Half the world are those people, and they marry into a family that is not so EVERYONE has a story like this. SIGH.

When my sister married her second, and last husband, she told him the wedding was something like 90 minutes before it actually was. She said she would kill anybody who let it slip when the real time was. She has had to do this their entire married life.

However, they do certain things together and if he is not ready, she leaves and does it without him.

When my niece's brother in law got married, the bride's parents were not there. The bride has been dealing with this forever, and they went ahead and got married without her parents being there. The ceremony was over by the time the parents got there. Her feeling going in was that they would probably not be there and that was their problem, they missed out on a lot of things.

I have told people who do this to me that I am no longer available at the time they think they will get there, they might as well turn around and go home. Sometimes this is the truth, I schedule more than one thing for some days, sometimes I might not have anything else specific but I will tell them it is too late, sometime it really doesn't matter, they can get there when they get there but I won't put any effort into any of it until they are actually there. I never yell at them, I never complain about them being late. It's just that if they are late, sometimes they are too late, and whatever it is has already happened.

I've always been an 'arrive at the last possible moment before being late' person, but I've noticed lately that I am always running late. I finally attributed it to developing arthritis so that everything takes much more time. My mind is still following 65 years of habits and timing to get myself ready and I just seem to forget that I'm not moving as quickly as before. It's frustrating.

I really am annoyed when people arrive early (to my home). Again, I am finding it takes me longer to prepare and I'm using every last minute to get things ready. When someone shows up 15 min early, I am NOT ready for them. Sometimes I'm just getting out of the shower, as that's the last thing I do usually. My cousin and her husband were guests on Christmas Eve. They live about 40 min away, but are fairly new to the area, so timing isn't quite figured out. I got a text that they were just leaving - an hour early - which meant they'd arrive 20 min early. Ugh. So I quickly did some necessary things and hopped in the shower. Luckily, even tho they'd been here 3 or 4 times, they got lost again, so were 20 min late, which was perfect. I decided I have to tell them to arrive 30 min after I actually want them to show up.

I am pretty decent on timing but I am frequently on the early side of things. If I am early to someone's house I won't ring the bell or anything, I will walk around the block or something.

I am normally prompt but have a good friend who is always early so if we are meeting at a restaurant I now feel that i must be early too.

I'm also liable to arrive early, especially when I'm going to a new place and give myself plentyt of time to find my way. Like Pal I will park and wait in my car or walk around so that I'm not inconveniencing my host. I used to be part of an evening book group where we took turns hosting. I always told everyone it was fine if they arrived early, because I was early myself and everything would be ready.

Being always late is one thing...but being late by hours is something else entirely. I would be ranting as you are too. And at some point, I'd probably give them a good talking to...especially after being stuck in a hotel lobby! It is truly inconsiderate and rude.

Take some time while you wait to meditate...you probably have time to get a manicure too!

If someone has a smartphone - and who doesn't these days? - there's really not a good excuse for not knowing how long it will take to get somewhere. Google Maps helpfully provides that info.

And one of my sisters is chronically late. With her, I think it's psychological. I think she lacks the ability to judge how much time is passing, or how long something will take, and I also wonder if she's avoiding things. Not sure how she handles work-related scheduling, but on her personal time, I've learned not to go in a store with her, because it will take at least 2 hours - no matter who's waiting, and no matter what she promises.

Being disorganized is one symptom of ADD, and many people seem to have that nowadays.

I cannot stand being late. It's just so rude.

My sister in law was always late. Always. I hosted her bridal shower in my home before she and my brother got married. It was a surprise. She was told we were having a bbq and the time to arrive. My brother was in on the plan. I had a house full of people waiting to yell surprise. The allotted time comes and goes...my brother calls to tell me he's doing his best to get her there but she's not cooperating (they were in the mall and she was not wanting to leave). She eventually shows up. I make some joke about her being late to her own bridal shower. She said she didn't think it was a big deal since it was just a bbq. Seriously? I'm cooking you dinner and you don't have the manners to show up anywhere near the appointed time. I was furious. And, by the way, bridal showers were not a thing in our family/tradition and I was already annoyed that I had to do this and now I'm hosting all your family and friend (that I do not know!) and you're hours late!?!?! Grrrr.

