Jackie_o, thanks for posting your thoughts. I've missed your posting and pics of your garden. I remember pictures of your garden overlooking that lake of yours. I know that past problems with exactly this kind of thing are why you and some other people I really like stopped posting. I hate that you all have left. I hate that your feelings were hurt. I hate that we can't read each other's minds and always understand what to say so as not to offend. The point of this thread is to talk about how we treat each other. It is inevitable that we disagree. That's part of the fun of this whole place. But when we have an opposing viewpoint I think we need to be kind in how we phrase it. We also need to try to understand the other guy and why he responded how he did. My take is that Kim is a guy, has had a terrifying experience with coyotes, and is opinionated. That is how he's made. whatever he believes, he's passionate about. And I agree with Jackie above - I think Lyn and Kim's response was somewhat over the top in how they responded to what Ingrid actually said and posted. But I have read a lot of what Kim's written, not only here but on hmf and other places. I know he's passionate, opinionated and somewhat brusque. That's what he is. So what? I ignore it and try to figure out what he's really saying. Nothing I have ever read of lyn's has ever been anything but kind and courteous. For her to respond the way she did must indicate some kind of horrible experience. I didn't really understand why she posted exactly what she did, but based on what else I've seen of her, I thought there must be something I didn't know. I've never met Kim but I put him in the same category as other men I have met, kinda like Sammy shared about her husband. I liked ingrid's posting, but didn't say anything because I don't exactly like interacting with wildlife. But I don't think she and her gallant husband did anything out of the ordinary or wrong. A lot of us would try to rescue a baby squirrel, probably. So what? Is it wise? I don't know. One baby squirrel doesn't amount to much. A snack for my bear. I decided that it's Kim and Lyn's experiences of the dangers of what can happen that caused the over the top nature of their responses. Kind of like someone yelling "stop" if they think you're too close to the edge of a precipice. I've done exactly the same thing. A friend told me she wanted to keep chickens in her yard. all I could think of is the times when I was raising chickens that I came home to dead chickens because of wandering coyotes and dogs. I was really over the top in my response and had to apologize later for being so negative. It is true that some people are intentionally rude. I don't think that this is the case here. I do not think that either Kim or Lyn intentionally were trying to insult or flame Ingrid. I think that both of them have had some pretty extreme experiences with wild life and are passionate about their opinions. For Ingrid's part, I wish she hadn't taken offense, because I don't think any was intended. But as Ingrid has said, and Seil said above, Ingrid's response was more emotional than she wanted it to be, and she's upset right now, anyway. I do know that when I offend someone, even if I did not intend to, I apologize. It costs nothing other my pride, and I have screwed up enough in my life to realize that I am not perfect, that I do hurt others, even when I don't intend to. Life's too short to waste it on trivialities like my pride. I hope that helps, Jackie_O. As I said earlier, I hate that you and others don't post, and I am glad you posted now. Relationships anywhere are some of the toughest things to deal with in life. I've lost friendships over reasons that I can't even begin to understand why. I hate that too. Gean -------- hi, Zyp, lol - the description of the bear came from my neighbor. She said the bear climbed her fence to get to her bird feeders in her back yard. She was terrified and said it was "as big as a car." So I guess that's hearsay, huh? there is a salmon run down behind our home and tons of those blackberries, which is why the bear frequents this area. That and bird feeders and probably garbage. And rodents galore. Good eatin' around here. I keep telling my cat he's a snack for some wandering wildlife and to be happy inside, but he's a stubborn cuss and insists on sneaking out when given half a chance.

