By the way, it was my husband that brought home our other lab, as surprise for me. Funny thing that it can't work both ways.

If it bothers you then you need to say something. But you also need to understand you probably hurt his feelings as well, or at least he is/was upset and to be honest, he would be justified in being upset. He wanted a dog and you made a big deal out of it, banned even the thought of it until he retired, then went and got one on your own without saying anything to him. Could easily be seen as hypocritical. He could justifiably wonder why was it too much work then but not now?

I think he'll like the dog if that's your concern but I think you both need to clear the air.

Just saw the addition that he brought home the dog. But I assume he hadn't banned the thought of a dog when he brought that home, right? There's 2 sides to this story obviously. Again, you need to open up some communication.

I'm glad that it seems to be working out and sorry that your feelings were hurt. HOWEVER, if my dearest husband ever surprised me with a puppy or kitty I would be extremely upset. It doesn't matter that he had done it first. That was then and this is now.

I think that you are the one who needs to ask forgiveness of him. Or at least an acknowledgement that he should have been in on the decision. The most important think now is that little Yoyo captures both of your hearts without reservation.

There's nothing cuter than a lab puppy.

I think the important words here are "all is good now". He is entitled to his feelings as are you. I would let it go and enjoy the new pup.

I'd tell him that you knew how much he wanted a puppy, and the timing was right. You thought he'd be tickled pink and that you're hurt he isn't as excited as you expected.

Having said that, I went to the Humane Society one day 6 years ago, to drop off a bundle of newspapers. I came home with a kitten. :-) We already had 2 cats and had no discussion/thought of expanding our family, but gosh Roxie was just irresistible.

I think I did apologize during our somewhat low level quarrel and I am concerned to bring the subject up again and maybe turn him sour towards the puppy. I keep telling myself that the two of them are going to be best friends forever but I was surprised of the initial response so do have some concern even if it is unwarranted.

I thought sleeping on it and I would not feel hurt anymore but I did. Looks like I will have to talk it out with him. You would think after all these years I would be certain of his response but I was wrong. Maybe I could be wrong that bringing up the subject won't hurt their relationship. This is kind of ridiculous and I feel childish. I think I will sleep on it another night.

Thanks for your responses.

A neighbor lost their dog. Wife obtained a puppy, husband told me he wasn't ready for a new dog.

There isn't much better than a lab puppy. Your husband will be in love with him in no time. Do you think it could have been too much of a surprise, losing a pet is so difficult, maybe he had steeled himself against feeling that hurt again and hadn't talked to you about it.

Did he come home tired, with work or anything else weighing on his mind? In my marriage, if my feelings had been that hurt, I would say so and not keep it to myself. I think I'd want to know where the reaction came from too badly to stay quiet...

I hope things work out for you and this becomes the happy and generous gift you'd meant it to be. And please, share that photo....

I just wanted to say that I have never seen a dog named Yoyo and today I have now seen two dogs named Yoyo. I just thought that was kind of strange and ironic.

I would definitely tell him how I was feeling. But hey that's just me, I always just tell it like it is to my husband. He knows that's me and married me. :)

Good luck with the new puppy! I just love dogs!

I'm sure you're not going to sour him on the dog. That seems pretty obvious since you said they were happy. But not talking about it is going to have an impact on your relationship, I'm pretty sure. I don't know how you two get along or your relationship but if he felt (and I hesitated to use the popular term before but here it goes) "bullied" by not even talking about getting a dog, then you come home with one, there could be a big impact unless this is your normal relationship.

And the longer you let it go, the more damage will probably occur. JMO

I think his was a pretty normal reaction considering he wasn't in on it. He was just in from a trip and you show him a puppy. Perhaps he doesn't like surprises or he thinks you should do these things together. Either way, his response was one that many people would have and your response was also that many people would have. As long as he seems great with the puppy, perhaps you should play it soft by jokingly mentioning that you thought he wasn't going to like the pup. I'm sure his answer will be a positive one and you'll feel settled.

Maybe he's the kind of person who likes to have the pleasure of anticipating something. Having at sprung on him didn't let him enjoy the lead up to the actual getting of the, I'm sure, very adorable puppy.

Whenever I watch a show where someone says "get in the car I've packed and we're going on a vacation", I always tell my husband don't you dare ever do that to me because I want to look forward to that vacation for the three months leading up to it.

I wonder if perhaps that is why your husband was upset. I'm sure it will all work out and you will all be best friends but I can understand both sides. I'm sorry that your feelings got hurt.