I will say that she is much better now. I guess 30 some odd years of being married to my brother has finally got to her. Before they were together, my brother was early to everything. We lived in the same apartment complex so we would travel to my parents house for visits together. He would always show up while I was in the shower! And I was not late! I knew to leave the back door open so he could just come in and wait in the living room until I was ready.

Oh, I have a funny story about me always being early. Years ago, we were taking a cruise out of NYC. Friends that are always late were going with us. I told them if they wanted to travel to the port with us, they had to come to my house and sleep over the night before (we live in central NJ and they live in Philly suburbs). I was arranging limo transportation to the port and I would include them but I was not waiting for them. Nor was I paying for a stretch limo to hold all 5 of us plus luggage and not having them be there!

I calculated the timing - what time to be at port minus travel time, minus driver packing the car time, etc. to tell the limo company what time to arrive at my home. Well he was a bit early (no problem, we were ready). He packed the car with luggage for 5 in about 30 seconds and off we went. We hit every green light, and there was no traffic - like not another car on the road no traffic. We got the port, and the security guard asked the driver if he was picking up passengers getting off the ship. He said, no dropping off. The security guard said you've got to be kidding me.

Thankfully, we were able to check our luggage with the ship and we had hours -- many hours -- to kill before we could board. We went to the Intrepid next door for a tour, and probably got some food somewhere.

The friends have never let me forget!

I have one late friend who uses lateness as a means of control, I'm not patient with her and will call her out about it. She's late for everyone and everything so I don't take it personally. She'd also help me hide a body so she's got that going for her.

I have another very sweet, chronically late friend who is always in lala land. I do not know how she gets through the day. I just expect the lateness and plan accordingly.

I'm an early bird as is the rest of my family and like Bunny and Pal will sit in my car rather than actually arrive early. DH was chronically late for years but realized how anxious it made me so he changed his ways.

I think it was mentioned above - I'd just tell your niece - "Text me when you are 10 minutes away. I'll see what I can do."

I am almost always on time or a bit early, too.

My son and DIL have a dear friend who always shows up late. Trouble is, and they fall for it at every occasion that calls for food, they let her bring an appetizer, which is usually a cheese platter that needs to be completely assembled. And everyone else is ready for the main course. They should just ask her to bring dessert. On Christmas Eve, she was bringing a folding table for the overflow crowd. Yup, at least an hour late.

I heard the best explanatiom at a seminar many years ago. People who are late think about what time they need to be somewhere. People who are in time think about when they need to leave.

My older sister was also a late "arriver." Anytime we got together, we always told her the start time was 1 hour earlier. And she usually managed to get there by that time.

With the exception of my wedding rehearsal.

The church was less than 3 blocks from her house, and she still managed to be late. My BIL brought my young niece & nephew, who where in the wedding, and we started the rehearsal. Sister was the matron of honor, and we had a stand in for her until she got there.

From there we left to go to the restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. She had a babysitter for the kids waiting at her house, again, 3 blocks away. They were to drop the kids off, and then to meet us at the restaurant. After 30 minutes, my soon to be father in law asked me where she was and should we continue to wait? Appetizers & idle chit chat were done and it was time for the main course. I said I don't know and it doesn't matter because we're not waiting. We swapped the name place cards with another person & moved them to the "head" table and went on with the lovely dinner. 30 minutes later, sister come waltzing in and was shocked to see we had started with out them AND that she'd been moved from the head table. (Not to mention her meal was cold. LOL!!) She wasn't happy but oh well.

The dinner was great, we're still married and my sister is still habitually late.

And I still don't wait for her more than 10 minutes.

Now i feel a little bad because once they got here they were a big help moving things. They helpedpull a bunch of stuff out of the attic which is accessed through a hole in the ceiling. There were a bunch of treasures ( thats a joke) up there including my old dolls that are partially melted from the heat.

Its just irritating when you plan your time around someone else's schedule and they dont stick to it.

Here are the trucks and Uhaul they came in. Its good that some of my mom’s stuff has a new home.

30 minutes is my limit for waiting for someone. If they do not arrive within that window, then I move on. Their time is no more valuable than mine, despite what they may think.

