Jackie, Good for you! Fragrance is very important. BUT, most of the time, I can't smell most of my roses. The Rugosa Rotesmeer is the only rose I grow which consistently provides me scent. I can also smell myrrh which is probably why I like it. I can pick up a little wafting scent as I walk through the garden. It is light and pleasing. But, disappointing when you figure I have at least 30 very fragrant roses. On the other hand, the fragrance of the butterfly bushes is overwhelming. And I love my "Miss Kim" too. So fragrance is not necessary to allow me to love my roses.

DABT, as I have an interest in wild edible plants I have learned a few things. One important thing you can assume is ALL MUSHROOMS ARE POISONOUS. They are difficult to tell apart from the edible ones without a microscope. The other thing is, poisonous plants usually (but not always) taste bad, really bad, so if a kid starts to chew on one, he will soon spit it out. So, in the interest of keeping things simple so you can keep your kids safe, let me make some generalizations which will put you on the safe side of caution: - All white berries are poisonous. - Plants which are poisonous taste bitter. - Plants with white/milky sap are generally poisonous (except cow parsnip above, which has a clear sap) - All fungi and mushrooms are poisonous and some can kill with just one small taste. - Hemlock is poisonous (see Socrates) and looks just like wild carrot/Queen Anne's Lace. You can get a book on Edible Wild Plants. Mine shows me what similar but poisonous plants look like. So it shows me wild carrot, and shows me hemlock also, and tells me the differences, which are very subtle indeed. Many field guides to plants or wild flowers also tell you which ones are poisonous. Post the phone number to your poison control center on your fridge. Make sure it is in a handy place where kids can't pull it down and lose it. One thing I learned as a parent is kids eat all kinds of things, like coins, legos, small beads, gum, and apple seeds (which contain cyanide compounds), yet they have no ill effects for the most part. And they don't make "chink chink" sounds when they walk around from all the coins, they don't pass a whole spaceship in the toilet from all the lego pieces they ate, and an apple tree doesn't grow in their stomach. Be vigilent but don't make yourself crazy.

I am not being used as a chauffer or babysitter. I offered... it was my decision. I saw it as helping the two of them see each other more often. But I guess then I didn't realize the harm that it could be doing. As for mom, she is kind of a strange parent. It seems as though a lot of you women have a strong maternal instinct and wouldn't even let your DD SM pick your daughters up. However, BM has asked if I could pick up her daughter (we meet in the middle of our houses) because it was more convenient for her to drop her off at that time. If we don't accommodate her schedule she often tells us then she won't be able to drop her off at all. She's never around to receive her daughter either. Most of the time dad brings her with her grandparents because mom isn't around. This weekend was a perfect example. Mom told us she would receive her daugther at 6pm on Sunday. She called and told my BF that she left town and wouldn't be able to pick her up until Monday sometime, and that either she would pick her up with dad at his work or mine. HAH. So dad didn't go to work in the morning because mom decided she had better things to do than pick up her daughter, and he ended up bringing his daughter to her grandparents because mom wasn't answering her phone. Sometimes she leaves to the beach for the weekend and decides not to come back until Wednesday, leaving her daughter with her parents, and no one to bring her to school. Not very motherly if you ask me. As for our relationship, it's fine. I am not getting involved in baby momma drama... we see each other, say hello, everything's cordial, then we talk about the girl, say goodbye no name calling as far as I know etc. I never say a bad word about her mother to anyone.. ever. As for my bf we met 11 years ago in the US. I came here to Mexico to be with him a year ago. Maybe I use the term soulmate in a way you don't understand. I know I could find someone else if I wanted to. I don't. I'm here to stay with this man and this girl. We may not be married but we are committed to each other as if we were. We are talking marriage... and it will happen some day. What else... oh to answer a question dad and mom divorced when daughter was 2.5. Sooo... 1 year and half before I showed up into the picture. Their relationship sounds like it was verbally and emotionally abusive, probably from both parts but she also sounds like she was physically abusive towards him... but never to their daughter. Dad never had a serious girlfriend after that before me. I don't think dad ever introduced any women to his daughter before me either. But I don't know that for sure. As for the bed thing, I know. Dad and daughter used to sleep in the same bed before I arrived. I think it's weird. So when I came into the picture and she was over on the weekends, dad had daughter sleep in the same bed as us. I put a quick stop to that. NOT OK. I expressed to him that it's uncomfortable and he talked with her, though I don't think he really understands why it's a problem. He sometimes asks if she can sleep with us still... I don't understand why. As for this weekend little girl was throwing up and had a bad temperature in the middle of the night so she came into the bed in the early morning so dad could keep an eye on her. I didn't think it was inappropriate in that case. I don't want to be an in your face sm. I honestly feel like dad is trying to force the situation and really I was over doing the favors just to try and get to know the girl and make it easier for them to see each other... to be nice. I know that I need to back off now. Anyways I left and did my own thing on Saturday and part of Sunday and when I came back things were much nicer. I think the girl does like me when she wants to see me, but I was around too often and intruding on daddy daughter time. Today she was very talkative to me, sweet... gave me a little kiss goodbye and they left. I think I found my answer. I agree with the playing house thing being a rush, I'm not moving out now... so I have to find other ways to fix this. To answer someone's question it is not the house of his previous relationship... and when I say house I mean apartment.. a small one. I think it's kind of hard to stay out of each others business when we are all there... leaving is probably necessary to give them proper alone time.

yes as far as behavior issues go she hasnt displayed anything other than what I consider normal for her age, she gets good grades and follows directions most of time :)She acts just like any other kid her age... I dont think she doesnt talk to us about it because she worries we will be hurt, we have always been pretty open as a family when speaking about BM, and from what I gather from speaking with her best freinds mom and GM she has completely stopped talking about her in their presence too which isnt the way it used to be... I know I cant make this go away, I wish I could with all my might but I know I cant....I know she will carry this with her for the rest of her life and I just want to make sure I am managing the situation in the most productive manner for her... I just don't know, I feel like it is unhealthy to not talk about it but I dont want to force her, maybe this is something that will surface later on as she grows... maybe it is not as traumatic for her since she never remember a time when BM was around more than every once in a while opposed to a kid that mom just picks up and leaves....but it still has got to hurt....