As much as I enjoy the lights and all, I do think Christmas is too commercial and that is what I "don't buy into." I also don't think anyone thinks of gifts as fulfilling a desire you can't buy for yourself and certainly it can be an adventure. Now, we just give gifts to the children. We have always done experiences-one of us will buy tickets to something for everyone, trips to the shore in the summer, or we just take hikes or walks along the river, even just going to the playground which they love to do. When I was young, my grandmother took us on wonderful trips such as Hawaii, across Canada to Banff in a Vista Dome train, Europe, etc. We are lucky to live where we do as there are always things going on and the family makes lots of trips-they just got back from Montréal and Marco Island for a week before that. The adults have just decided to stop exchanging gifts. Simple as that.

That is not to say that if we see something perfect at random, we don't pick it up and give it to whomever (the kids brought us maple syrup and maple cookies from Canada-will use the syrup at brunch on the 25th). Really, we are not scrooges. DH and I honestly do not need anything and there is little we want at our age (early and mid-70s).

ETA: Reading down, I realized tht maybe there is actually one gift to the adult kids (son and DIL) and to my DH. I make calendars with picture collages for each month. The pictures are from the matching months last year.

Ha! Another no-gifts household, but were getting six new sprinkler valves AND a new controller!!!!! Life…..it happens….

“Do you not buy birthday gifts? anniversary gifts? "just because gifts"? Or is it just christmas gifts you don't buy into.”

There will be some gifts on Christmas. I want nothing, need nothing.

For other occasions, maddielee is scrooge.

We stop giving things to children when they are out of high school. Giving of monetary gifts after they are out of college. We have never given anniversary gifts unless invited to a party celebrating that anniversary. The giving of stuff has never been a thing for us. Probably because our families are big and there would be some gift every 3 days if we were gift giving people, which we are not. It works for our family and friends.

My husband and I don’t exchange gifts, or cards, for any occasion. Luckily, we‘re in the same mind set on that, that it isn’t necessary or joyful, so why do it.

I do occasionally buy something for family or friends but is most likely because I saw something I wanted to buy them and not because it was a certain day on the calendar. That is the same way I occasionally receive gifts from my family. We grew up receiving gifts on traditional occasions, but as adults none of us are big on exchanging gifts.

Gifts and cards are important to my MIL & SIL, so my husband does get them gifts on birthdays, Xmas, and Mother’s Day. What’s funny about them is exchanging gifts is important but little to no thought is behind them. More of a “I can check your name off my list” feeling. Gift cards to restaurants we don’t go to or they know we don’t like (once because, and I quote, it was convenient for her), clothing items they know aren’t the correct size so we have to exchange it, and the same exact home decor item, which is not our taste, two years in a row. When his father was alive, each gift came with a complaint about how much your gift cost him or the trouble it was to buy it. Um, thank you? They managed to drain any pleasure I had about exchanging gifts. I am finally, 30 years in his family, getting my MIL to make a donation to a charity instead of buying me stuff I don’t want.

My SIL wants perfume for xmas, so she put it on her actual paper list, then bought it, gave it to her mother to wrap because my MIL will give her the money for it, and my SIL will open in on xmas morning. The gift opening session of 4 adults, aged 64-88, is videotaped every year. No cute kids, no funny pets, 4 boring adults opening gift cards and gifts they purchased for themselves. It is painfully sad.

Do you not buy birthday gifts? anniversary gifts? "just because gifts"? Or is it just christmas gifts you don't buy into?

In our case it is no birthday, Christmas or anniversary gifts. But we do go out to eat or have family over for birthdays. Anniversary celebrations are just the two of us. When our children were young, we always went out to eat and to a rom-com while Mom babysat.

He will bring me "just because" flowers during the year. Surprise gifts are few and far between. Two nice luxury items he bought me (passport holder and makeup bag) I have yet to use. Actually DD1 suggested both to him. She has always had champagne taste. I bought him a nice present when he retired but we went together and he selected.

