Well I have read all your comments about the rude DIL. The mother that said "have patience"....I've been patient for 10 months now. My grandson was born last October. I welcomed my son's girlfriend in my home 2 years before she became pregnant (living with me). I think I have a great relationship with her personally. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to come to the hospital for the birth. I respected their wishes because they wanted it done this way. No one to be there so they could relax and bond with no company. Her mom did not respect this and showed up anyway and stressed her and my son so bad by being there (constantly talking, laughing, etc) all day that her labor became stressful. My son was so upset. Finally they booted her mom out. Again I'm saying, I respected the wishes. My DIL breastfeeds and she claims he won't take a bottle. I say she's wrong. A little bottle manipulation will take care of that. Mfg. companies do not make the nipples wide enough so not enough milk comes out. (I breastfed my son but pumped so my parents could feed and bond with their grandson--I had to have the nipples opened a little more so he would take it). I feel she doesn't want me and my husband to feed him, which is a bonding experience to grandparents. When I told her about this trick, my son was excited to try it because he too wants to feed his son. If I'm giving to her (money, gifts, going out to eat, etc.) she comes over and stays for a good while so I can play with him. If I don't have anything to offer, I never see her and she's always busy if I want to go over to her house. Her mother and family dont help them out or see the baby but once a month, but when there is holidays, her family gets first dibs on the visit. Me and my husband are always last and the baby is tired because they get to my house so late. His first birthday party is being planned around her mothers schedule, not the grandparents that have literally spent out thousands of dollars to help with their bills and baby items. (they have asked and I have offered). Yes, I am expected to help her out with buying decorations, food, and the rental space at the park but me and my husbands schedule didnt matter. I, too, have taken care of many babies and know what I'm doing. She won't let the baby out of her sight. She's always "right there" and seems she wants him to always want her or cry for her when he sees her so she can take him. I feel I haven't got a grandchild or bonded the way my parents bonded with my son. I've respected their wishes since she gave birth to him. I've only babysat 20 minutes a couple times. Although one time she and my son was doing some delivery work to make some extra cash and left him with us for 3 hours when he was 5 months. I insisted on them not to ride around that long with the baby in the carseat. They agreed reluctantly.....Believe me, by the time they got back, my grandson was not happy. He wanted food that I couldn't give. Did not have a bottle because i was not allowed to feed him. So needless to say, I dont watch him long periods like that anymore (with no bottle). She pumps but claims she doesn't pump enough. He feeds and within an hour he's hungry again and she feeds him again. Seems like she's breastfeeding constantly. Like I said, I feel I'm being used and I have to "pay" to see my grandson. When hes out of the baby stage, boy, people will be getting some good deals at my yard sale because everything is new since I see him maybe once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I've tried everything. In my opinion she's too too too overprotective. I'd like for my grandson to grow to be a tough playing little boy not the opposite. I need that bonding experience. Yes, i have tried to talk to both of them and theres always excuses that doesnt make sense. I do want you to know I love my DIL very much. I just want to feel I've got a grandson and feel the baby stage experience... not blink and he's a grown boy. Any advise, please help. I've done everything I know of and now just being unemployed, I'm short on money. Makes me feel I'm being used. My husband is upset, too. HELP!!!!

While working in a home center, I helped a family with their paint order. They had several kids that were running out of control, all over the store.They picked a hideous color, but it seemed to fit their personality, so I didn't argue.LOL I gave them all of the instructions and suggestions on how to paint their exterior. They even refused to buy primer because they felt that was just a sales ploy to get more money out of them! It took forever because they were chasing these darn kids. As they are leaving, Dad notices that we have some nice paint sprayers on sale. We explained even the tiniest details in how to use and care for it. Finally they left and everyone in the store let out a sigh of relief. About a month later Dad returns with the sprayer. It hadn't been cleaned so the nozzle was completely plugged up and he claimed it never worked from the beginning. Company policy was refund no questions asked. So he left a happy camper. Lo and behold About 2 weeks later, in comes the Dad with the paint sprayer. Even that wasn't the kicker. Our sales rep from the paint company, came in and said he had been sent by their headquarters because of a customer complaint, and they would be meeting in the store, so he could follow them out to the country where they lived. You're ahead of me! Yes, it was the same family. Their complaint was that they had not been properly instructed on their project and the paint had been poorly mixed and the color was not correct. We were well covered, with not only their sample but lots numbers and all. What they wanted this time, was for us to come and prep thier house and at out cost repaint it. The rep brought back pictures and you could see nothing had been preped, even the windows were not cover and this clown had used the spray painter, we had ended up refunding, and every window and shrub within 20 feet of that place was painted! Thank goodness, he had gone after the paint company and they were not so generous and didn't approve any adjustment. I really wanted our manager to charge them with fraud for the sprayer, but of course they didn't. Idiots abound! The other thing we dealt with at this store is we had an 80 year old klepto, that store small things like drill bits every trip to the store. He son was so embarrassed, but she seemed to always get the expensive ones and get several because they were small. LOL Working for the public is not for the faint of heart!

