Elmer, you pretty much posted what my response would be. Interesting, just yesterday I was having a conversation with a family member regarding our dislike of ”extreme or lifestyle-dominating religious views.” Yes, moderation!

Thanks for making this easy for me…and for some interesting topics lately!

And so what? I think it's uncomfortable to be in the minority particularly at family events. My brother dated a women with different ethnic back ground and it was the larger family events that made him decide to move on. Good friends have a SIL from Sri Lanka. He would not survive here if not for his football (soccer) community that are also from Sri Lanka.

I had the great fortune to move from my all white existence to San Francisco in my early 20's. I was blessed to have so many friends of differing races, religions and from many different countries. I learned so much. It was the best of times. Then I moved to Baltimore and had a somewhat different experience. My friends were mainly black or white, all of which were delightful people. Interestingly enough, religion never played a part. After moving back home over 25 years ago, to help with my aging parents, I came to miss the diversity I'd known.

I was born and raised outside Detroit. We moved here to New Mexico when we married. We raised our children the way I was raised. Never mentioning a persons skin color or race. We’d say (for example) “The lady in the pink dress” or “ The gentleman in the red hat”. My niece married a man of a different race. He’s been totally accepted by my 8 siblings and all their families. We all love him. He’s Family! Their darling little boy is my very favorite great-nephew. I spoil him rotten(LOL)!Our daughter is engaged to a wonderful guy of Hispanic descent. Entirely accepted by my big family back in Michigan, and by us. And our DD, with her pale, pale skin, light blond hair and green eyes, is loved, accepted and is Family to his.
I wish everyone could see the heart and souls of folks instead. And look for the good , as well.
My DH says that mine must partly come from my long family history as Quakers. Nope! He sees the same way and he’s Chickasaw and English. It’s just a good way to live.

My late uncle’s wife is from Taiwan, so I have two cousins who are partly Asian. My great nephew is about to marry a young woman whose ethnicity is Korean, although she was born is the US, so maybe I wil have great great nieces or nephews who are partly Korean. I also have a mystery cousin whose existence I discovered through Ancestry. He is half Vietnamese. Id love to know how we are related, or should I say through whom. I know he is from my mother’s side, and his mother is V ietnamese.

As for friends, I have several who are Indian, but again, born here. One was born in Sri Lanka.

“I was born and raised outside Detroit”

Lynn, we lived in Farmington (now Farminton Hills) when I was a kid before moving to SoCal.

Chloe, we lived in Mt.Clemens!

So you were a bit north of us. I remember our dentist was in Bloomfield Hills. We moved to SoCal when I was 12…a long time ago! Michigan’s so pretty!

" My brother dated a women with different ethnic back ground and it was the larger family events that made him decide to move on. " Gee, arcy, why does this not surprise me?

Our family is not terribly diverse, but that's mainly because when we all married, the community as a whole was not terribly diverse. Now we all work in ethnically diverse workplaces and have friends from all over the place. I don't think ethnicity should be what romantic and other relationships are predicated on.

Religion isn't a big issue in our family, I guess because it isn't really a big thing in Australia in general. Politicians' religious affiliation (or lack of it) is rarely discussed here, though Scotty from Marketing's ostentatious attendance at one of the (now scandal-wracked) big happy-clappy style churches copped some flak, mainly because he was so ostentatious about it. No surprise he's a big TFG fan.

I was raised Catholic, but am now a more loosely Christian person, though I have never felt that any one religion has all of the answers. (I thin k most people find the religion -or none- which fits best with their personality, and that's fine with me.) I did want to get married in a church, as I grew up in a monastic town and was friends with many of the monks and priests there. Luckily DH had been christened (Presbyterian) as not being christened would have been an impediment, though the priest who married us firmly stated that he had no intention of trying to convert DH unless it was DH's wish (it wasn't). None of his younger siblings was christened as DH's parents weren't especially religious and DH's Dad had a huge disagreement with the minister after DH was christened so no subsequent children were. It doesn't make them any less good people. We raised DD as a nominal Catholic but sent her to Salvation Army Sunday school mainly just to give her a grounding in ethics. She's turned to be good person who is involved with a bunch of different charitable works, as am I.