I had a sleep doctor who was always 45 minutes late for every appointment I had with him, and this caused my parking fee to be increased substantially. Then while I was in his office for my appointment, his wife would call, and he would stop and talk to her during my appointment. I did not put up with this and changed doctors, and the new one is always on time, or no more than 5 minutes late. Recently, I have had video appointments with him because it is really not necessary for me to see him in person - he just needs to check my equipment, and this is now done remotely because my CPAP machine has WiFi and connects to the doctor's office.

I am reminded of High Anxiety, in which Harvey Kormann did not get a fruit cup because he arrived one minute late to dinner.

I had people show up 3 hours late for a HUGE event my HOA put on....they missed the BBQ...only had time to see the events...and then came back to MY house. I served snacks.....but they wanted a meal. Like the one they had missed. 🍔

Glad they finally showed up Ded. It's really nice of you to find a home for your moms furniture.

,,,,,,,,,," will sit in my car rather than actually arrive early. ""

Oh, this is SO me. I'm sure I'm one of those annoying people who show up too early. I've tried to be late, just to see how it feels, but at the last minute take off!

Ded, as others have said, you are much nicer than most. My DIL's mother and now one of her adult sons and his wife, are always late. We have started just doing brunch with kids and grandkids because I would always feel so irritated at dinner. Apparently, this Christmas, they were due at the house around 4-4:30. They arrived after 6:00 . DS and DIL were exhausted to begin with what with a five year old and twin three year olds none of whom napped. I am really annoyed on their behalf, but they are just resigned to living with the lateness.

I do find chronic lateness to be inconsiderate, self-centered, and rude when it is every single time and they expect everyone to adjust. Ugh. I may start skipping Thanksgiving with them and do one here after the actual day for all of us minus the mom et al.

ps. I am always gracious and able to hide my annoyance, btw, since that is how I was raised. I think I would begin to just start the meal if it were my house. :-)

I have been to a number of restaurants in which you will not be seated unless yourentire party is present, and the reservation will be lost after 20 minutes.

Dec, I’m glad you are over it, but I would still be a bit upset they were so late in arriving. Knowing their history, I would have done as others suggested and waited until they were there or a few minutes away and then headed there to meet them. Glad they could help you with some other things though.

It really is great that your niece was able to care for some of your mom's things.

Re google estimated travel time - I had to teach my DH that was the time from when you started your car to when you pulled up at or near the address. It does not include getting your shoes on, getting your coat on, finding your keys/wallet/ paperwork etc. or going pee. It does not include walking to the car, scraping off the windshield or taking down the sunshield nor does it included finding parking at the other end, paying for parking and then walking to the address, getting into the elevator. So take that 25 minutes and double it or take that 60 minutes and add another 20 minutes.

I grew up ALWAYS telling my BFF a lie about a starting time!! Her DM would still be searching for her wallet and lipstick at the time we were supposed to arrive!!! BFF was not so bad, once she left home.

DH used to leave at the arrival time....thinking he could drive fast enough to warp the time. Google and GPS saved our marriage, because I am one of those "get there early and wait in the car" types.

Well I'm glad it's behind you and it all worked out.

I'm another early one. I tell the story that ONCE in second grade, I was late to school. I had left my house in more than ample time to get to school which was at the corner of my street. I grew up in an apartment building, and lived on the 3rd floor. My best friend lived on the 2nd floor. I would "call for her" on the way to school, ring the bell, maybe come in for a minute and then we'd be on our way. Well one day she was taking forever putting her shoes on , and her jacket , and all sorts of things so I waited with her and got to school late.

My parents saw the LATE arrival and were fuming. "How could you be late when you left 20 minutes before you need to?". I explained she wasn't ready and I waited. for her.

You would have thought I murdered someone. I was never late again for anything in my life.

I am now chrronically early.

If I am "on time" I am almost in a panice about running late.

Well, she is a really nice person. She just gets a little frantic and disorganized. Her husband just goes along for the ride. I truly think that they think I have nothing else to do.

This irritates you, yet you are making excuses for them. Not to psycho babble, but anyone that puts up with their constant tardiness (not saying something, nicely, of course) is an enabler.

I am also an early bird. If I ever feel like I am running late because of traffic, I get anxious and irritated. I would never ring the doorbell early, but would show up at a BFF's house a few minutes early - but none of them would mind.