Good grief. I hadn't even seen this discussion thread, much less read it until now, so I guess I'd better post. I've been so busy at work (still am) on a major project that I barely have time to do a load of laundry so I'll have clean underwear, much less read many disussion threads here... Anyway, to get to the discussion at hand -- When I was about 14 and my brother was about 7, I was in the breakfast nook one afternoon talking to my mother. My brother came in from the backyard, said something, then went back outside. I said something to the effect that it wouldn't suprise me at all if he grew up to be gay. My mother replied, with shock in her voice, "How can you say that? He's just a little boy!" I said, "I don't know - it's just a feeling I have." Our parents died when my brother was 14, and I became his legal guardian. We had always gotten along really well as kids, and I never felt "burdened" to be his guardian. When he was 17, my brother came to me one day when I was in the family room and said that he needed to have a serious talk with me. I said, "Okay." He then said, "I'm gay." I replied, "Yes, I know." He said, "You know?!? You don't mind?!?" I hugged him and told him that I love him, that I'd always love him no matter what, and that of course I didn't "mind" that he was gay. He said that he'd been so stressed and worried about telling me. I told him that I was so sorry that he'd been stressed and worried, and that everything was ok. He wondered what our parents would have thought, and I told him in all honesty that I knew they wouldn't have had a problem, either. In February 1988 he found out that he was HIV+ and I promised him that he would not die alone, which was his greatest fear. In 1993, when he was living in San Francisco and Hubs and I in the Sacramento area, my brother converted to full-blown AIDS and was hospitalized, not expected to live through the night. He was in the hospital for over 9 weeks, 6 of which were in ICU, and I was with him the entire time with the exception of about three nights. When he was discharged my husband and I moved him in with us, and I was his caregiver. He died in my arms in 1994. He was, bar none, the bravest person I've ever known. I love him and miss him so very much.

Can you talk to your mother about planning for the future -- more as a just in case than suggesting that she needs help now? In my view, everyone should have at least one other person listed that doctors can talk to. Even better would be to add a medical power of attorney that at least gived the named person the ability to make decisions -- decisions which can be as general or as limited as necessary. Do you belong to Costco? Their website has a computer program called WIll Maker. I used it to prepare some documents for my dad (he wound up not using them) and had it available when a friend's mother would up in the hospital needing surgery and the doctors were telling my friend there was a better than 50% chance her mom wouldn't make it. If her mom had difficulties or didn't make it, my friend would be in a terrible position. You don't want to go there. Both my mom and MIL had Alzheimer's and my dad had another form of dementia caused by heart issues. Don't count on being able to get conservatorship until you are past the point where your mom is likely to have had significant problems, injuries or losses. Besides that, taking your mom to court to take away her control and her dignity is not something you or she really want to have happen. I would strongly encourage you to talk with her while she is still competent and get her to at least list you and/or your brother on the medical information release forms so the doctors have someone they can talk to if she should fall or be in an accident. We all need that. If you can get a power of attorney, that would be much better. The power of attorney can be a way to approach discussion of end of life choices too. It will really help both of you if you know what kind of care she wants and her preferences both in terms of medical treatment and in terms of what happens with her property, a funeral, etc. These are hard things to deal with, but time is slipping away from you and you don't know how much time you have until your mom may not be able to help with these things and you are forced into the nightmare of taking away her control and trying to guess what she would want. If you know what she wants, you have a basis for making the difficult decisions. I cannot overstate how important that is. I lost my parents less than 5 months apart. That was difficult enough, but at least we all knew there was a plan for how to deal with all the unplanned things that kept coming at us. I know my dad feared that and wanted to stay in control, but in the end it as especially reassuring to him that I knew and he then saw me honoring his wishes and protecting them. Please try. For both of you.