life seems complicated

18 years ago

Right now, it seems like almost every aspect of my life is complicated. I seem to be plugging along. I think I am doing somewhat OK. I am thinking I probably should start swimming laps or else have lot's of (good) sex. So far in life, those 2 activities have worked the best for me to stop my mind from spinning. Just wondering, what works for other people.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (21)

fishies
18 years ago
Moonstruck. Seriously. The last two weeks have been a nightmare for me - I've been way too overworked, and way too emotionally overdrawn. And Moonstruck works every time. There's just something about Olympia Dukakis that makes everything right.

Good sex could help, too, though.

You know... either/or.
fishies
18 years ago
Or both!!

Oh, just hold me back: I'm a wild woman.
Related Discussions
Complicated?
Q
Comments (11)
Hi Alina, 3'to 4' is rather a small hedge. Your clematis do grow slowly the first couple of years though. Here in the PNW my arborvitae hedge can easily grow 1' a year, where do you live? In 2-3 years they may be able to host your maturing clematis. I wouldn't plant any large type 3's on it(sweet autumn, Polish spirit, Huldine, Comtesse de Bouchard, etc.)as they may overwhelm even a 6' hedge. I would plant your clematis 3'-4' in front of your arborvitaes. As your hedge matures the branches will grow outwards several feet and this will keep your clematis in the open so the rain will get to it. That way you won't have to move them farther out in 5 years time. Is there a lawn in front of the hedge or is it a garden bed? If it is in a garden bed you could just make some inexpensive rebar teepees and grow them up that for 2-3 years until your hedge gets larger to host them. If there is a lawn in front of them it may be rather awkward planting them now. I don't know if you would need to use the paper tubes. My hedge was old and mature and had a dense, shallow root system that was hard to even get a shovel through. Your trees are young and shouldn't have an extensive root system. I don't think they would compete with the clematis roots much planted 4' away. By the time your hedge is mature your clematis will already be well established. The paper tubes may wick moisture out of the soil if the tubes are several inches above ground level. Do you have any pictures of your hedge? That would help. I too went through the obsessive ordering phase. I planted about 40 in 2 years. I unfortunately had to slow down as I ran out of room. I would love to order some of the new varieties, but that means some of the old ones would have to go. I am starting to take out the poorer performers so I have room to start ordering again. Those hybridizers keep tempting us will all these new beauties, it is hard to resist. Good luck with your clematis Kim and Alina. Karen
...See More
DD's potty-phobia is making life complicated!
Q
Comments (13)
When my son was 4, his phobia was a motorized wheelchair. His preschool teacher's son had CP, he was about 10 at the time, and used the chair. His school bus dropped him off at the preschool about on hour before I picked DS up. His fear was like your DD's. He would go nowhere near that chair, panicked. He would have peed his pants if he had to walk past the chair to get to the bathroom. His teachers would have to pick him up and carry him across the room if he had to pass that chair. I found him at pick-up a few times cowered under a table with the chairs pulled in tight around him. If the son was on the floor, DS was not afraid of him. But that WC scared the life out of him, so when the son was in that WC, DS would run from him like his life was in danger, screaming in terror. I was so upset b/c I thought he might be hurting the son's feelings, and felt like a failure b/c no on else's kid was scared of the WC! So I found a store that sold wheelchairs, a medical supply store with a showroom. I called, explained my issue, and the staff was so nice! They made time to help us out, we went in, the manager showed him all the chairs, the parts of them, how they work, let him use one. Ended the fear! (I will never forget the kindness that manager showed DS, the time she took for us when there was nothing in it for her, there are good people!) Next day at school DS kept his eye on that WC, but he was no longer panicked. Eventually, he accepted it as part of the furniture in the room, he'd talk to the son while he was in it. It was like Sweeby's talking about, desensitizing. And he needed to learn that in a different environment, with no pressure. There were no words I could use to get him to understand he was safe, it took a physical lesson. I like Sweeby's idea about personifying her fear, talking to it, being the boss of it. That will be empowering, and it will teach her skills to overcome other fears as she grows. Talk about it to her, ask her about what she thinks will happen, what really does happen, how it makes her feel. Go somewhere every day if possible just for the purpose of using the bathrooms. It's hard to be patient with something so irrational. You are doing a great job at handling it, being compassionate but still strong.