One of my new friends and I moved here about the same time. I met her about three months after we moved. She is always late - anywhere from 10-25 minutes. At first it drove me nuts, but I've come to expect it now and will say "don't be late." She always asks me to text her the night before and morning of with reminders.

I am glad they were helpful, and I know how important it can be knowing some of the things are going to family and someone that needs them.

I'm glad that when they finally showed up they were helpful and that you are able to keep some of your mother's things within the family. That said, it is incredibly inconsiderate to be that late when you are doing them a favor giving them something.

I truly think that they think I have nothing else to do.

This gets under my skin so badly. How can anyone think that another human being has nothing better to do than do them favors? Shows a lack of empathy and consideration for others.

I had a similar issue with two friends (a couple) once. We had a big hot tub we didn't really want anymore and some friends that really wanted the hot tub. We were going to give it to them for free. They told us they'd be at our house at a certain time and we were ready, waiting. We'd moved a bunch of things to provide access to the yard and had some drinks ready (since they were friends). An hour late some random company shows up and we found out our friends had no intention of even showing up even though they said they would. We were hurt and annoyed. To be honest, it was one of the last straws in that friendship and we stopped spending time with them afterwards. Making people wait is inconsiderate, selfish, and unkind.

I also find it very rude if people show up significantly early. A minute or two is fine, but 15 minutes or more is really hard on a host. I am usually also working up until the last minute hosting and am not ready to entertain someone when I'm scrambling to get food ready or kitchen cleaned up before guests arrive. I am certainly not perfect, but I try to arrive right on time. If it's somewhere unfamiliar or an appointment, I'll arrive intentionally early and wait in my car as well (usually a block away so I'm not making the host anxious when they see my vehicle).

I'm glad they were able to take the items, albeit, a bit late. I'm sure that's a load off of your shoulders.

If you read about true color identification, you will find out that these are the orange people of the world and in Mbti, the sp's.

Fun, but so annoying!

Glad it all worked out in the end, ded. I agree that having them be the ones to wait would be more fair.

IMO, it's not worth the bad energy to get really angry about tardiness. It's one thing if it's something really important, but being a few minutes late for a party?

Even if someone was really, really late, I don't get angry about it - annoyed, maybe, but not truly angry. Especially when you already know what to expect.

My personal rule is be on time/a bit early for professional appointments and reservations, while personal/family events have a little more leeway - that is, I don't freak out if it looks like we won't be there on the dot - no more than fifteen minutes at the most. I don't like being the first to arrive at a party anyway. Hubby gets angry and it just spoils the mood. I don't see the point.

I also call or text to let people know if we're running late.

A sit-down dinner is a different story, of course.

When you go to the YMCA and do one of their classes they lock the doors if you're not on time. I don't suppose that can be done with family members. With one family member we always had to tell them that the party started at 10:00 when it really started at 11:00 so they would arrive at 11:00. Everybody hated their coming in late and everyone knew that we blatantly lied to them and everybody went along with it. It is so weird to do that to adults. But I guess we're not all equally adults in every way.?!

We used to know a woman who said she had been born two weeks late and never caught up.

I am a to-the-minute on time person. DH sees nothing wrong with arriving at someone's house 15 minutes early. He has finally learned that we WILL be sitting in the car, or finding an errand.

Our niece invited us for 2pm and we were going to be arriving 15 mins early -NO-I will not do that so take a short drive and circle back.

I DO NOT like to be late for anything and rarely are but DH has to be early.

Its one thing to be late or early for a time set by someone else but different to be late or ( rarely) early for a time you set yourself. I think many people suffer from thinking they can accomplish so much in the available time but are being unrealistic.

My niece thinks she can get up, dress, have breakfast, pack the car, and do whatever else needs doing in half the time it really takes, then leaves no time for heavy traffic. Maybe she is an optimist and presumes everything always goes smoothly.

As for me, I used to be late but learned to build in time to arrive when i was supposed to be there. My late exhusband was chronically late. Id get so irritated with him. I could get myself and two kids ready to go and he’d still be dawdling around. We even sometimes arrived at parties in separate cars because I would just leave before I exploded. No wonder things didnt last!

