whatttt?????? you said: They look a little ridiculous as the leaves are sooo crowded. that is kinda the whole point of a mature clump of hosta ... no need to EVER divide a clump .... unless you need the exercise ... but if you want to dig them up year after year ... feel free .. they are your hosta .... most hosta start looking ratty in august .... so that is a good time to dig and divide .. yes.. they will look like heck for the rest of the year ... but will be just peachy in spring ... dig up half the clump.. insert shovel.. jump on it until you get through it... then rip out half ... or quarter it ... or do surgery down to 1000 individual pieces ... as long as it has the leaves.. a piece of crown and a root .. it will probably grow .... or just throw them on the driveway and run them over a few time.. and plant the bits and pieces .. and you will have a 1000 new plants ... they are hosta.. you are going to have to try real hard to kill them ... good luck ken

We have a torchere that belonged to my husband's grandmother. It has an ornate dark ivory/cream-colored glass shade, the metal is brass(ish), and the base, on ornate metal feet, is intended to look like ivory. It's a unique piece that, while possibly not the most practical, gives off a bright but very warm light, and I can't imagine getting rid of it because of some person's supposed rule. Still, there are other, more useful table lamps in the room as well. That torchere needs all the help it can get. As for the other rules, yeah, I just do not get the point of words on a wall. All our words, and there are a LOT of them, are in our ~1,000+ volume library. And sticks in a vase...? With cats in the house? An open invitation for trouble! OTOH we finally caved and bought a large TV. And a large "single guy"-style stand to put it on. Other items in the room include an old loveseat in 70-year-old, genuine cotton velvet, a traditional chair in greeny-bronzy fabric with bronzy-gold design on it, a sideboard in a bookmatched mahogany, art in gold frames, and an Oriental carpet. So much for rules--and so much for our concern about things always matching!

Oh JNM this sounds very hard :-( I can understand why you can't move past it, for now anyway. When you give so much to a person, and they poo all over it, it comes to a point where you've just had enough. It's not that you don't want to reach out/try again/make the effort/put the energy in/etc etc; it's just that you can't anymore. Right? I really understand that and there's nothing wrong with it, don't feel guilty or bad about it! The apology that your SD should give you is a big deal to me; when you do something wrong and you know it, you should apologise. No need to tiptoe around SD and let it slide, why would she have a different set of rules apply to her? Because there's bigger fish to fry? Because of BM? No way. SD knows she's wrong, she'll need to make it right. A heartfelt apology is a good start, and essential if you ask me. My SD15 cannot apologise either, she has never apologised for anything, ever. Over the past year she's done the wrong thing by us several times; loving it when we run around for her, and running back to BM's whenever she doesn't get her way. I haven't posted much about it, because what is there to say about it..really. As long as BM encourages this behavior (this is our situation) SD will not see the need to change. She can run away from problems, go there if something doesn't suit overhere, no need to own up, apologise, nothing. When she comes back she pretends all is good again, just because time has passed. And by the way; we should be thankful for her visit.. One of the biggest reasons that FDH and BM got divorced is because they were never able to work anything out. Any problem they had remained unresolved, so stuff piled up which created bigger problems. BM is not capable of looking at her own behavior, the part she might own in a problem, nothing is ever her fault and an apology is something she only wishes to receive, not give. (This has a lot to do with mental disorder). It was her way or the highway, and that is just not realistic. SD15 seems to adopt the same attitude, maybe because of BM's example, maybe because of situation (2 homes to play out against eachother). Not to say it's all because of BM though, because SD knows very well that BM's behavior is completely unacceptable, selfish and self-destructive. We have also had plenty meaningful conversations just like you guys. SD's understanding of the dynamics even impressed us, but she still continues to behave this way. Therefore we know that she 'owns' it, blaming BM is not going to fly, just like it doesn't with your SD. I'm also at a point where I find it hard to keep going. I want to stay engaged and make the effort, try and talk with SD's, be there for them, guide them, poor energy into all of it, and I too cannot seem to give it at the moment. I've given this a lot of thought because I don't want to give the skids the wrong message. There's a big difference between a bit of disengaging and 'turning your back on them' and I don't want them to misunderstand what's happening here. It's not that I don't care anymore, it's that I don't agree with what they are doing. I cannot change it, I cannot force SD15 to apologise or to behave different, but I can choose my own response to that. So I've decided I do what I normally do (as in tasks around the house) but I keep to myself and I'm not running around anymore. It's simple; I don't owe them anything. If they make an effort to treat us better, I'll go above and beyond for them as well. If not, then I will perform my daily tasks as normal, but nothing more. I don't walk around angry, I just do my own thing and I'm not getting very involved in things they do. They come, they go, that's it. I used to put up with a lot more when they were younger; they were manipulated by BM, they did not understand, I had to try and be the bigger person and suck it up for their sake. But not anymore; now they are old enough, they need to own their own choices and they need to realise that a relationship goes both ways. If they don't invest, then I'm not going to be in it anymore either. I wonder if your SD will be back, I can see where you're coming from when you say you don't think so. How are your boys doing now that SD is out of the house? You gave the impression that they aren't affected by it too much, not in a negative way anyway?

gsciencechick bp, we are Cubs fans , but I wanted to present both options, lol. But hands-down, Cubs for us. We've done the Oak Park tour of FLW. It is was great, but I'm not sure on public transit options getting out there. Uber? We had a rental car. DH grew up in Oak Park, but not in the FLW area. ************************************************************************ The 'L' Green Line--the CTA train that runs above Lake street, ends in Oak Park at Harlem Ave, you'd get off at the Oak Park stop(one before Harlem) and walk a few blocks north to Chicago Ave. http://cal.flwright.org/tours/homeandstudio http://www.flwright.org/combinationtours