Girls' Life, Boys' Life (the difference)
10 years ago
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The ironies of life...little girls
Comments (70)What a great opportunity you had to give her the snow globe! Even though we lived fairly close to both sets of grandparents and I loved them all, I didn't interact with them much in elementary years or as a teen; but had "snow globe moments" with them from time to time. My mom occasionally mentioned my maternal grandma wondered if I didn't like her because I usually went off to read a book. I just didn't know what to say to her. When I was 12 we moved next door to my paternal grandma to be where we could help her. I never felt close to her really. She tended to be critical and to compare me to, well, pretty much everyone, but she meant well. In college I moved into my mat. grandparents basement apartment to be closer to campus. In my whole life they had never tried to correct me (something I feel is always best left to the parents!). While I lived there they just visited with me, asked me about school and work, told me amusing stories, etc. Never once did I use the kitchen downstairs. I always ate with Gramm and Gramp and they always acted amazed that I would do all the dishes when I "should be studying" or that I could carry my book bag with so many big textbooks. They were delightful and brilliant and the least judgemental people I know! They met my husband long before the rest of my family did and made him feel welcome, too. He feels as close to them as I do. Gramm's been gone nearly 20 yrs now, Gramp has been gone for 11. I still miss them both with all my heart! I think you're wonderful for wanting a close relationship with your family! Just keep loving your little one and be patient. Don't push the relationship. Love her mom, too. Grandparents can be a safe haven when the time is right! Wishing you all the best! Kay...See MoreSome questions about appalachian life 40+ years ago?
Comments (19)Please don't misunderstand - the farm people valued their animals and cared for them well. On the other hand - the cattle provided milk and meat, and local dogs that got together and travelled in packs, chasing cattle, would be dealt with severely (read, "shot"). They tried to train the dogs to herd cattle - some would go to the pasture at milking time and bring the cows to the barn for milking. It could well have been that the Grandfather felt a deep sense of love for the young lads. I thought that the Grandfather's act was a bit severe - but he had a reason that was logical to him, and his reply to the boys likely would have been, "Get over it!". As several have said, life was hard for such people and there was little margin for soft-heartedness. Would you be willing to have soft-heartedness and hunger co-exist? Quite likely the Grandfather was marksman enough that he could have shot the dirt beside the dog to have been thrown up and both stung and frightened the dog, but he took more direct action, as many did. Life didn't have the nuances for them that it does for many of us. The idea of someone shooting over the heads of kids invading their land was quite foreign to me. I have four barn cats, one of which loves to be scratched and petted - but if I pick her up, she jumps down. Another cat lets me pet him, and enjoys it some, but is a bit reluctant. Drat him, he's a bit of a scairdey cat, but when I pour feed into each of three or four dishes in turn ... he has to be there to eat immediately from all four dishes in turn! A half-grown kitten that I didn't see until it could run pretty well has got to where it'll let me pet it when it's looking for feed, but not at other times. Its mother will follow me around, even quite closely ... but if my hand gets a bit too close ... she draws blood. It is nigh impossible for modern, city-raised people to understand what life was like for such impoverished people who, as several have said, hunted for meat in the woods and fields. I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough with this place to have come to share your question. By extension ... many people who live in other parts of the world look at life very differently than we, and I think that at times it would be well if we were to sit down with them to learn of their ways - and to share our viewpoints. It seems to me quite likely that we would find that we had more in common than appeared at first, as I think we came to realize regarding this situation. When I was a kid, some folks in town had a metal-lined wooden box that looked something like modern fridges and men drove horse-drawn boxy wagons with tons of ice in them down the street, carrying a block into many houses to put into the top compartment. We on the farm pumped cold water by hand from the well in the yard to put into a pan in the basement, where we stored butter, meat and other perishables in bowls floating in the water, changing it as it warmed. Within a few years, they built refrigerators. Within a few years after that, they were building them to last for 40 years ... now they build them to last for 10 years. I've heard that for the world's people to live in the fashion to which we've become accustomed (in about 3 generations) ... we'd need the resources of four planets similar to that on which we live. We are hugely wasteful. We have a lot to learn from those people who lived more simply. And as more jobs are shifting overseas, our descendants are going to be learning them. Several areas of the seas that used to teem with fish are now almost barren - we didn't practise conservation. Our kids and grandkids will suffer the consequences. We still have about the cheapest food in the world ... but one doubts whether that will last much longer. Currently, many thousands of U.S. and Canadian families are about half a dozen paycheques from being on the street ... but we've forgotten how to forage for food, as our forebears did, out of necessity. We are much more brittle, less resourceful and adaptable. Good wishes for a really fine week ahead. ole joyful...See MoreBM on life support....lawyer meeting