When we first started this "tradition," my sister did not understand, as many times as I explained. She must have finally accepted because she hasn't brought up in a long while. LOL She and I used to swap gifts, but it became a 'what do you want" with her, and what fun is it getting a gift you picked out?! My dad would go shopping (pajamas, shirts, pants, socks, robes) and put in guest room closet, then tell me and my sister to "go shopping." I'd have to hand him money! Took things home to wrap. I did not like that AT ALL, but at least he got what he wanted? Did not need - after he died, there were things still unused w/tags. I did surprise my parents now and then.

I enjoy buying special gifts or just because for our children and grandchildren. DD2 is wrapping up Grad school this semester (graduates this week!) and I have her a nice surprise gift.

I’ve moved into the no gift receiving stage of life, too. I still send a consumable gift of some sort to each of my aunties and I fill my parents’ stockings with some little stuff, but there’s no reciprocation nor is any expected. My friends and I exchange snail mail birthday and other holiday cards and, with the price of cards, that’s like exchanging gifts.

Funky, we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. Anniversaries are usually a few days away for us, nice restaurants, etc. Occasionally my husband will surprise me with flowers. : ) We always have a nice celebration for b-days sometimes alone, sometimes with friends and gifts are usually shared.

Cyn, you put my thoughts into words so well! Too commercial - exactly!

HH that is sad your inlaws celebrate like that. Gifts should have thought and/or meaning IMHO. I can understand why you don't do gifts!!

Funky - I've given this a lot of thought. My family considers me an excellent gift giver. But things change. Over the years I made notes about things my family mentioned that they like or admired. I prided myself on finding just the right gift for each one. The gifts weren't always big - one year I found the same Pyrex cereal bowl on Ebay that my eldest used as a little kid.. He was thrilled when he opened it. He received other gifts too but this one was memorable and showed him that I remembered.

I think that's the best kind of gift, it makes the receiver feel special. And I know from your posts that you feel the same way. You seek out that special 'something' that you know will be appreciated.

DH is 75 and I'm 73. At this stage of our lives we don't have parents or aunts and uncles. Our family is small. DH and I have been fortunate and there is very little that we need or want. We downsized when we moved to this home and are still in the process of eliminating excess. In a way that's a gift to our children - we hope not to inundate them with our belongings.

We celebrate anniversaries and birthdays with family get togethers. Usually DH and I make dinner and everyone joins us. For the 2 married couples we offer to babysit and then treat them to a diner out. We give them money for Christmas and honestly they are very grateful. They understand why we're not giving presents and I think they're a little relieved too. We're not easy to buy for.

The grand kids are only 4 1/2, 2 1/2 and 2 and they have birthday parties with their cousins and aunts and uncles and of course we give them gifts. I have to admit that the amount of toys and clothes they receive is overwhelming. Now I give them swim lessons, gymnastics, membership to the Aquarium, the Zoo etc. Every year I renew their Kiwi Crate subscription and they receive a monthly box of age appropriate crafts.

What DH and I want most is time with our family.

Maire

edited to add - This doesn't mean that I forego any gift giving. If I happen to come upon something during the year I may just surprise them.

Funky, love your necklace! You’re so beautiful.

A few of us in my family exchange gifts … nothing too extravagant. I mean, I’d love a Porsche Cayenne, but that’s not happening. :D

My DD and SIL bought their first house this past summer, so I’m focusing most on them. :)

As a general rule, no gifts.

At this point in life, I only give gifts to my great-nieces and my MIL. I give gifts to my MIL because it is a requirement to keep the peace. She doesn't like anything anyone gives her. She always gives me expensive items without gift receipts that I will never wear. The funniest was a pair of large dangly earrings that were small female genital. My DH and I looked at each other and broke out laughing. She knew what they were. She is an artist and bought these from an artist friend. She told me when she saw them she knew they were perfect for me. I have no words for her choices.

We don't buy adult gifts on DH's side. No one has any need. We're together a lot, we share food and eat out, and that's not to say if I see something perfect for one of them during the year I don't buy it, give it to them 'just because' but we don't make it a required element of a holiday or event. I buy birthday presents for the 'littles' and a few years ago began getting them all new pajamas for Christmas Eve....I refuse to add to their mountain of toys they all seem to have. And I mean including big toys, things that can be ridden. Whatever do parents who don't have the storage space do....

