getting feelings hurt or being offended by posts

16 years ago

I have seen posts that are less than kind. I usually feel bad for the person they are aimed at. I wonder why folks treat each other that way. I guess we all have bad days.

It did make me wonder, if a suggestion or comment I have ever made upset anyone. I am a nice person, but sometimes the things I say come out wrong, or I just can't seem to see that what I say might hurt someone.

So if I have ever in any of my posts hurt someone, or offered my way of doing something that may have implied your way was not as good as mine, I am truly sorry.

I try to word things in a way that says this is my way, but not necessarily the only way. I have on occasion gone off topic from gardening. I try to avoid that, but if I am depressed, sometimes I say things I would not ordinarily say. I certainly wish posts could be deleted. Ever hit return on a post or an e-mail and wish you could have a unsend button?

My mom used to say, you don't need anyone else to beat up up, you do a pretty good job of that on your own. I have to remember that I am only human and sometimes I do or say something that is not the right thing. I am not perfect. but it would sure be nice if I was, or I would not have to feel bad for past mistakes.

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Comments (8)

Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana
16 years ago
Unkind or rude posts can and should be deleted...if'n someone let's the powers that be know about them....via the 'Contact Us' link found at the very bottom of every page here) If a member is warned enough times, I think they can/will eventually be banned.

I too make suggestions and hope they are taken in the spirit in which they are intended.

Sue
jim_6b
16 years ago
Yes, some people can be mean but I have been here long enough to know that the bad ones always leave and the good ones stay. There are some here that have a lot of requirements for people who respond to their SASBE offers and when I first read them I was kind of turned off by all of their rules. After offering SASBE's (which is what I do most) for the last two years I am doing the same. My SASBE requirements on my member page are probably longer than most and I try as nicely as I can to explain why they are there.
I have always wondered what people thought about me here. I have always had trouble putting my thoughts on paper, especially in school, and I have the same problem here. I have in the past read posts of mine where the tone of it did not appear very nice but it wasn't intentional. I'm just a regular guy who grows flowers and like to share the seed with anyone who wants some.
Jim
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Oh NO! delete your history (again) and turn your computer off and then back on again. If all else fails, email Tamara privately and maybe point her to the thread where your post showed up twice...getting feelings hurt or being offended by posts I suspect that may be the culprit. Is your computer so slow, that you are maybe hitting submit more than once...thinking it isn't going to 'go'?...or do you have several tabs or windows open at once, and are maybe submitting it more than once? Sheesh...say it aint so that you are spammed out again. Sue
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Would this annoy you? My feelings are kind of hurt
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Quite frankly, I don't think it's ANYONE's responsibility to buy gifts for anyone... kids make stuff. My kids always made me stuff in school for Mother's Day & Christmas... they made me card or picked me flowers on my birthday. Or they just gave me a hug and said I love you mom... and that's pretty much all I ever needed. It's nice if parents get along well enough to take kids to buy something and if they want to... no problem. If it's an issue where you want nothing to do with ex and kids ask to buy something, I'd say "why don't you make something?" I'm probably alone here, but my opinion is that the world is too darn commercialized and everyone has to buy a card for this or that or send flowers or buy a present. Thank you to Hallmark! We see aisles of gifts for Christmas BEFORE Thanksgiving.. sometimes before Halloween. We see gifts for Halloween... who gives a gift to their teacher on Halloween? WHY? It's a holiday to trick or treat, not give a card or gift. I just think it's silly and really should be a non issue. From the time my kids were 7 or 8, maybe I would give them a little cash & let them buy each other a Christmas present at a dollar store or Target... just a little something. (not always, but a few times & my daughter always bought me a scented candle at dollar tree... I loved it because it was from her, but a hug would have been enough too) I don't get why it is such a big deal nowadays. After my parents divorced, neither of my parents took us shopping for the other... I would have thought "why is he/she doing that?" since I was well aware that they are divorced. (and yes, I was witness to my mom doing some of the things SM's complain about BM's doing for the DH's... and yes, her motive was to piss off my SM and hoping my dad would want her back.. so although I know all BM's don't do it for that reason, I will admit that I am biased as that goes.) As a child of divorce, it was very uncomfortable for me when my mom would say or do things to interject herself in dad's life because I knew dad didn't want her to but he also didn't want to be mean to my mother... because she was my mother. So, I get why these DH's do put up with a lot, but I also wish my dad had stood up for himself more than he did. If he had put her in her place, my life would have been less uncomfortable.
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To hotel - without hurting feelings
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This really is a tough situation. I almost didn't reply but I feel like I should back up britbritmay. I think if I were in your shoes (or your sister's) I would let my father stay with me. When my oldest was born my parents came (they aren't divorced and were there together) and my very "non-domestic" father, was actually a big help! I was surprised. He got up with the baby, cleaned up after dinners and was just there for us. It was nice. I don't know if there is a way to send him to a hotel without hurting his feelings. Maybe suggesting a short visit would be more appropriate: "Maybe you should keep the first visit short and give mom and baby time to adjust". I am going on the assumption that your father won't actually expect large home cooked meals and turn down service from your sister each evening. I sure hope he is more reasonable than that. Your sister should say, "Dad, I am not up to cooking and cleaning so you'll be on your own quite a bit and will certainly have to pitch in and help"! I don't think that he should be relinquished to a hotel though. Your sister may be thankful to have him there. I know I was when my father came. Having another adult around gave me a chance to take a shower or go for a walk alone if I wanted. I remember thinking, "I can't leave this little baby with Dad, but then I realized, Wait a minute! He took care of ME didn't he?!?!" I turned out okay... Now my "non-domestic" Dad watches my kids for me whenever I need him too. He still doesn't LIKE diapers, but he can do it! Let us know how this is handled Bill, I am curious! P
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hurt feelings
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Colleen summed it up. My dear nephews did the same thing. Their mom wasn't a nurturer, doesn't have a maternal bone in her body, and I had them every evening after work and all weekends long though they did sleep at her home except for weekends. She rarely heard them call me anything as they were always at my place, but one Christmas, the youngest made me go inside to her parents' home where she was. He said, "Mommy, look at this!" w/ exuberance over a little car she had bought him (she never did very much for the boys so when she bought them anything, it was a big deal to them.) Anyway, the next day, he looked down and sadly said, "Mommy, my 'nother mother' told me I could never call you 'Mommy' again. Is that OK?" I said, "Honey, I'll always be your 'Aunt Mommy'and I'm your Godmother, but your 'nother mother' had her feelings hurt and that's all. You can call me 'Aunt Dana' or just 'Dana'." He was relieved, slipped a few times afterwards, etc. It was sad, but I don't hold it against her. She was jealous, etc. The BM in your case is just a little pathetic w/ her inability to get it together. Hearing them refer to you as "mom" was a blatant reminder of just how unavailable she has been to the children. It's very sad. Anyway, I fully understand your frustration, but please ignore it and don't ask the kids about it, etc. I bet they go back to calling you mom when they return. If not, it's because she has put a guilt trip on them and again, as hard as it may be, just go w/ it. The poor kids willingly called you "mom" because there's a lot more to being a "mom" than giving birth. Most women can be a mother, but not everyone earns the title of 'mom.' They figured that out on their own so rest assured that they know on some level your level of commitment to them. The kids are conflicted. Their grandparents might even have had a talk w/ them. What ever happened w/ the plane and dates? D
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limequilla
16 years ago
Just because a post is factual, or information is to the point does NOT mean it's rude. It is doubtful that anyone misreads a run of the mill message and thinks the poster is rude. As someone (someone rude) mentioned recently, rude posts are generally MEANT to be rude and are written that way on purpose.