Im another one who will kill time if I realize I am going to be early. If its a social gathering, its unfair to walk in on the hosts as they are doing last minute preps or if its an appointment it just means sitting in an uncomfortable waiting room until its my turn. I may as well sit in my car and listen to music.

My FIL was always extremely early. We and our two kids were meeting them and the rest of the family at a restaurant about an hour from us and thirty minutes from them.

We got there fifteen minutes early. They had been there for at least an hour! In a way it was as bad or worse than being late.

Chronically late people annoy me, too.

I’m in the always early group, but make sure it doesn’t put anyone out. As mentioned, I’ll occupy myself somehow until the meeting time.

I’m generally a laid-back person, but the thought of being late somewhere really amps up my anxiety level. I even have nightmares about it, usually involving school — I’m back in HS and am late for the final exam. When I get to class, I realize I haven’t attended that class all year. 🤣

Glad it turned out well, ded.

Jilly, just the thought of being late gives me anxiety. I think running late for the final exam is very common. Haven't been to class, haven't opened the textbook. Another one I have along those lines is, I need to leave to catch a plane but seem unable to pack my suitcase.

On the other side of the coin this is what my parents, who ingrained the "DON"T BE LATE" in me, used to do. If we were picking them up they would walk from their condo to the entrance of the complex and be there waiting for us by the street. And we were always early! I have no idea how long they would be standing there. Oy.

Different cultures have different rules for arrival times for dinner or parties, which of course is very different from business meetings.

In Sweden, if one arrives at the host house early, they must sit in the car until the appropriate time. This reminds me a bit of Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping Up Appearances.

In Italy, guests are expected to arrive late (times vary), and so the host will set an arrival time a certain period earlier than she wants them to arrive. I gave a party in Austin for my Italian class and invited both students and the entire Italian department (not that large). I set the arrival time at 5:00 PM and told everyone to come dressed as their favorite Italian actor/actress and that they must wear sunglasses. I thought that telling them to wear sunglasses would encourage them to arrive earlier. Well, some of the students arrived ON TIME, and of course I was not ready for them - I was in the middle of making pizzas, and so I put them to work helping me. There were two students who had lived in Italy who were supposed to arrive EARLY to make ravioli at my house, and they arrived at 6:00 PM.

I had door prizes for this party, and my original plan was to have guests audition for a movie (I had written a script for this), and I was going to play the part of Pier Pasolini. My roommate at the time (who did not speak Italian) was the paparazzo, and photographed everyone at the door as they arrived and signed my guest book, identifying themselves as whom they were portraying. There were several Anna Magnanis - evidently she is very popular in Italy. As a backup plan, I gave everyone slips of paper with numbers so that we could have a drawing for the prizes, in case my plan for the audition did not work out, and it did not, as it was too difficult to get any kind of crowd control at this party.

My Italian teacher arrived at 7:00 PM, and she had said that since I listed 5 PM for the start of the party, I must have meant 6:00, and therefore that guests should arrive at 7:00. Some of the guests who had arrived at 5:00 had already left by 7:00, but there were still more than 30 people left, but fortunately I had a large deck and a big back yard. At about 8:00 I had the drawing for the door prizes, and my Italian teacher's four-year-old daughter drew the numbers. The first number she drew was her mother's number, and so she won first prize, which made it look rigged!

My roommate got some good pictures at this party, but he felt slightly left out because everyone was speaking Italian at the party. My teacher was impressed that I was able to pull this off, but it was far from what I had planned or anticipated. During the party, her daughter had wandered into my bathroom and found my blue and yellow plastic bathtub toy submarine and played with it during the party. When it was time for her to leave, she would not leave the toy submarine, and so I let her take it with her. My teacher promised to return it to me, which she did in the middle of the next Italian class in front of the entire class. I think this was to impress people who had not showed up for the party.

Lars, you have led the most fascinating life!

I used to work for a husband and wife team of researchers, and though he was intense and did not tolerate errors or imprecision (there would sometimes be 25 drafts of something and you had to save all 25 drafts) he was a very slow, phlegmatic person. His wife was Parisian and was very emotional and had a bad temper and a sharp tongue. She was about 5 feet tall.