My mother was adamant there be gifts. And she loved continuing the stockings when we've all been adults for a very long time. When it began to be more difficult for her to shop, I'd do not only my own shopping for her events but also hers. How many years did I buy for my sisters children and grandchildren and sign the cards 'Grammy'....more years than I care to admit. Now - I find my sister is reluctant to give up the stockings. Sigh. They are just a little added work for me at a time I don't need more responsibilities, and if buying anything worthwhile it becomes expensive too.

DH and I have not exchanged gifts for years. If I want or need something I'm free to buy it and so is he if he sees something that appeals to him or he could use. Coming from such a large family, his Christmases were quite practical. He got socks, underwear, maybe new jeans for school and if asked now what he'd like for Christmas, he automatically answers 'socks' And he means it!. He did go with me on Small Business Saturday following Thanksgiving and we bought a mattress with adjustable base for our bed, and a dresser for added convenience in a guest room. Good grief furniture has become expensive. I'd thought about browsing new home office furniture too but that can wait a while....It won't be for Christmas 😊

I know what I would like - after the basement construction is done, someone to come in and do a thorough deep cleaning of the entire house. Similar to Bumblebeez and her chicken wire, I could hire someone but probably won't.

I give a little something to my DD, but that is it as far as family. I used to buy gifts for nieces/nephews (all adults now) but they never thanked me for them, so I quit. I actually enjoy shopping for gifts but have no one to buy for - except the kids at the teen homeless shelter. I'll be springing for a couple of coats and pairs of shoes, socks, underclothes, hand warmers, hats, gloves, pocket flashlights, and so forth.

I haven’t read all of the above. But, I’m over gifts; we both buy whatever we want. My kids go nuts buying for us? I just give up and say an a..on card so I can buy books for my kindle. We need/want nothing. We generously contribute to our grandchildrens’ education every month. They also have more than enough toys, etc . But, every holiday becomes a nightmare.

Edited to add: I’m not discounting or disregarding our good fortune by saying the above. I’m just saying we have more than enough.

We try to give our kids thoughtful gifts and money at Christmas. They pool their resources and give us each and my mother a present. I dislike shopping for gifts bc if they don’t tell you what they want it’s just a shot in the dark whether or not you get them something they really want.

I do not want anything for Christmas! DH and my mom, same. SIl and her DH and my nephews are staying with is a few days before Christmas and we’ll probably end up exchanging gifts with them, too. Every few years we decide to eschew gifts in favor of one group donation to something like Heifers International but then we fall back into our consumer habits. 🙁

@hcbm wow, my IL gift exchange might be boring and a waste of money but its not so…IDK what word to use about your MIL…passive-aggressive? blatantly rude? weird?

Once a gift is given, it belongs to me. so I donate many items or give things (in a “here, you want this?” way and not “I got this for you!”) to friends who might appreciate them.

In my case, they do include the receipt, even with the gift cards because they’re convinced the card won’t work when we try to use it. Then why not just give cash? Then I’m not locked in to the restaurant of their choice not mine, and can go someplace I enjoy.

My ”favorite” return was the boxed, polyester dress shirt with matching tie, in a clear box with a hole so you could feel the fabric. Classy. It wasn’t my husband’s size, which she had asked for, because she couldn’t find the right size so I could just return it. Lucky me, I get an errand as part of my gift. The boxed set, shirt and tie, cost $21 so you can imagine the quality. I did return it, they put the money on a store gift card, and I used the gift card to buy her birthday gift.

Hhireno… your anecdote sums up perfectly the absurdity of a lot of giftgiving today. And often it is the sheer abundance of goods convinces us we need to gift, when the same abundance makes it mostly unnecessary 🤔

Wow on some of these anecdotes.

Funky, that necklace looks great on you and you are looking great, too!

I understand the realities of giving lists and hints but to me, between couples, that is not really a gift so much as a mutually agreed upon asset allocation decision. We’ve decided not to go that route, even if it might mean “less successful” gift-giving. But ideally the tradition is not about the gift per se. Moreover, I can’t think of a single thing I want, and if I could re-home things I don’t want or use into appreciative hands that would be a better “gift” for me at this stage. Even my kids don't want "stuff" for Christmas.