Extended family (cousins and in-laws), above and beyond Caucasian: Catholic, Texas megachurch, African-American, Jewish, South Asian Muslim, Korean, Japanese, Filipino, Argentinian, German. Except for the Texans, all secular, but Protestant heritage. The Caucasian lines are almost entirely of British/Scottish/Irish/German heritage.

Eileen, did I miss a post? Who made someone feel uncomfortable?

First of all i think there is a big difference berween ethnic differences and racial differences i remember my high school back in the 50s was about half Polish and half Italian i know some of the old timers wouldnt allow their children to date outside their own ethnic group

in my own family my adopted daughters are Korean, my niece is from Vietnam and her mother tells me shes dating an Indian man one of my daughters had a boyfriend from Sudan its all fine with me the more diverse the better

When my Norwegian-American grandfather married my Swedish-American grandmother a century ago, it was diversity.

Hard to answer without at least alluding to one’s ethnicity.

My extended family is either of Chinese or white (French-Canadian) origin. So not much diversity.

While my family is liberal in their lifestyles and beliefs we are soooo white bread. We are Swiss German with a little British thrown in. In my whole HS there were two black kids and one Jewish guy and the Catholics had their own school and we didn't hang out. Most of the towns we have lived in were overwhelmingly white. Grandkids are with white partners but have many good friends of every ethnicity.

Our daughter in law is born and raised Chinese. She has been living in the US for longer than she lived in China. She came here as a college student and never went back to China. She has been an American citizen for years. Her parents have legal residency and they come to live with my son and his family for a few months every year. We have two Eurasian grandkids. We have always accepted her fully.

I think that our son encountered more questioning from her family in China for having married an American.

The one that I cant find peace with is our son in law. And, he is native born American.

When I was growing up our seperation was between military and civilian . We were military and we stuck together and considered ourselves apart from civilians. My point with that is that there are all manner of differences to divide over.

I was going to say no, no diversity in our white bread family. But, oh, wait. My husband's adopted sister is Vietnamese. After 42 years in the family, I never see or think of her as Asian. She's just K.

No ethnic diversity in my nearest family, though some religious, but we all would certainly welcome anyone of any racial, religious or ethnic diversity with open arms. More ethnic diversity in extended family--the spouse of a daughter of a cousin, for example. My now deceased mother's closest buddy for the last years of her life was a much younger Black woman with whom we still maintain contact and friendship.

arcy, how very sad that your family cannot open their hearts. I'm sure the Pope would agree.

My son (adopted and brought home from hospital at two days old) is the only one with ethnicity (but very little) in our family/extended family. He is on the Native American rolls but is very small percentage, so he looks white. And, he is just gorgeous-if I say so myself! His birth dad (on the indian rolls) has blonde hair and blue eyes and his birth mom (white) is the one with brown eyes and brown hair. I'm mostly German and Hubby is mostly German/Irish. All white in our extended family.

With our son growing up, we made a point to never make a big deal at all about race-we just let it happen organically, which worked really well. We had quite a few sleepovers with a couple of my son's black teammates from basketball, and they (and their families) are still very good friends today. They are all in different colleges now.

Our family/extended family has always stressed more being the same religion (Christian) as being the number one thing that is important for marriage, only because it can be complicated for kids if mom and dad aren't on the same page, and WE personally believe our Christian religion is the foundation of OUR family. Race wouldn't be a factor at all.

Here in rural USA, my family is totally one race/ethnicity. The nearest relative of a different background is my son’s brother-in-law who was born in the USA of Soviet immigrants.

In spite of my parents being semi-literate rural po-folks, they raised me and my siblings to be race/ethnicity-blind as best they could. As I look back now (I’m nearly 70), I know that many of my generation were not raised that way. DH’s parents, for example, were high school graduates - mine were not - but were less tolerant than mine.

I'm somewhat conflicted about diversity within the family. I really enjoy ethnic/cultural diversity, but once you start mixing the diversity homogenizes and I think that's kind of a shame. You can do the 50/50 thing but by the next generation that starts to get washed out.

