I am writing to share some deeply personal reflections on my relationship, which began back in high school. From the very start, we have experienced a tumultuous relationship characterized by constant arguments and conflicts. It's difficult for me to recall a time when we were in harmony for more than two weeks at a stretch.

You might be wondering why I chose to marry someone with whom I had such a fraught relationship. I ask myself the same question every day. At the time, I felt like I was on autopilot. The future seemed distant, and I thought I had plenty of time to end the relationship before it became too serious. But suddenly, I found myself deeply invested in something that made me miserable even then. Our incompatibility was always evident, yet in the beginning, he went out of his way to please me, often mirroring my desires and actions to keep me from leaving. I suspect he knew I would have left if he had shown me his true self from the start.

He would often concede to what I wanted to do, but only after a fight. This pattern left me feeling upset because I believe that if we were truly compatible, things would have been easier and more natural. Over time, I realized that I held a certain power over him, as he seemed to like or be attracted to me more than I was to him.

As our relationship progressed, so did the arguments and fights, often about my desire to spend more time together. Even though I got what I wanted through these arguments, it created a dependency issue where I felt the need to do everything together. My default was to be with him, while his default was to engage in other activities like playing games. He claims that he tries to make me happy, but I don't think he understands that I don't want to fight to get my way; I want it to be effortless and mutual.

Now, fast forward to the present, and we have a baby. This has been the most challenging period of our relationship. He does not contribute to domestic labor or the care of our child. Diaper changes, feedings, baths, and bedtime routines have been left almost entirely to me. Although he works outside the home and has a side gig, I don't believe that's an excuse for leaving all the responsibilities of raising a child to me. What hurts me the most is his apparent lack of interest in spending time with our baby. Whenever he has free time, he prefers playing games or sleeping rather than engaging with our child. This neglect makes me incredibly angry and deeply hurt, both for myself and for our baby.

I am also resentful because he was not supportive during my pregnancy or the birth of our child. Despite suffering a concussion at the time, he barely helped during the newborn stage, leaving me to struggle alone with a traumatic birth experience.

Our interactions remain negative and filled with rude comments and name-calling. When I react to his insults, he accuses me of being overly sensitive. I find it increasingly difficult to move past these issues, especially because he continues to be so dismissive and hostile.

I am at a loss for what to do next. I don't want to raise my child in such a toxic environment, but I am also terrified of leaving because he is all I have ever known.