Oh...I had to leave for just a short while...there is also the teachers, school secretary...church secretary....Sunday school teachers....best friends...neighbors (only a couple)...charity (this year we did 2 stuffed shoeboxes for children overseas and a gift for a child at a local homeless shelter.

Is this normal? I have not always done so many gifts...it is excalating for some reason. Do you do individual or family gifts? I know that this is a long post but I guess I am a little bit more stressed for some reason this year. I want to also mention...I am retired (at a young 52)...hubby is still working (smile). Nita

It can get stressful. Our family is cutting back next year. We've all agreed we live thousands of miles apart so until we are closer we are really doing it next year. The postage alone is costs more that the gifts sometimes. I'm talking $25-40 a box. There is just me, my boys and their families. I send a box to Granddaughter every year but she too is going to get fewer and a gift certificate next year.
I don't give many gifts other than that. I do get something,usually with candy in it, for th gals at the post office. If I do a lot of in-bank banking I'll stop in with a box of candy.
this year I prepared an assortement of candy in attractive party bags and placed in some rattan sleds I had. These will go to the neighbors.
I got some very nice candles in little jars at Walmart for $.97 each. I tied a pretty raffia bow around the tops (they have lids) I'll have those on hand for unexpected gifts. I manage to put some kind of $$bill in an envelope for the mailman. And that about does it.
I make my own Christmas card s so sometimes that is special enough to a lot of friends.
This is just what I do.
I'm retired too. Maybe next year you can cut back and not really get too involved with the gift giving cycle. Start with this years Christmas sales with an eye to next year and build your Christmas closet.
A lot of lovely things go on sale starting now and after Christmas for 50-90% off. Candles are good and l;ittle flower pots with a small bag of poupourri (all from a giant bag) You can do it . Just don't get discouraged. You'll find a lot of hints along the way.

Nita, giving can be fun but it can also be a way of looking for acceptance from others. Examine why you feel you need to give so many gifts to others.

When our children were young, we would give one gift from us and one from Santa. We also involved the children in giving to others less fortunate (choosing a name from the tree at the mall, or something from church). My husband and I continue to give to charitables this way.

This year I bought my husband one gift, my brother one gift. Our son receives one gift from both of us. As do all the other gift giving is from both of us even if it is one gift. Our daughter and soninlaw a combined gift (luxury bed sheets. Our granddaughters were bought more, the 3 yr old a computer preschool learning program (19.00)and magnetic alphabet letters for playing on the refrigerator (3.00). The older granddaughter received Nancy Drew books (4 for 20.00 wrapped as one gift) and a small purse (8.00 with a 1.00 inside - I never give any kind of purse or wallet without a lucky penny or some amt of money).

I think one gift per person in the familiy is sufficient. For someone on a budget like I am, a gift for the married son or daughter could be something the whole family can enjoy... perhaps a movie they can watch on their vcr or dvd.

I don't buy gifts to give to others: neighbors, etc. I make cookies, pins, ornaments etc that are inexpensive to make and these are for a chosen few. The options Minnie listed are inexpensive too.

Nita, look for ways to make memories instead of just buying gifts. Bake cookies together, create a memory jar where you pull out a slips of paper with some memory you can all relate to. Talk about past Christmases, and other holidays, trips you may have made.

I hope this helps you!
Merry Christmas!!!

Rhonda

These ideas are very helpful. I love to give gifts but I want to do it with a merry, cheerful spirit. This was just not the case this year. I know some relatives look so forward to the gifts and a comment was made by a nephew a couple of years ago that he wouldn't receive gifts if it wasn't for me. Another nephew last year was gone for a couple of days and when he returned he hesitated but asked "Did Nita get me a gift this year?" I had left the gift for him and I was told that he was so pleased to receive it. These are adult nephews.