Laceyvail, did I miss something? How did arcy’s family not open their hearts? I read it as, her brother felt out of place, and perhaps not welcome in his GF’s family.

I read it that way, too, but in fairness it’s ambiguous.

”My brother dated a women with different ethnic back ground and it was the larger family events that made him decide to move on.”

It could read as him not being comfortable with the women at HIS larger family events. Not how I read it though.

It's so hard to feel like you're the odd man out - particularly at family things, but really anywhere. Think about a time when you walked into a room or a gathering, and you were the only "whatever" there - whether it was the color of your skin, your particular ethnic or religious affiliation (or no affiliation at all), or anything else really.

How people treat you in that moment really matters. Do people smile, extend a welcome - or do they ignore you? Or worse, say or do things that remind you that you are "other than."

Little things really matter, little signs can make or break how you feel in that moment.

bpath, I understood arcy's comment to mean the same as you.

How that got misconstrued by attacking arcy's family is very strange, but not surprising.

"I think many of us do not enjoy relationships with people who have extreme or lifestyle-dominating religious views."

There you go again elmer, exposing your true agenda in between a bunch of mumbo jumbo by showing your true colors as an antitheist. you did it in the last thread you polluted and I've seen other examples from you buried in your mumbo jumbo.

OllieJane - Arcy’s comment was not "misconstrued", an ambiguous statement was likely misinterpreted. The post wasn't littered with caps though, a hint thar she took a break from her trademark nastiness.

Not buying it, food! I read it, then later read comment attacking arcy's family and had to go back and reread arcy's comment to make sure I had read it correctly the first time-because it was obvious it had nothing to do with arcy's family.

IF anyone was confused (how???)-why would arcy post anything so negative about her family like that? Common sense, folks!!

I totally agree with your interpretation but it’s objectively ambiguous. But let’s not derail Elmer’s thread with bickering. 😉

Not really, although I do have a Colombian sister-in-law. It has been interesting and fun to learn about her culture and visit her family in Colombia. Agree that it's the inside of a person that matters, not the outside.

I grew up in Calgary, Canada. Affluent neighbourhood. Went to school with a lot of Jewish kids from old money, and American kids whose parents were oil execs. A lot of Canadian aboriginals. My parents were British. My older sibling was UK born. We celebrated Christmas and Easter but weren’t religious.

My husband grew up on a farm. Ukrainian heritage. Very poor. A lot of Canadian aboriginals. All of his friends were of Ukrainian heritage. His parents didn’t have running water until after we were married. They celebrated Christmas and Easter and then celebrated Ukrainian Christmas and Easter but were not religious.

We all got along and still do. 🤷‍♀️

And so what? I think it's uncomfortable to be in the minority particularly at family events. My brother dated a women with different ethnic back ground and it was the larger family events that made him decide to move on.

The topic is about whether you have diversity in your family. It seems odd to me that arcy immediately thought of her white brother as the minority, and she says that one will feel uncomfortable when among other ethnicities. Arcy has made her ideology very clear on this forum. If her family is anything like her, I don't picture them as welcoming to anyone who is different.

She also says that her friend's SIL from Sri Lanka would not survive "here" (in their white community) without his soccer friends. Yet he married a white woman, so he isn't the one with the prejudices.

Maybe she will clarify.

Ally De - While I've been the racial minority at social events, I can't offhand remember a time I felt uncomfortable about it. Now being out of place for socioeconomic reasons, THERE I've felt discomfort!

" let’s not derail Elmer’s thread with bickering "

It's not unusual for conversations to wander, both here and in the real world. That often makes them more interesting or can bring out interesting, unexpected topics and contributions from the people involved.

Starting a conversation doesn't convey ownership or control. It should where it wants to go.

LOL! So you’re not going to tell others that they can sit this one out!

😉

Wandering is fine. Bickering over sentence structure is disruptive. So I suggested we stop.

My sister married a man from Afghanistan, I wasn't able to attend the wedding. It was out of state and I had a newborn. She had twins 33 years ago and the daughter is having a big wedding this weekend. They are both Muslim. I am looking forward to attending, it will be a different experience. I am looking forward to the afghan foods :) My 15 year old granddaughter will be attending and it will introduce her to a different culture, which is never a bad thing. This portion of the family does not live locally so she does not know them very well. She just knows my niece as her cousin not by her religion or ethnicity.