I think the swap rules are great and one person actually sent me commercial seeds comepletely out of the blue because I had a tradelist & email up and in the "directions for trading with me" section, I put that I was pretty much happy with anything, and if it got sent late, it got sent late -- no big deal.

Lime
medontdo
16 years ago
the thing about pc's is that you can't read the person's face, and i'm bad about wording!!! REALLY BAD!! and i TRY to put things nicely, but i always feel like i botch it up, i try to be nice and sweet, that's my nature, but on here, there's no, smile, hug, or if you put emphasis on a particular part of a word. and that sucks!! cuz you can totally misconstru up a thing by one word!! and also, sometimes, people are so something or another that they don't take into consideration that at that moment when another person may be biting your head off and being a real yu know what about a trade and you want to say something mean, then they tell you all whats going on, you feel really bad!! that did happen to me!! but i was gone, so i didn't ner say the bad thing i wanted to. but we all have to remeber that other people do have problems too. some just cover it up good!! but of course there are the nasty ones!! errr!! ;')) its just something to consider when we trade. especially this time of the year.
bigred
16 years ago
I don't know but I might be one of those that have too many rules about SASES but when I post seeds for SASES I don't set a limit on how many any one person can pick and I generaly get a lot of replies so it helps to lay out some guidelines to keep my task simpler and help me to get requested seeds to the person requesting them as quick as possible. It might sound tight of me on sending sufficent postage but when your sending out 50-60 SASES,that can add up to a tidy sum that may sound like petty cash to some but isn't when someone that only has a fixed income to rely on. SO...if I've offend anyone...sorry,it wasn't intentional.

PP
bigred
16 years ago
I don't know but I might be one of those that have too many rules about SASES but when I post seeds for SASES I don't set a limit on how many any one person can pick and I generaly get a lot of replies so it helps to lay out some guidelines to keep my task simpler and help me to get requested seeds to the person requesting them as quick as possible. It might sound tight of me on sending sufficent postage but when your sending out 50-60 SASES,that can add up to a tidy sum that may sound like petty cash to some but isn't when someone that only has a fixed income to rely on. SO...if I've offend anyone...sorry,it wasn't intentional.

PP
Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana
16 years ago
Never too many rules for me...I figure is someone is kind enough to offer things, I can certainly try to follow their rules.

One rule I'd think might benefit some, would be that those replying not have their email blocked...(in other words, have their email addresses viewable by members so the offerer can easily reply via private email (as opposed to GW email), lessoning the chances of there being problems.

Sue...so glad to see bigred back with us
bigred
16 years ago
but I seem to have developed a hick-up...LOL

PP

getting feelings hurt or being offended by posts

Comments (8)

Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana

jim_6b

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