DH and I celebrate: the day we met, our Anniversary, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, each of our birthdays and Mother’s/Father’s Day.

That is six gift-giving occasions a piece, every year. It’s simply not possible to find six gifts for each of us every year, when we, as many others have noted, largely do what we please and buy what we please on the other 359 days of the year. A truly special gift is inspired, and can’t be coerced by the calendar.

We celebrate all of these occasions. We always give each other cards, and only ones we write ourselves. My DH has gotten very skilled at finding beautiful greeting cards. He also knows just how to delight me with flowers, but he does that often, and my two favorite floral gifts were from our gardens. I will cook him something special, or we will go out for a special meal. We have a new tradition in recent years of choosing restaurants where we can go for a scenic walk or a light hike in addition to a meal.

A tangible gift per se is not necessary for us to feel celebratory. We have given each other varied gifts over the years, from tokens or mementos to items that require a call to an insurance agent, on "big days" and ordinary ones, but gifts no longer feel de rigueur to mark occasions.

What is sweet is to see my kids coming into their own as gift givers, and the thought and effort they put into it.

Rubyclaire and I are married to the same guy. DH panics if he doesn’t have a list. I gave given up on the subtle-hint approach because it just doesn’t work. In the last few years we have come up with some guidelines that we make up, like 3 gifts only: an experience, something to read, and something blue. This year we just are doing 3 gifts plus stocking. If I don’t put a limit, he will buy random dumb stuff. I did ask for two specific things, a matching crossbody purse and backpack from Tumi.

Our kids have never asked what we want but they all work together on our gift every year, which I still think is cute because they are scattered in different states now and I don’t think they communicate with each other all that much. Last year they chipped in and got us a couple of arty gifts that uhhh I guess we have to display forever? The best year was when they got us gift certificates to ticketmaster and a restaurant.

I feel like I am a good gift-picker-outer but I know many people just don’t have that gene! Or the confidence, I guess?

As my grandmothers would say, "I don't need a thing. Just come see us." Which we always made time for both sets of my grandparents. DH loved them as much as I did.

Bad gifts reminds me of my worst - from my step-MIL. This was in the mid 80s. It was a belt she purchased at a mall craft show (or the like). The belt part was fabric and it went through two holes on the "buckle" part, which was shaped like a butterfly with very little detail carving. The butterfly was larger than a WWF buckle. :D It was really bad. I kept it about a week.

Sorry I haven't replied or "liked" anything since yesterday evening-- it's not a reflection of the responses! I had an odd call from an old bf last night (weird!) some other obligations and today I have had work password lockout issues and have been on the phone with the helpdesk 3x already (in my 8 yr with this company, I never needed the helpdesk once-- and now today 3x in as many hours!) Ugh..

Anyhow, I use the term "gift" loosely when talking about anyone other than the kids and my mom. Gifts have been shared trips, concerts, special meals, a spotify playlist (a fav of mine) as well as THINGS big or small. Often gifts include books ... I gave SO the first 2 books in a series and he went on to buy many others on his own. I think that is a gift not just of a book ... but also the gift of discovery of a new author and a series. The kind of gift that just keeps on giving... but less than $20.

I get that I have a different approach to occasions and celebrations. I like to show my love and appreciation with something-- even if it isnt a physical thing. I will write a note or package something reflective of an experience to be opened. This is something I learned from my dad. He LOVED both giving and receiving gifts. One of my sisters picked up the same-- as have her kids. My mother and other sister struggle with gifts and my brother used to love gifts but over the years stopped (i suspect because of experiences with his ex wife).

No judgement from me-- we all navigate this life our own way. I will continue to give gifts to those important to me and those I appreciate. I will continue to hate gift cards unless rolled in with something else or part of an experience gift. I will give gifts to shop owners and service folks who I especially appreciate. Just don't judge ME for that ;)

And thank you for the compliments on my necklace. I do love it ... I wasn't a fan of this designer's pink opal pieces until this one. This one spoke to me... and really, i love that I can put it on with an $8 Old Navy tee and messy hair and still look more or less presentable! That is my kind of accessory!

