WOW! That is a tough one. I would say let dad stay and forget it. You are going to open a can of worms with this. You could mention to him that your sister might be stressed and maybe not want visitors.

Point out how much better he'll sleep without the bustle of late night feedings, early AM feedings, etc.

Or your sis could just say "I'm not really up to having house guests, and your lack of domestic talents is legendary. I'd love to have you, but not underfoot."

I agree with lazygardens. When you first come home with a new baby, the last thing you need is a house guest who can't fend for themselves and will only contribute to the work that needs to be done!

She can also tell him that she will not be up to cooking, cleaning or much of anything other than caring for the baby and sleeping, so it would be best if he got a hotel room and visited during the baby's (and her) waking hours.

With a new baby, you're lucky if you have time for a shower each day! All the best to the new addition to the family.

Lazygardens,
Good point. Bill, call your dad and tell him all that baby does is scream ALL NIGHT!!!!

You guys are brave! How can you let the mother stay and ask the father to get a hotel room. That is just not good. If the mother is doing all the motherly things, cooking, cleaning, etc, surely she will keep up with him, too. After all, she probably does it when he's home doesn't she?? She can let him know you need space, privacy, etc. Sending him to a hotel would be very tacky IMHO. Sorry!

Amazing Grace - I guess I wasn't clear. My mother and father are divorced, and will not be there at the same time. If my father stays there, it will be my sister or her husband doing the cleaning and cooking.

Grace -
The GRANDMOTHER was doing the "motherly things" while the new mommy was recuperating. And apparently Grandpa is not known to be domestic.

I'd suggest to "Dad" that he wait a few weeks until things are more settled and "I can entertain you and the baby won't be keeping you awake at night"....or.."you could stay at the hotel...."
As I see it...you have 2 choices....1. Tell him you would love to see him but not over night.
Or 2. grin and bear it and let him stay at the house.
Linda C

This really is a tough situation. I almost didn't reply but I feel like I should back up britbritmay. I think if I were in your shoes (or your sister's) I would let my father stay with me.

When my oldest was born my parents came (they aren't divorced and were there together) and my very "non-domestic" father, was actually a big help! I was surprised. He got up with the baby, cleaned up after dinners and was just there for us. It was nice.

I don't know if there is a way to send him to a hotel without hurting his feelings. Maybe suggesting a short visit would be more appropriate: "Maybe you should keep the first visit short and give mom and baby time to adjust".

I am going on the assumption that your father won't actually expect large home cooked meals and turn down service from your sister each evening. I sure hope he is more reasonable than that. Your sister should say, "Dad, I am not up to cooking and cleaning so you'll be on your own quite a bit and will certainly have to pitch in and help"!

I don't think that he should be relinquished to a hotel though.

Your sister may be thankful to have him there. I know I was when my father came. Having another adult around gave me a chance to take a shower or go for a walk alone if I wanted. I remember thinking, "I can't leave this little baby with Dad, but then I realized, Wait a minute! He took care of ME didn't he?!?!" I turned out okay... Now my "non-domestic" Dad watches my kids for me whenever I need him too. He still doesn't LIKE diapers, but he can do it!

Let us know how this is handled Bill, I am curious!
P

Just an update for those who are interested.

After a long conversation with my dad, I think things will work out ok. He is going to stay at their house just for one weekend and will visit again later in summer. I got him talking about how crazy it was when he and my mom brought their first baby (me) home, so I think he understands the situation. With some gentle nudging, he remembered that one of my sister's favorite things about living in the city was all the carry out food.

I'll give him a call before he leaves to make sure he didn't take the "need to help out" message and blur it into "Maybe I should put some shelves up for them." Overall though, it sounds like he is ready to play Mr. Mom.

Wonderful Bill! Sounds like it is all going to work out well! Thanks for the update! And when are YOU going to visit the newest member of your family? (And maybe putting up shelves wouldn't be such a bad idea!)
P

I will be up there the 13th.

My wife and I are pretty DIY crazy. We were already up there a couple of months ago to help redo a baby room and other fixer-upper projects. I think we already put shelves everywhere they wanted them! We redid closets and kitchen cabinets too! Now all my family members want us to come visit them.

Sounds like your sister is lucky to have a great brother! I could use some DIY motivation around here. Let me see, I need to repaint a bedroom, living room and dining room. I have a rose bush that needs removed and some landscaping to do. When are you available? (The laundry room could use some more shelves by the way!)

Enjoy your visit with your family Bill!
P

what is DIY?

Do
It
Yourself

LOL...thanks...I now know why I didnt know the meaning...

Bill,
How did this turn out when he went to visit?

Everything went pretty smoothly. They ordered in a lot of food and he helped with the dishes. He didn't change diapers or anything drastic, but he didn't make life any more hectic for them. Overall, I think they had a very good visit.