What happened to the expectation of gentleness and affection toward the members of a large, complicated family around an event that always involves scheduling? An invitation is just that...and one can either attend or not, and the idea that someone would raise a ruckus over receiving an invitation for a time they don't like, instead of being grateful to be asked, regretful at not being able to attend, and gracious about the complications, is, frankly, appalling. The only acceptable responses to an invitation to a shower are either, "Thank you so much, I'd love to come - can I help in some way?", or, "Oh, I am so sorry, but I have another commitment then, and I am so disappointed to be missing your lovely party." Period. That's it. Anything the least bit snarky or unpleasant is the "height of rudeness," because good manners are really about consideration and thoughtfulness toward other people, appreciation for the effort that goes into entertaining, and gratitude for any show of generosity or extension of hospitality. So when you make a nice invitation, particularly when you have gone to a lot of trouble to try to make it convenient, and somebody goes for your throat, you just raise your pretty little eyebrows in mild surprise, smile sweetly, and say, "Oh, dear, that's too bad, we will miss you!", and don't give it another ounce of worry. Sorry. I got all huffy. But, really!!

Tina, Mom is competent but she is needing more help as it is obvious it is increasinging harder for her to do things. DH is taking over paying her bills, ordering checks, setting her finances up with our book keeper, etc. she asked him or help in this area. Plus, she has lived alone for too long with little stimulation other than a TV. That would make anyone dull. I bought her a 'Word Search' puzzle book and she picks it up every chance she gets. She is addicted! I think she is getting sharper just being around her family and dogs. Mom is very sentimental. Everything she has represents a precious memory. Going through her things and asking her about them brings stories. "That was a wedding gift from such and such." She likes her things. She saved it all. She is attached to her things like they are old friends. now he wants me to have it all. LOL. Mom: "That is yours now." Me: "No, Mom. It is yours." Mom: "It is ours." Me: "This is our home." But it isn't going to work like that. Things will be shared between "her boys." Lukki, I remember now that you are one of five girls. As am I. I feel lucky to be the youngest as I remember watching how my sisters acted and making decisions on who I wanted to be. There is a large age span so I was observing teen drama as a toddler. I learned all the popular music from listening to my sisters playing the radio. I remember thinking from a very young age how I would do it different than they did. I'm still kind of doing that. I want to keep the Snell family together. I love 'her boys' too. They are kind and loving. I must keep trying to work with SIL without letting her bulldoze me.

Well I have read all your comments about the rude DIL. The mother that said "have patience"....I've been patient for 10 months now. My grandson was born last October. I welcomed my son's girlfriend in my home 2 years before she became pregnant (living with me). I think I have a great relationship with her personally. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to come to the hospital for the birth. I respected their wishes because they wanted it done this way. No one to be there so they could relax and bond with no company. Her mom did not respect this and showed up anyway and stressed her and my son so bad by being there (constantly talking, laughing, etc) all day that her labor became stressful. My son was so upset. Finally they booted her mom out. Again I'm saying, I respected the wishes. My DIL breastfeeds and she claims he won't take a bottle. I say she's wrong. A little bottle manipulation will take care of that. Mfg. companies do not make the nipples wide enough so not enough milk comes out. (I breastfed my son but pumped so my parents could feed and bond with their grandson--I had to have the nipples opened a little more so he would take it). I feel she doesn't want me and my husband to feed him, which is a bonding experience to grandparents. When I told her about this trick, my son was excited to try it because he too wants to feed his son. If I'm giving to her (money, gifts, going out to eat, etc.) she comes over and stays for a good while so I can play with him. If I don't have anything to offer, I never see her and she's always busy if I want to go over to her house. Her mother and family dont help them out or see the baby but once a month, but when there is holidays, her family gets first dibs on the visit. Me and my husband are always last and the baby is tired because they get to my house so late. His first birthday party is being planned around her mothers schedule, not the grandparents that have literally spent out thousands of dollars to help with their bills and baby items. (they have asked and I have offered). Yes, I am expected to help her out with buying decorations, food, and the rental space at the park but me and my husbands schedule didnt matter. I, too, have taken care of many babies and know what I'm doing. She won't let the baby out of her sight. She's always "right there" and seems she wants him to always want her or cry for her when he sees her so she can take him. I feel I haven't got a grandchild or bonded the way my parents bonded with my son. I've respected their wishes since she gave birth to him. I've only babysat 20 minutes a couple times. Although one time she and my son was doing some delivery work to make some extra cash and left him with us for 3 hours when he was 5 months. I insisted on them not to ride around that long with the baby in the carseat. They agreed reluctantly.....Believe me, by the time they got back, my grandson was not happy. He wanted food that I couldn't give. Did not have a bottle because i was not allowed to feed him. So needless to say, I dont watch him long periods like that anymore (with no bottle). She pumps but claims she doesn't pump enough. He feeds and within an hour he's hungry again and she feeds him again. Seems like she's breastfeeding constantly. Like I said, I feel I'm being used and I have to "pay" to see my grandson. When hes out of the baby stage, boy, people will be getting some good deals at my yard sale because everything is new since I see him maybe once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I've tried everything. In my opinion she's too too too overprotective. I'd like for my grandson to grow to be a tough playing little boy not the opposite. I need that bonding experience. Yes, i have tried to talk to both of them and theres always excuses that doesnt make sense. I do want you to know I love my DIL very much. I just want to feel I've got a grandson and feel the baby stage experience... not blink and he's a grown boy. Any advise, please help. I've done everything I know of and now just being unemployed, I'm short on money. Makes me feel I'm being used. My husband is upset, too. HELP!!!!

Yes thank you we are a team. The kids know it and the is respect under our household. Its so sad that sylvie and kkny sound so vindictive that they want to crucify a SM..oh did i tell you i'm a STEPCHILD MYSElf. i am a damn good parent and the kids know it:) Yes totally agree with you Wildthing and love. They aer sour and do not want to see any stepfamily succeed. Well hate to tell you ladies, but regardless of the issues presented to us, we survive and deal with it as a team and we do love the kids. So pitty yourselves. Cause i know my stepkids would look at you guys like a piece of gum under a shoe that been scrapped on the edge of poop. No , he's not that smart. He has a heart. A softy and know exactly who love him. You guys really hate it when the kids love their stepparents eh? You are so full of S**t its unreal. You guys and you know who you are have truly now shown your colors. Your just pist off and miserable in yoru own lives that you have to shat on someone else especially on SM' and even when you find out the stepkids love them. YOU DENY THE TRUTH. THE TRUTH THAT STEPPARENTS CAN ROCK BETTER THAN MISERABLE LOUSE LIKE YOURSELVES. Ahh...it feels great to be vindicated. Loving the moment! You sooo lose. and the kids have more than their dad, their grandparents, their peers, their uncle, the cousins. and best of all they have us. So sad that both you ladies have your heads stuck up your ars.