Hope you all enjoy your holidays <3

What I want most is to be able to sit and read some books I already have, time to work on numerous projects. I'd love to make a holiday trip with the boys and DIL, but things have been in flux so much this year that it didn't seem like we could really plan anyting. DH and I bought a joint gift we will be sharing with our sons and DIL That will be an experience I hope they will enjoy and remember. Either that or they will laugh and criticize us for spending the money -- probably some of both.

Another fur kid. DD took our Corgi mix rescue, Kip, with her last month when she moved to an apartment in town. The two had quickly become inseparable after we adopted him. We miss him a lot, but are happy for them. Chloe, our Tibetan Spaniel will turn 12 this Friday, and it‘s very obvious that she’s missing both Sissy and Kip. We’ll most likely wait until after the holidays, though.

(Sigh), like many here, I‘m at a place in my life where I seriously don’t want more ”stuff”. But, I know that I’ll be getting things anyway, as my DH and adult kids love to spoil me. I’m pretty sure DD is getting me a replacement hand vacuum, as mine is on its last legs. Yes, one thing I do actually need! Although, when repeatedly asked for a wish list, I honestly couldn’t think of a thing! I feel very blessed to have my family and our good health. To be able to be with them over Christmas is, for me, the greatest gift.

LynnNM -Merry Christimas! This little cutie would look great with a Tibetan Spaniel.... Little Cutie for Lynn

Lynn, DH and I are talking about getting a kitten or possibly a puppy. Lulu needs a friend so she isn't completely alone when we are away.

I've dropped suggestions for some bread baking tools. I tend to pick up lots of different hobbies/interests throughout the year and often ask for items related to that for Christmas. Our immediate family still exchanges gifts on Christmas Day and we love it. We give the kids a nice check along several (usually practical) gifts to open plus a stocking. The two grandchildren will get a few easily packed/portable toys plus a stocking. There is also a new family game or two that we play on Christmas night or while the kids are here. My mother gave my siblings and I a Christmas stocking up until about 3 years ago. She had a formula though, so I know it wasn't too difficult to her. I've sort of recreated the stocking formula with my adult kids plus add in something funny and a couple of gift cards. We spend the morning opening gifts, drinking coffee and laughing. Probably my favorite day of the year and I think my DH and kids agree. I don't find it a burden--at least not now that I'm mostly retired, an empty nester and shopping has become far too easy with so many online options. I hope to keep our traditions going as long as possible, but realize there will always be lots of ways to experience the joy of the season without gifts.

Funky, I love your necklace, where did you get it?

Thank you, Bumble .. She releases a new collection every few months but there will be 2 this month... the next one will be soon but no date has been released yet. There are some pieces that are always available.

Island Cowgirl Jewelry - Western Turquoise Jewelry for Women

There are pieces on her site now but they will roll off soon as new pieces come in. These are a few of my pieces (and one of my sister's)

Turquoise

Pink opals ... my sister got the middle one.

Aquamarine (my sister has a similar one-- we're twinkies!)

I missed out on this ring (they sell fast on release day!) ... it is quite large. If she finds another large moonstone, she will make another for me.

Very pretty jewelry! We don't exchange gifts much in our family, but I always need to write a list for my MIL. She insists on giving something. So I put a couple of books on that list, along with an 8qt stock pot. If I were writing a pie in the sky list, I'd ask for some Olukai slippers, an Essentrics subscription (online workouts), and a pair of Luminara taper candles.

My oldest college friend and I exchange gifts at Christmas, though I've told her many times I would prefer we not. For some reason, she always insists, and for some reason, I always go along. We met for lunch last weekend and she gave me three very generic items taking absolutely no thought. I put a lot of thought into my gifts for her, and she loved them. Two of the three items she gave me are already in the donation pile - I can't use them and don't want to store them. This is the problem with so many gifts: it's just more stuff at a time in our lives when we are getting rid of excess items.

Funkyart your necklace is great and looks beautiful on YOU!

I’ve been missing for a bit 💔

My sweet ”Maggie”🐾 crossed over the rainbow bridge on 11/29. My DH just picked up her ashes today along with a frameable nose and paw print of hers. Her BFF Scarlett is missing her buddy so we are giving extra hugs and attention.

