Excellent suggestions. I especially like the one from cearab: she has *your* number blocked, so call the phone company and have *her* number blocked. Also accompany your son the next time he goes over. Politely but firmly make sure the neighbors know that your son is pet-sittig for his father and that this arragement was approved by you. You have not agreed to take over and be responsible for your ex-husband's property while he is away. Honestly, if these people can pick up the phone to call you, can they not just as easily call the phone company or the cable company themselves? It's not like you are your husband are in the business and have a truck and equipment to go around repairig wires. I'm especially irked by the lady that claimed that it had to be fixed because it interferred with her life-line service. If her service was truley affected, then she should call the provider and they would send someone out. If it truely was a common cable that serviced more than one house, they would have fixed it. These companies always have easements that allow them to go onto property to repair their wiring and equipment, even if your ex-husband was not at home. Be firm, but be polite. Your ex-husband has to live next to these people. Also suggest that he inform the neighbors and give them emergency contacts for when he is travelling. That would be someone besides you, unless you agree to it.

FD said: "your 3 children all have different bio-fathers and none of them is in their lives." A lot you know, again you have facts wrong. My oldest son visited his father and so, yes he is in his life. They still talk and see each other. I may not have 'co-parented' because of our situation, but we did share custody of my son for several years. My son also has a step mother and a half brother with his step mother. My middle son also sees & talks to his father now. My daughter used to talk to her father until she decided he lied to her too much and she cut off contact with him. In addition to raising my three kids, I also raised my exBF's three kids for 7 years. I was a step child (of a marriage & family therapist). I am a step mom. and I am married now but have also studied marriage & family as well as family law. (also took courses in sociology & psychology... nope, I don't have a degree, just an interest in learning about things.) I love my chosen career and may never change but I do still have an interest in marriage, family and the law so maybe someday I will combine it and be a family law attorney specializing in step situations. Maybe. But, when I have an opinion, I at least have a basis for forming an opinion. I also try to make sure I have the facts correct and if I am not sure, I ask for some clarification. However, when you give your opinions, which you are entitled to do, why don't you 'disclaim' that you are not speaking from experience but you still have an opinion? Better yet, why don't you do what you said and not read my posts? (I'm not saying you can't, just reminding you that you said you don't read my posts!) I am not angry FD, don't worry about me. There was only one little sentence that I raised my voice because what kkny said was so utterly ridiculous that I had to say it louder, ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? and KKNY: I AM THE QUEEN BEE! I have told that to my bio kids all their lives. They know I'm the boss in my house, they are not the boss... they are the kids that do what the boss says. I have also told them that when they grow up and get their own house, they will be the boss! So what? Do my kids hate me? No. Do my kids resent me for being 'queen bee'? Who knows? If they do, that's THEIR problem but I AM the boss in my house and if I were to tell SD the same thing, tough crap. It's my house. When it's their house, they can make the rules and I will abide by them in their house. It has NOTHING to do with being a step.. nothing at all. Except a stepchild is more likely to get bent out of shape being told anything from someone they probably don't want in their parent's life anyways. I sure the hell would not walk on eggshells in MY house and worry about what words I use with a grown up 23 year old mother of a child herself... whether she was my stepchild or niece or just a family friend. She should be out in her own place with her child.. that would be the first thing I'd tell her.. of course my husband would agree.

That was written to be rhetorical. Obviously nobody gets married expecting to get divorced. You would have stayed with a cheater? Nobody wants their child to go through a custody battle or having to grow up in two homes. It's not what we dreamed of as little girls. But in reality, we have to make the best of our situation that we are in. I don't know what kind of work you do, but as long as you are able bodied and not relying on a fixed amount check (like social security or disability), then there ARE options, like changing the kind of work you do, where you can make more, etc. I had my first child at 17 and went back to get my HS diploma when I was 19 (and 9 months pregnant with my 2nd child at graduation) i had my 3rd child at 21 and by 22 I was left alone to raise my kids. I rode the transit bus to the community college to attend classes & walked with the stroller to get groceries. I also worked minimum wage jobs and got rides or walked until I finally saved up enough to buy a clunker. When I was 23 or 24, I got together with a guy that had custody of his 3 kids. I worked at Target (for just over minimum wage) while I went to school. He was a police officer that worked graveyard shift so I got the kids up and off to school, then I went to school, then to work. He was home when they got home from school & he would feed them dinner. I got home and put them to bed while he got ready for work and left. Eventually I got a job with the Department of Social Services and continued college. Our relationship fell apart when I was 29 and found out he had no intention of marrying me and I had raised his kids for almost 7 years(their mom was MIA). The hardest part of leaving was worrying I wouldn't survive financially. I never received any child support for my kids. I worked full time (4 -10 hour days) and that gave me a 3 day weekend, so I worked a part time then. Almost four years ago, I resigned & cashed out my retirement account. I used it to start my own company and I've been doing that for three years now. It's been very tough, I've only been married for a year. When I met him almost three years ago, he made more than twice what I did. He still makes about the same as he did then & I am now making more than him. If I had stayed in my old job with vacation/sick days and insurance/retirement benefits, I would be making about a third what I make now. So, I don't believe ANYONE that works has a "fixed" income. (and I am running my company, caring for my step mom and my 8 year old step daughter full time too)

Your story sounds very similar to my own!! I am sorry your step children are going through this. I know as a step mother there seems to be only so much you can do without overstepping your boundaries or putting the bm down. In my personal experience, I think you should have had your husband call her and tell her these things. The last thing a bm wants to hear is how her parenting skills are lacking from a woman who, in their eyes, is trying to take their place. Regardless of what you tell her, she will feed you all the lies you can handle to make it sound like she is trying so hard to get on her feet or be near her children. The bm in my situation moved 5 hours away from us and it really did a number on her children. She had told us she was not really planning on ever moving back and the kids would want to live with her there when they are old enough. She is now living 20 minutes away from us in her mom's spare bedroom because her brother (5 hours away) kicked her out. Something will eventually happen to force this woman to move somewhere else. I find it funny that BMs are so firm in making sure their children know who is the "real" mom, but when it comes down to explaining their behavior, they claim they don't know how to say anything to get through to their children. So it is basically left on our shoulders. As far as the children, I would definitely make it clear that you are there to support them no matter what and that they can confide in you and their father. My middle SS is really attached to his mom too, no matter what she has ever done to them, he still acts like she is the coolest thing since sliced bread. I'm sure they will grow out of it as they get older and see the real picture. Let her make the decision to move away. You can't make anybody be a better person. Obviously these children have one real mother to look up to, and that is you. Good luck!