Comments (41)Sylvia- "No. She couldn't." You don't know her. You haven't seen her action. You haven't witnessed her get it together when it's something she WANTS to accomplish. You don't even know a small fraction of the story therefore it isn't your place to say what decisions she could have made. When she was in rehab for two months she could of stayed there rather than run off with her BF to get high. Daisy- "Doodledoo, if you would never leave your children with someone who is on lithium, however stable they may seem, I can understand why you'd feel that way. If I had lived through all you've lived through, I would feel the same." Thank you so much for understanding that a person who witmesses a worst case scenario probably isn't going to be likely to take chances. Even if the percentage is low on the risk factor scale once you have been part of that percentage you probably arn't going to be convinced by others who haven't personally experienced the situation. Based on this scenario I would never let my daughter be taken care of a person who has a known mental illness. It's my perogative. I appreciate how you can see why I would feel that way after what we have gone through with BM. Thank you. PJB- "I would like to know where this info came from regarding 'people on lithium' not being allowed to work with children, teach etc." I know this because I work in this field and that is one of the questions you get asked. They want to know if you have any sickness or injury that will prevent you from doing the job (back injuries, Epilepsy and the like) and they specifically ask if you or family members have a history of mental illness. Then they want to know what medications you are on. I have been through that process five times since I was 16 for Daycare center jobs and currently for a Early Learning Coalition position. They also do extensive background checks. They are covering themselves. People with epilepsy and back injuries could drop a child. Mental illness could cause highs and lows or make a person less tolerant to children depending on the diagnoses and the severity. Certain Meds prescribed for mental illnesses can also cause sluggishness/drowsiness which is no good when you have babies in your care. As for the Millitary I had a boyfriend in high school who had some form of MI and he was on some popular drug for depression. It may have been Prozac? I don't remember...anyway long story short, they asked him the same questions I was aked when he was trying to join the Army. When they asked about the history of MI and found out he was diagnosed and on the medication they turned him down. He couldn't join. Too much of a liability. They flat out told him it was because of his condition. Love- "Doodle and J are doing the right thing and the ONLY thing they can do, anyway--protecting the girls." Thank you Love. We don't doubt for a nano second they we are making the wrong decision here. For the record to all of you who think I am so horrible to BM, I have obtained another application to the House Of Hope and explained her situation to the ladies there in hope to get BM bumped to a priority spot. BM claims she will go if I can get her in and as aggravated as I am with her I am doing my damndest to get her accepted for her own sake and the girls. I am such a vindictive,venemous,mean person, Yes?...See MoreLife events that changed you as a person?
Comments (40)In 1998 DH had a really good-paying job for that time (actually even for now) & a pretty big 401k for someone not yet 30 years old. I had a pretty good job & fair balance in my 401k. We also had a house payment & one car payment. Then DH decided he wanted to leave the security of his job & start his own business. I didn't want to do that, but that was his dream. I worried that if I refuse to even try that he'd always resent it. So he left to start the business, which actually went very well at first. We weren't as prepared as we should have been with savings in the bank, etc. But we needed to make a fairly quick decision due to a large project that we would lose if we spent too much time considering. Then he decided that he should start another related business. I worried that the time he would have to put into the startup would take him away from our main business, but he was sure it would be okay. Several months before DH left his job, we found that my mom's cancer had spread again. She was given only months to live. DH left his job in Aug, my mom died in Feb, & I was laid off from my job in April. That's a lot of major life events in a short time. For quite a while, my life involved working full-time, helping my parents at night & on weekends & doing the accounting for DH's businesses when I had time. I admit that I was distracted by the demands of working full-time & helping care for my mom. My dad was very difficult to deal with during this time. He was having a hard time accepting that mom was going to be gone & he was very angry & demanding. This made my life even more stressful. After I was laid off, we decided that I would work with DH managing the office & doing the accounting. So I sat down one day & really began looking at the bills. I knew we had been charging a lot on our credit cards. DH's original business, which had done well at first, was indeed suffering because he was spending too much time getting the other business started. He was putting off projects & the cash flow had really decreased. We were more deeply in debt than I had imagined. Things began to turn around some, but we were unable to make any progress on our debt. I kept the bills paid & made sure that our credit rating wasn't affected, but I was paying minimum payments on most things. We eventually ended up forfeiting his 401k to help pay some of our debt. Even so, we still had problems because business had dropped off. I sank into a very deep depression & was suicidal. Those were really dark times. My doctor believed that it was just too much happening too close together. He felt that I might have been able to handle things better had they not all happened one right after another. I did go on medication & it helped a great deal. I finally got up the courage to ask my dad for a loan. I was raised to be very private about finances & to not get into debt except for something major like a house or a car. It took a lot for me to admit to my dad that we had so much debt. After I explained the situation, he had one question, "Why didn't you come to me sooner?" He wasn't happy that we had gotten in so deep, but he was more than willing to help. He told me to get him a list of everything we owed & bring it to him. We then went to the bank, where he used one of his CD's to secure our debt. Consolidating it into one monthly payment with a much lower interest rate made it so much easier to deal with. DH went back to work with his old company soon after. We closed one business & sold the other to a competitor. I learned a lot from those bad times. One thing is that I make sure to pay close attention to our finances regardless of how busy or distracted I am. The other is not to let my pride get in the way. My dad would have helped us much earlier if I'd just swallowed my pride & asked, instead of pretending that everything was fine. I also learned that depression is an illness & not something that you can control. I used to think that there was no such thing as real depression & that people were just weak because they gave in instead of forcing themselves to be happy. I now know the truth about depression....See More- 10 years ago
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