Just, it's people like you who stand up for others that makes the world a better place.

I didn't see the topic and I also want Guest to come back. You'll be glad you did. :)

I missed whatever happened. Love all our upstanders here. Thank you, Just.

That’s the biggest issue I have with this site. It can be so helpful to so many and I’ve learned so much from the tips and experiences shared, but there are some people who are downright rude (a few are regular posters), and it’s so unnecessary. It’s not that hard to deliver opinions with kindness.

Let me guess, cross posted to Design Dilemma and some "pro's" weighed in? I was thinking maybe it was it the double bathroom door thread, but I see it's still there, rude comments and all. I don't even disagree with the advice, but why do people have to demean others to give their opinions/advice?. There seems to be no shortage of rudeness on some of the deco boards. Convo's is usually so kind, but people find it by accident and always cross post to the other side.

I bet that was the one i reported, then it disappeared. And I'm pretty dang tolerant. It especially sucked because the poor OP had a really pretty room she/he was all done with, (and it looked great), and this person was I believe the first commenter and---just--trashed--it.

In the meanest way.

Name names. Or PM me and I will.

Ms. S - The first was bad but the last one I read was worse.

There is a curtain company posting fake queries/dilemmas. They are too tempting not to post rude comments. If they never come back, then all's the better.

I think I saw a couple of these posts before there were any responses and I thought they looked like spam. I usually don't respond to these because sometimes you can't be sure, and to me it's not the same as spamming someone else's post.

But I think sometimes people do pop up out of nowhere with "Look at this perfect thing I created" pictures, and people don't like it, because it goes against "the normal progression of things" where people are supposed to start out needing help, get help, are eternally grateful, and admit they couldn't have done it alone.

I think that happens the normal way frequently enough that people should not be put off by these odd posts. But some people feel the need to teach a lesson. But it doesn't. If it is actually spam, I don't think they care, and if it is not spam, it is potentially hurtful. There's nothing wrong with ignoring posts you don't like, not everyone needs to be a spokesperson or moderator for a point of view.

Many years ago in one of the forums that no longer exists, maybe an early version of GW, I kind of showed up on the scene with a lot of enthusiasm and strong opinions and it did not go well. I did not agree with a lot of the prevailing advice and the boilerplate solutions being given and I often told people to think about the Why (something I still get in trouble for...thinking) and at some point a few people started responding regularly with "I wish you would just shut up with this stupid theory stuff and help them pick a paint color/new sofa/etc." And when I listed a couple of design trends I said I "hated", someone posted that I was on their list of things they hated.

This actually started a set of private messages explaining to me that I had "disrupted the natural hierarchy" and had the top half dozen posters "offended" that I was trying to "take their places " and even that I was a " former member who had been banned" and I was pretending to be nice but clueless but soon would start to make trouble.

I think that was a time when things were a little crazier and now of course there are many platforms where people can bicker endlessly, but there are elements of that sort of thing here with people wanting to be top dog and people wanting to control situations--including ones that are usually self limiting anyway.

Life is too short. It says mountains about the people that post rude comments.

Pal, I hate that that happened to you. I always enjoy reading your thoughts, theories, history lessons, etc. I was on a thread with you a while back when a pro basically told you to shut up, your posts were too ”cerebral” (she actually used that word, like it’s a bad thing).

I think nowadays it’s a people are just rude thing, sometimes an insecurity thing, and a lot of what online communication has become thanks to social media. Quick takes.

I missed the posts being referred to here, but I can imagine who was involved.

Pal, I thoroughly enjoy your thoughtful posts. And if I thought one of your comments went a little too far in the weeds, I'd just scroll on by. The fact that people would PM you to finger-wag about board hierarchy and your comments is ridiculous.

Are the board police still here? Not expecting names, of course, but just curious.

There is a real onslaught of phony accounts and call-and-response spam, some with, some without the link to a certain curtain company. They all have in common stock photos we'd describe as "inspiration", none are amateur photos. The "Take a look at my new bedroom" with an obviously pro picture.

Most all are really ugly.

sushipup2 and I had a similar experience yesterday. This "guest" was responsible for 3 spam posts. Yes, she/he wanted to stir the pot. I was the first responder with links to the 3 posts. My comment, was "why?". As in why do you want to make fools of good hearted souls who will spend time responding, supplying OP with some good laughs at their expense.

HU-372876782 and "Green Brings Freshness"

I found the topic which should be on page 1 at the top right now, and since she has her Messages turned off, I kind of sent her an invite. Hope she comes and plays with us!

Actually the person who PMed me about my faux pas was being helpful but was doing it in private for their own self-preservation so as not to offend the powers that be.