...See More
Change in direction - complication yet solution? w/pix
Q
Comments (7)
Oooh, that is so nice to hear of someone who ordered from "bars and booths" and had a good experience. No one I know locally is into doing their kitchen in any way but "predictable Long Island". I do see some awesome vintage ones from time to time, but those are usually original to the house. I was golfing today with a lady who is over 80 and when I started to tell her what we were doing in our kitchen, she got so excited. It was so much fun to have someone gung ho and not look puzzled or like they were humoring the crazy person. I think we are changing our backsplash plan as well. Actually, it is just a tweak. Instead of doing the 4 x 4s in black at the bottom, we can use the chrome banding that has black inserts. We will also do that for our table when we get it "refreshed" with a new top and sides. this is how it looked for someone else with red inserts instead of black: you have to picture ours with chrome but this is a basic look of our splash. We are cutting the lavender 4 x 4s (got a sample in the right color today, finally!) into 2 x 4s since 8" of lavender would put the liner too much in the middle (and 12" is too much field unless we want the bs to be 18+" high with grout factored in). The lower lavender part will be also cut like that and staggered. It just does not look right with them as 4 x 4s on the bottom if the others are 2 x 4s. If we do decide to do the 8", it would be with 6 below the line and 2 above. Our only other possible change is the accent liner itself since it is made by a different company and so we'd have to take out their purple and maybe put in gray. My tile guy is trying to see if they can do a better color lavender for me without a crazy upcharge by just doing it lighter than the sample he has in his shop. If they can't get to the right shade, we will go with today's.which I found in England, of all places, lol. BTW - we are now leaning towards putting the glass arch on a matching laminate/chrome counter too. I guess our fabricator will modify the vanity top I bought at HD Expo for us (cost $35, so we snapped it up 2 years ago). It needs the vessel sink and faucet cut outs. We also will have him do a dresser top that broke in our move here (we finally get to use Verde Fantastico in our house, YAY!). We will be doing our family bath once we recover from all this and will also use VF there too, but I imagine that is at least a year away and probably more like 3... We will make sure to get enough stone to use up our deposit and then some, lol.
...See More
Girls' Life, Boys' Life (the difference)
Q
Comments (53)
Good points from the linked article, regarding juxtaposing the Fall fashion issue of GL against a Boy Scout magazine: ‘The Girls' Life cover is a sample size of one. While this particular cover appears to encourage teens and tweens to focus on their looks at the expense of everything else (and to tacitly say that being pretty is the only important thing) at first glance, a closer look at the magazine's web site quickly shows that previous issues bore covers focusing on stories about body acceptance, getting jobs, and dealing with bullies (and how not to be one) tucked amid pieces on fashion and celebrity gossip.’ ‘Karen Bokram is the founding editor and publisher of Girls' Life magazine. She told us that the outcry seems to stem from adults placing their own expectations and pressure on young people. She says that by the time girls are reading her magazine, they're already receiving mixed messages about what they're supposed to be (and with additional pressure from their peers to fit in), which is in part what her magazine is trying to help them navigate: I put this stuff in there, and once I point it out, people say — okay fine, you have a lot of high quality content, but you still should have it on the cover! And I'm like, okay, so we're shaming girls for having interests that aren't aligned with what you think they should be interested in? So getting good grades and making friends — which is on my cover — isn't within your wheelhouse? ‘
...See More
jeffrey_harris
18 years ago
I suppose both are out of the realm of possibilities? Say it ain't necessarily so.
tootswisc
Original Author
18 years ago
I could see that being possible. I will have to search my on demand for moonstruck. But I am afraid the good sex part might be more difficult because of this post. You know the spontaneity thing.