I had Afghani neighbors when I lived in California and they invited me to a birthday party with their extended family. I was the only non-Muslim there, and they were so welcoming, wanting to make sure I helped myself to the food, etc.

Eileen's comment points out something important. Warm welcomes, sincere interest and hospitality are how genuine acceptance are best expressed in a mixed group. Arcy's comment and description above suggest the opposite, perhaps to be expected of what may have been a group of closed-minded people.

I've been a minority in groups of various kinds, whether as an invitee to a party of ethnic or religious practices I don't share, or as food describes, being a common joe in a gathering of wealthy people. Open friendliness and sincerity from others is what makes one comfortable and erases any imagined gap of differences. And the lack of same can highlight a perceived non-acceptance.

Small point Eileen- you had Afghan neighbors. The plural of that is Afghans. Afghani is a noun and that's the name of that country's currency.

I come from a stereotypical (oh! horrors!) WASP family (traced genealogy to prove it). I married a fellow whose family on both maternal and paternal sides arrived in this country via Ellis Island in the 1920s from Poland and became citizens.

My sister's elder son married a Jewish girl. Relationships between both families are close. In fact, my sister is very close to the 99-year old Jewish grandmother especially and looks upon that lady as her own grandmother.

My eldest grandson is presently dating a young lady of Asian-American background, someone he has been friends with for almost a decade. Don't know if this will become a permanent relationship, but it may very well.

All is good! Mixed groups are so interesting.

Eileen, that reminds me of one of the times when we were in Bali and were invited to a Balinese wedding.

On previous trips, we had become quite friendly with one of the staff at the place we were staying outside Ubud. During one of those trips, it became evident that she was in a great deal of pain in her back, and not able to afford a Western style doctor, she was seeing a local healer with no success. We encouraged her to see a Western doctor and paid for the appointment - it wasn’t a great deal in the grand scheme of things for us, but several weeks’ wages for her. To our horror it turned out that she had an infection in her spine which was disintegrating the bone. If it didn’t prove fatal, at the least she would be a paraplegic- and rural Bali is no place to be in a wheelchair.

We had a whip round in our extended family, who had all joined us on a previous trip to the place we stay in Ubud, and raised enough to pay for her to have surgery to fix her spine, again, not a massive amount in our terms, but way beyond her family’s ability to pay. She looked so much better the next time we saw her in Bali.

Her cousin was having a traditional marriage ceremony in the family compound in Ubud, and when we asked her to send us pictures so we could see what it was like, she invited us to attend. We had a fantastic time! It was so very different from anything we had ever been to, and the whole extended family there- at least 100 people- were so welcoming that even though we were the only non-Balinese there, we did not feel in the least out of place.

I grew up in a small town that was all white and very Catholic. My family is Jewish. I joke about growing up "environmentally Catholic." My dad was friends with a priest who liked our house because he could relax in a way that he couldn't among his own parishoners. (Also, my dad had a good wine cellar.) Every Spring, for six weeks leading up to Easter, I like to do some kind of discipline. I also fast on Yom Kippur. My husband is half Chinese and looks Asian. It wasn't until a few months after we were married that it dawned on me that I'm in a mixed marriage. I just think of him as being good looking. My family loves him. One of my cousins married a Japanese, another married an Indian and another married a Cajun. All are great additions to our family. I'm also grateful to live in a city enriched by ethnic diversity.

I believe this ethnic/religious foolishness is changing, and fast! I think 'someone' is too late trying to turn back that clock.

I grew up with almost entirely people just like me -- White Protestants. Catholics didn't attend my public school. I thought I first met Jews people in college until my mother named the sub rosa Jews I'd known all my life. There were no temples in my town, and the 1930's deed to our house had a discriminatory paragraph. I still don't know if any Blacks owned property in my NW Chicago suburb circa 1940.

What a loss for all of us!

Mmm - given the current climate it may be risky to answer this question.