I obviously have the sort of posting persona that sets some people off and there's nothing that can be done about that really. And I have really set people off with what I think are fairly innocuous statements like I don't like dish drawers because I like to put the clean dishes on the bottom of the stack so they are rotated. (Lots of nasty responses to that one for some reason, including my need for psychiatric help. Whatever.)

There are people in the overall site who are popular and give well-received advice, and my feeling might be "meh". So we are not a great fit. Me not liking them or their advice isn't their fault, and I am not going to get angry or annoyed at them because I don't get along with them somehow. That's my issue, not theirs.

Ok. There is a new post that is talking about curtains. Now that I think about it the post I was talking about was also focused on the curtains. So maybe it was spam.

I think some here are too focused on "spam". You can't always tell if a post is spam and what if it is not? There's no reason to be rude to someone. If you think it's spam, report it if you must, but just don't respond. Why take the chance on being rude/unfriendly to a poster?

I commented on her double door post. We had a couple sets of small double doors two houses ago and they were not an issue. I'm not sure why one specific poster on that thread feels the need to be such a jerk.

If we are talking about the same posts (3), sushipup2 and I had the same reaction: posts were spam, and there was no indication there was a dilemma or that OP was looking for advice. The photos were downloaded from who knows where.

Tina Marie, yes, it is pretty easy to tell if it is spam. You start by clicking on the OP's name and follow any activity. As I said, my comment was "why"?

If your remark is aimed at me or sushipup2, then I could perceive it as very rude and presumptuous. I have been on houzz since 2013. I would never respond to anyone inappropriately.

Allison0704, I did not see one about double doors. But, I found it. That is not one of the 3 I am talking about.

Again, if you are referring to me or sushipup2 as being a "jerk", then I would consider it beyond rude.

When the link is provided to advertise a product for sale, it is spam. The spammer, et al, have disappeared.

I commented on the curtain thread only to say that the color of the curtain was pretty- ha! But, mainly, to say that there was little need for one so-called 'pro' to always be so MEAN. There is a difference between well-thought out advice and plain mean comments. I think most posters know that line and don't cross it? This 'pro' crosses it frequently. I didn't realize it was spam?

Spam is not only something to sell, but directing to blogs or YouTubes, etc, that may be a source of income. You might not realize it, but people make lots of money as "content creators" and they depend on clicks on their content to get money from sponsors.

The current spate of profession pictures and vague content on newly created accounts is curious. These posts add nothing to the forum content and are just taking up space.

ETA: it's not spam if you or I post a link to something like that, it's spam when a link is posted solely as click bait. Is that clear?

There is a content creator on You Tube who doesn't even create content, she will just compile "5 tiktoks I saw when I couldn't sleep " or "My favorite memes for March", and a couple years ago her income was like 10k -11k Per Day. I don't know if she is still popular but every time I open YouTube which is daily because I listen to books, her posts show up under Popular or Recommended and I have not ever looked at any of them

Just - Thank you for your response to Guest. I only continued on with this group because of a member like you. My first question was related to an unusual wallpaper removal situation. I searched the forum before I asked my question and could find very little, maybe a Search glitch. Asked my question, the first response was rude and mean, basically calling me an idiot for not using the Search function. Luckily the next few responses were kind and basically called out the first poster for her behaviour. If not for the kind posters in this group, I would not have enjoyed 20 years or so here, that said I was primarily a lurker for a long time after my original post.

JustDoIt, thank you for standing up for common decency.

I only saw a post about curtains. @judianna20 thanks for pointing out how to recognize spam. I don't go through the posts checking out who wrote them. I know spam really bothers some but for me, I just scroll on by. I didn't see a response from you or Sushi, so I'm not sure why you would think I was referring to you.

I guess I'm the one who posts most about spam. I'm just drawing attention to it so others can help by flagging it. One person cannot delete the spam. Yeah, it bothers me. Because if these forums are overrun by spam posts, they cease to have any credibility. If you, a real person, post to comment on a real product, for example (as we all do here), and there are scores of spam posts, some of which are quite nasty in intent, the forums quickly become completely useless to everyone. That's why I do it.

I flag spam too sushipup. You're not alone.

palimpsest

6 hours ago

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This actually started a set of private messages explaining to me that I had "disrupted the natural hierarchy" and had the top half dozen posters "offended" that I was trying to "take their places " and even that I was a " former member who had been banned" and I was pretending to be nice but clueless but soon would start to make trouble.

~

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You gave me flashbacks to the old ID HGTV forum.

I posted a random pic of a room filled w/dolls and said all those eyes staring back bothered me. It was an early version of what I do here.

Well a longtime popular poster had a meltdown because she collects dolls and thought I was mocking her--I wasn't, and the knives started coming out for me by her forum acolytes

I replied respectfully saying I wasn't going after a single poster - I was just making an observation/opinion

The blowback continued and I was getting angry...my replies started getting a harder tone - a few glasses of wine weren't helping the situation.

