Thanks Nance & Deb for your assistance. I went out to check the pond earlier and saw Gil my bluegill laying on it's side. I netted it out of the pond and put it in the isolation tank with the sea salt. I pulled my pump out of the bottom of the pond (where I store it for the winter) and pumped pond water into my spare 100 gal stock tank and added malachite green. I took the sick koi and Gil out of the salt bath and put them in the medicated stock tank. The koi seems to be doing better but still has a lot of fungus on it's tail. The bluegill is swimming around now instead of laying on it's side. My pond is 3,000 gals. I called Petsmart and they have Melafix for ponds. I am going to treat the entire pond before I start everything up. Hopefully this will prevent anymore sick fish. Jenny

Thanks Ann! So great to hear from you. I have LOTS of oak leaves, I chop 'em up with the mower and compost them or use them for mulch or start new beds with them over newspapers and cardboard all over the gardens. And with all the leaves I have I still get composted leaves from the city to mulch all my bed both spring and fall, I've got some coming this week. So you could say I'm a big fan of composted leaves, and so are my gardens! I've never given spireas their props, too many memories of suburbia in the 60s, but they truly are workhorses in the garden. I only have one "Lemon Princess" in amongst a foundation planting. They used to be the darlings of the gas stations and malls of middle America but I guess have been replaced with ornamental grasses and Knockout roses! BTW, the roses will have a backdrop of nandina, so I think the blooms will look great against that dark green foliage.

Before I went to college, a hundred years ago, the student counselor suggested I spend the summer working with different age groups to narrow which area of psychology I wanted to specialize in. I worked in a nursing home for only a month as it just broke my heart. An experience has stayed with me all these years. One of my patients was Bess. Her mind was gone. She thought her bed was her house, the closet for her clothes was a pantry. She told me the flower arrangement was her potatoes. She would be moving her hands and said she was peeling potatoes or making some kind of food for dinner. It was all so real to her. I took time to talk to her and we would plan picnics as she had said she liked picnics. She went from one subject to another in a matter of a few minutes. One day Bess lay there with one arm stretched up. I tried to get her to lay it down to be more comfortable. She acted like she couldn't do that so I tried to get her attention on something else. I had noticed when I first met her she wore a man's watch. I commented that day that it was such a nice watch. Her expression changed, she lowered her arm and told me," this was Chris's watch, he loved me very much" and she began to cry. I held her and comforted her. I later asked the supervisor who Chris was and she told me he was Bess's husband that had died years ago. My heart sunk, my throat tightened as it was such a beautiful thing. To think that with beds being houses, a closet now a pantry to her and the flowers were potatoes, she still knew the love she and her husband shared. It says in the bible that "love endures all things". It certainly does. Some days while caring for someone, we'd like to just hide in a closet or run outside and scream. When all is said and done, you are doing what you do out of love. It may not seem so but the person you are caring for knows this. There mind is in a state we can't really understand their thinking. However, they do know love. Keep strong and find some time for you and know you are not alone. Lynn

Lisa, I am sorry to read about the loss of your dog. I just wanted to share my own experience with a similar situation...maybe it will help you feel better about your choice. I took my 13-year old cat to the vet because of sudden weight loss and markedly poor coat. X-rays revealed an intestinal mass and I was given three options. I could put him down right away, put him through more testing that would stress him physically and emotionally, or send him for exploratory surgery. In the end, I chose the surgery. I thought "I know cats that have lived to 18 or 20" and to be honest, I was young, he was my first pet, and I was not ready to let go and have him euthanized. The vet did warn me that it could be difficult for him to recover, but she said she would make the smallest incision possible. I was at work on his surgery day when she called to tell me it was a huge mass involving his stomach and intestine and that due just to the size of the tumor, he would never have good quality of life again. She recommended euthanasia, which I of course realized was the best thing for him. I was unable to leave work so she euthanized him while he was still under for surgery. To this day I am devastated when I think I could have let him go without the trauma of that last overnight at the vet, the surgery, and especially not being able to say goodbye. As others have said, it is so very difficult when we have to make these kinds of decisions, and it's worse when you feel like you don't have time to think and weigh your options. But I believe that you chose well and did the most loving and caring thing left to do for your dear dog. I hope that time brings you peace with your decision.