Part of the joy, for me, is giving.

I really don't like it when someone gives me the list of "appropriate" gifts for the kids or themselves. Suggestions are OK, I even ask for that... but to specify brand, color, cost...etc.. It just takes the joy out of it.

It is getting harder to find neat gifts, as everyone gets what they want when they want it.

I am not crazy about gift cards either, although they can be very appropriate.

What about the gift givers? I can understand where you are coming from (Totally! LOL!) but I would still want to give gifts. I give to charity - I wouldn't want my gift to a family member to be that either.

Just one girls opinion...

Sometimes I have had what I thought was such a wonderful gift idea for somebody turn out to be not what they wanted at ALL. So what is worse? The person who searched and searched and put thought into a BAD present - or the person who called your house and asked for store, brand, colour, size, and catalog number LOL?

I agree that if getting a gift for me or DH or DD is a chore, then I would rather not exchange presents and just keep it at a family meal/gathering.

We used to bring bag upon bag of stuff from both DH's family and mine. We have had to oppose limits. I mean come on, I know she is the only girl on that side but they don't have to buy EVERY doll they see. Anything from Barbie and Bratz to those hollow naked knock offs that come in a plastic bag with a cardboard topper. Baby dolls. Stuffed dolls. Cabbage patch dolls. I am talking 10-20 dolls all for christmas from the same person! Crazy. And my family had to realize that though it is wonderful they love her enough to get her things like full size kids drum sets and dance mats and so on, we have NO place to put these things in our house.

(((Hugs))) Toni. I know what it feels like to be excited for a holiday then to have to spend it in a way that was less than exciting with people that I don't feel welcome from.

I used to hate getting together with my inlaws and exchanging gifts. It seemed the only time we got together was at a gift giving thing! Honest we only saw each other 4-5 times a year we knew our neighbor kids better:(

So DH told his family no more b-day parties and no more Christmas gifts. We still wanted to rotate having a dinner with everyone but no gifts. His SIL flipped out, so he agreed to a $10 limit books only~~~she slowly changed it back to what she wanted. I hated it then one time they did not bring our kids a gift, we brought theirs one, but they did not tell us they wanted to stop! I was so mad!!! My DH had a fit it was so embarrassing and hurtful for our kids.

So we just stopped getting together~~~SHEESH~~~ sometimes family is just too much:(

We flew to Jerry's sister the year their mom passed away. We felt, it would be tough for her, without her mom. No gifts from us, nor for us, and that is what we agreed upon. Neither of us felt bad when the gifts from her sons and wifes and grand daughter were opened. It was just a joy to be included in the family gathering. :)

Moni

we have had lists and everyone makes high and low priced items...for some reason the kids didn't draw adult names this year...forgot why, lol...

but we're lucky...with all the grands (7) the oldest is 8, and still has the wonderment of santa and opening gifts...

maybe they should do stocking stuffers instead...that's cool...a few gag, but neat items too...we range from ornaments, jewelry, gum, lip balm, crayons...well, you get the idea..dh always buys lottery tickets, lol...

I think so many people nowadays don't have the right idea about what gift giving should really be about.

Even talking about drawing names or price cut offs or giving specifics ideas for gifts to buy, to me seems to cheapen the whole gift giving thing. I must be blessed with enough material items... because the gifts I prefer are often those 'dust collectors' that someone at least tried to put a little thought into and some of those god awful looking sweaters make me smile more than some nice gold hoops I picked out for myself. I don't need cash or gift cards. I actually like to see what people come up with to buy me... that's the biggest and best part of the gift for me.

And, what's odd, the gifts my kids ask for they often don't play that much with; it's the gift other's came up with on their own that they often show more interest in. How else would JR have known that he liked magic tricks if Uncle Joey didn't get him his first set? So I actually prefer relatives to pick out their own gifts for my kids, it sort of expands their horizons in the process.

Personally, I wish people would stop trying to control or make rules about giving or not giving gifts. Give what you want, to who you want, when you want and accept all gifts to you graciously. It's really not that hard... it's when people try to control the gift giving process that usually creates the problems.

I think if you want someone to make a charity donation as YOUR gift is fine. I do NOT think it is fine for a grandparent or other relative/friend to be asked to make a donation as a gift for your children. Let them receive a gift...it may someday become a cherished item, even though you think of it as a dust-collector. I look at some of the things I have in my china closet and remember the person who gave it to me.......who is no longer around.

Just one point about your post. I think that giving/not giving is the choice of the family--and there's no right or wrong.

HOWEVER, it is NOT the place of an IN LAW to try to force a family to change their loved traditions. In our case, searching out the perfect gift for each person, presenting it creatively, sharing our gifts at our family get-together is an important part of our holiday and always has been. But we've got this one SIL who tries every year to get us to stop giving Christmas gifts. It's really NOT RIGHT, when she's the only one who feels this way, for her to try to ruin family traditions for the rest of us. I just ignore her--and still give her, her husband and daughter a gift. She stopped giving gifts some years back, but I cannot buy for some and not all, and I really don't think it's fair for me not to give to my brother and beloved niece, simply because a SIL is too lazy to even run out to a restaurant to pick up gc for all (and money isn't the problem, here, by any means).

My point is--it's fine for a family to give, or not give gifts--but changing family tradtions is a decision that should be made by the blood relatives, not the in laws. You will not help your relationship with the family, if you try to push an idea that none of the others are interested in.

My mother announced several years ago (three or five maybe) that she was no longer buying Christmas giFts, nor exchanging cards. I felt sad at the time, but I know where she's coming from. She's over 80, blind and has severe emphtsema, so the holidays are just beyond her. I visit her every Christmas, at considerable expenxse -airfare, motel, and a rental car. I wish i could broach the subject myself. I'd like to stop sending meaningless little gifts and store certificates to my neices and nephews. But I do enjoy some of it, the office parties, the music, having a small tree. Sigh.

Azzalea, your sis in law IS my sis in law. And during the early years of my marriage ~the women, not a man in sight~ would burn both ends of the candle to try and get the holidays in gear. Moving many years down, I seem to be the lone person who still enjoys finding that gift that represents the person its given to. I MAY pick out a gift they don't like of course but I do try to be thoughtful. Everyone else has gotten to the point where they seem frustrated with the whole idea of gift giving. When they do give, my kids thank them and I end up wondering what I'm going to do with the girls new gifts of 8 lip glosses with added glitter, chocolate pudding hand lotion and new jewelry box (when they already have one OR two extra, given to them last year). So I'm the grinch or not, I'm going to do a new idea for gifts. The aunts and uncles can give charity or nothing.
I didn't say this before but I have rules given to me too. I had a college basket for my niece and was told by my sis in law that no gifts to the college children. I ended up saving everything and giving it to another girl in college. I was so sad because I spent several hours and many days thinking of just the right things for my neice. Sounds like we are all butting heads about now. I hope we can come to some agreement.
As far as traditions, sheesh, the inlaws don't have much to speak of. Like I said, the woman buy cook and feed the men,as they sit there like playdough with smiley faces and do nothing. The kids play in the basement. Boy would I like to implement some traditions but the best I can do is to make traditions for my family of 5. If I tried to force the all my ideas on them during a get together ,,the will snub the idea out like a cigarette.. They LIKE doing nothing. Yawn, so since I like my dh, I will endure being bored.