I need to re-focus however and I want to get into different types of gifts that are special and the responses have given me some good ideas. Thanks much! Nita

It will work out Nita I'm sure. It does come once a year so if you plan for it say a dollar a day each day next year. It will work. Do the saving all your change thing. Put all the change from your wallet in a jar everyday and see it grow.
We sometimes have to do different things to rationalize other things. Right now I'm thinking that the unexpected $40 on my Electric bill is just a little over $1.25 a day.
I think it's wonderful that so many want and look forward to a little gift from you. In the case of that nephew of yours, He really looked forward to you thinking of him.
Let us know along the way if we can help some more and have a nice holiday.

I usually do my shopping year round. I'm retired and the hit at Christmas is just too much.

Nita,

If the "Merry" has gone out of your Christmas, it is definitely time for a do-over!

Minnie had some wonderful and clever ideas for the candy sleighs and candles. I love Christmas ornaments and always think they are a good idea--especially when purchased in January during the clearance sales!

I would suggest that you start giving the family "new" traditions. For example, announce that the "new" tradition is that you will only fill a stocking for your 10-year old son next year. Pass along the current stockings (like passing the torch) to the parents of the grandkids and let them provide for their own kids next year. If the adults still want stockings, let them draw names. Those stockings get expensive FAST!

Your grown kids should have figured out by now you're on a fixed income. Perhaps it is time to give them each one gift? Maybe the new "tradition" could be one gift of a Christmas theme... last year after Christmas I bought a beautiful nativity set at Hallmark for $5.

How would the grown kids react if you suggested that ALL the adults (including you and your husband) exchanged names?

Or perhaps you could suggest that all the adults NOT exchange gifts, and instead do something for charity? It is, after all, the "giving" that is important. At Christmas you could have each adult explain to the family what charity they chose and why, and what they provided. Have them each bring ONE wrapped $5 ornament on Christmas, and have a pass-around until the music stops and THAT is the ornament they take home (that way they still have one gift from family to unwrap).

Best wishes for getting the "Merry" back in Christmas!

Julie

I only wished that I had posted this earlier! I certainly would have done things differently. I hate to admit this....we don't receive gifts from the majority of the family. I have never received a gift ever from anyone in my husband's family and neither has he. I always get a gift from my 26 yr. old daughter and my young son. My oldest son...I never know and the other son...almost never.
My Mom doesn't give gifts, neither do my sisters (well...one sister just passed away a couple of months ago.
I don't receive gifts from any of the neices and nephews (these are adults)ever. I just tried to tell myself that we give not to receive. I'm changing things but it is not because I don't receive gifts. I am 52 years old and I have done the gift giving since I was about 16 years old and had my first job. It has always been such a joy to give these gifts from my heart..this year is just different..more stressful for some reason.
This is such a wonderful forum...always helps me to put things in the proper perspective. To each of you nave a Merry Christmas!! Nita

Nita, I don't know how you've kept it up so long. It must be your love for others that makes you give like this. Why don't you plan on creating a lovely card for Christmas next year. One that they can't find in any store and then confine your real gifts to just those who really love getting them and return the gesture.
Prepare a few things like some of the suggestions given here, just in case.
You already sound better.

Nita,

You will change things (and I know you will, right?) not because you don't receive gifts, but because it is time for a change. There is no joy in giving gifts if it is accompanied by stress in your life or in your budget!

You have an excellent start in planning for next year! Make NEW TRADITIONS for the adult family members!!

