stinks. Well, I keep it as sanitary as possible, but they do not use little toilets, so poo happens as they say. LOL

I used to give a friend a dozen or two of brown eggs each time she visited, because I knew she had a big family and a small budget. One day she worked up the nerve to ask me about the 'brown spots' on the shells of some of them. I explained to her that it was merely uneven pigmentation. Freckles, so to speak. I wonder to this day if she took them home and dumped them out.

When I am a house guest, I ask the host or hostess the protocol of their home. I do the best I can to oblige their wishes. To do otherwise is rude and you are being an ingrate.

I warn all guests that they are going to be visiting a working farm that is also filled with 4 BIG very friendly dogs who can be quite overwhelming .
We refer to the smell of a farm ( usually manure ) as the smell of money . Manure is also the gold in a compost pile .
Guests who turn up their noses usually do not return - by their choice .
Our well water can have a high mineral content which works as a laxative on the guests so I provide bottled water for them . Living on the toilet during a visit is not a fun way to spend your time but it does keep unwanted guests from returning !
We can rest assured that the guests who do keep returning are either true friends or " get it "- the green way of living .

I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one with guest issues.. I just recently had BIL, SIL, and their 3 kids with us for a week. It was driving me insane sorting all the trash. While I don't expect them to remember what is recycleable here, it does get obnoxious when they put trash in my recycle bins.

It is truly amazing how much trash some people generate. We only have a small trash can in our kitchen, which I usually empty every other day. I can't let the can get very full, or else my toddler takes stuff out and makes a mess. On the other hand, while there were visitors here ( i also have 3 kids, so double the people) I was taking out overstuffed bags twice a day. So, our garbage amount was quadrupled. Eeek.