Quite a coincidence Arkansas girl. I don't know if he will keep the Yo yo name or not. He was jumping up to the cat sitting up on the back of a chair. Looked like a Yo yo. It was so cute.

Something just passed through my thoughts that is troubling as well. I wonder if my husband doesn't trust my judgement to have picked out the best of the two remaining puppies. I know it wasn't because he didn't want a puppy but that he wanted to be involved in the selection.

Yayagal I liked what you said about playing it off jokingly. That's the approach I think I will take when the moment is right. Thank you.

My husband is a single car transporter. Mostly from dealership to dealership. Sometimes Rv's and campers. Sometimes he pulls them on a trailer. When he pulls them on a trailer our other dog Murphy would often go with him. They were great buddies. That's what I was hoping for. I know my husband has been dog lonely but I am the one that does the majority of dog care. I needed to be ready to take on another one as well.

He probably wanted to be involved in the process. Going together, seeing all the puppies, talking about which ones you both love and would be the best match for your family, and then the excitement of waiting to bring the puppy home. All of those are exciting things that he's missed out on, and he might not have the chance to do it again.

I think you had lovely intentions but I can understand where he's coming from. I think you both need to have a calm talk about it and explain both sides, and try to understand his feelings instead of how hurt yours are.

P.S. Yo Yo is a great name for a dog.

Neither I nor my husband would get a dog without the other knowing about it, we go together...but that's just us...many people like to be surprised.

42 years is a really long time, if this is the worst he's ever hurt your feelings, you are so amazingly lucky! I would talk to him about it, when the time is right and let him know how you feel. I seldom ever object to something my husband wants (and visa versa) and then I feel super guilty when I do. Often times I cave in and even surprise him on the fly, so I can totally relate to the situation.

In our case, it was the reverse, we had lost a cat that we were very attached to. I had been wanted a Lab puppy for years and that's when my husband reluctantly gave in. We went together but I did the picking. Even so, it still took him several months to warm up to her. Now she's his girl, so I think in part, everyone handles their grief differently even with our animals. Maybe he felt by picking it together you were going through the entire experience together full circle. (if that makes sense).

I still want to say congrats on your new boy though and that I for one can't wait to see your pictures!

Our last dog came to us via Westie Rescue because 'Mr.' surprised 'Mrs.' with a dog shortly after their aged dog died. 'Mrs.' wanted to be free -- at last -- to play golf!

I have said No More Dogs, at least as long as we travel to Maui for three months in winter. My DH knows better than to spring one on me. We have enjoyed four Westies in our 50 years of marriage. Enough...for now.

For heaven's sake, ASK you DH to tell you the truth about he feels -- NOW, while you could still take the pup back if that's his decision.

I agree with Chi. I think perhaps it was his feelings that were hurt because he was the one who wanted a puppy and accepted when you said no, then you went and changed your mind and didn't include him.

If you're going to discuss it with him, you might start with apologizing for cutting him out of the process, and telling him that your motivation was trying to make a lovely surprise for him because you knew he wanted a puppy. I don't like surprises for this very reason: You're hurt because you were trying to do something nice and he seems to be hurt because he didn't get to choose.

YoYo is a great description for the emotional journey your husband has been put through. First he had high hopes of getting another puppy and then you completely shut that idea down and he had to come to terms with the idea of not having one and then you went behind his back and got one, showing him that you can do what you want but he can't. It'll probably take some time of you showing him that his opinions matter too for him to come around (but he will.) Its important that you acknowledge what you did was selfish and hurtful even though it was unintentional. I would be sincere, not joking about it.

When I was a young supervisor I learned that the best way to ensure that employees felt committed and motivated was to seek their input involving work-related decisions.

Although your impulse came from a good place, perhaps your husband feels rebuffed that you made such a life-altering decision without him. Every story has three sides: yours, his and the truth. It doesn't seem that this is something that can be swept under the rug as it bothered you enough to post. Definitely calls for an open heart-to-heart discussion.

Beeps covered it - you are the one in the wrong here, frankly, and he is the one entitled to have his feelings hurt - and not you. I think if I were him it would grate on me that you think he is the one that has done something hurtful

then you went behind his back and got one, showing him that you can do what you want but he can't

and then on top of it you think him not being thrilled with the whole sequence is you being picked on by him

Awww, I'm sorry you had your feelings hurt. I think both your reaction, and his, are normal. Apparently he has gotten over it now you have to also. In a few days it won't mean squat! Yeah, I'm sure in hindsight you can see how you should have made the surprise a verbal one so that both of you could have gone and picked out the dog together.