Julie

Nita..like you I have always loved giving gifts & took great pleasure in selecting gifts that I know person would really like, be able to use, &/or wouldn't buy themselves.
But for the past few years seems it has become more of a "chore" than "pleasure". This Christmas is really tight as I found out I will not have job at end of month/year so budget is really very tight, plus both my DH & me are under the weather with very bad cold or something...weak & no energy,.. so didn't even put up Christmas tree or other decorations around house as I normally do I did manage to get out this past Sunday & get gifts for 24 yr old son ( he lives at home & been unemployed for over year now); my rown daughter & her 3 kids( granddaughter is 16; 2 grandsons - 4 & 6 yrs) using gift certificate I was given as present. I had already started several months ago making "EncourageMints Jars/Tins" for about 15 of my co-workers & got very lucky at the Dollar Store as found really cute glass Christmas jars for $0.50 each! Last year co-workers, all recieved coffee mug filled with candy & a handmade coaster; grandsons got handmade blankets & movies; & honestly don't remember what son, daughter & granddaughter recieved.
Both my son & daughter would rather have their "stockings" than other gift(s)...tradition I started when they were little & at times have regretted - since my son is very hard to please/buy for as I think most males are & my daughter is very easy...always happy with whatever she gets!
My DH & I love movies so normally get several we like or some other items we both will enjoy..1 year was new TV, DVD & VHS players, surround sound sytems & entertainment center to hold it all & this year one of those rotisseries (sp?).
What I try to do is listen to what person says they's like throughout the year &/or months before Christmas; or find out special interest/hobby they have or would like to learn.
For instance, my MIL likes to crochet & cross-stitch so one year I picked up extra needles, booklets, thread cutters, etc. & put in a box for her..she loved it!
I love to sew & craft & love making gifts, but have learned some people just don't appreciate "hand-made" things not realizing the thought, time, effort & love put into them, so don't make them as much anymore..just for ones I know like them!
I can't really figure out why the past few years Christmas seems to be such a chore..other than I don't have vacation time as I use to since I have been working contract for about 5 years, & too, seems time between Thanksgiving & Christmas keeps getting shorter!

Sorry..didn't mean to rattle on so, but did feel good!
Thanks for listening! Merry Christmas to all!

TxGal2..I hope that this post will help you also as it is helping me. It is okay to rattle and I know how it makes you feel once you release it. It truly does feel good and all of these wonderful forum friends help us to feel even better!

I am excited about starting a new tradition and I anticipate that this will put the joy back in my giving. I actually look forward to next Christmas because I have all year to plan. I don't take these responses lightly...I always put the advice I receive into action.

Nita

Its always a hassle to figure out what to get everyone. If you buy a couple gifts each thats all you get done doing,shopping..So My husband said ask what they really want. One big thing. Till you buy all the smaller things,wrap. it totals that anyway. so thats what we do. One big thing,One year I bought the one son an unfinished tv cabinet,stained and antiqued it for him it was pretty.That 3was the last time I had to stain anything other than that it saves time.You can enjoy the holiday more.

My family is trying to stick to our promise of not sending a lot of "Stuff" this next year. It's hard to do when you see the After Christmas sales. But I've held myself down to just what would fit in a stocking to go along with the G Cert or check next time.

We over spend every year!!! Not more than we can afford... but more than we plan. We don't do Christmas on Credit.... not a good way to start the new year.

Sigh I wish I could learn to hold back on the spending. It's the only time I do shop for presents mainly tho. I don't like to mall shop unless it's at the holidays. And with all the sales this year.. it was hard!

Paint Drop Hugs!
MryRose

I arranged my closet this morning. It is a hall closet that I hang my clothes in (very small) I have one other closet for clothes and my craft room closet is full of craft stuff and my office room is full of office stuff.
I have a big oblong laundry basket in the hall closet with a big garbage bag lining it. I have it full of stuff for next Christmas already. A lot of it is leftovers from this years (not sent stuff) the upper shelves also have boxed things for next time. Some things are really too heavy to send so they will probably stay there until the kids visit.

I buy something nice for each of my parents (I try to stick to $50 each), brother and sister-in-law get individual gifts ($25 each or so), 2 married nephews get small gift each, also their wives get approximately the same, and then a board game for the family, great niece and nephew get a $25 savings bond and a book each for Christmas and b-day, single nephew gets ?? (around $25) and his girlfriend gets ?? (again around $25). Others it depends but I do a lot of crafts and that helps. What helps even more is shopping ahead as much as is reasonable--I already have board games for 2003 and 2004, books for several years, etc. I am trying not to spend more from year to year but it definitely takes more serious shopping not to.

I may give my kids many presents, but they're inexpensive (OK, it does add up), and they're something they'd get anyway, like socks and underwear, or something. Or a box of fun cereal--I'd buy them breakfast for those days anyway, so while it's a gift, it's not more money than I'd spend anyway.

