We need a joke:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target;

Dear Mrs. Claycomb,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused

quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been

forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,

are listed below and are documented by our

video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly

put them in other people's carts when they weren't

looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in

Housewares

to go off at 5-minute intervals

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice

on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an

official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right

away." This caused the employee to leave her assigned

station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor

which in turn resulted in a union grievance,

causing management to lose time and

costing the company money.


5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and

tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.


6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'

sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department

and told the

children shoppers he'd invite them in

if they would bring pillows and blankets

from the bedding department to which

twenty children obliged..

8.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could

help him he began crying and screamed,

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

EMTs were called.


9.September 4: Looked right into the security camera

and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
    
    he asked the clerk where the
    
    antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store
    
    suspiciously
    
    while loudly humming the
    
    'Mission Impossible'
    
    theme.
    
    

12. October 6: In the auto department,
    
    he practiced his 'Madonna look'
    
    by using different sizes of funnels.

13.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack

and when people browsed through,

he yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21: When an announcement
    
    came over the loud speaker, he assumed
    
    a fetal position and screamed
    
    "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room,
    
    shut the door, waited awhile,
    
    then yelled very loudly,
    
    "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
    
    One of the clerks passed out.