Oh, Irish, big hugs. I’m so sorry about Maggie. 😔

Oh Irish, I am so very sorry to hear. My sister's very sweet dog crossed over on 11/29 also. It is just so heartbreaking.

Feel free to share a picture of Maggie if you'd like <3.

DH changed his screensaver today at work

Maggie on left -4/16/10-11/29/23

@Funky My heart goes out to your sister.

Tomorrow is the 4yr anniversary of my older sister-she was Maggie’s before she passed.

Oh Irish... hugs!

So sorry, Irish.

On a lighter note these just arrived this afternoon. I took a chance and got lucky because they were final sale. Glad I sized down.

Oh I really liked those ... glad they worked out for you!

I may give them a try ... I just refuse to have one more thing sent to the house until I get through the boxes I have piled up here. I am afraid to open the front door because I am pretty sure there are more sitting out there lol.

They will now be sequestered to basement storage until next Spring/Summer.

^^ We are both so thankful that we had returned from Aruba and were here for our girl.

I am sorry for your loss, Irish.

I saw these on a woman checking into our hotel in Chicago last week and I really liked the way they looked. I might need a pair.

https://rothys.com/products/the-driver-dragon-fruit

First, thank you @Funkyart for including Chanukah in your title. A small thing, but much appreciated.

DH and I have never really exchanged gifts. We just buy what we want throughout the year and if we see something the other would like, we get it. No holiday needed.

My DD gets us each a small gift each year. I really wish she would not, but she won't listen. So every year DH and I rack our brains for something to tell her to get because she always asks. I do not want her spending a lot! This year I told her I wanted a nail polish sampler set from a new to me brand I want to try. Perfect because it's only $25. DH is still trying to come up with something!

We are trying the no gifts for adults this year, just grandchildren. My daughter did specify though, that the grands would be giving small gifts to Grandparents. Something they helped make or craft. She wants to enforce that Christmas is gift "giving" and not all gift "getting". Lovely idea.

Love love the necklace! It looks great on you!

We don’t exchange gifts as a couple, but we do with the our children and grandchildren. I try to stick with experiences as gifts.

I will say my favorite gift from my children was arranging a family photo with them and the grandchildren. I cried, a cry of joy. It hit me so hard. They truly found a gift that was so me!

I've spared you all my speech about Hannukah not being a Jewish Christmas, and being a rather lesser holiday (not in the bible we use-)..... but it is a celebration and it is customary to give gifts and mostly light the menorah in celebration of the great miracle that happened there, and eat latkes and or donuts, the customary foods. (the theme is fried in oil )

Anyway we used to give our kids presents each of the nights, but usually only one or two would be major. The rest of the nights would be small gifts like slippers, gloves, etc.

DH and I really don't exchange gifts for Hannukah . though we do give gifts to our kids ( adults). Now that we have grandchildren, we do give them each a nice gift or 2 but my daughter has kind of taken our ways and does not do a big thing about the presents. The kids really get excited to light the menorah each night.

I did stumble on something that I ordered just now and whenever it gets here will be fine.

I ordered one for me, and one for my daughter. I got one in gold, and one in silver. Israel at Heart necklace.

oops and meant to say I am so sorry Irish.

I contemplated even metioned as it’s a tough time of year for some people as is …but THANK YOU for your kindness . ❤️

Irish, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's tough at any time of year.

Awe, so sad Irish, sorry for your loss

So very sorry for your loss Irish. She was a beautiful girl.

@salonva I also gave gifts to my kids each of the 8 nights and we'd light the menorah each night. Growing up my parents could not afford presents. It was the rare year my brother and I got anything for Chanukah, much less something every night. But all my friends got a present each night. When I had my own kids, I probably went overboard. Making up for what I didn't have, I guess. Don't get me wrong - I had a very happy childhood. There just wasn't $$ for many extras.

Now, I spoil the grandchildren with probably too many presents, but it gives me such joy to see their joy.

I guess I did ok though. Neither of my adult kids expect presents. DD is always trying to get me to stop buying for her, and DS just never asks for anything. He's the hardest to buy for.