A longtime poster I liked sent me a private message not to take them on because they had power

I took the advice - the fight wasn't worth it.

Gizmo, wow. That stinks.

I don’t remember it at all, maybe it was during the fews years I took a hiatus (husband’s health issues, I had no time to be on there). I can’t think of who the doll poster would be.

I do remember your name then, and enjoyed your fun posts!

@Gizmo I believe it may have been the HGTV forum for me, too. I think that someone who also posted on the old GW then let me know about this forum which they called kinder and more good-design-oriented, which it certainly was at that time.

There were people on the HGTV forums who would accept nothing less with complete agreement with every idea they posted.

I think another thing that sent somebody off was somebody was complaining about their house having those hollow core doors with the fake woodgrain (which you don't see much anymore but I guess were more common then) and I said "I think if people were content to live in smaller houses, then the building materials used would not have to be so cheap, and that I would much rather live in a small house with solid doors in it than a really big house with cheap materials. I dunno, maybe that's snobby, but I literally got yelled at for mocking the American Dream of home ownership. It could be a really bizarre place.

Clearly, I missed all the excitement.

Oh, wait, no … I had first row seats for the last two years MAGNAVERDE ever did his yearly awards thread.

I’ve never seen such a brawl, and epic melt-downs, with flounces … including on political boards. That was something.

I really enjoyed the awards and his commentary. No, I never won in any catagories. :D

(Still missing Bart.)

Sushi, I flag posts too if I see your comments and the offending post is still there. I'm happy to do some small part in trying to keep the spam under control here.

I think if you didn't care and wage a one person war, this place would be over-run. It feels like Whack-A-Mole, but your efforts make it better and I wanted to say thank you.

======

I don't understand why the perpetually crabby bother to post here. There aren't very many of them, but they sure are consistently miserable here ALL DAY LONG, every day.

They don't seem to be having any fun. They don't seem happy. They sure don't give 2 hoots about friendship or camaraderie here either.

So all I can come up with is that they have nothing else to do and it makes them feel better or superior to be so condescending to everyone. People who spend any time here learn what names to ignore, but I do feel bad for new posters. Many new people post these polite requests for help, and to have the perpetually crabby be their first reply is so stinking mean. Not much makes me angry, but pointless meanness in response to a politely worded post pushes my buttons. The world has enough pointless meanness. Try kindness, it makes everyone feel better.

Actually Magnaverde chimed in and said he found an ongoing topic interesting when I had only been there a very short time. I think that's what set a couple old timers off, and I hadn't even realized yet that him liking something was apparently a big deal. All very Jr. High.

I once ventured over to the HGTV ID forum when they were talking about my first English kitchen. It all seemed very cliquish. Not that there is anything wrong with making friends online, but when you start treating others differently (being rude) than your "friends, then I am O.U.T. I don't like to fight or argue, I don't like conflict.

I've only had to block one person that messaged me through GW.

ETA: Pal, no wonder the old timers were ticked off! Too funny.

A few turned on him for just that reason — because others liked and respected his contributions. They also didn’t get his dry and wry sense of humor, and took it as him being sanctimonious and condescending, which was not the case at all. Never. He was such a kind and generous person, but yes, juvenile jealous herd mentality won out. It was sad because the negativity and sniping towards him kept him from posting much later on. I knew him from BHG days, we all moved to HGTV after it shut down. I learned so much from him, and to this day think about what he would advise in my own decorating decisions. I found him online a few years before he died; we had some good conversations.

Allison, wasn’t it your kitchen that that Salado company used in one of their ads, without asking you?!

I try not to make too many assumptions about how much time people spend on the forum, like I have heard people say "How busy can ____ be as a professional architect/designer/etc. when they post on here so frequently?'' Some people are just good at doing more than one thing at a time. I feel like I post an awful lot but I have 4 different work positions, one of which is considered a "full time" position, and then 3 other jobs that add another 15 hours a week. I think I am pretty busy, but I don't have the distractions or commitments that alot of other people have. I don't watch regular TV, I don't have kids, I don't have a long commute usually, and when I do it's on mass transit. So who knows, some of these posters who are pros and are on here a lot may be busy. They may also be nicer to clients in their real life than they are here. They may just be working out their aggressions anonymously.

Allison, wasn’t it your kitchen that that Salado company used in one of their ads, without asking you?!

There was one that sold Home Goods looking items that added a wall between the kitchen and living area to "decorate." Then there was another that used the pine hutch on their website as an "idea" of what they could do.

I just did a quick Google Image search of that kitchen. Other than Pinterest and Atticmag, I found the black hutch (between kitchen and laundry room) on a website for sale, only $63.88! A bargain!