If your family doesn't give presents, no wonder your nephews look forward to those gifts! (but feel free to spend a great deal less money--it sounds like the thought is what they value anyway; buy 'em a box of Cap'n Crunch, or something else that's more silly than it is expensive)

I try to shop all year for the adults, and used to wait to see what the kids really wanted. Now that they are older, they all get one new pair of pj's from me every year, a collection of Xmas ornaments-some bought at deep clearance the year before, some made, and one other small thing. Still, I wish my family would either draw names or go only for handmade/baked/etc. items. They love Xmas the way it's always been, and feelings are important. I will propose for 2004 the idea of hand crafted items only again, but am sure I will get shot down. Oh well, I always have a nice holiday, which is more than many people can say, so I'm grateful.

So, how is everyone doing this year? Most of my family lives out of state so I've had to send everything by mail. After last Christmas, I told them to expect gift certificates or a check. I figure the $$$ I spent on postage can go toward that gift certificate and the kids (from 5 to 43) will have that much more to spend on themselves during the after Christmas sales. I do send token gifts for when the whole family gets together - there's about 45 if everyone shows up and someone usually buys a storage tub per family and everyone just sort of puts things in them....some are signed from Santa and some are signed with names and some have no names on them. Homemade candy, dish towels, games, puzzles, cookies, fruit, cute socks, bibs, just anything we think that family would like that we can afford. I'm thinking about sending beach towels this year. My daughter is coming down for Thanksgiving so I could send them back with her. I keep my eye open during craft shows throughout the year too. I'm thinking maybe of getting my 2 brothers the Marshmallow Blow Guns. Neighbors get homemade goodies and this year, the girls at the office will each get a quilted coaster. There's a picture of the Advent Calendar I made over in the Quilting Forum Gallery and the little blocks are what I'm using for the gifts.

You know, Christmas isn't that far off!!!!

SharonG/FL

Here is a link that might be useful: Advent Calendar Wallhanging

Doesn't it seem like everytime you cross a name off the list that 2 more are added on? I don't spend extravagant for Xmas and it's always paid by cash (no credit card bill in January... Ya!).

DH and I spend about $100 on each other. One year I have my sister&husband and the next year brother&wife (2 x $40). We celebrate at my sister's house and usually get something small for her in-laws (their great people) and brother-in-law (2 x $15). Nieces and nephews (6 x $35). My best friend and husband (2 x $50). Two other friends ($40 & $20) who I started guilt gifting after they gifted me (love the thought but hope to covert them to just gifting an ornament cause we all could stand to limit our spending). Neighbors who always invite us to a great Xmas party each year (deservable $15 plus homemade bread). Couple that is friends with hubby ($20 ... another one that the time has come to stop or convert to just small token). Father passed away this year and not sure what or if to get something for step-mom (we're not really close and if she did get us something it will probably be something she got at a dollar store - not due to lack of money just likes to spend the money on her own kids).

You can see that I am lacking enthusiam for a few on my list. I really believe in spending only what I can afford. I really do love finding the perfect present for someone and put lots of time and thought into picking a gift.

OTOH ... DH only has to buy for me and his grown daughter. He gets it all done in less than 3 hours! He actually does a pretty good job. Would like for him (just once) though to really put some thought into picking an amazingly special gift (you know not just a great robe but like a Magi gift). Still I count my blessing Xmas morning for having him and our puppies to share my life with.

I'm another one who refuses to get sucked into the "everyone I know" needs a gift because it's Christmas. My husband and I swap lists (the longer the better) and pick and choose from that IF we don't have something else in mind. We let a limit; was $150 for years, but was bumped up to $200 a few years ago. We're big on practical things (I made cushions and a sailcover for the boat last year)... lots of clothing items (I make many of his gifts), music, books, tools/gadgets.

No kids, one surviving parent, and 2 siblings... we don't exchange gifts, but do kind things for each other every day of the year.