It really is a shame that Gil doesn't know how to swim.
fishies
18 years ago
But with a name like Gil he doesn't really have to know how to swim. That is a fabulous name, indeed :)

Hope you're feeling better,
S.
larry_b
18 years ago
Hi Diane,

My life is also a little complicated right now. Actually, complicated doesn't really describe it very well. I think I would use the word "challenging" to better described it. I am also trying to find solutions to make it better, but I'm not having much success either.

I didn't mean to hijack your thread or imply that my problems are worse than your problems. I just thought that maybe the old saying "misery loves company" could described your and my relationship.

I really hope that you are able to find a solution, and if not, I hope you feel better talking about it here.

Take care,

Larry
tootswisc
Original Author
18 years ago
Thank you Larry. So far, I am excercising more and I bought 3 plants yesterday. But the complicating factors keep snowballing. Maybe self help books might be helpful. What sort of coping things have you tried. Misery loves company-kind of a strange thought because I am not at all comforted by knowing that you are stressed out too. Let's try a different old saying. Power to the people doesn't quite fit. Strength in numbers-that's not even a saying. As you can hear, I've had 2 cups of coffee and I am rambling. I am sure someone can help us here!. We can work it out.
fishies
18 years ago
Hi guys,

I'm so sorry that you're both feeling ucky. Do your loved ones know how you're feeling? I've found that the best strategy for getting rid of the complication blues (barring Moonstruck, of course) is to tell people I need them. And then telling them exactly what I need from them. People who love you are often surprisingly compliant to do what they can when you need it. I've even found strangers to be really helpful. But sometimes they don't always know exactly what you need.

Of course, determining *what* you need, from yourself and others, can be yet another complication :)

Shelly
larry_b
18 years ago
Hi,

My wife knows all about it but I am afraid that she doesn't have the ability to help with the situation this time. She is definitely my partner in more ways than one and my confidant.

I have had other challenges in the past and have always gotten through them, so I'm pretty sure that I will make it through this one. In some ways I feel that all of the past challenges were there to prepare me for this.

My faith in a higher power gives me comfort. I'm not so much religious as I am spiritual. I am a Christian but am not mainstream. I guess I would call myself a liberal Christian. My fundamentalist Christian friends fear for my mortal soul, but I am quite comfortable with my spirituality.

A good psychologist always helps. I have been lucky to have good health insurance that helps pay for a psychologist. I definitely came into adulthood with "baggage". If I still had that baggage I would be having a more difficult time with this challenge. So my past work on myself is definitely helping now. At this time, my psychologist is a big help in getting me through this.

I try to find diversions. I have been playing on the computer and teaching myself a programming language that starts with a J that iVillage will not let me type out. It makes me use my brain and is something I am enjoying. I also like crossword puzzles for the same reason. I watch lots of movies. I'm not a " Moonstruck" person. My escape movie is The Lord of the Rings. It is the movie that I can get lost in. Good ultimately triumps over evil.

And, coffee always helps. lol

Larry
ooojen
18 years ago
You're a very strong person, Larry, and I wish you all the best!
I know that you're well aware of the philosophy, but I'll mention it anyway, for anyone that might grab a little help out of it--
I think the serenity prayer is one of the best thoughts put to paper, whether you think of it in terms of an appeal to a higher power, or just as a reminder to your own better judgement. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
It's not always easy to keep from dwelling on disturbing things that you can't change, but it's always to your benefit to try to distract yourself.
I think it's great that you're teaching yourself more computer language and expanding your mind. I really admire that.

Diane, hang in there. What you accomplish is amazing. I've said it before, but you can be so hard on yourself...and you do so much for so many people! Share the burden wherever you can.
tootswisc
Original Author
18 years ago
Shelly, fortunately, Gil and I do draw from each others strengths and he certainly gives me lot's of support. One of my complicated feelings is about our health. Gil's knee surgery went great, but he developed a terrible sciatic pain thing-probably because of his strange limp. So he was really down and we both worried about are old bodies. I've put on a few pounds, stopped excercising and that stupid plantar fasciitis came back. I now wake up with sharp pains in both feet. But another thing that I am doing for my wellness is using one of those pill dispensers. I now take my vitamins, calcium, wellbutrin, and anti-inflamatory meds properly-I have really noticed a difference. I take meds twice a day with a huge glass of water.