Agnespuffin There's no doubt she's retarded but she may be beginning dementia as well. She isn't interacting with the other residents because she really doesn't know how. The rehab is in the same section as assisted living and it seems most of those people are fairly intelligent from what I've seen. In the nursing home section most of them are about like vegetables. The ones who aren't don't have their mind. She interacts with the employees but they get paid to interact! Some of them say they just love her but I'm sure there's some who probably don't really like her. As for being alone all day, she is never alone. I think she'd talk all day long if she had someone to talk to but there's only so much you can talk to her about. I rack my brain trying to find something to talk to her about. I don't think anything will break the phone habit. I think that's the main reason she wants to come home so bad because she says everyone there is very good to her. I think talking on the phone makes her feel normal somehow and I know it makes her feel powerful. So does spending money. She doesn't have a lot of it either. She lives off SSI. They did have a small nest egg but when my sister took over Dad's guardianship she went through it very quickly. She's addicted to spending money too. Between what the VA pays her and Dad's check she gets around 1,500.00 a month for taking care of him and knowing my sister the way I do I'm sure she wouldn't be taking care of him if she wasn't getting the money. I'm sure you're wondering how Dad gets a VA check with his severe retardation. The fact is the military goofed up by keeping him too long. He was a good looking young man and didn't look retarded at all. They probably just thought to start with that he was just a dumb country hick. Someone in charge was't paying enough attention or wasn't too smart themselves. Twiz-- You're probably right about the NH but I can't make myself do that yet and I don't think DH would want that at this time in spite of the situation. I have to keep a firm hand with her to keep her in line. She's a little better about the phone since she knows I can see every call she makes on the bill. We also have unlimited calling for a flat fee now and that helps a lot. Actually there were a few people who like for her to call but 2 of them passed away in the last 6 months. There's a few people who expect her to call every few weeks. I think she's finally getting the message that some people don't want to talk to her. I do intend to leave her in rehab as long as possible because she needs it and so do we. She'll probably be there another 3 weeks at least. We're taking advantage of the time to just be together and also take care of some business matters. I only have Mom. My sister has dad about 800 miles away. There's no way either of us could take care of the both of them. Mom didn't want to go there and Dad didn't want to come here so it worked out for the best. It's sad to say but I don't care much for my sister because she's a manipulative very controling person so we talk very little. When we did talk a lot it was very emontionaly draining for me. I don't need that. I'm already working with her Social Worker/Case Manager at the area agency on aging to arrange respite care so we can do some of the things we want such as going fishing in the new bass boat we bought last fall. That pretty thing hasn't even been in the water yet! If we can pull everything together we plan to go to Canada in August for 2 weeks and maybe Lake Erie for a few days in Sept. As soon as the weather permits we plan to go fising in the local lakes and river at least once a week. I talked to the case worker this morning and it seems we can get respite care for like 3 days a month and up to 15 days at a time. Mom will soon be 81 and with all her health problems I'm sure she wouldn't be living today if it wasn't for the excellent care I give her. I know I can't physically handle her with her weight being what it is and I've told her this. As much as I'd hate it when the time comes that she needs lifting I'll have to send her to a NH. I already have a bad back. She loves sympathy and attention and a few months ago she was insinuating to an aide that I was mean to her. That was because I won't let her have a little dog that she can't take care of and I won't because we just lost one last Oct. and I'm still greiving over him. I told her if she thought I was mean maybe should go live with my sister and she would find out what mean is. I do beleive my sister would be abusive to her. I apologized to the aid for my outburst but I told her I have nothing to hid but I can't tolorate that kind of manipulative behavior. I think the aid may have said something to her supervisor who is the visiting nurse because the next time she came to visit she made the comment that she told the aids they are only in the home for a short time and don't really know what goes on. This aid was a fill in for her regular aid. All the regular aids and the nurses know I would never abuse her or allow anyone else to. I'm not looking for sympathy or any prizes or martyrdom, I just needed to vent a little. I don't think she'd live very long in a NH and as I said I don't think my DH would want that anymore than I do at this time. I just have to continue to be firm with her and take the necessary steps to see that DH and I can have some quality time together.

I don't think your questions are overbearing at all. I watched a friends 2 yr old when one of my kids was the same age. Her caregiver was leaving her child in his highchair, all day. I ended up printing out the snack and daily lunch schedule so she would have a copy because I knew that if it was me, I would want to know what my child had eaten, personally I think that is very basic information. There could be a reaction, an upset tummy later, who knows but I knew it was hard for her to leave her child at all so I did things to ease the daily separation so she felt like she was still part of daily life, even if she was at work. I would still verbally tell her that he ate xyz great but wasn't crazy about abc but that he ate a little. I would voluntarily tell her what we did that day (playdoh, painting, crayons, blocks, etc) so she felt like she waspart of it. I also took lots of pictures for her. So, no, I think your questions are 100% reasonable and normal. I think your nanny needs to be less sensitive/defensive and look at the situation from your point of view.This is your child and you need to know what he is eating, how he is interacting with other kids, how he is behaving. Perhaps talk to her and explain you do trust her but you are someone who likes to know details and because you are missing out when you are working it helps to know how he did that day and what he ate. It isn't about her, but about your son and you being a good Mom and having that daily information.

tos~ How she and her best friends have maintained their friendship, despite the miles, is a source of amazement to all of us. They have a very special relationship and they are all so close. I was just speaking to one of the other mothers last pm, and we both continue to marvel at the strength of their bond. They make it a point to spend lots of time together whenever they can (when she's here for visits). My stepson is best friends with the 2 older brothers in the families, and we adults are friendly as well...have occasional cookouts, pool parties, etc. Although, I think the kids friendship has fostered the adult/family gatherings.... As far as her friends in NC...the majority of her non-school time is spent in dance class, so she is friendly with the girls she dances with. But she says that she really doesn't have any super-close school friends that she "hangs out with", etc. She rarely has sleepovers or talks of anything she does with other kids there. Mostly she is at the dance studio...she's a very accomplished dancer. Lack of good friends there was actually one of the things she discussed when she brought up the idea of coming here for high school. So tos, it's your turn....are you a step-parent? Are you a NCP? What would you have told your daughter in the "hypothetical" situation I posted?...seriously WWYD? Like you, I have no intention of EVER divorcing, but I can "imagine" what I'd do if I were faced with a similar situation....so, please, tell us what you'd say. For the record, my DH fought the move in court. Michigan is a no-fault divorce state, and spousal infidelity has NO bearing on custody, whatsoever. Michigan is VERY pro-mom, despite the fact the courts say they have no "gender bias". Essentially, the only time a mother does not win custody is if she can be deemed "unfit", due to drugs or extreme circumstances. Even homeless mothers win custody here...since we have many women/children shelters, etc. It's really disturbing that the courts do not really have the best interest of the child as their main focus. At the time of his ex-wife's affair, the children were ages 1 & 4. Since they were babies (toddler) he felt that the kids should stay in their home, and with his work schedule at the time, it just made more sense for her to stay in the house. He got an apartment closeby with the understanding that it would be temporary while they "worked on it". Obviously, the outcome was different than the plan. Trust me, if he could have changed the outcome of the custody situation, he would have. Initially, they had joint custody, 50/50 split. When she decided to move, she filed for sole physical, joint legal. He fought it and lost. The judge thought that her soon-to-be new husbands job promotion was more important than children having close, easy access to both parents. That was the sole deciding factor...her husbands increased income. So they can use spouse income to decided custody, but they won't use it to calculate child support...go figure...great court system.