When my girls got married, they had already been living independently for years and needed nothing. You are lucky that your niece even HAD a registry, but I know it hurt your practical soul to buy things that might never be used.

When our niece in Canada registered for her wedding, I saw a LeCreuset and thought, I can get it here in the US for much less than in Canada, so I did, and told her dad I had done so so he could have her take it off the registry. (The registries don’t cross borders.) Well, another relative had already purchased it, and apparently that was that. We gave a check in the end.

When I was in graduate school, my parents gave me a set of really nice stainless flatware. I’m sure they were thinking, she’s never getting married so we will give her nice housewares. That was early 1980s, and the silverware is surviving my singlehood, marriage and motherhood, and only one spoon and knife missing. I do look at new flatware, I have yet to find something that checks my boxes.

maybe they have decided that they need to learn to cook. Great!

The greatest gift you could give them is your time and expertise should they ask, at a family gathering, your recipe/technique for some of the wonderful dishes you bring to share.

I always laugh at the fact that DD2, who liked nothing I made when she was little, now cooks up a storm. She and her now-husband both had everything they needed before they married. I believe they have three crock pots. They have "her pots" and "his pots", because she doesn't feel he takes good enough care of them.

My favorite registry experience was DH's cousin's kid, who put all kinds of workout gear on theirs. Weights, etc. I sent a check.

Give them a very basic cookbook like Good Housekeeping...

A crockpot and cookbook would be great for beginners. So easy and can make dinner while you are working. Nice to come home to.

She and her fiance will be soon be glad to have those practical things. Maybe they've been busy saving so they could buy that house. They'll realize the savings of home cooking once they are 'an official couple' and stop being dependent on her DM like children.

I really love finding a gift that would be perfect for someone, but with so many people seeming to have unlimited spending money (or lots of credit cards) and establishing fully functioning households before marriage, people often buy what they really want or need for themselves. In years past, I would have given some kind of luxury something, like a special serving dish or sterling serving utensil that would usually be used for holidays. Now, people are turning their dining rooms into gyms and most young people would NOT appreciate a gift like that. I usually just suck it up and write a check.

We don't have any young people in the pipeline for marriages or babies in our families, so we will most likely escape these decisions. We chose not to have children, but we have nieces and nephews who have families, but we don't know them very well and live far distances from each other. I have to say that we received a harvest gold Hamilton Beach slowcooker for our wedding in 1978 and we still use it. Has a heavy, removable crock and cooks low and slow. It's big, so we did eventually buy a smaller one but that cooks hotter even on low so we use both, depending on what we're making.

Wonder if anyone got them an Instapot. Pretty much foolproof. I can’t believe they don't have forks! How old are they??

I did not see an instant pot on their registry. She is 23. I imagine he is the same or near it.

Crikey. That's very young. Hardly left home. Perhaps that's why they don't cook. I wonder a bit about their future as a couple if they're still so dependent on mummy.

When kids in our family married they'd been independent for years and had pretty well equipped kitchens. And they specified no gifts anyway. Both requested charitable donations in their names.

I know that she does not cook because she simply does not want to. Has had zero interest her whole life in learning how. Her siblings, both younger, can and do cook often. Both my niece and her fella work hard and are otherwise very capable. And I am quite sure that they can follow a recipe or instruction. They just do not want to. I can relate. I can change the oil in my car, but I am not going to. I can cut the grass, but again, not gonna. Cause I am a grown up and do not have to. However, I am hoping that new kitchen gear will inspire them to want to cook. There is something satisfying about feeding yourself something yummy. But that's just one of those things. My mother has always hated cooking, and you can taste it.

My niece reminds me of one of my sisters. I do not have any memory of her cooking growing up. Never even made herself a sandwich. Because the rest of us siblings did, and we would just make enough for her too. She did not have any interest in learning either. When she married, they moved across the country and she really had no choice. Now she is quite a good cook, and enjoys trying new recipes and techniques. I hope this plays out the same way.

I was 23 when I married --like 'everybody' sixty years ago! Today, I think that's very young to marry -- or to be in a relationship long enough to commit to marriage. This dependence on Mom reinforces that thought. I would never have wanted a house five doors from Mom either, but some families are Very Close.

I was married at 22, and hadn't been living at home since I was 16. I think we infantilise young adults for far too long and they never really become adults.