Gen, thanks again for your kind words. I am actually not being overly critical with myself. I think I am doing somewhat OK and am trying to keep myself healthy-but all around me I see people who are hurting, or making bad choices or seem to be having terribly bad luck. I worry about them-but your serenity prayer is really what I needed to hear-so thank you!
chloeasha
18 years ago
It's perhaps that time of year? I need to start and finish my thesis. NOW. I was accepted to the PhD program so I have to finish my master's LOL. I am going to be staff at this year's excavation in Jordan so i will be gone for a while this summer. I hate papers. I hate hurries. I generally hate research about things I care ntohing about.

And without the aforementioned good sex I cannot concentrate on ANYTHING except that I am not having it. by the time I DO have it it will have been nearly SIX MONTHS and I may die. I'm not sure. Although, on the plus side, should I expire, I will not have to worry about finishing my thesis.
tootswisc
Original Author
18 years ago
You poor thing. Having that thesis ahead of you is exactly how I feel most of the time. I am 54 and still can relate to that awful feeling of having of always having homework to do. Of course a thesis is quite a bit different than homework....Well, I really hope you don't die. When is your six months up?
ooojen
18 years ago
Maybe it is the time of year, alright. Two people in our little nearby town committed suicide recently. My mom has anxiety "issues". Our older DD, who always got excellent grades, is letting her work slip- putting things off until the last minute and sometimes missing important deadlines because of it. A week in sunny southern CA will do her good, I think (although it does mean missing more school.)
We are getting longer days and more sunshine now, but I think not enough of us are getting outside and taking advantage of it.
fishies
18 years ago
I always go tanning this time of year for that very reason. One of the students in my program is from Lybia, and he was asking how Canadians cope with winter. My response was "tanning beds." And LOTS of vitamins C and B12! :)
tootswisc
Original Author
18 years ago
I have started a tai chi class. I am trying to find my chi although he hasn't really explained what my chi is but anyway Feb and March are the liver cleansing months-that is why we are depressed and out of sorts.
fishies
18 years ago
Ahhh... the liver cleansing months. That would probably bring out the blues in anybody :)

I'm sorry, toots - I'm just teasing. Purging or cleansing ANYTHING is a nasty piece of business. All that ick has got to go somewhere, and it's pretty sucky when it has to go through YOU to get there.
ooojen
18 years ago
Heck yeah-- It was bad enough just cleaning the refrigerator, let alone ones liver!
tootswisc
Original Author
18 years ago
And here I am having a beer! I am not purging anything although I am supposed to inhale thru my belly button and exhale thru the bottom of my feet just above the arch if I don't have high blood pressure or is it if I do have high blood pressure LOL.

Actually, I do think tia chi might be helpful for me. It is a bio feed back sort of thing and I do believe in mind over matter. Today was my 3rd class. I think I feel my chi but I am not sure what it is.
lunamoon
18 years ago
Chi is basically just your energy. The more you practice the more you'll feel it. It's pretty cool when you get to where you can really feel it.

Cleaning out stuff is always icky but you always feel so much better afterward.
chloeasha
18 years ago
My six months is over May 16. dyyyyyiiiinnnngggg!!! LOL

life seems complicated

Comments (21)

fishies

fishies

Related Discussions

jeffrey_harris

tootswisc
Original Author

fishies

larry_b

tootswisc
Original Author

fishies

larry_b

ooojen

tootswisc
Original Author

chloeasha

tootswisc
Original Author

ooojen

fishies

tootswisc
Original Author

fishies

ooojen

tootswisc
Original Author

lunamoon

chloeasha

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

life seems complicated

Comments (21)

Related Discussions

tootswiscOriginal Author

tootswiscOriginal Author

tootswiscOriginal Author

tootswiscOriginal Author

tootswiscOriginal Author

tootswiscOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

tootswisc
Original Author

tootswisc
Original Author

tootswisc
Original Author

tootswisc
Original Author

tootswisc
Original Author

tootswisc
Original Author