I seriously doubt the OP feels like she can do anything she wants regardless of what he wants. Or that she was selfish. Quite the opposite! Her heart was in the right place, she just went the wrong way about it.

You shot him down, then did a complete 180, found a puppy, and he was not a part of the decision. I can see where he'd feel a bit peeved. I'm glad things are apparently (?) okay for the two of you now.

It does sound like the two of you have communication issues.

Puppy is the one who is suffering. He knows what you both are thinking. Fix it, and make a happy home for puppy.

We both have picked our dogs, but I have sprung cats on him over the years without discussion and make no apologies. He's not my father who would never allow me to have pets as a child,so I don't need his permission. I take care of all the animals. .

My Dh & I talk about everything. Not all relationships are ready for that. It's you that's going to take care of the pup, but your DH might feel less angry if you talked about it now.

I'm glad it's working out.

I wouldn't be happy if my dh brought home a puppy, but I did it to him. ;) The kids and I found a puppy who had been dumped because he was injured. We weren't about to leave him there to die. Dh wasn't thrilled about our new dog who had an eyeball hanging out and neither was I really. :/ It all worked out. Now we have an awesome dog who was meant to be a part of our family.

He's not my father who would never allow me to have pets as a child,so I don't need his permission

You're making it sound like you are making your husband pay for what your father did.

When i was married, my ex suggested that we get a dog. i'd never had one before, and was looking forward to helping to pick it out. One day my ex brought home a puppy. i was disappointed in not being part of the search.

I think that, since your feelings were so badly hurt, and it appears that his were, as well, that it would be well for you both to talk about it, to clear the air.

I doubt very much that dealing in a thoughtful, empathetic and loving way with the issue that's somewhat troubling to each of you will erect a barrier to his enjoyment of and love for YoYo.

Lily316's story about " ... not my father who would never let me have a
pet as a child ... " is a different story that doesn't relate to the
story told by loving spring, the original poster.

ole joyful

This reminds me of something that happened 25 years ago between my DH and me. We bought a new-to-us house and built, by hand, a new deck on the back. I was so proud of what we did and talked about buying new patio furniture for it.

I well remember the day that DH brought home 4 patio chairs, really pleased with himself for taking care of that. I was SO upset. I was looking forward to going shopping with him, comparing styles, and deciding what we should buy for our new deck. He took that fun away from me. I hated those chairs until they finally wore out.

I bred Labradors for 15 years and would never let a puppy go to a home where it was going to be a surprise. A little puppy is a major commitment and should be welcomed by all family members. Over a lifetime there are only a few times we can orchestrate a happy event--getting a new puppy is one of those times. I have seen many families come to pick up their new puppy/family member and it's a joyous time and not one where someone should be left out. Your husband had been looking forward to this.

Good luck with your new little guy.

So it was OK for HIM to bring home their last dog as a surprise for the family, but it wasn't OK for HER to do the same thing?

Obviously both of you have been hurt or had hurt feelings over this. I guess i don't understand after 42 years of marriage why you would not be open about your feelings to your husband and he should certainly be as open with you. Sounds like you will both be happy with the dog but being happy with each other is even more important. Im sure if you are open about your feelings and really listen to your husband's feelings this will work out just fine.

Yep.

Enjoyingspring -- Do I recall a prior post by you where you were also tippy-toeing around an issue with your DH?

USPS tracking still shows my phone pending delivery next week. I had hoped to have it for the weekend to post photos of our YoYo. No such luck. He is unbelievably cute but maybe should have been named CHEWbacca so says my husband.

I don't think that I previously posted about an issue with my husband. He is fairly easy going and easy to get along with. Not long ago I did get irritated because he doesn't want to go out much anymore but I do not think I posted about it.I could be wrong?!

As a rule I do not post on forums often and when I do its usually because I am upset about something and for whatever reason do not want to discuss it with IRL people. My plan when I post is to take the first few responses and thank the posters for their interest, then move on using their information/help. It never fails as it goes on that so much more gets read into a relationship/friendship and it leaves one to either ignore that response and the responder, or to defend/deny/explain.

Anyhoo all is good and we love our big little guy.

Thank you all.

Ignore the negative posts, why some people feel the need for drama is beyond me. I feel you need to express your hurt feelings so you feel better.

I'm looking forward to a picture, I bet he is adorable.

Yes, we can't wait for pics!