Thank you for sharing, rhizo - and expressing your response so warmly.

ole joyful

I guess I’m the bad guy here. When I hit the picture - as I often do on my phone because they’re fuzzy - I must have somehow hit search or something because it immediatwly came up with her name, company, etc. So I felt maybe it was a little “public” for someone who was holding her illness close to her chest. No negative feelings intended.

I’m sorry that Rob felt the need to delete the thread, as I think it was heartfelt and hopefully somewhat therapeutic to post, and some worthwhile advice was given.

The pic could have easily been deleted and the heartfelt post remain. I did have the reaction to someone posting a pic of someone else on the internet without their permission.

Olychick the picture was from the internet so from that perspective I’d probably say it was fair game.

I don't agree. Posting the pic of someone who is on her death bed but who has been private about her health crisis, speculating about funeral arrangements on a forum with a bunch of strangers, just seems wrong and unnecessary to me.

((Hugs)) Rob. And what Rhizo said.

The post didn't need to be deleted. But I believe the picture did.

I just didn't have the energy to fight the merits of posting a public picture on a public forum after it was already posted publicly. Y'all remind me every now and again about how pedantic you can be about things, losing the big picture. I was hurting very deeply. You won the argument, I took the picture down. I also didn't want to argue with the fact that she was only keeping it quiet, so as not to burden us. She's kind like that!!! She didn't want us to have to suffer in any way. You can't possibly read her mind. But I'm sure you know exactly why she kept it private.

But I had a lot on my mind. RIP, Murphy Patrick O'Brien. 17 years old. My child's cat since she was 9. They found a mass on his bladder today.

I'm sure we are all very sorry you are losing your friend. I think you did the right thing taking down the pic at least. And also very sorry about your kitty.

I just didn't have the energy to fight the merits of posting a public picture on a public forum after it was already posted publicly.

Like I said, in general I see no problem with reposting a picture that’s in the public domain. I did see an issue with posting it to possibly identify a dying private individual.

I also didn't want to argue with the fact that she was only keeping it quiet, so as not to burden us.

I don’t know if that’s your assumption or if she actually said it, but while you’re googling the Japanese culture you might find they tend towards being private.

Y'all remind me every now and again about how pedantic you can be about things.

And I’ll also remind you that my comment about the picture was a side note at the end of a post that both acknowledged your sadness and made suggestions of how best to honor her memory.

Very sorry about your cat. The many among us who’ve been there with pets, can empathize.

Rob is losing someone she deeply cares about, and posting is her way of grieving and honoring her friend. No one should be policing how she processes this—it’s not the time for criticism. Right now she needs love and support, not rules about how to grieve.

Sorry about the loss of your sweet kitty cat...

No one is policing I made an observation and made a gentle suggestion and for that got called pedantic. Can’t win with some.

foas, sometimes one doesn’t need to have the last word. Sometimes one can make the choice of silence for the sake of grace.

Grace? She passed away 30 years ago!

Yuko passed away overnight

I'm so sorry, Rob....

Rob, disagreement aside I’m sorry you lost your friend.

Rob, I am sorry for all the loss you are suffering right now. That is a lot for one heart to bear.

I’m so sorry, Rob.

I wore black from head to toe. No makeup, simple hair, and pearls to show my tears. I did buy special buckle shoes because I loved her buckle shoes. So I tried to honor her family and her. I placed a simple rose made of paper (a musical sheet) on her altar, and for some reason, I bowed to it as I left the room. I left, bowing to her family as I went. Nobody told me to do it I didn't plan on doing it, but her father bowed back. It was a very American affair the entire time I was there. The Americans didn't wear black, the Japanese did. Her mother wore all black and pearls. Her father did not wear the typical attire. He dressed more American style. And as was typical of any gathering involving her, it was a melange of, well, all of her. There was a picture of her in a traditional kimono, and a picture of her in rock climbing attire. She's so thin in that picture, I would think it was taken a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't stay to the end. I didn't want to be there for the cremation. I didn't feel it was appropriate, and I couldn't handle it. I'm sure we all did what we could.

i'm so deeply sorry for your loss. 💔