He would fly out to give lectures, but he would always come to work first and poke around and do this and that and she would be yelling, "Come on we are going to be late!" And he would say "Don't worry, we will get there in time to board" and continue to do whatever really non-essential thing he was working on while she paced back and forth fuming and ready to explode.

Finally one day she said "I am leaving now. I am going to the airport without you!" And he finally said "Okay...fine, we will get there and then sit there waiting for the plane, wasting time.

He picked up two slide carousels and left the office. She hauled out two Gigantic suitcases and said to me. "He will never understand. He can run through the airport with his slides, he is never the one carrying all the F*(^&^& Luggage!"

I really do think there are some people who just can't get their heads around time. I often challenge myself to guess correctly (or within a minute or so) what time it is without looking at a clock.

Perhaps life experience has something to do with it too, I work at a job with strictly scheduled rotation periods, so I'm constantly looking at the clock, and setting timers for activities, so I think I've developed a good sense of lapsed time. My chronically lollygagging sister works in a job that's much more loosely organized. She used to be a dancer, tho, so she has had experience with strictly scheduled events, but that was decades ago now.

Bumblebeez!

If you read about true color identification, you will find out that these are the orange people of the world and in Mbti, the sp's.

In MBTI, I am an SP (ISFP)! I would never do this to dedtired or any of my loved ones. I feel slandered... (mostly in a humorous way).

We had friends that had to be told dinner would be one hour earlier so they would get there in time. All others were on time but this couple were always late. Got to be a joke because it happened every time.

I see there are tons of comments.

I haven’t chimed in much recently but I had to.

My sister in law. My husband’s oldest sister. I love her but she’s really got a problem.

Late for second husband’s funeral.

Late for her twin (her only) grandchildren’s baptism. She completely missed the ceremony Showed up at the party.

Late for my son’s baptism way back when, no biggie except she’s the godmother. LOL

Late for so many family get togethers…too many to count. Including the birthday parties for those kids. Eight years old. Late eight times. I don’t mean by minutes.

Michele, reminds me of my niece’s mother in law. She was over an hour late for her own son’s rehearsal dinner. Son would not allow the party to start without her. We all nearly fainted from hunger by the time she waltzed in.

Do the ones that come in an hour +/- late acknowledge their tardiness and/or rudeness? Do they always have a reason or an excuse? Do they say anything at all?

If you were invited to their house or a function of theirs, did you ever go late, so that they could see what it was like?

I wonder how late you would have to be for them to notice you are showing up late? No matter how late early-birds and on-timers would try to be, the late folks might not notice because they still wouldn't be ready themselves.

Do these always late people miss doctor and other types of appointments? Do they show up for work 1-2 hours late? I suppose a few do, but my chronically late friends can manage those things. So it is doubly rude and insulting when they are chronically late for social things.

Dedtired, you can be annoyed by your niece’s lateness and grateful for her help once she finally arrives. Both are honest emotions. Was it her husband that held up dinner for his Mom? So he has a long history of accommodating/enabling this behavior. Poor guy.

Hhireno, no the mother in law was a drama queen . who liked to make an entrance. She wore a dress that was totally inappropriate, skin tight and cut down to her belly button. She was in her sixties.

She did some other incredibly rude things around the wedding. She’s been dead for 13 years, so I let it go now, although it does make my stomach churn when I think about it.

I am always early and on occasion on time. I am never late. It makes me so anxious to think of being late. I wonder why some people are this way?

I have a strong sense of urgency in certain matters, especially with work. When I have a meeting with my manager (via video conference) and they do not show up until the last five minutes of our scheduled 20 minute meeting, I am so frustrated at that point I just want to leave and not wait bc my time is just as valuable as theirs and I find it so selfish when it is an ongoing issue.

Same goes with some friends who are late all of the time.

Maybe those that are late are just more laid back and less anxious? For the most part, those who are very late do not seem all that apologetic. It is as if they do not think of the inconvenience they have caused the ones who are on time. I wish I could just relax and let it not bother me, but I can't seem to do that.

It is the worst when you go to great efforts to make sure you are ready on time, only to find the other(s) did not bother to do the same.

I completely understand how you feel dedtired. I am glad when they did arrive they were so helpful and everything worked out.

I might have to do some research on this topic. It can baffling.

Amy