Hi folks

I've been lurking regularly on the rose and Antique Rose forum for many years, so long I feel I know many of you, but I've never logged on because I REALLY don't have time to post, even on such an excellent resource for roses! Still, I'd like to join the discussions now and then, and I thought I'd offer the following poem as a way of introducing myself. Given that we seem to be having an early spring all over the country, this seemed to reflect the attitudes of many of us who consider ourselves rose addicts, particularly in the cold zones.

With apologies to the good Dr. Seuss, and the grudging admission that most of the following is based on real life, here's my take on "How the Grinch Stole Early Spring".

Cynthia

Zone 5 Nebraska

Who just finished uncovering her 700+ roses (it's really not hard), fully three weeks before they SHOULD be ready to wake up,

because you can't fight Nature and well...roses will be roses.

How the Grinch Stole Early Spring

Every Who in zone 5 liked early spring a lot

But the Grinch, who had hundreds of roses, did not.

The Grinch HATED it early, though she liked the season

And any Rose Lover could tell you the reason.

It could be the fact that the snows had stopped snowing

Or her serious allergies to anything growing

It could be the fact that she'd turned a bit old

But mostly her garden was two zones too cold.

But whatever the reason, her nose or the zones

She shook in her boots and felt in her bones

That even if wanting the spring to come faster

The ending would be a complete rose disaster.

For she knew if the roses began to emerge

Some blizzard would start in mid-April to surge

And kill all the sprouts and the leaves and the buds

And leave her with nothing but dead canes and mud.

So she stood in her garden and snarled at the breeze

That even late fall was refusing to freeze

And muttered a vow that was daunting and numbing,

"I must find a way to stop early spring coming!"

Or by March all those utterly foolish high-centered

Or quartered or purple or blissfully scented

Floribundas and Hybrids and roses imported

Would cruelly find their emergence aborted.

And they'd wake and be helpless in changeable climate

For roses were simply too stupid to time it

But even much worse than a dead "Gloire de Ducher"

The Grinch was an unrepentant zone-pusher.

"Oh, my Red Intuition, and little Nigrettes

"Nostalgie, Blue Nile, and the noise-noise-Noisettes!"

And far weaker than Hybrids, in face of a freeze,

The Grinch, in zone 5, had four-year-old TEAS!

And the more the Grinch thought of the weather unjust

The more that she knew that she could and she must

Consider a plan to avoid the thing now

"I must stop early spring coming, but HOW?"

Then she got an idea, a conflicted idea,

A completely insane rose-addicted idea!

"I know just what to do", the Grinch chortled and chuffed,

"In December, the roses will need to be stuffed

"In between all the crevices, nooks and the crannies

"With bundles of leaves - I'll protect their weak fannies!"

And she knew that this plan was both cunning and bold,

For she'd not keep them warm but instead keep them COLD

And to guard against canker and mice that might hose 'em

She'd place the leaf bags when the ground's fully frozen.

"All I need are some leaves," and the Grinch looked around

There seemed to be plenty of leaves on the ground.

But considering all of those hundreds of roses,

The leaves that she had barely covered their toeses.

"If I don't have the leaves, well I'll dare to approach

"And scour the curbsides for leaf bags to poach."

Then asking her DH to borrow his truck,

He murmured "Yes, dear", with a doubtful, "Good luck".

So she gathered leaf bags, and she started to store,

A hundred, two hundred, and constantly more

Until what used to be vegetable beds

Were loaded with leaf bags much higher than heads.

Then once she was sure she had much more than plenty

She waited till temperatures didn't reach twenty

And bundling up as it started to snow,

"The timing", she said, "Is the first thing to know."

The winds were relentless, the temp was near zero,

And the Grinch faced it all thinking she was a hero.

"I'm coming, Souvenir de la Malmaison, don't croak!"

Ignoring her Quadra, who tended to poke,

"I've got your down coat, made entirely of leaves

"So spring will not get you, if you just believe

"That cold is forever - these blankets will keep

"Your frozen roots solid, your branches asleep."

Oh, the leaf bags she hauled and then sliced and then plopped

Then stuffed between roses till she nearly dropped

"Ha, spring will NOT come, I can do as I please!

"And now!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the Teas!"

But while she was chortling her Grinchy assurance

And placing leaf bags for this winter insurance

She heard a wee sound, barely heard through her muffs

As if from a squirrel or handful of doves

And pausing at rose number 492

She saw little Rose Who, who had no more than two.

For Rose, as her neighbor, had watched the whole scene

And wondered at what this could possibly mean

So she stared at the Grinch, and she simply asked, "Why?

"Why are you making this mess?" she said. "Why?"

But you know, that old Grinch was so simply obsessed

That she didn't know why her friend Rose hadn't guessed.

"Why, I HAVE to protect every rose in the yard

"I've almost no frostbite, it's really not hard!"

And eyes glazing over, poor Rose backed away

Content with her Knockouts and cafe au lait.

Then the Grinch took the last of the bags with relief

And covered the last of the roses with leaves.

She chortled with glee, and she laughed at the weather

"This time," crowed the Grinch, "my act is together.

"No thaws or surprise or wild temperature swings

"Will damage my roses - take THAT early spring!"

So confident then, as March was beginning

She checked the rose bottoms quite sure she was winning

"There won't be a sign - they'll still think it's December

"They're just foolish roses, no way they'll remember

"They'll still be asleep! I know just what they'll do

"They'll be perfectly dormant and I'll yell WOO-HOO!

"That's a sight", said the Grinch, "that I simply must see!"

So she pulled back the leaves, but then - what could it be?

For there underneath all the piles of debris

The roses were budding and sprouting with glee

She hadn't stopped early spring, no not a bit

Day length and the temperature couldn't be quit

And she puzzled and puzzled, "How could it be so?

"It came through the leaf bags, it came through the snow!"

Then the Grinch thought of something, her lip slowly chewing

"Maybe roses", she said, "sort of know what they're doing!"

So she pulled back the leaves, and pruned the dead branches

And realized that every rose takes its own chances.

Except for succumbing to bitterest cold

Most roses refuse to behave as they're told.

Now the roses that flourished in Grinch's new garden

Didn't need much protection, they seemed to be hardened

From years of no spray and July without water

They grew when it's colder, they grew when it's hotter

And she learned that most of the roses that quittest

Were simply results of "survival of fittest".

"Let roses be roses, and do as they please!"

And she, yes the Grinch, she uncovered the Teas.